ROWDY
Kat, Maria, and I handled the first night feeding well.
I was a badass diaper changer, having gotten plenty of practice when my niece, Dillon, was a baby.
While Kat and I cleaned up the boys, Maria prepared the bottles.
Soon, we sat in the living room, with only the kitchen light on, and someone named Dido playing on Maria’s phone.
Once the boys were changed, fed, burped, and cuddled, we got them back to bed. The entire process felt easy. We did the same routine hours later, just after dawn. This time, I oversaw the bottles. I wanted to know how to do every little thing for my boys.
The only time I felt nervous was during bathtime before my parents arrived for a visit. By then, I’d learned how Cavan was a whimperer. He had a whiny, stop-and-start cry.
Colson, on the other hand, was a siren. Once he got going, he took a while to quiet down. So, when Cavan raised holy hell while Kat wiped him down, I grew concerned about taking charge of Colson’s bathtime.
Not a fan of nudity, my boy began angrily grunting and loudly whining. Kat was in the bedroom, dressing Cavan. Maria stood nearby in the kitchen, watching me rest Colson into the empty bathtub on the counter. Though I could feel her wanting to take over, I remained in control.
Colson rewarded my calm by settling down and enjoying his first cloth bath. He liked the warm, wet fabric, only fussing when I wiped his little head. His blue eyes watched me intently as I hummed “Mack the Knife.” That was the moment I fell in love with Colson.
Cavan stole my heart when he couldn’t work out a burp. He moved from his mama’s arms to his auntie’s, only to finally end up with me. When I worked out that big burp, he lost his grumpiness and looked at me in that curious way infants did.
I hadn’t gotten a chance to build these feelings during Kat’s pregnancy.
Now, I saw the beauty of fatherhood. My little guys already had personalities.
One day, they would reach for me for comfort.
The realization left me in an emotional mood.
By the time my parents returned to Little Rock for a visit, I was downright cuddly.
“Thank you for giving me life,” I said, hugging them against me as soon as they entered the townhouse’s foyer. “Thank you for raising me to be a strong man with superior genetics.”
“You’re welcome,” Pax said and patted my back. “Your mom helped, too.”
Bebe shot him a dirty look. “He was talking to both of us.”
“I know, baby,” Pax said and wrapped his arms around her. “You’re too cranky to see I’m fooling with you.”
“I am cranky,” Bebe said and squirmed away from Pax and me. “I want to see my grandsons.”
“Why are you cranky?” I asked.
As she wandered past the family room and toward the hallway, Bebe replied, “I told you.”
“Oh, you missed me,” I said and nodded at Pax. “My mommy isn’t happy when I’m not in the same zip code.”
“Yeah, there’s that,” Pax said, humoring me. “But she also feels like she’s missing out on the boys’ childhood.”
“It’s been four days.”
“I can count,” Pax muttered. “Your mom hasn’t had any tiny grandkids in a while. She’s upset that she can’t visit the boys every day.”
“I’m sorry,” Kat said, appearing from the bathroom. “We’re planning to visit Little Memphis soon.”
“Not soon enough,” Pax grumbled, trying to intimidate her. “Pack up and return with us tomorrow.”
“I wish I could, but I’m not supposed to travel for the first few weeks after my C-section,” Kat replied calmly. “I’m not even supposed to do grocery shopping.”
Pax narrowed his gaze, doing his best to scare her, but Kat only smiled.
“Rowdy has your beautiful blue eyes.”
“Damn straight he does,” Pax said and strutted down the hallway. “Where am I going?”
“In here,” Bebe said from Kat’s room.
I followed Pax and Kat to where my mom stared lovestruck at the babies in their crib.
“How come they’re sharing?” Pax asked Kat. “Are you financially struggling?”
“Maria and I nearly went insane putting this one together. We decided to give ourselves a break before we faced the second one.”
“Rowdy and Pax can put it together,” Bebe said and smiled. “Colson is awake. I’m stealing him for a while.”
Kat shuffled over to where Bebe rested Colson on the changing table. I could tell she was curious about my mom. I also knew Bebe was curious about the twin sisters.
“Where’s the other one?” Pax asked me once we carried the unbuilt crib’s box to the family room.
“She’s taking the cats for a walk,” I explained and began unpacking the box.
Tugging parts from the box, my dad warned, “You’ve gotten yourself entangled with weird women.”
My dad and I didn’t say much while putting together the crib. Pax perked up when Maria returned with the leashed cats.
“Rowdy said you enjoy brisket,” Maria said once the cats ran away from the strange man laughing at them.
Pax smiled when she opened the oven, and he inhaled the meat scent.
“Weird women who can cook are a catch,” he told me as we finished putting together the crib. “Your mom’s cooking is what stole my heart.”
“You said it was her blowjobs.”
Pax scowled at me. “Don’t confront me with shit I said while drunk.”
Chuckling, I went to Kat’s room to ask where she wanted to stick the second crib.
My mom and Kat sat across from each other on the bed with the boys between them.
They were speaking so quietly that I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
I sensed my mom and baby mama were sharing a kind of wisdom only mothers understood.
Yet, when they looked at me, I knew instantly I’d been the topic of their whispering.
“He was such a sweet boy,” Bebe said and smiled at me. “Funny and goofy. He always made me laugh. I was enchanted by little Roy.”
“But not grown-up Roy?” I asked.
“Yes, but I’m more low-key about it now.”
As Kat glanced between Bebe and me, I felt her thinking about her own mother. She often wore the same sad expression over what she had lost.
I kissed Kat tenderly and smiled at my boys. Though I felt cozy in this new life, I also no longer felt like Rowdy Reed.
Back in Little Memphis, I was in and out of my friends’ and family’s places all day. We were entangled in each other’s lives.
Here with Kat, Maria, and the boys, I felt secluded. Not in a bad way, but I was starting to think like a different person.
Later, at the dining room table, I found myself struggling to picture life with Kat and the boys in Little Memphis. I started nitpicking normal things about the Five Points Lofts. My condo now felt too small. My dog seemed like a threat rather than my little buddy.
“You picked a good man to baby trap,” Pax announced after approving of the brisket and potato dinner. “He’s good with kids and loyal. He’s also got a ferocious fighting spirit. Hell, he once bit a guy’s nose off in a fight. That’s a commitment to success. My boy will keep you safe.”
Kat and Maria stared at my father with the same expression. I chuckled and gestured at them.
“I wonder if Colson and Cavan will one day look at me in the same way that you two are looking at my dad right now.”
The twins glanced at each other and smiled. I loved how in tune they were with each other. Since the hospital, I had noticed that Kat often gave off an edgy, insecure vibe when she was away from Maria for too long.
She was the same way back in high school when I would follow her from class to class. Of course, my behavior was stupid, but I didn’t know how else to get her to pay attention to me.
As I stalked her around school, Kat would flash me the frostiest expression and put up her protective walls. She could seem so damn cold that I found myself wondering if maybe she wasn’t worth chasing.
Before I gave up, I’d see her warm up for Maria. The sisters brought out the best in each other. Back then, the only time I had seen Kat look at me with such warmth was when she asked me to the dance.
Wanting another chance, I hounded her damn near every day until Maria and she moved away.
More than a decade later, I was living with Kat and our two sons. I loved everything about my time in this townhouse far from home. But I couldn’t deny I was losing myself in this place. Could my new Mister Mom routine work once I was back in Little Memphis?