Ruin

11. Trixie

ELEVEN

TRIXIE

I close the door as Declan leaves.

He had to fucking kiss me.

I could have screamed for him not to touch me. I could have kneeled and begged him not to kiss me.

No matter what I did, Declan was going to kiss me, just to get one over me.

I lean on the door and see Robert staring at me, his eyes narrowing into a glare of a wild animal ready to attack his prey. He walks over to me slowly, each step hitting the wooden floor with a mission to scare me. Well, he’s doing a good job with it.Because I am scared for my life right now.

Robert stands only inches away from me, and he slams his hand on the door right next to my ear, then leans in closer to me.

“I told you, no one else can touch you. Why the fuck were you kissing him?” he snaps, but not loud enough for my dad to hear him. And why the fuck is he asking me? He doesn’t understand sign language, so he doesn’t know what I think about anything.

Asshole.

I feel his hand on my thigh. “You’ll regret letting someone else touch you. Now get upstairs, and if you don’t, I’ll make it worse for you.”

He grabs my arm and pushes me toward the stairs. He grabs me so hard I hit my arm on the bottom of the step as I fall. “If you don’t move, it won’t be the only time I hurt you today.” This time he is a little louder, wanting me to know how angry he is, and then he kicks me in the stomach. “Now move.”

Why can’t my dad be around when this shit is happening? He’s only ever around when the bitch and her son are playing happy families with me. The plastic bimbo is probably keeping him busy on purpose, knowing her son is pissed off and wants to play with his broken doll.

I slowly get up and start walking up the stairs, because if I don’t, I’m scared what he’ll do. He has raped me, beaten me so much my body hurts for day after. But I’m always scared that one day he might actually kill me because I don’t play his sick game. The only reason I believe he would never do that is because if I die, who will he play this sick game with? My mind wonders to whether Declan would help me out, and if he did, what would he do to Robert.

No, I shouldn’t be thinking about it. I can’t have the guilt of someone getting hurt because of me, again.

So, because of that, I have to suffer another night of Robert having his way with me.

It’s another shit day, but that’s what my life has become now. A horrible day, and a fucked up night. Nothing changes, and all I want to do is run away and hide somewhere. Anywhere. But where can I run? Declan will find me. Robert, well, he’ll hunt me down and lock me in his room if he could. Just so he could play with me like a rag doll.

I suppose the only good thing about today is the fact that Declan left me alone. He wasn’t in school this morning, which made me think I got lucky, and he was at home. But then he walked into the cafeteria and my whole body tensed up, waiting to see what he was going to make me do now. But nothing. He didn’t even look over at me, and I don’t know if it’s a good thing, or not.

I already know I’ve pissed him off by not opening the door for him. I’m sure he’s planning to have fun with me for that.

Now, it’s just a waiting game, waiting for when he’ll strike. I know he wants me to come to his hockey practice, but I’m not in the mood to watch a sport I don’t care about.

Standing in front of my locker, I stare at the flower stuck to the door, a box next to it with a note. I go to take a step closer, but stop when Lileah leans against the lockers beside mine.

You can see they’re twins. They have the same eyes, the same smile. If she were a boy, I don’t think anyone could tell them apart. She’s good looking. Beautiful even. It must run in the family. The Crawford’s can only be good looking. Nothing less.

“Who’s the gift from?” she asks.

I shrug my shoulders. I don’t think she can understand when I sign, and I’m not even going to try.

“My brother seems to have found a toy worth messing with for more than a day. You should be lucky.”

I have to stop myself from laughing. Lucky? Is she fucking crazy? Does she even know the things he does to me?

No.

So how the hell can she call me lucky?

I take the flower off my locker, put it in my bag, then look at the note on the box.

Do not open until I am with you.

Get to my practice.

D

I shove the note and box into my bag. I turn to Lileah again. She’s smiling before looking around.

“Don’t hurt my brother,” she says, then walks away.

I roll my eyes.

Don’t hurt my brother .

What the fuck does that even mean? She acts like I mean something to him. I don’t. I never will. I only have to get through this year, and then I’ll never have to see him again.

Her words repeat in my head.

At the hockey rink, I see Declan talking to his coach. Then he skates over to me, stopping by the door.

His eyes roam over me, up and down, before he smirks.

I sign.

You need to stop looking at me like that. People might think you like me.

Declan laughs, a full, loud laugh, that echoes around the rink.

“What can I say? Your look is growing on me. Come here.” I hesitate but take a step closer.

He leans in, and kisses me.

Why the hell is he kissing me?

“I like the piercings,” he murmurs. “They do something to me that’s unexpected.”

