Ruin

12. Declan

TWELVE

DECLAN

I think this has got to be the worst night of my life. I used to live like a fucking king at home, a king sized bed, a beautiful cover on top of me, almost ten hours of sleep, lots of warmth. Everything was amazing. What do I get now? My first night here, and I got one hour of sleep, if I was lucky.

I sleep on a fucked up mattress, which has more springs coming out of it than there are in it. No blanket, it’s absolutely fucking freezing in this place. I take a big sigh, looking around. I don’t think anyone sleeps in this place. How can you when the shouting and screams happen throughout the night? If someone stops screaming, within seconds someone else starts again.

At night I kept wondering if it was because someone was hurting someone, or if this place had made them go mad, and they’re screaming because they want to.

There’s no way for me to even know what time it is in the day. Like, how did Cain do this for so long, one night and I want to leave?

I’ve started a tally of the days I’ve been here. I cut my finger to use my blood as my pen.

During the night, I heard people shouting at me. ‘Pretty boy is not going to be so pretty by the end of the day.’

Watch my back, follow my gut. Watch my back. Follow my gut. How many times did I repeat that to myself last night? I have no idea. But it was the only thing keeping me from driving myself crazy and over thinking everything.

I stand up as the metal doors open. Time for the fun to fucking begin. I could cower and stay in my cell, but it will show everyone I’m scared of them.

Get out and stand my ground, show everyone I’m here to take over.

Cain didn’t tell me who the big man is in this place anymore, the person who wants to take over. Now I know it won’t happen. Cain won’t let it, but there is always someone who wants to control the place.

Taking a deep breath, I take my first step out into hell. And within seconds, I feel not only one set of eyes on me, but every single person in this place has their eyes locked on me.

They’re all looking for one thing, an easy exit out of here with my blood spilled.

Come on Declan, you are a Crawford, Crawfords don’t whimper to anyone.

Finally getting all of the way out of the cell, the roar echoes around the dirty brick walls, and the words are thrown at me.

“Come on, pretty boy.”

“Ah, someone missing Mommy’s milk.”

“He’s our easy way out.”

I make my way down the stairs, one step at a time, looking around at the stains of the old blood, the fresh blood. I don’t know who Cain got to look over me, so I’m not sure who I can and can not talk to.

I feel a hard slam against my back, which makes me fall down a few of the steps. Fuck, that hurts. The chances of getting any medical help in here is going to be slim.

“Focus boy. Show us what you got. Stand up.” I quickly get up and take a step closer to him.

Now, I’m big, but next to this guy, I look like a fucking mouse. I need to know what he does in this place to make himself look this big and strong.

“You got a problem?” I ask him,

“What’s a pretty boy like you down here for?”

“For fucking your mom,” I snap back at him, and he laughs.

“Was she good at least?” he asks,

“I’ve had better.” I nudge past him, but he grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him.

“Advice, you need to be a big boy here. I’d watch my back if I were you. You have a big target on you.” He waves his finger around The Pit, and I look as everyone is watching us. “Watch your back.” He walks away from me. Is that the guy who is watching my back?

Doesn’t look like the fucking man who helps anyone. I continue walking around, and then someone pushes me hard, my back hitting the rough brick wall behind me.

“I want to fight.” So, this is how it is here. You say you want a fight, and you get one.

“Fuck you.” Do not show weakness. “You want out of this place? You got to fight the big boss. Do I look like the fucking big boss to you?”

“No, no one can beat the big boss. I’m pretty happy to send you back in a bag to mommy.” He grabs my neck and tightens his grip around it. Fucking hell, this is not what I want my first day in hell to be like, but he finally lets me go.

“How about I send you back in a bag to your mom, and then I’ll fuck her while your body’s next to her? You get a front row seat.” My words must have hit a nerve, because he punches me, and fuck is it hard, it feels like an iron fist just knocked me out. He punches me again, and I punch him in the rib, which has done nothing to him.

I gasp, taking a deep breath in. Keep breathing. The sharp pain hits me, making it hard for me to focus on anything else around me. The bastard fucking stabbed me. You are not dying! I shout to myself.

The whole Pit goes quiet, and then they start chanting. Numbers. They’re chanting numbers. I know those numbers. Cain.

“Get off him.” I hear his voice. “You want to fight with the new man? You ask for a fight. You don’t kill anyone in my building, in my pit. Do you understand me? You want to fight, you got it, one week. Be ready,” Cain tells him.

“Declan. You with us?” Mason shouts.

