Chapter 8
Sawyer
I must have said something wrong because this morning was turning out awkward as fuck.
I had to admit I was as jumpy as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
But Marissa was too.
It was as if neither of us quite knew how to act after what had happened between us last night.
We ate breakfast in bed, which might sound more romantic than it was. She stayed under the covers with the quilts pulled tight up over her breasts, as though I shouldn’t see them even though I’d spent hours worshiping them last night.
And I sat on the edge of the bed, munching on the quick breakfast I’d thrown together for both of us, feeling foolish for not having put on any clothes.
I mean, I was obviously aching for her, my cock refused to stand down, despite the tension in the room.
But despite that, my girl had turned cold as ice. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when she asked me to leave the room so she could get dressed.
Damn it, she didn’t even want me looking at her naked body, let alone touching it.
All the connection we’d had last night seemed to have dissipated under the cold light of day.
Had I read her wrong? Had she not been crushing on me all these years?
The only vibe I was getting from her today was a deep well of regret.
I headed into the hall, Josie padding along behind me, but not before I grabbed a pair of my jeans off the bedroom floor, slipping them up over my legs.
If Marissa was going to walk out on me after a night that I considered to be the highlight of my life, the least I could do was be dressed while it happened.
I stood there with my pulse pounding in my chest while I waited for her to come out and give me the, ‘That was lovely, but can we forget it ever happened’ speech.
Sure enough, five minutes later she stood before me. A curvy goddess with a hint of regret peeking out of her eyes.
“Well,” she said tremulously, “thanks for making my Valentine’s Day special. I’ll never forget it.”
Words failed me, drying up in my throat. “Yep. It was nice, wasn’t it?”
Marissa nodded quickly. “Oh, yes. Very nice. You’re good at what you do. Um, well, I guess I’ll see you around. But I hope you swing by for Sunday dinner. I wasn’t kidding about my parents missing you.”
She headed for the door, obviously forgetting that I hadn’t let her drive last night. Not after those two Timberline Twists she’d had. Those drinks were strong. And they probably accounted for why she’d slipped onto my cock last night.
I furrowed my brow and clenched my jaw. Did she think I’d taken advantage of her?
I tried to think back through every step of the night. She hadn’t seemed that drunk. Just too tipsy to drive to the axe house. Then, while we were there, I’d made sure Candy didn’t serve her any alcohol. She’d just had a soda and a glass of water.
But if she thought I’d taken advantage of the situation, I was going to feel like the biggest dick on Red Oak Mountain.
At the door she turned around, her lips trembling slightly. “Really, Sawyer. Thank you. That was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had. You be good to yourself, now, okay?”
And with that, the woman of my dreams walked right out of my life.
What in the actual fuck just happened?
My heart beat against the cage of my chest, threatening to implode on the spot.
Was Marissa really walking out of my life after what happened between us last night?
I’d thought… well, I’d thought…
I furrowed my brow. I thought I’d been clear. But was it possible I hadn’t been?
I mean, I’d told the woman I wanted to be the father of her babies. How much clearer can you get?
No. This wasn’t how our love story ended. Fuck that.
At a minimum, Marissa owed me an explanation.
Two seconds after she walked out, I strode through my house and swung my front door wide.
She hadn’t made it far.
She was standing on my porch, staring out into the snowy driveway, probably realizing for the first time that she was stuck out here with me.
I realized this might be the last moment I’d ever have to make things right. I couldn’t fuck this up.
“Marissa,” I said gently, “are you okay with what happened last night? I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”
She clutched herself and looked down, her cute cheeks flushing. “Take advantage of me? We were two consenting adults. Of course you didn’t take advantage of me. I had fun, just like you did.”
“Fun, yeah,” I didn’t like her reducing what we’d had to just a bit a fun. A gruffness filtered into my voice, “I thought, well, last night I thought we both wanted the same thing. But this morning you’re trying to high-tail it out of here so fast it makes me wonder if I was mistaken.”
Marissa looked up at me in surprise. “No. Don’t think that. I obviously wanted you, too. I guess we just didn’t think about the reality of a morning after. It’s a little awkward.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I can drive you home now if that’s what you want. But shouldn’t we talk about last night first? About what it meant?”
