Chapter 25
Spencer
T
hat was—she said…
Lyra thinks I’ve been playing with her? That nothing means anything, that I—
That was harsh.
It’s also true.
I don’t need self-reflection or internal monologues to realize right then and there that Lyra is right about everything.
I’ve always admired her bravery, but now I see her as truly fearless because she’s willing to risk it all to get it right.
She wants me to acknowledge how I’ve treated her. That I’ve been afraid, have taken her for granted. I’ve been content with our relationship and didn’t want to rock the boat because I was scared.
She’s made mistakes too, but I have no doubt Lyra would admit to each and every one of them.
By the time I’ve recovered, Lyra has already swept nice-guy Liam away to the ring toss game mounted on the wall at the end of the bar. It would have been better if she’d dragged away Phillippe because I would have been all too happy to interrupt.
I walk back to the table on shaky legs that has nothing to do with the rest of the beer I downed.
She’s right.
I have been toying with her for years, never telling her how I feel because that would have meant admitting it to myself.
And admitting that I was in love with Princess Lyra—what would that mean?
I’m treated as a part of the family and outsiders would think being with Lyra would make it official.
That becoming part of the royal family of Laandia was my plan the whole time?
Clearly, Lyra shares that line of thinking too.
I’ve always wondered and worried about what it would do to my relationship with the princes if I was in love with Lyra. The brothers are as important to me as my sisters, because for years, they were all I had. The thought of putting a wedge between us because I’m in love with Lyra—
I’m in love with Lyra.
It hits me right there, in the middle of the Island Hops Brewery in Saint Pierre, while off to the side, Lyra laughs with another man like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
I’m in love with Princess Lyra of Laandia, and the thought makes me miserable because even if Lyra feels the same—and from the way she looked at me, I think she might—she’s not going to believe me.
“You okay, dude?” Charlie asks as I slide into the seat beside him.
“She walked away from you pretty quick,” Luc C. says, not even bothering to hide his smirk. “Looked pretty upset.”
Smile. Phillippe is smirking.
I know I haven’t been the most popular amongst the men, but I’ve tried. I’ve tried to make friends. But this is ultimately a competition, and it’s every man for himself. I can wish them well in real life, but there’s no way I want any of them to end up with Lyra in real life.
Or in the reality world.
I want to end up with Lyra, and it scares me how much I want it.
“I’ve been having arguments with Lyra for as long as I’ve known her,” I tell Luc C. with a rueful grin rather than a sharp retort. I don’t need a retort, because I know there’s no way Lyra would ever pick him in the end.
Luc C. doesn’t have a chance with her. Neither does Phillippe.
“What was this one about?” Charlie asks. Maybe he’s just trying to get information, but I’d like to think it’s a gesture of friendship.
“She got upset because I’ve been hiding my head in the sand about how I feel about her. I can’t blame her. I’m upset at myself.”
“How do you feel about her?” Derrick wants to know. “Honestly.”
This feels like we’re on some sort of talk show, discussing the events of the world in front of cameras and a live studio audience.
It’s surreal, almost as much as it is unbelievable that I am sitting here about to confess my true feelings like I’m making a grand gesture in a romantic comedy.
Only, I’m not running across an airport to catch Lyra before she leaves me forever. I’m talking to a group of men I barely know, and Lyra is across the room with Liam.
And I see him kiss her.
A shaft of pain hits my heart and I can only stare. I stare at Lyra in another man’s arms, with another man kissing her. Liam is kissing her, and she is kissing him back.
And then she pulls away and looks straight at me.
I push my chair back. “I’ve got to get out of here,” I mutter as I head for the door. I don’t even care that the cameraman follows me.
I have no desire to go back to the hotel, back to that hotbed of hot men, to face them. Any one of them can steal Lyra away from me, even if I’m the one in love with her.
If she’s in love with me, why is she kissing other men?
The image of Lyra with those lips that I’ve been obsessing over since I got here pressed against Liam’s is going to haunt me for a long time.
Maybe forever.
It happened so fast; there was cute banter and knowing glances, fun reminiscences, and then it got ugly. Is there too much baggage for it not to get ugly?