I pull back.

Then find another woman with piercings.

Is that the reason he’s keeping me around? Because I have piercings? I’m sure there are women out there who have them.

“Why when I can have fun with you?” He gives me one more kiss, then he skates alongside me as I walk to the stands to sit down. My kickboxing class was this morning, but my body hurts so much from Robert abusing me last night, so I didn’t go. I know Declan is going to ask me. “Are you going kickboxing? I need to see you in action.”

And there’s the question. He said he wanted to see me in action yesterday when he came over to study.

No, I went this morning.

I don’t know what he has planned for me today, but if he sees the bruises, at least I can say it was from the class, which I know he’ll believe. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him earlier about it. It would have saved me so much stress worrying about what I was going to tell him about the bruises.

“So, I get to play sooner than I thought.” He winks at me.

Yours to do whatever you want.

I sign. It’s meant to be more of a sarcastic answer, but I’m not sure if Declan sees the look on my face, to know I’m messing.

“Oh, I will.” He skates off, and I sit in the corner and get my pad out to start drawing. I don’t really have anything on my mind to draw, so I draw the ice rink with the players and put my own dark, twisted feel to it.

Declan’s words, ‘Oh, I will.’ Rest in my mind. What does that mean? Is he going to have sex with me? He won’t rape me, will he?

I turn my head slightly when I see someone sitting next to me. Lileah, God. What does she want now? She says nothing as I continue to draw on my pad.

Her friends talk about which player they would like to sleep with, and the only thing I can think of is that I’m pretty sure they’ve probably slept with all of them, anyway.

“I think Declan will kill them if anyone touches me,” Lileah jokes, making her friends laugh. “I think it will be college when I finally get some freedom from them.”

“You’re going to the same college as them. Still not going to happen,” one of a friend’s answers. I don’t bother learning anyone’s name. I just ignore them.

I continue with my drawing as they talk about a party this weekend which they’re all going to.

Great, a place where Declan, no doubt, will take me, knowing very well I don’t want to be there. He seems to make me do things I don’t like doing. Or he finds ways to embarrass me. I’m not looking forward to this stupid party.

“Is that my brother?” Lileah takes the pad off me, laughing at what I’ve drawn.

I’ve drawn the rink where Declan has killed the team with his blades. He’s standing in the middle of the rink, holding a head in his hand. I haven’t put a face on there. Because in my mind, it’s Robert’s head. This is how I wish his life would end, chopping off the bastard’s head.

“You can really draw. You have an amazing talent.” She hands me the sketchpad back and starts looking at my legs. She’s looking at all the tattoos, she smiles, and then turns back to the rink when her name is called.

“You want dinner tonight and then some fun after?” a player shouts. But before Lileah can answer, Declan slams him into the shield which goes around the outside of the rink to protect everyone from the puck or blades. When he stands back up, Declan slams him into it again, this time harder.

“Talk to her again. I dare you,” Declan shouts at him, which makes Lileah and her friends laugh.

“Good luck getting laid in college,” one of Lileah’s friend jokes and she tells her to fuck off.

They continue talking about the hockey players, and some of the football players. Specifically, which ones they want to sleep with. One of Lileah’s friends says she wouldn’t mind sleeping with Declan because she’s heard he’s like an animal in bed and that he has a big dick.

“Please never talk about my brother in bed, or any of his parts. Actually don’t talk about any of my brothers. It’s disgusting,” Lileah shouts at them.

I stay quiet while I continue to listen to their conversation and finish my artwork. Maybe I might learn more about Declan by listening to their conversation.

One of the girls turns to me. I should really learn their names, if for some reason they’re going to be sitting next to me.

“You can tell us if he’s crazy in bed,” she says, looking at me.

Getting to a clean page, I write. Why do you think I know?

“Because you’re the only girl he looks at. Have you seen how the cheerleaders are around him? I mean, they’re rubbing up and down him all the time.” Her voice comes out a little more bitchy than I think she wanted it to. Someone’s not happy she’s not getting Declan’s attention. If it’s up to me, she can have him.

The only reason Declan is looking at me is to make my life hell. That’s what I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut and shake my head.

I haven’t slept with him. I don’t think I will get a choice, when the time is right he’ll force himself on me, but he’ll make it seem like it’s my idea. He’s good at mind games.

I look over at Declan as he skates up and down the ice. My mind wanders, is he like this with other girls? Or just me? Does he make them feel like shit, too?

I feel Lileah lean in closer to me. “I don’t know what you two are, but he had a fucked up summer. Not just his car going up in flames. Which didn’t help. But this summer messed up his whole headspace. My brother didn’t come back the same as he left. Remember that.” She gets up, her friends follow her to the bottom of the stairs closer to the ice. They talk to Declan, then leave.