“Yeah.” I shake the memory out of my head as my hand moves to the scar from the knife, one of the fucking many that I now have. It was my very first one. Before The Pit, I didn’t have one mark on me. Oh no, God, made me perfect with smooth skin, no marks on me. Now, my back and chest are covered in them.

“You with us?” Mason asks again.

“Yeah.” I get back under the hood and start working on the engine.

It took me two years to make my baby. Two fucking years. And in less than two minutes, it’s gone.

I had to find the exact same car as mine. It couldn’t be saved enough for me to do anything with the one they burned. I could have got someone to fix it up. Or I could have bought a brand new one, but I wanted to fix it myself, make it exactly the same as my baby. I didn’t even have it for six months after I finished fixing it up before it went up in flames. It’s going to cost another hundred grand, maybe more to fix it up again.

“You open your card?” Hayden asks.

The family card. An A6 card with the family scorpion on it. It’s not just a card, it has your target details, whether or not it’s a clean job and more information that we need.

“Yes.” I reply, I’m not in a talkative mood today, my head is all over the place at the moment.

“Have you done the research for it yet?”

“No, I’m looking into it,” I reply.

“What’s the hit?” Miles asks.

“Some guy, seems like a nobody. I haven’t looked into it properly yet. I’ve got the code to get more of the information, and that’s it. So now I’ve just got to look it all up.”

“Are you ready?” Mason asks, and I don’t reply as I think about killing someone again.

“Not my first time killing someone,” I answer. A part of me wishes it was, but I think I’ve killed more people than the three of them together.

“Did you sleep last night?” Hayden asks.

“A few hours.” Shockingly, I got a few, but nothing more than an hour here and there.

“Good. You need to sleep.” Hayden looks under the hood with me. “I found a few parts for you, if you want to go check them out.” I give him a nod and start working on the car.

It’s not just in my sleep where the nightmares take over. It’s during the fucking day, too. I’m not into hockey. I did it because my brothers did, but now I understand why. It’s a way to hurt someone without going too far. A small realization when I have a messed up day.

“You think Cain would let us have the sixth floor tonight?” Miles asks, and my mind doesn’t go there. It goes to Trixie, and if she’s free.

I’ve been with a lot of women, teachers at school, been on the sixth floor, some of the cheerleaders, but not one of them can do the magic Trixie does with her mouth. Fuck. The blow job is something amazing, and the thought of her mouth on me has my dick waking up.

I don’t know if it’s the studs in her mouth which give it that extra magic or not. I don’t know if it’s because I can get deep in her throat, and she just takes it. God, does she know what she’s doing. She knows how to suck it right, her nails hitting the right spot. Last night I ended up coming four times, twice in her mouth and twice on her sexy tits. I could have done it one more time if I wanted to, but I could see she had nothing else left in her.

Just thinking about it has me thinking about popping around to hers tonight, climbing through the window and getting her on her knees.

“You think Cain’s in a good mood lately?” Mason jokes. It takes my mind off Trixie.

“He’s never in a fucking good mood,” Miles snaps with a laugh.

“Since Autumn, he’s not as bad,” I add, because it’s the truth. Since Autumn came into his life, he has had some better days.

“No, he isn’t. But still, when is the man in a good mood?” Mason asks again.

“I know he had to go to The Pit last night,” Hayden answers.

“Why?” I ask.

“I don’t know. He said somebody wanted to talk to him about something-”

“You think he’s found something out about the messages?” This is the only question I have at the moment. No one seems to know anything, and it’s annoying me.

“No, because he would have told us, I think it’s normal Pit business.”

A knock on the door stops Hayden saying anymore, and we all turn to the door. Lileah is by the pool with her friends, taking up most of this beautiful weather.

“I’ll get it, then.” Miles moans as he walks to the door.

“Declan Crawford?” The man asks and Miles answers yes, and takes the envelope off him and slams the door shut in his face.

“Wait.” I rush over to the door. “Stay where you are. Don’t leave.” The guy looks at me, then at his truck. “You move. I’ll break your fucking legs so you can’t walk, and look at my sister one more time. I’ll rip your fucking eyes out.” The man’s eyes widen, and nods, turning away from Lileah and her friends. I shut the door.

“What are you doing?” Miles hands the envelope to me.

“The guy’s been given a parcel to deliver to me, right. I’ve got some crazy fucker after me. Do you think it’d be wise to know who gave him the parcel?” I shake my head at them.

“You really think that’s what this is?” Miles asks.

Ripping the envelope open, I pull out the pictures. The three of them huddle around me.

“Is he watching you?” Hayden takes the first picture from me.