She let out a hysterical little laugh, holding herself tight, and that’s when I noticed the pain in her eyes. “Don’t worry, Sawyer. I’m not Avery. I won’t make the same mistake she did. I know we were just a hookup. And it was fun, but now it’s time to get back to real life, right?”
“What?” the question exploded out of me as the future I’d seen with this woman disintegrated in front of me.
It was time for the truth, regardless of how it might betray Matt.
I couldn’t let her leave here today without telling her some serious truths. “Is that all you wanted it to be, Rissy? Because I kind of thought we were both on the same page that this was… something more. I mean, I said… well, you know what I said.”
She blinked up at me as she held herself tighter. “Sawyer, I know you could have any woman on this mountain. I know you’re not going to settle for someone like me. It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“But last night I told you I wanted…” The rest of the words wouldn’t form, but that didn’t matter. She knew exactly what I was talking about.
“What? To be the father of my babies? I thought that was you sweet-talking me into your bed. Wasn’t that a pickup line?”
Marissa looked completely dejected. She stood there on my porch, cold, vulnerable, and anxious.
I ran a hand through my hair. I wanted to tug her back inside. This conversation was too important to have in the freezing cold. But I stood rooted in place.
“Rissy, I meant every word I said last night. You’re the only woman my heart has ever beat for. But if you don’t feel the same way, I won’t make it awkward for you.”
Her mouth dropped open as my words filtered into her brain. “You mean… but I thought I was just another playdate.”
That’s when I realized she’d been running from me all morning because she was afraid of being rejected. I pulled her close, holding her in my arms. She felt so soft, molded just for me. How could she not realize we were a perfect fit?
Her name slipped out of my mouth again, intimate and familiar, “Marissa, last night changed my life. I can drive you home now. Or to the bar to get your car. And we can move on like nothing happened if that’s what you want.
But I’m a man who believes in saying my piece, so you’re going to have to hear me out first. I didn’t think this was a one-time thing.
Did I misread you last night? Just say the word and I’ll back off, but…
” and then I jumped off the cliff entirely, my whole truth spilling out, “… I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so long it’s like you’re a part of me.
I don’t want this to be a fuck-and-forget thing.
But I’ll respect it if that’s what you want.
You just tell me how this is going down.
I’ll follow your lead on this because I want to do right by you. ”
She pulled out of my arms and blinked up at me, her eyelashes fluttering wildly as her breath came out in tiny, uneven explosions.
“What did you just say?”
I leaned against the jamb of my door while Josie swirled around my feet.
“You want me to repeat the whole thing? Uh, well, look, I don’t regret what happened last night.
Matt’s going to kill me, but I can’t stand the idea of you leaving the mountain without at least knowing how I feel first. On your eighteenth birthday Matt made me swear I’d never date you.
But I can’t keep living with a lie between us.
The truth is, I’ve always wanted you. I’ve only wanted you.
And it was only out of respect for him that I’ve stayed away.
If there’s any chance that you feel the same way, I’d kick myself all the way to my grave for not telling you how I feel…
especially since you’re threatening to move off the mountain. ”
Her pretty mouth dropped open, perfect lips forming into a surprised o, “Sawyer? Are you saying that…”
“That I love you. That I’m in love with you. That I’ve never loved anyone but you. How much clearer can I get, woman?”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quivered where she stood.
“But if you don’t want me, I promise to respect that. I’ll never bring it up again. It’s enough for you to know how I feel. And if you change your mind. Next week. Next year. Even twenty years from now, you’ll know that my door is always unlocked, waiting for you to show up.”
She wobbled her way back into my arms as a flood of sobs escaped from her lungs.
And then I was holding her, my precious Marissa, as she cried in my arms.
I could only hope it meant she loved me too. It had to mean she loved me too.
Why else would she be crying right now? Then she punched me lightly on the arm. “Sawyer Reed, we wasted so much time because of you!”
I let out a husky laugh as she sank against my chest.
We stayed that way for the longest time. Long enough for Josie to find a quiet spot on the porch and lie down.
After our hearts were synchronized and beating as one, she whispered, “I love you, too, you big goof.”
And that’s when everything in my world finally settled into place.