I’m not sure why she thought this was important information for me. I don’t care he had a fucked up summer. I’ve had a fucked up few years.

But no one cares about the quiet freak girl.

* * *

Declan’s practice felt like it was going on forever. I’ve never been so bored in my life, and that’s saying something. For a person who likes to spend time alone, as far away from people as I can, this was torture.

Declan told me to wait by his car, while he showered, or I could join him if I wanted. Without answering, I left the rink. Do all men think about sex and nothing else?

Leaning on the hood of his car, I look at the piece of paper which I’ve not opened since he gave it to me. The List. There must be things I’ve already done which will add up. The fucking balance of his car is crazy. There is no way a car can cost the amount he is saying, but I don’t know much about cars. So, he could tell me the truth.

The amount he has put next to things, I’ll be paying it off for the rest of my life. I fucking sucked his dick, and it’s only knocked off five hundred dollars. I wear a skirt to school for twenty dollars. The weather is still nice, so I can wear one every day. Everything he has done, and I’ve not even hit a thousand dollars. I’m going to be living this hell for a long fucking time.

Quickly putting the list back in my bag when I hear them walking over to their cars. I don’t need Declan knowing I’m looking at things on the list. He would enjoy making my life harder than it already is. There is a lot on the list, and I only looked at the first page. He’s a fucking asshole.

Declan stands in front of me, about an arm’s length away from me, and looks my body up and down and smiles. “Did you get my gift?” I nod and show him the box in my bag. “Not sure if I’m going to love it or not. One thing is for sure, I can’t wait to see your tits out again.” He walks to the driver's side of the car. “Get in.” Taking in a deep breath, I do as I’m told, and get in. “Need to get some food in me first. Do you want anything?” I shake my head and look out the window as Declan drives out of school and I lean back in the seat.

Declan plays some music, and I look at my phone when it vibrates in my hands.

Robert

Be home tonight.

Not replying, I look at the dashboard to see what song Declan is listening to because I’ve never heard it before. Machine Gun Kelly, I’ve listened to him before, but not this song.

“You sure you don’t want anything?” Declan asks as he pulls into the burger place drive thru.

Some fries and strawberry milkshake, please?

I take out my wallet and hand him my card, which makes him laugh as he takes it from me and throws it back into my bag. He could have just said he didn’t want it. Declan places his order, and I have to look at him. I think he’s ordering enough to feed five people.

Grabbing our food, he hands it over to me, and I take a sip of my milkshake.

“Does no one talk to you?” I turn to face him, not sure what he means by that question. “I mean, they talk to you. But has anyone learned to sign back, or learned sign language so they know what you’re saying?” I don’t bother answering him and shake my head. Why would anybody want to do that for me?

My dad finds it easier not to talk to me, otherwise his bimbo wife gets angry with him. Robert doesn’t care because I don’t scream and Declan doesn’t care because he wants to be an asshole. So, what’s the point?

He goes to say something, but I relax when I see his phone ringing. Cain, I swear I’ve heard him say his name before. Declan answers.

“I’m in the car, not alone.” What conversation would they have in front of me, which I don’t need to know about, but I keep my mouth shut and eat my fries.

“How did you sleep?” he asks.

“Better, I got a good few hours.”

“Good. Take another one tonight.”

“Cain-”

“Declan, I will not have this conversation with you until you get a full night’s sleep, and your head is focused. I’m not taking you there.” The guy snaps at him, and Declan shakes his head.

“I’ll take another one tonight.”

“Good. Lincoln will be over tonight. You got your card.”

“About fucking time. With the shit I’ve had this summer, I should have had one the second I got out,” Declan jokes with Cain, but there is a smile on his face which I haven’t seen before. A genuine smile, and a little bit crazy, but it looks good on him.

“So I keep hearing, and so does your dad, and Hayden. When me and your dad think you’re ready, we’ll do it.”

“So, you think I’m ready?”

“No, but I think you need it. Research. Get it done by the date.” The phone goes dead, and Declan puts his hand out. “Can you pass me my burger?” Going through the bag, I hand him his burger.

What card would he be getting? They have a clinic. What’s the big secret about a clinic? Stop over thinking it. The less you know about him and his family, the better Trixie. Just leave it.

“We’re going to have some fun later. You know, I’ve got plans for your tits. I’m getting hard just thinking about them.”

I sign. Oh, the fun we’ll have.

“See, I’m growing on you.” Declan jokes, and I shake my head.

No, you’re fucking not.

