15. AVA
AVA
I swipe my hand across the steamy mirror, revealing my haunted countenance. I look like shit—I feel like shit. My cheek and collarbones are sharp and defined, the kind a model would kill for—only mine have been caused by my eating habits turning to trash again.
I gave Lou my word that I would fix it, and I did try for the first couple of days. But I’ve been in survival mode since then, trying not to offend the Morgans, especially Zane, so eating has become a chore I can’t be bothered with.
Coming to Iron Stallion was supposed to be a chance for me to recuperate and get better, but I’m on the opposite track. I’ve lost even more weight than when I arrived about a month ago, and I know Lou is not going to be pleased with this.
Speaking of the devil, my phone starts ringing on the bathroom sink with a call from her. I pick up and put her on loudspeaker as I begin towel-drying my hair.
“Ava Noa Ramirez!”
“What are you full-government-naming me for?” I retort.
“Because you are in so much trouble, young lady. You’ve been dodging my calls for a week. I have half a mind to track you down there,” she scolds.
“I’m sorry, I dropped my phone under the bed and couldn’t be bothered to get it,” I explain honestly.
I dropped it under the bed eight days ago, and only yesterday did a maid pick it up for me as she was cleaning. It was already dead, so I charged it, and I’ve only switched it on this morning.
“That does sound like something you would do.”
“I know. It’s not like I need it. You’re the only one I talk to besides Ella, and she’s here with me. You know where I am, so I thought it would be okay.”
She sighs, sounding frustrated with me. “I’ll let it slide, just this time. If you pull such a stunt again, I am sending Syd after you,” she threatens, referring to my head of security.
“Please don’t. I’ll not ghost you again,” I assure her.
“Good. Away with that, how have you been?”
I catch my reflection again, and I’m so grateful that this call is not via FaceTime; otherwise she would be so mad to see me in such a state.
“I’m okay. The past month has been amazing,” I gush, lying through my teeth.
It has not been okay. The only moment worth mentioning is the night Zane and I had sex.
All the marks Zane left on my skin that night are gone, erasing all evidence that it happened.
My body might not be marked anymore, but those memories will live in my mind forever because even though it was just a distraction to Zane, it meant the world to me.
And since it might never happen again, I’ll hold onto those precious memories.
That was an amazing night, but dawn came and I realized that I’d made a mistake, so I snuck out and I’ve been steering clear of him since then. I haven’t sleepwalked since I got my meds, and it has worked in my favor.
“Ava... hey... you still there?” Lou calls out, pulling me from my reverie.
“Yeah, sorry, I’m here. You were saying?”
“I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried there for a moment.”
“Don’t be. I’m okay, I promise,” I assure her.
“That’s good.”
“What about things on your end?” I ask, and she immediately picks up on what I’m asking about.
“Not a peep since the incident at the record label.”
“That’s a good thing, right? Maybe he’s done,” I express hopefully.
If my stalker is finally done with me, then it will be one less thing to worry about. Please let him be done.
“I’m not so sure. It feels like the calm before a storm, like he’s gearing up for the big one,” Lou replies, and my heart sinks.
“Don’t say that.”
“Sorry, I can’t help it. I’m on edge, running on fumes and caffeine.”
She does sound tired, and my heart goes out to her. Here I am worrying about me when she’s on the forefront, fighting the battles for me.
“Why don’t you join me here? I’m sure I can talk Hank into sparing another bedroom,” I suggest.
“I’d be honored, but I have lots to do, and not just with the stalker. Someone has to hold down the fort while you get some rest.”
“Lou...”
“Don’t worry about me—I’m okay. I’m just glad you’re not here. I’d be in even worse shape if you were,” she teases with a chuckle.
“Not funny.”
“Sorry, but in all seriousness, I’m okay. This is why you pay me the big bucks,” she declares.
Looks like we’re both lying to each other.
“Okay...” I sigh, realizing that I can’t convince her otherwise.
“If you wanna do something for me, give me some good news. It’s been a month—how is the new album coming along?” she asks, switching the topic.