“Don’t even know who the fucking guy is,” I snap at Hayden. I know I shouldn’t be snapping at them, but I can’t help it.

“They seem to only be watching you. There are no pictures in there of us.” I look through all of them. There’s one of me at school, me walking to my car, at the burger place. They don’t even have any pictures of me with Trixie. Thankfully, but she’s the one who I’ve been with the last couple of days. When I get to the last piece of paper, I open it and stare at it.

“You think your family can survive without you?” I read it out loud, so they know what’s written on it.

Hayden’s on the phone to Cain within seconds. I open the door and point to the guy. “You get in here.” He walks into the garage and looks between us. “Where did you get the envelope from?”

“I was given a locker code, went to the locker, opened it, and this was in there with your address on it.”

“And how did the person pay for the locker?” I ask.

“Cash. There was money in the envelope-”

“Take the money, give me the envelope.” Maybe there could be a fingerprint on it. “Where was the locker? Write down the exact address, the locker number, everything on this piece of paper?” I hand him a pen.

“Now, you think this person is stupid enough to put their print on something?” Miles asks.

“No, but I’m going to check.” I take the paper off the guy and tell him to leave.

Then Miles takes the paper from me. “I’ll have a look into the locker and see if I can find anything.” Cain always said it’s good to have one hacker in the family.

“Cain wants us in the office tonight,” Hayden tells us.

“Would he not want us there now?” I ask. This isn’t something that we can wait on.

“He did. He said to get there right now. I told him we’ll be there tonight,” Hayes says. He locks eyes with me. Prick. I’ve told him I’m fine, told him I’m good, and nothing is wrong with me. But the man worries too much about all of us. I think it’s more the big brother part in him.

“Thought we could have a day of just drinking and fixing your car.”

“Don’t you three have college?” I cut Hayden off, joking with them.

“Don’t you have school?”

“Wasn’t in the mood for it,” I tell them, even though I had a good sleep, my headspace isn’t in the right place.

“Neither were we.” Mason pats my shoulder and we all get back to my car. Maybe a day with my brothers is what I need. I don’t see them in the evenings as much, since they are all in college and on the days I’m at school, they’re off college. I can’t wait until next year when I’m in college with them.

* * *

Parking the car at the kick boxing studio. Me and my brothers spent most of the day working on the car. My head space is still a little fucked up, but I have to carry on with my day. The Pit will always linger over me. Like Cain said, I have to take control of it. I control my mind, not The Pit.

I look around the studio as I walk in. I thought there would be more people in here, but no, it’s a one-on-one session. I see Trixie with the instructor, and I sit on the bench to the side so I get a view of her punching his hands a few times. He goes for her quickly, but she moves out of the way. She’s fast, or he’s not going quick enough. Never mind, I was wrong. The coach lands a punch on the side of her ribs, which makes her bend a little in agony.

Her instructor takes a step closer to her as he takes his gloves off and starts rubbing her ribs. Why the hell is he touching her like that? There’s no need. He cups her face and starts talking to her. I’m too far away to hear anything he’s saying, but Trixie is nodding, agreeing with him.

Why is it pissing me off that he’s touching her? No one should touch her but me. It doesn’t matter if I’m only having fun with her. No one can touch her skin except me.

I whistle to get her attention and everyone else in the room looks in my direction. Her body tenses up when she looks over at me, and all I can do is smile when she signs.

I’m not a fucking dog.

She turns back to her instructor, but he keeps his eyes on me for a moment, and I give him a nod. What the fuck is it with the guys in her life. Robert, her dad, now him? There’s a warning. ‘Do not touch her’ attitude from them. They can all warn me as much as they want. She’s mine and everyone else can fuck off.

Her instructor takes a step back, putting his gloves on, and puts his hands up so she can continue to hit them. He moves them fast and I’m surprised about how quick Trixie is hitting them. They go on for a few more minutes before he stops, takes his gloves off and gives Trixie a high five.

They talk for a bit and I make my way over to her. Her instructor stares at me as I wrap my arm over Trixie’s shoulder. He doesn’t like it and I don’t care.

“You finished your session, little Trixie?” I ask her, and she gives me a nod. “Thought we could grab some dinner.” I turn to her instructor and put out my hand. “Declan, Trixie’s boyfriend.” My words make Trixie tenses up a little, but the smile on my face is huge knowing it pissed off her instructor.

“How long have you been together?” he asks me, still not giving me his name.

“Start of school, did I step in the way?” My question makes Trixie snap her head toward me, then shake her head as she looks back over at her instructor.

“You can say something like that.” He holds his eyes on Trixie and I see the small smile tug on his lips, which annoys me, so I step in front of Trixie.