I sign, which makes him laugh. “You just said it would be fun.”

Well, it seems like for the entire year, I’m stuck on D. What’s the point of fighting?

There is never any point in fighting; it doesn’t get you anywhere. No one listens to you, and when you do finally talk, you get laughed at. Or you’re called a liar, or told you’ve been through trauma because of your mom, always wanting to put the blame on me. So, what’s the point?

Declan laughs, a full on hard laugh. “I think I have to get it tattooed on you, you know. Stuck on D.”

I flip my middle finger up at him, dickhead. Declan eats his burger and I finally get some peace from the asshole.

I’ve been standing in the middle of the room for about half an hour now. He hasn’t said a word to me.

“Remove your top and bra.” Declan goes through my school bag and pulls out the box he left me. Removing my clothes, I place them on the floor and stand there waiting for him to start whatever it is. “Open it.” He walks over to me and hands me the box.

Opening the box, I look up at him, then back down at the two dragon nipple rings. Declan leans in closer and sucks on my nipple hard, then bites it hard. God, I don’t want him to stop, but I keep my hands to the side of my body. He pinches my other nipple, getting them hard, and ready for the new rings.

Declan pulls away from me and stands up straight, looking down at me. “Remove them,” he demands, as he takes the box from me.

I look down at my nipples and start unscrewing the bars, removing both. Looking back at Declan as he licks his lips, holding the dragon ring, flicking my nipple a few times with his finger, then closing the small gap between us. He kneels a little and starts placing the ring on my nipples. I close my eyes as this feels strange to me. I moan a little as he pulls on the rings to make sure they are in. But he kisses the side of my neck as he continues to tug on my new nipple rings.

“Undo my jeans, play with my dick, and get it ready.” He grabs my tits and starts sucking on them, and I do as he’s asked. Undoing his jeans, I grab his already hard dick.

“Lie down.” My body tenses up on me. Is he about to fuck me? I bite on my lower lip. “Lie. Down. Now.” Declan demands, and I slowly lower myself on the rug.

I can feel my body shaking as I hear him walking away from me, my eyes closed, not wanting to witness this with my eyes. My body has to, but it doesn’t mean I have to watch it.

My body jolts when I feel something dripping on my breast, and I open my eyes. He’s pouring baby oil over them, and he stands over me without his jeans. Declan lowers himself, legs on either side of me, and slaps my tits hard, not once, but four times. His dick is in the middle of my breasts, and he moves his hips, pumping between my tits.

“Push them together!” Declan shouts, then wipes the tear I didn’t even know had escaped my eyes. “I knew they would be a good fuck. Tight around me.” Declan goes a little faster, pulling on my nipples, which makes a moan escape me, a small one, but one escapes. He continues to pump his dick between my breasts.

I’ve never moaned when sex is involved, never.

“Open your eyes. I want to see them.” I do as he’s asked, and see him staring down at me, and he wipes the tears away again. I don’t even know what I’m crying about anymore. The amount I cry, you would think I have nothing left in me, but here I am crying because it’s the first time I’ve moaned in pleasure.

How fucked up does that make me?

Declan stops, and puts his arm over my head, and stretches his body out as if he’s ready to do a press up or something.

“Open.” I open my mouth for him, and he thrusts his dick inside hard. He continues to thrust inside my mouth. Feeling him hit the back of my throat a few times, then I choke a little, not ready for how he has picked up his speed. “Suck me!” Declan shouts, and I do, without being told, I take the tip of my nails and start teasing his balls. “Fuck!” I hear Declan, and I continue to do it a few more times. “Fuck!” He comes hard, his cum making me choke, but Declan doesn’t pull out, so I suck and try to swallow, which takes me three times to finally take it all in.

Declan moves his hip up and down a few more times before he pulls out of me, and stands up, looking down at me, smiling.

“Your fucking mouth is so good to fuck. The stud scraping the bottom of my dick hits me every time.” Declan takes a small step back, so he’s standing over me. “Open your mouth.” I do, and he spits in my mouth. “Swallow. Good girl.” He rubs his dick again, and I see him getting hard once again as he looks at my body. “I’m going to tattoo your body one day. I’m going to draw you something, and you will get it done.” I nod, which makes him smile once again. “Open.” He spits in my mouth once again, and then he spits again. “I’m going to enjoy fucking your mouth a few more times today. This time I want you to touch yourself, but you don’t get to come.” Declan sits down, and slaps my face with his hard dick, before pushing it into my mouth, and I suck.

This is my night, but how many blowjobs can I give him before my mouth can’t take anymore? But the better question is, will Declan care if I can’t do it anymore?