Chapter 5
Five
Otillie-James
A lthough I lived in a city, high society was small, and the gossip grapevine was far-reaching and as noxious as a weed. Which meant I wasn’t surprised when my dad video-called me later that night. I honestly considered dodging the call and sending him a generic text that pretended everything was fine, but I knew he wouldn’t quit calling until he heard my voice. We both knew I couldn’t lie to him if I had to see him face-to-face.
Pressing the green answer button, I pasted a cheerful smile on my face. “Hey, Dad, how’s Alaska?”
“Good. Saw a Dall Sheep yesterday,” he answered gruffly. “How was prison?”
I winced. Fuck. “It was only a holding cell, and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just a big mistake.”
“You were just mistakenly at a cockfight on the bad side of town during a police raid?”
Damn it. I’d hoped the gossip mill had left out the reason I’d been picked up by the cops. “You know I wasn’t participating in a cockfight, Dad.”
“Of course not, Peaches, but you were there , in a dangerous situation. Willingly, I hope?” he asked lightly. I wished I could lie to him, but he knew me too well. For most of my life, he’d been my only parent, and sometimes the only person I saw for weeks, aside from my online classroom friends. He knew all my tells, knew when I was lying, and he’d call me out on my bullshit in an instant.
Sighing, I pinched my nose. “Yeah, I was there willingly, but I tried to do what you said. I went about everything the right way. I reported that cockfighting ring over a month ago, and they did nothing. How was I supposed to know that the one night they’d decide to actually do something would be the night I decided to rescue the roosters from their painful deaths by the cruelty of man?” Okay, I was laying it on a little thick, but I was in trouble otherwise. “Besides, Sonny and Truett bailed me out, and you know Truett won’t let anything serious come of this. He’s way too anal-retentive to accept anything but a complete dismissal.”
The fact Dad hadn’t led with Lancelot being here meant that whoever had tattled to him and Citrine hadn’t been my stepbrother or his Packmate.
Dad harrumphed, and I changed the topic to his research up there with Citrine. They were working with some university, and while I didn’t understand the complete breadth of their research, it paid them very well to be there in the freezing cold tundras of Alaska.
We talked for a little longer, and I managed to finesse him off the phone without bringing up my charges or court case again. I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking that was the last I’d hear about it, but at least I might have more answers when he called again.
Moving back down the stairs to the garage, I did my nightly rounds of feeding and medicine. It was exhausting, but it gave me a purpose. It was something I was good at, and I wouldn’t give that up. Eventually, I’d have to, especially once Dad and Citrine returned from Alaska, but that was almost a year away, so hopefully I’d have another plan by then.
Lancelot knocked on the doorjamb of the garage. “Do you need a hand?”
I glanced down at the six kittens, each one mewling and lurching around, like they knew it was dinnertime but couldn’t find the food. They had a special incubator they lived in, keeping them warm and helping them grow, but I knew they probably missed their mother. She’d been found dead on the side of a road, with ten kittens in a nest behind a dumpster. The rescue had split the babies, and I’d ended up with six of the worse-off ones. They were hard work, though.
Looking up at Lancelot, I gave him a small smile of thanks. “Please.” I handed him one of the tiny bottles, and he grabbed up a kitten in gentle hands. I couldn’t help but watch. He had soft eyes; they were the reason I’d brought him home. They held empathy, but also so much pain that it made my chest hurt.
Despite what Truett thought, I hadn’t just met Lancelot and invited him home like an idiot. And honestly, he hadn’t easily accepted my invitation either. I’d gone back every day for a week, taking him lunch, before he’d decided I was serious in my offer, not just obligated to repay him for his kindness. He and Akio had come home with me, and he’d been nothing but polite and helpful since.
But I knew a creature in pain, and Lancelot was in agony.
I bumped him with my elbow. “I’m sorry about Truett and Sonny today. They’re just protective.”
He nodded, his concentration seemingly entirely on the kitten in his hands, but something about the tilt of his head, the way his eyes shifted occasionally, that told me he was fully aware of our surroundings. I didn’t delve into his past; if he wanted me to know, he’d tell me. But given Akio was so well trained, combined with the dog tags I saw occasionally clanking against his chest, it was easy to guess Lancelot was military.