“If you keep looking at my girl like that, we might have to see how well you can fight.” I take a step closer to him, but Trixie stands in the middle of us and looks up at me and signs.

Leave it.

“And if I do, what do I get?” I ask her, her eyes widen at my question. “Let’s eat while you think about it.”

I look back at the instructor, giving him a nod, as I pull Trixie back under my arm and closer to me as we leave the studio. We walk straight to my car. Trixie looks over at hers in question.

“It’ll be in your driveway in the morning. Now get in.” I open the door for her, and she does as I’ve asked, without waiting. I get in the car and look over at her as she looks through her bag for something. “I think you should know, no one touches you. I mean no one.” She takes a deep breath and nods her head, as if she can’t be bothered to argue with me.

Driving to the pizza place, I see my brothers are already here. Trixie gets out of the car and walks alongside me.

“Declan, so nice you’re here, too,” Beth welcomes me and smiles at Trixie as we join my brothers and Lileah.

“About fucking time you get here.” Mason moves over so I can get in, Trixie next to me.

“Not even that late,” I snap at him, and glance over at Trixie as she looks around the restaurant.

My brothers are laughing about something that happened at college and I take the moment to look over at Trixie, who’s using her finger to draw something on her leg.

So drawing is her way to calm herself down if she’s uncomfortable.

“You want a drink?” I ask, and she signs that she would like some water. Ordering our drinks, I place the menu in front of Trixie so she can have a look at what she wants. I take the moment to look at her arms, in particular look at her bracelets.

She wears a lot of them and most of them are some sort of dragon style. She even has a tattoo of one on her back which comes all the way around to her front. So whatever it means to her, it’s got to be big for her. A lot of girls don’t get tattoos just to get them. They think about it, yet Trixie draws all the time, so she might have drawn something and liked the idea of it on her skin.

Fucking hell, why do I care what she has on her body?

“Since when did you learn to sign?” Lileah asks.

“Since the summer.” Lileah sits up straight and nods, then Mason slaps my back.

“How do you know you’re fucking her good if you can’t hear her?” Mason says it out loud so even Trixie can hear. I’m not even surprised, he doesn’t care most of the time about anything.

“Not your business, asshole.” My words make the three of them laugh and I lean back in the booth and grab Trixie’s bag. I take out her pocket sketchpad and a small bag with pencils in it. Leaning in closer I whisper, “Draw.” She has sharp nails, and she’s digging them hard into her skin. I can see the scratch marks. “If you want to scratch something, my back is always open.” I lean back, smile at Beth, who’s standing by the side of the table to take our order.

Everyone lets Beth know what they want, and I tell Trixie to let her know her order, and she signs at me to tell her. “No, tell her yourself.” Trixie looks back down at the menu. I’m here with her now, but if I wasn’t, she would have ordered herself. One thing I have noticed about Trixie, she doesn’t write what she wants to say to others. It’s almost as if she was happy not to have a conversation with anyone.

Lileah said she wrote something in a note pad to her once when they were at my practice. I think it’s the way she talks to the guys she’s with at lunch. But if she has the choice, she’d be happy not to communicate with anyone.

“I’ll get your order ready.” Beth gives us a smile, then walks away, and I leave Trixie drawing on her pad.

“Mom called, said she’s trying to convince dad to spend another month out there. She’s loving Europe,” Hayden tells us.

“From the pictures she keeps sending us, it looks like it. I think they should stay,” I add and sip on my drink. My brothers look over at Trixie, and I can already tell they’re going to be assholes.

“So, is black the only color you wear?” Miles is the first to ask her a question, and she shakes her head. The only other color I’ve seen her wear is dark red, which is almost black if you ask me.

“Do you have any pets? You look like a girl who likes spiders, maybe even a tarantula,” Mason asks, and she looks at him for a moment, then shakes her head. “Wow, so talkative.”

I turn to Trixie as she slams her hand on the sketchpad. “I only wanted to look at it,” Lileah tells her.

I look at Trixie. Her entire body tenses up, and she slowly moves her hand off the pad as she feels me staring at her.

“This is amazing. Do you design your own clothes?” Lileah asks, and Trixie looks at me, and I give her a nod, letting her know I’ll answer for her.

Yes, I like to design clothes, and sew them.

“Do you think you can design something for me? I’ll pay for all the material, and everything else you need, and of course I’ll pay you.” Lileah sounds a little too excited. Not sure I’ve seen her like this since mom and dad got her tickets to watch Taylor Swift.

