Chapter 39
The first rays of sunlight creep through my blinds, stirring me from a restless sleep. I roll over with a groan, the knot in my stomach tighter than ever.
My rugby gear sits ready and waiting, but my mind is far from prepared for practice.
This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, coming here. My plan was to focus on rugby and only on rugby, maybe make some good platonic friends along the way.
It certainly wasn’t to come here to be distracted by men who will take me further away from my dreams, the ones I’ve worked so hard for. Still, right now my roommates—and Kai—are all I can think about.
I drag myself out of bed, my thoughts swirling. “Why should I have to choose one? They all bring something unique to my life. Isn’t there a way to have it all without hurting anyone?”
Maybe some one-on-one time would help clear the air. But it feels less like getting clarity and more like being forced into a choice I don’t want to make.
But the empty room offers no answers. With a sigh, I haul myself out of bed. Time to face the day.
The dewy grass crunches under my cleats as I join the team on the pitch. My teammates chatter and laugh as they loosen up, but I feel detached, going through the motions on autopilot.
Coach blows the whistle, signaling the start of drills. I take my position, but my focus is shot. The complicated situation with my roommates invades my thoughts once again.
“Maybe spending individual time isn’t such a bad idea,” I think, passing the ball half-heartedly. “It could clear things up... But why does it feel like I’m being cornered into choosing?”
My inner turmoil must show on my face, because Coach pulls me aside after practice. “Get your head in the game, Dylan. I can’t have my star player distracted.”
His choice of words is flattering, and the gravity of them is embarrassing. How could I take this level of an opportunity and squander it over the promise of some good dick? Really good dick, but dick nonetheless.
I nod, promising to leave my personal drama off the pitch.
But as I hit the showers, my thoughts drift once more.
Spending one-on-one time with each of the guys could help provide clarity, yet the pressure to choose between them feels suffocating.
I still can’t shake the feeling that Noah is behind this, but Jayden and Killian have chosen to go along with it, and now I’ve brought Kai into the mix—not that he knows it yet.
If I’m honest, despite the uncertainty of everything, that last part still gives me a lingering sense of satisfaction. Throwing Kai into the mix really shook things up, disrupting Noah, Killian, and Jayden’s expectations. It made me feel like, for one precious moment, I was in control.
I can’t help but smile to myself.
At least that made them think, I muse internally. Maybe now they’ll see how ridiculous this whole ‘choose one’ thing is. It’s all fun and games making people choose until they add in a few options of their own.
After toweling off, I stare at my reflection in the locker room mirror. Dark circles underline my eyes, evidence of another sleepless night. At this rate, none of them are going to want me. I’m a complete mess. With a sigh, I throw on fresh clothes and grab my gear bag.
Stepping outside, the morning sun momentarily blinds me. I blink against the glare, resolved to push aside my worries for now. Practice is over, but the day has just begun.
Time to tackle things one step at a time.
As I walk to my car, I repeat Coach’s advice like a mantra: “Get your head in the game.” Easier said than done when my heart is so conflicted. On the pitch, I’m in control. It’s the one place where the ball is mine to command. Except for today, where I sucked.
For now, rugby will be my escape and my anchor amidst the storm. Eyes on the prize, Dylan. One match at a time.
Whatever happens with the men happens. But it can’t distract me from the main reason—the only reason—I’m here.
After changing, I head out to the usual post-practice social spot. Kai is surrounded by his usual entourage, including that one annoying bitchy girl who’s always trash-talking me.
Fueled by defiance and the need to add my fourth choice into this impossible decision I’m faced with, I steel my nerves and stride right up to him.
“Hey Kai,” I interrupt, “want to go out with me sometime soon?”
He looks surprised, but smiles. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.”
The bitchy woman snorts derisively. “Really, Kai? You’re going out with her?“ She crinkles her nose up in disgust as her gaze trails over my freshly showered body, which is now adorned in comfy shorts and a clean racerback practice shirt.
Normally, that type of gaze would have me shriveling into myself, but in the face of everything I’m dealing with, it has the opposite effect.
I puff myself up, internally and physically, jutting out my chest and keeping my shoulders high and proud. I allow my gaze to trail over her, this vapid cookie cutter who only cares about the title of being a rugby player’s girlfriend, and about how much he can spend on her.
Kai meets my eyes, his expression firm. “Yes, really. I’m looking forward to it, Dylan.”
I can feel his gaze on me as I walk away, a new sense of empowerment rising in my chest. The bitchy woman’s glare just about burns holes in my back.
“Take that,” I say to myself. “I’m not just some pawn in their game. I make my own moves.”
What comes next, I’m not sure. But I stood my ground, and that’s what matters.
Now to get ready for these ridiculous dates and see where things go from here.
Whatever happens next, I’m ready.