And then the shockwave so intense that I’m surprised the others couldn’t feel it. I’m in love with her. Can’t they see it? Isn’t it scrawled on my forehead in red ink?
I came here to figure out my feelings for Lyra, but now that I’ve done that, what next? Because that doesn’t mean I’m going to end up with her. She’s made that perfectly clear.
I have no idea how Lyra feels. Because if she feels even half of what I do, what is she doing kissing other men?
That is the question that stabs at me as I walk through the tiny town. I don’t let myself question why I was kissing Abigail for all that time, because then it’s easy to justify Lyra’s actions.
What did I think would happen if I showed up here? These men are fighting for Lyra. Kissing is going to be involved.
I would have kissed her if we hadn’t been on a date with six other men and it wasn’t guaranteed to be televised to the world.
But that’s what I signed up for, isn’t it?
I trudge down the road. A car slows beside me and I don’t bother to turn, thinking it’s someone from the show sent to make sure I don’t disappear into the ocean. And then I hear Odin’s voice.
“We really shouldn’t have guys from the show walking around or we might lose you to the women from town,” he calls out the open passenger window.
“No one would want me,” I tell him, taking a few steps to slump against the car, head drooping.
“That doesn’t sound like you. Get in.”
My body suddenly aches with exhaustion, and I’m not sure I have the energy to open the door. I stand there so long that Odin finally reaches across to open it for me.
I manage to get in by myself, but I feel like I’m moving someone else’s body.
“Spencer, tell me what’s going on.” Odin grips my arm with a worried expression. “What happened? Is it Lyra?”
“Lyra is fine. She’s better than fine. She’s currently enjoying a beer with a group of very nice men, laughing at their brilliant comments between bouts of kissing them. Maybe not all of them.” I rub my eyes, praying the image will disappear. “I hope not all of them.”
“She kissed someone?”
“I think she’s been kissing someone since she got here, but this time I got to see it in person.”
Odin starts the car. “This was on the date? Where’s everyone else?”
“I left.”
“Was it the kissing, or any other particular reason?”
“Do you remember when you first figured out that you were in love with Camille?”
“In love—”
I forget for a moment that Odin is also Lyra’s brother as well as one of my best friends. And then I don’t care. “Think back at the moment when you knew you were in love with her. And then picture her kissing someone else.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah. Ah.”
He drives quietly for a moment, and I know he’s trying to think of what to say. “You said love?” he asks finally.
“Yeah.”
“Like, being in love with Lyra, love?”
“I’m in love with your sister. I should probably tell her this first, but I’ve been an idiot and didn’t realize it until I did, and then I turn around and she’s kissing someone else because she walked away from me because we can’t stop fighting.
Or she won’t stop pointing out what I’ve done wrong, which, apparently, has been a lot of things. ”
“Sounds like you’ve been a real idiot,” Odin says drily.
“I’d say I’ve been a lot of things, but this is a PG show.”
“That bad, huh?”
“I’ve made a mess of things, O, and I don’t know how to fix it. And I have no idea if she even wants me to.”
“Want to come back to the house to figure things out?”
“No, this is something I have to do on my own. I thought I could walk it out, but then you showed up.”
“Ria called and said you might need a pickup from a friend. I’m surprised you don’t have a camera following you. They like the tender moments between the contestants.”
I turn around in the seat. “I must have lost him. Guess he figured you’re not a contestant, and this isn’t a tender moment. Thanks for the pickup, by the way.”
Odin shrugs. “You needed me and I came. Same thing you’ve been doing for us your entire life.”
“Lyra asked if I’m doing this because I want to be part of your family.”
Odin frowns. “You’re already a part of the family. Doesn’t matter if you’re with her or not. I would actually think it might be a deterrent. We’re a lot to take on, you know.”
“You’re the only family I’ve got.”
“Well, Sophie and Stella might take offense at that. She’s still around, you know? In case you want some sisterly advice.”
“Have you ever asked for some sisterly advice?”
“From Lyra? No way.” He laughs.
“That’s the woman I love you’re talking about.”
Odin glances over with a sympathetic smile. “You’re not the first man who’s fallen for my sister, you know.”
“Yeah, but I want to be the last.”