Chapter 36
thirty-six
ASTRID
“I don’t want to go,” I groaned to Alexandra.
“Why?” She asked.
The baby whined in the background.
“No, Linnea,” Alexandra said, annoyed. “No!”
“What?”
“She keeps biting me. I pull her off the breast and put her back on. She needs to know that biting won’t be tolerated.”
I shivered at the thought.
“Go on, Asti.”
“I just… look, I went to these awards. And, yes, I got one. However, this dude I hooked up with?—”
“You hooked up with someone? Define it.”
“We… had sex,” I said with trepidation.
“Oh, really?” She wasn’t cross. She was curious.
“Yes,” I sighed. “Like real sex. Good sex.”
“And? What’s the issue?”
“Well, we’re working on this project. And I thought we were good, but we’re not. I cannot read him.”
“Did anything happen?”
“I mean, I may have flirted a little with someone, but… that shouldn’t matter. The problem is we work together and have a deadline. I must go to a meeting to deal with this project, and I know his smug ass will show up.”
“You flirted with another guy, and he saw it?”
“Yes,” I winced.
“Astrid, men are dogs! Of course, he’s offended.”
“We said we weren’t anything!”
“Yes, well, you know how that worked out with me. Rick loathes men flirting with me. It makes him all aggro. I like to torture him because it leads to horniness and?—”
“Nope, nope. I’m good, thanks,” I said.
Linnea screamed, her protests too on the nose.
“Give me a second.”
Alexandra set the phone down. She spoke to one of her lady’s maids and handed the baby off. Linnea was going to get a bottle from someone else. When you were a queen, you could do that.
“Yes, sweetheart. I only meant that I think you might need to talk to him. Maybe he wants to have a relationship? If so, you need to figure out how you feel.”
“What if he’s just being a dick?”
“You won’t know if you don’t engage, right?”
I groaned.
“Asti, you know I’m right!”
“Yes, yes. Oh, well, I must go. Tell the girls thanks for the happy birthday song and the gift.”
“I will. They’ll ring you tomorrow, okay?”
This morning, I woke to a happy birthday voicemail. I was officially twenty-two. Held up at a horse show in France, Odette and Ingrid couldn’t communicate with me in real-time.
“Sure. I am homesick, Alex.”
“I know. But you’ll be home for Christmas, and we will all spoil you. We’ll annoy you with too much attention!”
I doubted it. I missed them. I wanted to curl up in bed with Alexandra and watch movies. I wanted to play piano with Odette and read books by the fire with Ingrid. I liked all that. If I thought about it too much, I’d cry. This was my first birthday apart from my sisters. That wasn’t lost on me.
“I love you,” I said. “But I have to go.”
“Love you, too.”
“Give Linny a kiss for me.”
“I will.”
I ended the call and packed off to the study room we reserved at the library, feet feeling leaden. Seeing Parker would prove difficult, and I worried about him making me feel like shit. Perhaps Alexandra was right. Maybe I was unconsciously trying to start something with Parker?
I arrived, finding Parker in a mood, typing on his computer.
“Where is everyone?”
“Devon ditched us,” Parker answered. “Elizabeth’s grandmother died.”
“Well, shit, that sucks. Devon has a better offer?”
“A French girl,” Parker answered. The man never minced words, at least.
I slumped across the table from him, not wanting a conversation.
“Let’s just get started,” he said, voice even but cheerless.
I felt the need to unleash my anger. It flowed through me like lightning. It was now or never. It was time to confront this once and for all.
“Parker, the dick may be back, but I don’t deserve it!”
“What?” Parker asked.
“You… you’re back to being a dick. Last night?—”
“Last night was nothing. We both got an award. I had to entertain my mother, so I went home?—”
“Parker, you’re a lying sack of shit if you believe that! You blew me off after we got the award. Why? What did I do? I thought we were cool all week.”
“Well, you’ve made your bed. Go climb into it with Jeremy.”
I scoffed. Alexandra was right. Parker was jealous !
Incredulous, I said, “Parker, who I do or don’t fuck isn’t your business. Jeremy isn’t off-limits, last I checked!”
“I gave you advice. You weren’t bright enough to take it!”
I stood, leaning forward on the table. “Excuse me, Parker, but that’s bullshit!”
Parker crossed his arms. “I didn’t have anything nice to say to you after I saw Jeremy hanging all over you. Your interest is in him. Sadly, he’s selfish. Then again, it’s on brand for a pretty girl to chase some posh prat like Jeremy.”
I couldn’t help it. Parker was again reducing me to my looks. His implication was I was nothing but an easily distracted, pretty face. Refusing to listen anymore, I grabbed my things and ran out. Parker’s voice called after, but I ignored him. I pounded on the lift button to call it, but it took forever. C’mon! C’mon! The door finally opened. I climbed aboard, only to have him push through the doors at the last minute and hold his laptop.
Mortified, I pleaded, “I don’t want to talk. Please, God, do not let me get trapped here!”
“I’m sorry, Astrid. Look, you’re right that you owe me nothing, but it felt like you did it to torture me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself! It’s clear, Your Grace, that you aren’t interested in me beyond a hook-up or maybe even a pity fuck?”
“It wasn’t a pity fuck,” Parker said as the doors opened.
I strode out, beelining past students who congregated outside the ground floor cafe.
He trotted, the laptop still in his hands, barely keeping up.
“Astrid, please stop!”
I ground to a halt and turned. We were stuck there on the steps, blocking the flow of traffic. His face looked devastated. Tears streamed down my cheeks. We were a mess.
Parker spoke, “It wasn’t just a hook-up. You make me feel vulnerable—frightened even. Can we… sit… talk?”
If I said yes, there was a chance he’d break my heart. I worried I would make a mistake if I said no, and he could still shatter me. My curiosity got the best of me.