Chapter 43
MY WHATEVER
DUNCAN
Ireturned to bed to find Ella cackling to herself. She was beautiful, if not a bit ridiculous there in a dress while I was here totally naked. I hopped in and pinned her to the bed as she laughed. She was freer than she had been, a bit wild, and wonderful.
“What is so funny?”
“All of this,” she smiled . “All of it.”
“Are you drunk?”
“No! I wish. Mo refused to have more than a glass because she had to get up and negotiate this job offer in the morning.”
“Selfish bitch,” I joked.
“Really! Nah, I get it. But I am stone cold sober. I just wanted to reward the good behavior.”
I kissed her slowly. She kissed me back, pushing me on the bed. This was the most normal event following the most unhinged thing a woman had ever done to me.
“That was wild.” Ella sat up.
“Get back down here and take that dress off,” I said.
She glowered.
“Oh, stop pouting. I let you tie me up and get off. I let you be completely in control for however long. You are in my bed, Miss Mills. At the very least, throw a man a bone.”
She glared and left the bed. While I feared she might leave, she tossed her dress aside in a surprising act of deference and climbed back in. I pinned her, kissing her neck now. I’d yet to do that but the impulse was overwhelming.
“Lose the bra,” I barked.
She obliged, letting me suck on her right nipple, then the left. I got a little shudder out of her. I figured if I was really good and didn’t mind being completely exhausted, I could convert this to round two. It seemed like we’d changed somehow.
“Duncan, what are you trying to do?” She giggled.
“Fuck you,” I answered.
She bit her lip and shook her head.
“What, you don’t want to go again? I gather you’re rather insatiable and I’m not elderly yet.”
I slid my hand between her legs.
“Mmmm.”
“What’s that? Cat got your tongue, Ella?”
“Fine,” she said. “Be good. And don’t do anything stupid. This is still about me, not you.”
“I can manage,” I said.
We began again. I would have slid right inside her if I didn’t know better.
She was slick as glass. No, I had to TCB and not get her pregnant.
That was just what we needed, wasn’t it?
A love child. I was impulsive sometimes, but not dumb.
I grabbed a condom like a good boy, much as I longed to have her pussy wrapped around me free of intermediaries.
Ella gasped as I slipped inside, putting her legs on my shoulders.
“Fuck! That feels amazing!” She gripped the headboard.
Ella’s tits almost went right up to her chin with every thrust. It was a lovely visual. Every bit of her was soft. Different from women I’d been with in the past slightly, but I loved it. She was perfect as she screamed my name.
Watching her, I lost myself. I came, holding onto her ankles. I dropped them to my sides and hung over her a moment. She looked up before taking my face in her hands. She slowly kissed me. It was tender.
“You’re making assumptions,” she smacked my arse, telling me off.
“Ella, you just kissed me like you cared. You do. Don’t deny you want me. Don’t deny you enjoy it.”
“It’s a game.”
“Nah. It’s not,” I said. “Not really. It may have started as a game, but you want me. And I want you. Desperately. And not in a I would like to fuck my social secretary sort of way. Nah. Like in I don’t want you to even leave.”
I shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have told her how I felt. It was unfair. It was wrong to catch feelings. That was explicitly against the agreement, right?
She stared, confused. “Duncan, I—”
Ella shook her head, unable to find the words.
“Ella, I’m sorry. That crossed a line. I’m sorry. I just… I enjoy you. I really do. You have become the best part of my day. And if I deny it even a moment more, it will eat me alive. Because I’m lying to you. And of all people right now, I do not want to lie to you.”
“I… I like you, too,” Ella said. “But, Duncan, we cannot… it’s not like we can honestly pursue anything. It would be—”
“All my fault, yes,” I acknowledged. “I know. But we can be careful. We already have been, right?”
“I guess, yes. If you can be good. Because earlier—”
“Mo is your friend. You haven’t told her about us?”
Ella stammered. “I… I… never by name.”
“I’m not cross with you, Eloise,” I said. “If you’re… my whatever… it’s complicated but you still are allowed friends. Trustworthy ones. And I expect that Monique is. As close as you two are, I am sure she will be discreet.”
“You’re whatever? What are we? What could we ever be?” Ella asked, almost combatively.
“I’d like to be something someday,” I said. “To you, I mean. I’d love to spoil your mercilessly, Eloise.”
She cocked her head adorably.
“You don’t see that?” I asked. “That I’ve been trying to make you smile this whole time? That I live for it, Ella?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I thought I was a conquest—am a conquest. And given that it made me feel powerful, I tolerated it. I thrived on it. I’m only young once.”
“Maybe it started that way—”
It had started that way.
“But Ella, I struggle to disconnect from you. You do things to me beyond comprehension. I adore you. I’d follow you almost anywhere, I think.
It’s like an obsession. And maybe it’s unhealthy, but I love to see you happy.
I don’t know what is going on with you. There is something under there I can relate to.
Something bad happened. And I don’t need you to break down and tell me all about right now, but… I’d like to make your life happier.”
Tears welled. “There’s no point going down that road. You have nothing to lose. I have everything to lose, Duncan. Don’t you get that? You will cast me aside. You can—quickly. I cannot just take that bet.”
It hurt to hear her dismiss things.
“Ella, I wouldn’t do that. What I am telling you is that what I feel for you I haven’t felt in years.
The person who broke me and put me in this hole where I trusted no one…
well, you’ve proven that some special people are worth it.
And… I want you in my life. I am serious.
I don’t get like this. I don’t care about women like this. You are different.”
“You want me to confess my love for you? Would you get off on that?” Ella scoffed.
“No,” I shook my head. “You could. That’s the thing, I wouldn’t run for the hills, Eloise. That’s what I am saying.”
She looked off into the distance. “Duncan, I need space to process this. You realize that, right?”
I nodded. “That’s fair. And if you don’t want it, I will back off and be my professional self.”
“It wouldn’t hurt?”
It would hurt like hell. My ego would be bruised but more than that, she’d break me. It was the first time I admitted to myself how much I wanted her in my life. And in more than just my bedroom. I wanted to be able to kiss, hold, and treat her in a way that I hadn’t longed for in years.
“It would,” I said. “But that is my problem, not yours.”
She bent to give me another kiss—a very tender one—and said. “Just give me a beat to think about it.”