Chapter 7
Marissa
I woke up in Sawyer’s arms, amazed to find myself in his bed. Last night had been like a dream. The best dream I’d ever had, the magic of our bodies melding into one.
My heart trembled as I wondered what would happen now.
Had that been a onetime thing? A temporary loss of sanity on his part?
Was I just like Avery to him, a friendly little hook-up with a girl who was taking things way too seriously?
Hoping for more was too much. It made me ache with the loss of him despite the fact that his arms were still wrapped around me, holding me close.
I lay there, breathing in the soft morning light, cherishing this quiet moment before he woke.
His dog, Josie, had made her way onto the bed sometime in the middle of the night while we slept. She was currently curled up at our feet, weighing down our legs. When I shifted to free my feet from under her weight, it woke Sawyer up.
He let out a tiny, satisfied groan and hugged me tighter, his cock erect and straining against me.
Then he peeked his eyes open, his gaze landing on me as a comfortable, easy smile settled on his lips. “Morning, beautiful.”
“Morning, Sawyer.”
He stretched and rumbled, “I haven’t slept that well before in my life. You’re the best sleep medication I’ve ever had.”
“Do you have a hard time sleeping?” I asked.
“Yeah. Sometimes. I start thinking too much, then have a hard time falling asleep. But last night I crashed hard. I’d wanted to make love to you again. Instead, I did the typical guy thing and passed the fuck out.”
I laughed lightly, trying to imagine what it would have been like. Sawyer had been like a man-beast last night, completely unrelentless, his masculinity almost overpowering me with need. I’d loved every second of it.
But three times in one night? I might not have survived that.
“Well, there’s always this morning,” I joked back, but a shadow crossed his face.
“Fuck. Your brother’s going to kill me.”
A sliver of concern rolled through me. He’d mentioned my brother way too often last night.
“Matt doesn’t have anything to do with this,” I said firmly, trying to will that fact into existence. Even I could see how it might be awkward, although I didn’t want to admit it.
Sawyer pulled back, disentangling himself from my arms.
He hopped out of bed as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. “He’s probably never going to talk to me again.”
“Why are you so worried about what Matt thinks?” He acted like Matt had a say in the matter.
Sawyer started pacing across the bedroom as I watched him try to make sense of what had happened between us last night.
He was completely naked, his hard cock jutting gorgeously forward with each step he took, muscles rippling in the cool morning air.
But I could hardly focus on the perfect male specimen in front of me. Not when my heart was clenching in on itself.
What had started as a teeny, tiny concern grew larger inside me, and I felt was the chasm of distance between us.
I was just a one-night stand to him, like Avery. Nothing more.
Quietly I said, “I won’t tell him what happened. We can keep this secret.”
He turned swiftly to stare at me, confusion on his face. “Is that what you want?”
“Ummm,” I wasn’t exactly sure. The look on his face made it seem as though my answer was important to him. “I don’t normally broadcast my sex life. I’ve never called Matt and said, ‘Guess who I fucked last night. He never needs to know that we slipped under the sheets together.’”
Sawyer’s brow furrowed, his expression going dark.
His jaw worked, but no words came out. Then he ran a hand through his hair before turning to the window and looking outside.
When he finally turned around, the storm had left his face. Whatever he was thinking was locked deep inside.
“I should feed the dog,” he rumbled as he turned to the bedroom door. Josie was already there, pawing at the door frame to be let out.
I lay there, in the soft cloud of his bed, while I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
Had I just messed something up?
Or is this how he always was with his hookups the morning after?
Last night we’d seemed so connected. I’d hoped… well, I’d hoped for something that was probably impossible.
The way he was acting today made it seem like he had some regrets. Maybe not over sleeping with me. But over the fallout he expected to have with my brother.
It was a small consolation prize that Sawyer Reed had been attracted enough to me to want to fuck me. And I’d definitely remember last night for the rest of my life.
But I’d been hoping for so much more.
One tiny tear slipped down my cheek, and I wiped it away rapidly. I was not going to fall apart in this man’s house. That would have to wait until later, when I was safely home and hidden away from the world.
I had no idea where my clothes were, so I just stayed in bed. The last thing I was going to do was parade my cellulite in front of my dream man in the harsh light of day. Especially when he seemed to have regret on his mind.
