Chapter 12 #3
“I feel ungrateful even thinking that I’m not going to a prestigious kitchen but doing what I want to do. Plus, I still have to pay back my tuition fees. And I never want to be a burden on my parents. But I don’t know how I can combine all that with doing what I really want to do!”
“And what is that?”
I laughed out loud. “I don’t know. Or maybe I don’t want to admit it.”
We walked a few steps further without saying a word. I’d talked enough about myself now. Besides, I wasn’t going to have any epiphanies here.
I nudged Shane with my shoulder. “What about you? Are you doing what you want to do?”
Shane raised an eyebrow. “Interesting question. Most people assume that what I do is exactly what I want to do because it’s not a real job.”
I snorted indignantly. “That’s nonsense. All those people would drive me crazy. I’m happy to be able to cook without having to explain myself to anyone all the time. But if it makes you happy?”
Shane grinned broadly. “Yes. It’s pretty much what I want to do. I can’t imagine sitting in an office all day. That would be an absolute nightmare for me.”
He gazed pensively at the trees lining our path.
“My parents are surprisingly relaxed about it too. They’re teachers.
At Ocean View High School. And they set up a college fund for me, which I never touched.
We were never poor, but it certainly wasn’t easy for them.
They were always frugal. They saved diligently for my brother and me.
They were never extravagant. They were content with what they had, and now they’re pretty chill too.
They don’t pressure me to do something with my life.
They’ve left it up to me what I want to do with the money.
College, business investment, down payment on a house?
It’s my decision. But somehow, I think I shouldn’t touch it if I’m not using it for its intended purpose.
My brother is a teacher too, you know. So is his girlfriend.
I don’t know. I’m the black sheep of the family.
” He shrugged pensively and finally shook his head.
“This thought has never been expressed in my family. But for some time now, I can’t get rid of it.
Despite all the freedom our parents gave us, I wonder if they expected more from me.
Somehow, I would love to show my gratitude for everything my parents have done for me.
But on the other hand, I live my life in a way that is perfect for me.
I could never be like them. A typical black sheep. ”
I shook my head in amazement. “Are you though? I think you follow your family tradition quite closely.”
Shane stopped abruptly. “What? What are you talking about? I’m the exact opposite of what my family embodies.”
“No way!” I protested. “You’re a family of teachers.
You’re a snowboarding and surfing instructor.
You say you’ve never touched your fund. I assume that means you can take good care of yourself financially.
You don’t live in luxury or extravagance, but you get by fine.
In the summer in your trailer. Now here in an arrangement where you have free room and board. ”
We had stopped again and Shane was staring at the lake. “I even put something aside from every paycheck, into the account for bad times, as my mother called it.”
I couldn’t help myself and laughed out loud. “See? You’re just like your parents. In everything that matters—a simple, contented life as a teacher, with a nest egg tucked away.”
“I’m like my parents.” Shane whispered the words and stared at me with wide eyes.
His frightened grimace made me laugh out loud. “Oh my God. Did that realization break you?”
Still wide-eyed, Shane shook his head. “No. I’ve never seen it that way before though.”
I smiled as I studied his facial features. “I think that’s a pretty good thing. Maybe even the best thing you can achieve in life. Contentment and independence. Damn. I’d love to be there too.”
Now it was Shane who glanced at me with amusement.
“Maybe this event is exactly the signal you need. Even if it turns out to be totally silly, it’s not the end of the world.
It’d be the realization that this isn’t your path.
Or at least not with this star chef. Nor with this kitchen.
” He nodded energetically and moved on. “That’s what I always tell my students: if you fall off the board, you’ve learned something.
What you tried doesn’t work, there are no mistakes.
There are only insights. Safety measures and common sense must be observed, of course. But I assume you already know that.”
I quickly followed him and let his words sink in. I let them sink into my heart, my head, my stomach. Every part of my body agreed with Shane. He was right. There were no mistakes. I was allowed to find out what worked and what didn’t.
Although every step became heavier, I felt lighter than ever before.
I observed his profile. If only I had the opportunity to make mistakes with him too. To find out what worked and what didn’t. Unfortunately, people weren’t job opportunities.