Chapter 35
thirty-five
PARKER
The Case-Meyer Awards was a longstanding Shalebrook tradition—an awards banquet to celebrate the achievements of scholars in politics, economics, and philosophy. Departments rented out the university ballroom and hosted a dinner. Faculty roasted doctoral students in their last year of candidacy, but departments also gave out several awards for other outstanding contributions. It was a big lah-di-dah event, so I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it.
Departments invited families of final-year doctoral students to survey the carnage. Worse than before, tonight I shared a table with my mother. This was all lost on her and is an excuse to make me feel dreadful for not having a girlfriend. Department chairs and their assistants assigned seats, so no one knew who they were stuck with. There was nothing more terrifying than a black-tie event for academics. Add a random seating chart and you’ve put everyone on edge.
Princess Astrid was in attendance, looking beautiful in a long black dress. Damn . She could look good in anything—or nothing—but I immensely enjoyed her in this form. I usually had little interest in women who wear lots of makeup and spend ages on their hair. Astrid looked lovely without anything and messy hair. She also looked stunning, all dolled up.
Unfortunately, I was not at her table.
“The Princess looks nice, doesn’t she?” Mother was desperate to sell me on Astrid. If only she knew!
“She does, yes.” I kept my voice neutral, nodding as we passed in deference.
I fought the urge to bow. It would be odd.
We found our place at our assigned table with two philosophy ABDs—all but dissertation or thesis for the British set—and one economics MSc student. I didn’t ask how or why it was organised this way. Our assistant, Flora, got cross when questioned on such matters, so it was best to leave her be and bring her a bottle of good wine for Christmas—a tip Briggs gave me.
They seated Briggs at one of the faculty tables. I cringed to think of what he’d soon say about me. I looked over again at Astrid to just stare at her—horrified to realise she was sitting next to fucking Jeremy! I grimaced and shot him a look involuntarily. I should drop it, but how dare he somehow insert himself into this! She deserved so much better!
Dinner was served. Mother carried on with another mother at the table. I fell silent except to correct her understanding of one statistical term. I saw no point in argument or investment. I handed it to the organisers as they kept our drinks filled.
The recognition of the ABDs began. I waited to be called up.
“Parker, why don’t you come up here?” Briggs asked.
I grudgingly agreed, trying my best not to show antipathy. I did not want to be here, even if I liked praise.
“Parker is one of our best students—and not just because he is by far the most fabulous example of our prowess in game theory or because he is well-liked by his seminar students. No, Parker is thoughtful, and his dedication to service is, quite frankly, unmatched. He assists in mentoring younger graduate students and volunteers with our Model UN program. If that is not enough, he sponsors the Students for DEI club. Parker exemplifies the values of our department and, I hope, will make an excellent faculty member for any university.”
I was touched. That was above and beyond what I expected.
“Thank you,” I said.
“His thesis on universal basic income and public support for social policy in Western Europe will wow all of you,” Briggs continued. “And he will hopefully defend it soon.”
I wrote it. Now, I needed to defend it. I was terrified to set it free.
I would have smiled for effect if I hadn’t spotted Jeremy with his arm around the back of Astrid’s chair. She tried to focus on me, but he talked to her. It made me want to scowl.
I nodded in thanks.
“Parker, I’d like to present you with the Outstanding Teaching Award for your constant dedication to our undergraduates,” Briggs said.
That touched me. Briggs handed me a nice plaque with my name. We stood, shaking hands for pictures. I wanted to beeline back to the table with my new plaque but was stopped in my tracks.
“Just stay up here a minute longer. There is another award, and this one involves two more students.”
I stood there, annoyed and cursing at having worn brand-new dress shoes. I loathed how uncomfortable leather-tread shoes were. No matter what people told you about Saville Row, they were wrong.
“I would like to hand out an Outstanding Service Award now. Parker, you are one of the winners. The next awardee—Marian Dunbar of Economics—has been an organiser for the Students for Social Equity group on campus and a volunteer at the Students Gender-Based Violence Crisis Centre.”
A tall girl in a blue dress stepped forward. Again, handshake, plaque, picture.
“Finally, another politics student—this time one of our newest students—Astrid Deschamps.”
I watched. Jeremy whispered in her ear. Confusion spread as she walked forward.
“Astrid is one of our accelerated MSc students. While her work in the classroom has been exemplary, she also jumped in to pick up the slack along with Parker while I’ve been out with my new son. Astrid was quick to work with the Model UN here and in Glasgow. She also serves as secretary for the International Student Union. And for someone who just arrived here, we are grateful for her positive contributions.”
Astrid smiled and posed for the photo. She was at ease as if she had always done this. She attempted to say something as we left the stage, but I pretended not to hear. I’d grown sick of watching her flirt with Jeremy. It was as if I hadn’t told her to avoid him. I ignored her out of spite.
I knew it wasn’t fair. We weren’t together, but I hoped I’d make enough of an impression on her at that time. I’d hoped that she might want to see me again in a legitimate way. To believe it was foolish.