Chapter 6
Six
Lance
A kio whined and leaned hard against my legs as I used the clippers to shave off the bulk of my beard. I was shaving into a hand towel, and I’d put it outside for the squirrels or birds or something to make nests with, because Otillie-James would like that.
More and more, I worried what that girl—who was nearly a decade younger than me and far more innocent—would think of my face. I cared about what she’d like.
And as I unveiled the scars on my cheeks, I worried if they’d scare her. They weren’t pretty. In fact, they were red and raised, and tended to terrify small children. It was why I’d let my beard get so bushy; it covered the places that couldn’t grow hair anymore because of the scarring.
I was breathing hard by the time I’d trimmed it down, until it was less than half an inch long. I looked at the mangled wreckage of my face. The scars were still pink and raised, but they were starting to fade. Akio barked softly, barely more than a chuff really, and I reached down and buried my hands in his fur, centering us both.
Akio wasn’t my dog, but when we’d both been medevaced from our mission, we’d been the only surviving members. We were partners. Kindred spirits. He’d saved me more times than I cared to think about over the last six months.
Wetting my dry lips, I looked down at him. “What do you think, boy? Will it scare her?”
He tilted his head at me, the golden-brown of his eyes feeling far more intelligent than they should be. He’d seen things; we both had. Things I couldn’t explain, couldn’t relive—not to the VA shrinks or my family, or even other veterans. Things I just wanted to forget.
There was a loud knock on the door, and my heart leapt in my chest as I reached for my knife.
“Lancelot? It’s just Tillie. I brought you some of my dad’s old clothes. You’re about the same size. I thought you might… I don’t know. Um, it just occurred to me that you might find it offensive that I brought you clothes. But you don’t seem to have many, and my stepmom said to me, ‘Three t-shirts and a holey pair of jeans does not a wardrobe make’ once upon a time, and I didn’t know if you’d like a few options or something, so… yeah.” There was soft muttering behind the door, and I could almost hear her chastising herself.
I chuckled softly, a sound that had been almost foreign to me until a week ago, and walked over to the door. Opening it on a pink-cheeked Otillie-James, I watched her eyes widen, then they wandered south, before snapping back to my face.
Fuck. I forgot my shirt.
Shutting the door quickly on her, I grabbed a shirt and threw it on. Panic set in, gripping my chest in a vice that squeezed, and Akio whined louder. He licked at my fingers, mouthing them gently, distracting me from the panic attack that was trying to creep in.
I concentrated on the warm slobber, the feel of his teeth against my curled fists, and pushed the panic back down. It was okay. This was my body now, and although I didn’t know everything there was to know about Otillie-James Baler, I knew she wouldn’t care about my wounds.
Sucking in large breaths to fill my constricted lungs, I pushed the panic from the edges of my vision, straightening. I felt so stupid, worrying about something as inconsequential as how I looked, when most of my team had come home in pine boxes. Guilt sat like an anvil on my chest, a familiar tormentor.
“Lancelot?” Her light voice was filled with worry, contributing more guilt to the already overfilled well of it that sat in my stomach.
I opened the door again, ignoring the questions that were written all over her expression. I reached out and took the clothes from her, hoping I could divert her from what she saw. “Thank you. Are you sure your father won’t miss them?”
Picking up my cues, she made a skeptical sound and waved a hand. “Most of them still had tags. He’s been wearing the same threadbare band shirts and flannels since I was four. Citrine likes to shop for him, though, so he has a closet of clothes he’s never even seen. Trust me, it’ll be fine.” Her eyes ran all over my face, as if she was assessing me for injuries, like the banged-up rooster or a three-legged mutt. “Your beard looks nice. Rugged.”
“Not like a hobo from underneath Wildcat Creek Bridge?”
She winced guiltily. “He’s an asshole.”
Yeah, he was, but I didn’t blame him at all. If I found someone who looked like me in a house with my sister, I’d assume the worst.
Narrowing her eyes at me, she chewed her plump lower lip. “Would you like me to give your hair a trim? I cut my dad’s hair until I was sixteen, and he managed to bag the most eligible widower in the Southern states, so I come with good reviews.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.
Fuck, she was cute. And good. Way too good for someone like me. I didn’t deserve to even think dirty thoughts about someone this sweet.
