KAT
Spending time with Pax and Bebe painted a vivid picture of why Rowdy became the man he was today.
Pax had a rough, sarcastic way about himself, but he was also protective and loyal.
Bebe seemed like a real softie with kind eyes and a sweet smile.
Yet, I sensed she could hold her own if anyone started trouble with her family.
“My niece Elle just had a baby,” Bebe said. “Last year, she moved to Baton Rouge to be with the father. I felt so bad for her mom, Shay. Has Rowdy told you about the family connections?”
“I knew about your family back when I was in high school in Little Memphis. You were like celebrities.”
Bebe smiled softly. “Shay never thought Elle would move away from Little Memphis. She tried to be okay with Elle leaving. Of course, she understands why Elle and Sutter need to live with Zodiac. He’s the president of the Black Rainbow.
He can’t just move to Little Memphis. But it’s been very difficult for Shay. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“I felt lucky since Lula lives right next door with Dillon. Now, she’s married and talking about trying for a baby. I felt so lucky.”
Bebe gripped my hands and stared into my eyes. “Little Rock isn’t so far, but it’s not close, either.”
Startled by the panic I saw in her eyes, I blurted out, “Maria and I are willing to relocate.”
Bebe nodded. “Rowdy has a talent for making every wild thing seem perfectly normal. He’ll focus on a person with his pretty blue eyes until he steals their fear.
” Smiling, I nodded at how right she was.
“But his life in Little Memphis might feel overwhelming for you if he isn’t around to use his talent.
I want you to promise you’ll ask for help if you aren’t happy there.
Don’t run away. Trust me enough to share your concerns. ”
“I will.”
“Promise.”
Holding her gaze, I said the words, “I promise.”
Bebe exhaled deeply and slowly released my hands. “It’s just that you and Maria seem very insular. Rowdy said no one visited the hospital or townhouse. You don’t trust easily, do you?”
“No, but I trust Rowdy.”
Bebe’s gaze hardened just a bit as if she caught me in a lie. “You didn’t tell him about the babies.”
Looking around my comfortable room, I admitted, “I didn’t trust him then. I wasn’t sure if the man I spent time with in the back seat of my car was real or a figment of my imagination.”
“But you see him clearer now.”
I adjusted on the mattress, feeling strange about sharing my sex life with Rowdy’s mom. Colson didn’t help by staring at me with his big blue eyes. I saw Rowdy whenever I admired my boys.
“I didn’t know Rowdy in high school. I just had a crush,” I told Bebe.
“But it was a crush I couldn’t let go of, so I tracked him down at the Fire Hooch.
I had a big plan to get him hot and heavy and reject him like he had rejected me in high school.
But once I had his attention, I couldn’t walk away. I kept coming back like an addict.”
Glancing around, I hated to show weakness in front of people.
“Even though Rowdy seemed truly interested in me, I held back because he didn’t know who I really was and I was afraid he might push me away if he found out.
Those hookups we shared felt like a fantasy, as if we were putting on a show for each other. ”
Stroking Colson’s foot, I forced myself to look at Bebe. She watched me with a soft, nonjudgmental gaze.
“Because we can’t be sexual right now, Rowdy and I have spent a lot of time talking and hanging out. He feels real now.”
Bebe swaddled Cavan and picked him up when he began to fuss. She held him against her chest and watched me.
“Lula’s biological father was a bad man.
I wish I had met Pax years earlier and had all my kids with him.
But life doesn’t always work out the way we want,” Bebe said and stroked Cavan’s back.
“I’m not old-fashioned. I don’t think a woman needs to marry her children’s father.
But I want you and Rowdy to work out. I like you.
I’m not someone who is super smart, but I have pretty good instincts.
My gut says you can make Rowdy happy, so I want to do whatever I can to make that happen. ”
After hesitating to voice my dreams out loud, I admitted, “I’ve spent the last eight months imagining being part of your family. I would love for my boys to have your kind of family rather than mine.”
“Your people don’t know how to be loyal,” Bebe said, looking disgusted. “Rehoming a child like a damn dog.”
“It worked out,” I said and shrugged. “My birth father wasn’t interested in raising Maria and me. Besides, I never would have met Rowdy if my father didn’t send us away,” I said and picked up Colson. “That means I wouldn’t have these two beauties.”
Bebe shared my smile, and I felt like we’d come to an understanding. Life in Little Memphis wouldn’t always be easy. However, running away wasn’t an option.
I was thinking about Bebe later when the house was quiet. With the two cribs filling up my bedroom, I realized moving to a new home would have always been in my future.
Climbing into bed next to a nearly naked Rowdy, I enjoyed the feel of his warm body against mine. My initial plans to hide my flabby stomach hadn’t panned out. Rowdy was an affectionate guy and prone to fondling me.
Tonight, Rowdy wasn’t in a frisky mood. He seemed overly quiet, and I could feel him working through a problem.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered and cupped his face.
“Should I get a haircut?”
“Do you want a haircut?”
“I don’t know. I feel like maybe I ought to look more like a dad.”
“Dads are just men with kids. You have two sons. You’re a dad whether you get a haircut or not.”
Rowdy watched me, but I couldn’t read his expression in the barely lit room.
“If you want to change something to make yourself happy, I will support you,” I said as my fingers disappeared in his dark hair. “You’ll look sexy as hell with short hair just like you do with long hair.”
Rowdy kissed me immediately as if my words were a starting pistol. He snuggled closer and whispered against my ear, “I feel like I’m changing. Or losing myself. I’m not me, but I am. It makes no sense.”
“No, it does. I’ve been feeling the same way for weeks.
I’m sure Maria does, too. She and I used to have a routine.
We’d play tennis at the park on Saturday mornings.
We took Taekwondo classes. After work, we visited farmers’ markets and swap meets.
We took art and cooking classes. But once I was on bed rest, our routine became about what to watch on TV.
I lost a part of myself over the last few months, just like you are now. ”
Rowdy mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Because it’s only temporary. The boys are little.
I’m healing. But soon, I’ll be able to take walks again.
The boys will be able to go places. We’ll travel to Little Memphis.
Eventually, I’d like to ride on the back of your motorcycle like I always dreamed of doing. Those things just can’t happen yet.”
Rowdy’s vibe shifted immediately. “You’re going to be sexy as hell on the back of my motorcycle.”
“That’s another thing we’re missing out on. Lots and lots of sex.”
“You’re so horny,” Rowdy teased and kissed my throat. “That’s something we have in common.”
After returning his affection, I whispered, “I’ve been dying to have you inside me for months. We just need to be patient and survive this quiet, homebody period.”
Rowdy seemed relieved by my words. He fell silent afterward, holding me as I dozed off. As calmly as he behaved, I sensed Rowdy wouldn’t find his footing again until he was back in Little Memphis.