While I lay there, I heard the domestic sounds of Sawyer taking care of things.
He talked to Josie, and a few minutes later I heard the clatter of dog kibble hitting the bowl, followed by the dog’s loud munching sounds. Then I heard something like pots and pans shifting in a cabinet, followed by the unmistakable sound of firewood being loaded into his fireplace.
He was out there stoking the fire, which was nice, because his house was cold as fuck this morning. But I feared that he was keeping himself busy to avoid talking to me.
I knew what I should do.
I should make this easy on him.
I could get up, wrap a towel around myself, gather my clothes, give a quick goodbye and slink out of his house, taking my shame with me.
Isn’t that what men wanted? For their one-night stands not to linger too long hoping for more? Every minute I stayed made the inevitable let-down speech burn hotter with embarrassment.
Get up. Get up now and flee.
But I couldn’t make myself do it.
If there was even the slightest chance that this man might want more with me, I was going to stay and give him the opportunity to tell me that.
He came inside of me, for god’s sake.
That shouldn’t be the action of a man who only wanted a one-night stand. He’d never asked me if I was on birth control. He’d just dumped his seed right into me after giving me that damn pickup line about how he wanted to be the father of my kids.
But… I hadn’t brought up the subject either. It wasn’t all on him.
Now in the harsh light of the morning after, I felt like such an idiot.
I was still fighting tears and debating whether I should leave when the bedroom door finally reopened.
Sawyer stood there. Still buck-naked. Still sporting a raging hard-on.
But this time he had boots on his feet and an armload of firewood in his hands.
“Did you go outside like that?” I asked, unable to take my eyes off his cock. If this was the last time I got to see it I wanted to memorize it.
“Uh, yeah,” he said almost distractedly, before kneeling down and feeding the low embers of the fireplace here in his bedroom. He worked efficiently, feeding the fire until flames roared cozily.
The room already felt warmer.
Then he left without another word, as Josie jumped back on the bed and settled at my feet.
She was obviously comfortable with my invasion of their home. Too bad Sawyer seemed like he was jumping out of his skin.
A minute later he came back with my clothes folded neatly in one hand and a breakfast tray balanced in the other.
“It’s not much,” he rumbled. “Some bacon and eggs. I’ve got a griddle somewhere and I could have made us pancakes if I found it, but… I hope this will be good enough.”
A tiny smile landed on my lips as I stared at the plate.
He’d assembled the bacon and eggs like a smiley-face. Two eggs for eyes, and the bacon curved into a smile.
He’d made that for me years ago when we were all still in school. Sawyer spent the night with my brother a lot, so I’d spent a lot of early mornings mooning over him as a teenage girl. And one morning he’d pushed a plate just like this in front of my face.
It was sweet that he’d made breakfast for me today. Maybe it was part of his plan to gently let me down.
He had to know I’d been crushing on him for years.
Whatever battle he’d been waging last night made sense now. He’d wanted to fuck me for years and held back because of Matt. But I’d learned a long time ago that even though men might desperately want to fuck someone, that didn’t mean it was love.
“You still like bacon and eggs, right?”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “It just takes me back in time. You made this for me once.”
“You remember that?” he asked, his eyes silently studying me.
“Of course I do. Your bacon tasted better.”
That made me flush. I hadn’t meant for that to come out like an innuendo.
But he grinned and growled out, “You still don’t know what my bacon tastes like. But you’re welcome to find out anytime you want.”
My cheeks burned hot, and I knew I was flushing. I looked anywhere but at him, not responding to his joke.
As I looked around, it was as if I were seeing his bedroom for the first time.
His bedroom was a sanctuary of manhood. One wall was lined with starter kindling and twists of newspaper.
The other wall held a dresser with a loose assortment of items, probably from his pockets, and a random plumbing wrench.
The walls were made of logs with old chinking between them, and a dark leather chair, worn from use, sat in the corner.
I nibbled on my strip of bacon and fed a piece to Josie while I tried to think of something to say in response.
If we were just a Valentine’s fling, would he want a second round with me? It seemed like a possibility.
But even if he was dreaming of having my lips wrapped around his cock, it didn’t mean he wanted more than that.
He’d already expressed his concern about my brother finding out. Those weren’t the words of a man looking for a public commitment.