Chapter 34
thirty-four
ASTRID
Exhausted and satisfied, I tossed my luggage aside and flopped on my bed. Herding undergrads towards a train station took every ounce of my energy. Avoiding thoughts about Parker pinning me to the bed had been a struggle for the six hours of train travel. I was ready to sleep and regroup.
“Hey, hey, hey!”
I looked over to see Amara in the doorway. “You’ve been quiet. How was it?”
“It was fine,” I answered, too tired to gush.
At the same time, I wanted to boast.
“Well, how was the Dickish Duke?” She flopped next to me in bed. “After you sent me that update, I worried.”
“Oh, um, so we… we had sex,” I said.
“What!?”
“So, it’s a long story, but we had sex.”
“And was it good?”
“Yes!”
“Oh my God. So, like, is this a thing, then? ”
“It is not .” I insisted. “No. He’s good in bed. We had a bit of fun. We’re not together. It’s not A Thing.”
“Uh-huh. So, hate sex?”
“Sure,” I lied.
Hate sex didn’t describe it. It started off that way, perhaps, but the ending consisted of very tender cuddling. Parker was sweet, even if I wasn’t sure what it meant. He had been kind, supportive, and invested in my happiness. And then, back on the train, he was back to his grumpy self even if—for once—he didn’t grump at me.
“Good for you,” Amara said. “Well done!”
My phone buzzed. It was Jeremy.
I groaned and looked at it.
“Oh, he was asking about you while you were out. Said he was sad to miss you.”
“Parker says he’s out to use me as a trophy.”
“Parker just wants to get in your pants, but you’re not tied down.”
“True. But, like… can I honestly get with Jeremy now that I’ve had Parker?”
“You can do whatever you want. You’re your own woman!”
I smiled. “I am.”
I was. It wasn’t just because I’d lost my virginity. I broke through that fear and took pleasure into my own hands. I’d chosen to sleep with Parker because he made me feel good. What he’d done in the lift took me to a place I’d never been. And then in bed? It was fabulous because I’d taken charge of what I wanted. That made me my own woman.
“You want to go out on Friday? I am headed back to London. You could join me?—”
“I cannot,” I said. “My attendance is required at this department awards banquet. All the senior doctoral students get nominated for things, and their committees say nice things about them. It’s a must. And, anyway, I must work on the book I’m doing with Briggs. We have a chapter to wrap up.”
“Oh, okay. Shit. Well, I’m going home in another couple of weeks if you’re interested? ”
“I would love to,” I agreed.
It was true I would prefer a visit to see Amara’s folks. I met them briefly for dinner about a week ago. They were kind and funny. Unfortunately, I was tasked with stupid academic obligations. I loved research and didn’t mind teaching. I just hated all the rituals—the pomp and circumstance. I expected it in my previous life, but not now.
“Are you gonna shag him again?”
I thought about it. “I mean, it was good. I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
We giggled like mad. Ole passed, giving us the stink eye. Sometimes, I felt terrible for him. He lived with two girls. Amara and I were annoyingly bonded and noisy, leaving him to hide in his room.