Now that’s something I’m happy to talk about, so I fill her in on my progress—which is actually pretty good. I also tell her about teaching Daisy’s music class at the rec center. I’m still on the fence about it, but today is the day of my first lesson, so we’ll see how it goes.
Our conversation lasts another ten minutes before she has to go and I have to finish getting ready. I dry my hair, get dressed, and stick around in my room until I’m sure breakfast is over before heading down.
“I was just about to come get you. We’re gonna be late,” Ella exclaims as soon as she sees me.
“Sorry, I was stuck on a call with Lou.”
“Oh, how is she?”
“She’s good. She says hello.”
“Aww, that’s nice. Let me talk to her next time.”
“Will do.”
“Daisy is already waiting in the car. We don’t have time for you to eat breakfast, so I made you a burrito,” she says, taking my hand and slapping it into my palm together with coffee in a travel mug.
I am grateful for the coffee, but the burrito is huge and I’m definitely not going to eat it, so I’ll make sure to find a place to stash it without Ella’s knowledge.
She loops her elbow with mine and drags me outside to her Bronco, where Daisy is already strapped securely in the back. I get in behind the wheel with Ella next to me.
“Good morning, Princess Daisy,” I greet the cheerful six-year-old.
“Good morning, Ava.”
“Are you looking forward to today’s class?”
“Yep, it’s gonna be so much fun,” she cheers.
I hope so.
“It will be,” I reply, refusing to let her see how nervous I am about it.
I start the car and off we go. I’m still reeling from the fact that the Morgans were able to talk me into doing this.
But if you really ask me, I blame Zane. He had no business showing up for dinner that night or bullying me into taking on this responsibility.
But I already agreed, Daisy is super excited, and I don’t have it in me to disappoint her.
At least if I do a terrible job, I’ll know I tried, and they won’t force me to do it again.
When we get to the rec center, Daisy is the first one out, dashing inside to catch up with her friends before class starts. I undo my seatbelt and lean back in the seat, but I hesitate to exit the car.
“Are you okay?” Ella asks, turning to me worriedly.
“I’m so nervous,” I confess, lifting my shaking hand to show her how bad it is.
She gives me a comforting smile and intertwines our fingers. “It’s okay, I’m here. You are gonna do great,” she assures me.
“Thank you. I hope so. Give me a few minutes?” I request.
“I’ll sit with you. Take all the time you need.”
This is the reason why Ella is my best friend—she always knows what to say and do to help me. That is, until she asked the most unhinged question.
“Why Zane’s bed?”
“What?!”
I haven’t told her that Zane and I slept together, and I do not intend to. It was a one-time thing that will never happen again, so I want it to stay in the past.
“I’ve been thinking about it and wondering why you chose Zane’s bed to sleepwalk into?”
Oh, that’s what she’s talking about. That’s a relief.
I shrug since I’m just as lost as she is. “I don’t know.”
“Are you still in love with him?”
I fall silent since that’s a deep question. My feelings for Zane are complicated, to say the least, and I explain just as much. “I honestly have no idea. I haven’t considered any other feelings toward him other than guilt and regret.”
“Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something,” she suggests.
“Like what?”
“You are still in love with him. That’s why you unconsciously sought him out for comfort when you were at your most vulnerable,” she explains.
“You think so?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a therapist—I’m just guessing here—but only you know your own heart and feelings best.”
She might be onto something, but I don’t want to start dissecting my feelings toward Zane. I already have enough going on.
We sit in the car for another five minutes before I feel ready to go in. As we’re entering the building, I’m suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of being watched, but when I look around, there’s no one there.
“What is it?” Ella asks.
I shrug, refusing to worry her since this might just be me being paranoid.
“Nothing. Let’s go in.”
I know it’s a risk coming here since I might run into my family, but Ella assured me it would be okay. I’m choosing to believe her since the alternative is me running for the hills, and I don’t want to disappoint Daisy.
Ella introduces me to Frida, the coordinator, who takes us to the class. The students go crazy when they realize I’ll be the one teaching them, which is a boost to my ego.
The three hours end up being so much more fun than I thought they would be, and Daisy has the biggest grin on her face the whole time.
I am definitely doing this again.