Still, I found myself nodding, and she pushed me toward the toilet seat. “Sit, sit. I know I left the scissors in here somewhere.” Deciding I was now okay, Akio trotted out of the room. “I’m in charge of all the grooming at the pet daycare where I work, so I have a pair of shears here somewhere.” She looked up at me and winced. “I mean, they’ve been cleaned and sterilized, and dog fur and human hair are basically the same thing.” I liked how she looked at me, as if I’d be offended she was using the same scissors on me as she did on some fluffy dog, like she hadn’t literally found me living under a bridge.
I raised an eyebrow back at her. “There’ve been worse things in my hair.” Like mud, sludge, my best friend’s internal organs…
Pushing the darkening thoughts away, I concentrated on the way she moved. She seemed to take up too much space in the tiny bathroom, but not because she was physically large. She couldn’t be more than five and a half feet. She seemed to have terrible spatial awareness, though. She’d already jammed her fingers in the second drawer and banged her elbow against the towel rail, and given the way she barely flinched, I was fairly certain that was something she did often.
“Ah-ha! Here we go!” Pulling out a little pouch, she unzipped it and eyed her tools seriously. Settling on a set of shears, she moved closer. She wrapped a hand towel around my shoulders, her fingers touching me lightly.
I bit the inside of my cheek so I didn’t focus on that sensation. I had no right. If I kept repeating that to myself, it might eventually sink in.
“So, what are we thinking? Your options are basically short back and sides, or a poodle bouffant.”
Chuckling, I shook my head. “I’ll leave it up to your creative direction.”
She cackled evilly. “Brave man. Poodle bouffant it is.” Spraying down my hair with a bottle she got from beneath the sink, she went to work. Silently at first, and I could see her concentration in the vanity mirror. A crease worked its way between her eyes, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth.
I didn’t interrupt her, happy that the comfortable silence between us gave me the opportunity to watch her work. She kept the thoughts away, even for a moment, and that was enough for me.
Tufts of hair fell to the floor at our feet, until eventually, she broke the silence. “I wanted to thank you again. For what you did when we met. And for not telling Truett and Sonny about it.”
I didn’t say anything, because I wasn’t sure I shouldn’t mention it to her brother. She had put herself in such a dangerous situation, and I was fairly sure she didn’t have any regrets about it.
She’d been down off the freeway, by herself, after hearing a report of a dumped mother cat and kittens, or so she’d told me later. What she’d found instead was a group of local teens trying to drown them. Instead of deeming it unsafe, Otillie-James had thrown herself into the group and attacked them. There’d been six of them, who’d probably never seen any kind of discipline, like the rules of society didn’t apply to them. They’d decided that Otillie-James would be better sport than the kittens.
I shuddered, though I kept it locked down, as the what-ifs rolled through my mind once more. What if I hadn’t been nearby? If they’d been a little older, had been Alphas instead of still undesignated? If I didn’t have the experience I had? If I hadn’t had Akio with me?
All the possibilities of those what-ifs made me shudder. The bright, pure light that was Otillie-James would have been snuffed forever, for no reason, other than that humans were cruel and preyed on those they considered weak. As it was, by the time I’d stumbled upon them, her shirt had been ripped, and someone had pulled a knife.
Sucking in a deep breath, I gently chastised her. “You risked your own safety. You have to promise not to do that again. Call for backup or something.”
She chewed her lip. “If I’d waited for backup, the kittens would be dead.”
“If I hadn’t been there, you would be dead, or wish you were.” There was nothing gentle about that—it was a harsh, ugly reality. Even though I’d been there, it still hadn’t been a sure thing. Six on one wasn’t easy, despite what the movies would tell you. I was a Beta, albeit a well-trained one. It would’ve only taken one or two with an Alpha designation to shift the tide of that fight. People also didn’t tend to wait until their turn; they’d rush with fists and weapons, trying to swarm you until you were under boots, being crushed one kick at a time.
Luckily, they’d been young and inexperienced, and Akio was a well-trained dog of war. It had evened the odds.
Otillie-James was silent as she threaded my hair between her fingers and snipped at the ends. I reached up and gripped her wrist, stilling her hands. “Better the kittens than you. Wait for someone else. Call me—I’ll drop everything and come straight away. Never alone again, okay?”
I could feel the quick beat of her pulse beneath my fingers. She met my eyes in the mirror, and I tried to make my expression as authoritative as my Beta designation would allow. I couldn’t bark her into submission like an Alpha. She needed to promise me this of her own volition. The idea of a world without this girl caused an ache in the place my heart should be.
Finally, she nodded. “Okay, I promise.”
Something settled in my chest. I might not always be around, but while I was, she would be safe.