I wait for Trixie to answer, but she doesn’t and I’m not sure why, she’s going to make money and do something she loves to do. Lileah looks at me, then slides the pad back to her.

“Are you going to the party this weekend?” Lileah asks.

“She is,” I answer, which makes her head snap to me, and she shakes her head. “Get out,” I snap at her, and I take the sketchpad off her and put it into my back pocket. I get out of the booth, grab her arm and pull her outside so my brothers can’t see how pissed off I am. “What the fuck is your problem?” I ask.

I don’t want to go to the party. I don’t like anyone there.

“Well, you’re coming. Lileah asked you to design something for her, and pay you. You said nothing. Why?” I don’t even know why the fuck I care, but she’s being fucking rude, and it’s pissing me off.

I don’t want to. All I want is to go back to being the girl no one knows. But because of you-

“Because of me! You’re fucking joking, aren’t you? I’m pretty sure everyone knew your fucking face, when you fucking set my car on fire. You think I’m the-” I stop myself talking, as I know I’m getting louder. People are watching me as they walk past us. I take a step closer to her, grab her chin so she’s facing me. “You started this. I’m just finishing it. And for pissing me off, you don’t wear anything under your skirt at school tomorrow. I get to play. Now get inside and don’t piss me off.” I open the door for her to walk back in. I go to follow but stop when my phone vibrates in my pocket, digging it out I open the door, and look at the message.

Anonymous

Nice to see you out of the house, not worried that I can kill you anytime I want.

Anonymous

Look down.

I look down at my chest and see the red dot on my white t-shirt. What the fuck? My heart beats like crazy, anticipating the bullet about to pierce my skin, waiting for the pain to hit me.

I hear yelling, and it takes me a moment to see my brothers shouting for me to get down as they rush over to me. But before they can reach me, the dot is gone, and I look around to see who it could be. Why the fuck did they not kill me now? They had the perfect chance too.

My brothers stand around me. They’ve told us they want my family to feel the pain of losing me, so they won’t hurt them, which I still don’t understand. Whoever it is, seems to only want my blood.

We walk back over to the booth, and I look around the restaurant, wanting to remember everyone here. I might not know their names, but I’ll remember their faces.

I hear the voices around me, but it’s white noise to me at the moment, I’m still working out who the fuck is coming for me. I know the why. I just need to find out who it is before it’s too late.

I’m pulled out of my daze when I feel a hand on my chest,. When I glance down I see Trixie’s hand placed where the red dot was.

Removing her hand, she signs. Are you okay?

I smile and sign back to her.

Were you hoping they shot me, so you would be free?

My question hits her, and I can see something in her eyes that looks like she’s trying to hide, but she shakes her head.

That’s not funny.

I have to laugh at her reply, then turn to Miles when he keeps tapping my shoulder.

“Phone.” He puts out his hand for me to give it to him, when I see he has his laptop out.

“Like Cain said, don’t show fear.” I look over at Lileah, and I see the water in her eyes. “Hey, I’m good. Plus, if something happens to me, you’ll be the baby of the family,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood for her. “I’m good.”

“You are less than two minutes younger than me-”

“Still younger,” I tell her. It’s a fight we have all the time.

“And you haven’t been well since you got back from the summer. Don’t hide it, because I know.” The others turn to her, waiting for her to say more. They say twins know what the other is feeling without even having to talk to them. Mason and Miles are the same, and Lileah knows my head is still not in the right place. “You haven’t slept more than a few hours since you got back-”

“You said you took the pill and slept!” Mason shouts at me. “What the fuck? What the hell happened to no secrets?”

I lean back in the booth and get ready for all of them to attack me, but what they don’t know is I’m very good at blocking out the noise now. A summer of words being thrown at you, you learn to block it all out. How am I meant to tell them I can’t sleep because the monster who attacked me in my cell still haunts my nights? How do I tell them it’s the worst place on earth? Yes, I left The Pit because I fought and won, and had to kill a lot of people for The Pit to give me any respect, yet it scares the hell out of me. How do I tell Cain I want The Pit, but I’m not ready for it?

“Declan!” Hayden slaps his hand on the table, and I look over at him. “Eat, then we go to the club.”

I look down at my hand when Trixie places hers on top of mine, interlocking her fingers with mine to stop them from shaking.

Once I calm down a little, she pulls her hand away from mine, and I don’t like it. She signs.

Someone tried to shoot you. Shouldn’t we leave?

Never show fear and always have faith in the Crawford men. Always. I sign back at her.

Fear is nothing but walking alongside darkness. Never show it your fear otherwise it will ruin you.