Despite his silence, or maybe because of it, I continued. “They’ve always been like that, though. When Sonny’s mom and my dad married, we were both teenagers. I thought Sonny would head off to college, and then I’d only see him on holidays, you know? Truett too, though I thought I’d see him even less. But I got stuck up a tree—just one time, I might add—and they’ve hovered around me ever since, like I’m accident-prone or something.
“They came home every school break, and did big brother things, you know? Scaring off my dates. Calling me Juice.” I rolled my eyes. “Sonny took me to get my driver’s license. Truett tutored me in History and English. They really adopted me. When they graduated college, I thought they’d leave, maybe get jobs in New York or LA or something. But they just came home. Sonny’s with the fire department. Truett joined a law firm in the city. Then they were here all the time, hovering like mother hens.” I almost growled at how annoying they’d been, just swanning around the house, being all bossy and Alpha.
“I’d never admit it to them, but it is kind of nice knowing that if things turn to hell, they’ll help me, no questions asked. But I wish they’d back off a little. I’m not an idiot.” Lancelot was watching me out of the corner of his eye, and I sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that they can be blindly protective, and I’m sorry if they hurt your feelings.”
He snorted. “It’s fine, Otillie-James.” I liked the way he said my full name, like he was rolling it over his tongue, tasting the vowels. I’d always hated my name, but I was finding a new appreciation. “They weren’t wrong about my… situation. It takes more than the truth to hurt me.” He frowned. “But I’d never harm you. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you can tell me to leave. No hard feelings.”
“I know.” I kept my voice soft, like he was a wounded animal I was trying to corral into treatment. “I like having you here.” Clearing my throat, I dragged my eyes away from his dark hazel ones. “If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here. I won’t judge. I won’t even speak. But sometimes if you keep your monsters locked away, they eat you from the inside out.”
He didn’t say anything, just cleaned up the kitten and picked up the next one. I let it drop; gouging your fingers in someone else’s wound wouldn’t help them heal.
We worked in silence for a little while, and I was surprised when it was Lancelot who broke it first. “You know my name isn’t really Lancelot, right?”
I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me, which startled Rufio the parrot, making him call me a noisy cocksucker before settling back down to sleep. “I figured. But it suits you, so I decided I’d continue calling you that, until you were ready to correct me.” I looked over at him. “Are you ready?”
Lifting his chin, he looked like he might be smiling beneath that bushy beard. “Lance Alcott. It’s an honor to meet you.”
My smile pulled my cheeks tight. “Otillie-James Baler, and the honor is all mine, Mr. Alcott. Do you mind if I call you Lancelot still? Or do you prefer Lance?”
He chuckled and picked up another kitten. I didn’t think I’d ever heard him make that deep, rumbling noise before. He was always so serious. “You can call me whatever makes you happy, Otillie-James.”
Grinning, I grabbed the last hungry kitten. “Lancelot it is.”
The front door opened, and I heard Sonny announce himself. My heart thumped in my chest, and I told it to behave itself. This stupid crush couldn’t go anywhere. What I hadn’t told Lancelot was that I’d both hoped for and dreaded the thought of Sonny and Truett leaving to work on the other side of the country.
I knew I needed distance, so I could get over these stupid residual teenage crushes. As in crushes , times two. But I would have been devastated all the same, if they’d left.
Falling in love with your stepbrother was cliché, but before they’d registered themselves as a Pack, I’d sometimes thought that maybe I could tell Truett that I liked him. But then I’d decided I couldn’t come between them.
I mean, it didn’t stop me fantasizing about coming between them. In a more literal sense, though. On those days, my battery-powered arsenal got a good workout.
It would remain a fantasy, because I was Unshown. Worse than a Beta, I couldn’t calm an Alpha’s emotions. I couldn’t provide what they needed during a rut. I’d never be able to bear their children. Couldn’t take their knot.
No, it was better if I moved on, and to do that, they needed to be far away, where I didn’t have to see their pretty faces every day. Or worse, where I didn’t have to see them get a beautiful Omega girlfriend, who’d turn into a fiancée and then a wife.
I wasn’t sure I could deal with that kind of heartache.
Sighing heavily, I cleaned up the last kitten. “Let’s have some dinner and watch a movie. What do you think?”
Lancelot hesitated. “Sounds good. But, uh, do you think I could borrow a pair of hair clippers first?”
I kept my smile to myself, putting on my best poker face. “Sure. I’ll grab them for you now.”
We were making progress, and that felt like something important. I wouldn’t dwell on what I couldn’t have, and instead find joy in what I already did have. That was all I could do.