Chapter 12 #2
“What are you preparing for?” Shane asked, sitting down on his bed facing me.
I tapped my lip with my pen. Shane’s gaze fell on it, and I froze. “Celebrity chef. Tomorrow at our place.”
Shane lifted his head and looked me straight in the eyes again. “Mhm. What else?”
“I get to help cook. And I’m in charge of a station. And . . . ”
“And . . . ?” Shane rested his elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands. “That’s great, isn’t it?” His eyes widened.
A smile spread across my lips. “Yes, it’s great. It’s just that I’m not focused. And that sucks. Because I can’t only be in good shape, I have to be outstanding.”
Shane nodded in my direction. “But you are.”
I rolled my eyes. “Ha, ha. By tomorrow, I have to raise my concentration to a level it hasn’t reached since my final exams.”
Shane stood, laughing. “Come on. You’re not a student anymore. What else do you do when you need to sharpen your focus?”
“I don’t usually have that problem,” I muttered to myself.
Shane walked around the apartment in his socks. “Hmm. When I need to concentrate, I first get rid of all distractions.”
“I see,” I said, dripping with sarcasm.
“You know what?” Shane beamed at me. “I’ll help you. What do we need to get rid of to get you on track?”
“Uh . . . ” You?
“Whatever helps me is nature. Before a competition or when I need to clear my head, I go for a walk along the beach or in the woods.”
I shook my head. “Nah. I can find my way from here to the main house. I wouldn’t even know where to go.” You could disappear, and I might have a chance to regain my composure.
But instead of vanishing into thin air, Shane stepped toward me. “When does it start tomorrow?”
He studied me intently with searching eyes.
“Seven.”
“In the morning? For dinner?” Shane stared at me with his mouth open, and I laughed out loud.
“We’re starting with lunch. And of course, we have to prepare.”
“Okay. Then there’s nothing you can do now except get a good night’s sleep.”
This time I didn’t hold back my sigh. “Yes. That’s my concern, that I’ll lie awake, and tomorrow I’ll end up cutting my finger off.”
Shane held out his hand to me. “We don’t want that. Let’s go for a hike to the lake.”
“But it’s already getting dark? And there’s a lake here?” Against my will, my arm stretched out, and Shane grabbed my wrist. He pulled me up.
His fingers closed around me like a bracelet. Stay focused, Ruben!
“No excuses. Fresh air is the only thing that will help here.”
I glanced at him as I sorted out my legs and climbed out of bed. “You must be hungry after your day?”
With a twinkle in his eyes, he pulled me the last bit onto my feet. “If you really want to, you can cook for me too.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “It’s okay. The urge is within limits.”
Although Shane let go of me, I could still feel his touch tingling on my skin as he quickly slipped into his functional pants and jacket. I stayed where I was. Jeans would have to suffice.
“I’ll get something from one of the refrigerators later. Maybe there will be some dinner leftovers. If necessary, I’ll make something myself.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Would you have anything there?”
He waved me off. “Ah. I’m not starving. Now, come on.”
I could barely keep up with Shane as we left the cabin.
He had been on his feet all day—in the snow.
Why did he look like he had jumped out of bed after a refreshing eight hours of sleep?
Would my shoes be able to withstand this hike?
But when I rushed out of the cabin, Shane was waiting for me, gazing up at the sky.
Thick flakes floated down from the sky, settling on the trees, the huts, and the paths.
Shane turned to me and grinned. Frozen ice crystals were caught in his eyelashes, and he blinked them out of his eyes.
“I ordered it just for you,” he said, pointing upward with his chin.
“I see.” I smiled to myself and pulled my hat over my ears. “Where are we going now? I don’t know my way around here. We could drive into town and check it out.”
“We’re not going anywhere. We’re going to the lake. It’s only half an hour away from here.”
“Half an hour? In this weather?”
Shane took my hand and pulled me along behind him. “Move. Otherwise, you’ll get cold.”
The snowflakes danced around us, and a calm came over me. The cold compressed me in a strange way. I pulled my shoulders up to my ears and buried myself in my jacket.
We walked silently through the small forest behind the resort.
Unfortunately, he let go of my hand at some point when the path widened.
At first, the path was clear, and we made relatively quick progress.
My boots kept slipping. But Shane’s arm was always immediately next to me, holding my waist and keeping me upright so I never fell on my butt.
That’s all I needed, to pass out because I had injured myself.
The path climbed slightly, and walking on the increasingly dense snow became slower and more strenuous, as every lift of my legs required an unimaginable amount of effort.
My thoughts also became calmer. I was completely preoccupied with my limited lung capacity and my burning muscles.
When we reached the top of the hill—I had climbed it, Shane had strolled leisurely along—the forest thinned out.
The view opened up to a shimmering blue lake.
The surface was partially frozen, and snow was already piling up at the edge.
It couldn’t hold in the middle, and the blue water shimmered through.
Maybe there was no ice in the middle at all.
Only icy water crystals that were still moving too much and simply couldn’t solidify.
I took a deep breath.
“Did I promise too much?”
I turned to Shane. He peered at me curiously with his big eyes.
They sparkled with energy and his lips glowed red.
They opened and little clouds puffed out of them.
Blond curls had pushed their way out from under his hat onto his forehead, and he looked good enough to eat.
Like a crispy vanilla croissant with a sweet cream filling hidden inside.
Argh . . . no . . . I wasn’t going to go checking his filling.
“No. It’s beautiful.” I forced myself to turn back at the lake.
Shane’s footsteps crunched as he moved closer to me. “Are you feeling better?”
I nodded and smiled at him again briefly. “Right now, I don’t even know how I got myself into this spiral of thoughts.”
“Hmm.” Shane made a noncommittal sound. “Why is food so important, anyway?”
“It’s the most important event for us chefs here this season. The chef who’s coming to the resort is world-famous, and we’re fully booked with a triple waiting list. It’s a milestone on our resumes. Well . . . it’s only a weekend. But when Jacques is on the menu, he’s on the menu.”
Shane nodded beside me. “I understand that. Even though I don’t have anything resembling that.
I move from season to season. From gig to gig.
It’s cool to surf with important people in the industry, but ultimately it doesn’t make much difference to me who I was in the water or on the mountain with.
My future doesn’t depend on it in any way. ”
I snorted. “That’s probably why I let myself get unsettled like this.
I don’t know if my future depends on this event.
I mean: No professional future depends on a single event.
But since I’m not sure what I want to do with my future, I can’t say how important this event is.
Except that I’m going to do my job.” I kicked my boot into the snow along the way and Shane turned to me.
But he gave me time and didn’t interrupt me.
“You know,” I continued, “when my boss in Germany said that I have to find myself first to deliver the best of myself, I immediately jumped on that bandwagon. It was as if I had been waiting for permission to leave the Michelin-star kitchen. As if escaping the kitchen was my primary goal. Yet I did everything I could to get there. The scholarship. The school. Working abroad. All the work and time I put into my dream.”
“Do you regret it?” Shane asked cautiously.
“No, not at all,” I replied immediately.
“Every trip to Europe was an absolute dream come true. Slowly, I’m starting to fear they were more of a means to an end, because I’m no longer sure what my dream is.
I want to cook. But maybe I wanted to travel more than I wanted to work in a highly organized Michelin-star kitchen.
” Sighing, I turned to him. “Shall we keep going?”
Shane nodded, and we walked back slowly. I thought about it. These thoughts hadn’t just occurred yesterday. I hadn’t been able to think about anything else for months.
“Life in a Michelin-star kitchen is awesome. But I’m not sure . . . ” I sighed again. Slowly, I was the biggest downer ever. “I’m just not sure what my path should be anymore. However, I don’t have a choice but to succeed.”
“What do you mean?” Shane asked, complete astonishment in his voice.
How was it that Shane was getting every word out of me that I didn’t even want to think?
“My parents don’t have a lot of money. They had saved a little so I could go to college.
You can’t call it a college fund. But it helped me pay the fees on top of my scholarship.
And I’ve always worked in a kitchen. That’s how I’ve managed to make ends meet. ”
I paused briefly and held Shane by the sleeve. “I’m sorry for babbling on and on.”
Shane took my hand. His fingers were cozy and warm, enveloping my icy paws. “That’s why we’re doing this. You’re pouring your heart out to me, and in the end you’ll be better.”
I rolled my eyes and Shane wiggled his eyebrows playfully.
In fact, his reaction was exactly what I needed at that moment. And I kept talking.