14. Trixie
FOURTEEN
TRIXIE
“Where have you been?” Robert shouts as I walk straight to my bedroom. I have no idea why he’s asking me. It’s not like he’ll understand what I’m saying to him anyway.
I try to slam my bedroom door shut, but Robert stops it, and I already know this is going to be a horrible night, a night I wish would never come.
“What does he have that I’m not giving you?” Well, he isn’t giving me bruises every night. He might torture me, but not once has he hit me. So, there is that one thing.
He grabs my hair, pulls me to the floor, and kicks me in the stomach. “Were you with him?” he shouts, and again, I ignore him. He kicks me once again, a lot harder this time. It makes me cough hard, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“I can give you the world. Buy you all the gifts you want. I would never say no to you.” He sits on top of me, and I close my eyes as the tears come. The only reason you will give me all those things is so you can abuse me every way you can think of. Sick bastard.
I try to push him away, but it’s not working. The only reason I started kickboxing was so I can fight him, but whenever he’s around me, I become too weak to fight.
“Stop fighting me. You don’t even kiss me,” he shouts, and grabs my head and slams it onto the floor. My head feels really heavy, almost too heavy for me to hold it up.
He tries to kiss me, but I slap him in the face, then try to push his face away from me. “You can fight it all you want, Patricia. You can fight it all you want, but it won’t get you anywhere.”
I slap him a few times, hoping it will get him off me, but it doesn’t work. He punches me in the stomach. This time it is fucking hard, making me cough again.
“I’m being nice by not touching your face. If you carry on the way you are, I’ll smash your face in.” He grabs my chin hard, so I’m looking at him. “Do you understand me?”
Pain. That’s the only thing I can think about at the moment. I can’t stop the tears in my eyes, the pain is too much.
“I’ve always been nice and kind. I’ve always used protection with you. But maybe now I should get to feel you bare.” He licks the side of my face, and I have to physically stop myself from vomiting as the acid from his tongue hits my skin. “I can play now.” He puts his hand up my t-shirt, and I punch him harder this time. I push him hard, so he gets off me, giving me the chance to get out from under him rushing over to the bathroom. I slam the door shut and lock it.
My back is on the door, and he slams his hands onto it.
“Open the fucking door!” he shouts.
Sliding down, I sit on the floor, as he continues to slam his hands on the door, shouting insults toward me. I wipe my tears away. My hands shake as I pull out the blade from my drawer.
Anything is better than this. Anything is better than being abused every day, being used as a punch bag.
Death is the only answer. I can be with mom, safe in her arms again. I can watch her sewing like I used to when I was little. I can sleep without worrying about him coming into my room. Is death easier? I don’t want to die. But I don’t want to live either.
I drop the blade, grab my phone, and text the only person who might care.
My fingers tremble over the name I want to message, and when I open it up, I take a moment to finally type the words. I’ve never typed them before. Ever. My fingers feel heavy as I hit each letter. The last time I asked for help, they slapped me back in the face. Why will it be any different now? My finger hoovers over the send button, but the banging on the door, the shouting from the other side, is scaring me tonight. I finally hit send, and a part of me is praying they come.
TRIXIE
Help me.
* * *
Declan wasn’t at school yesterday, so I had a peaceful day, but I didn’t go home either. Ash said I could stay over with him, after smoking too much. No matter how much I smoked, I couldn’t get Robert’s touch off me, nor could I get his words out of my head. There is no way he would rape me without protection, would he?
Declan messaged me this morning telling me not to wear anything under my skirt. Which meant I had to change what I was wearing, as I didn’t want to wear a short skirt so the entire school could see my ass, unless that’s what he has planned.
I still haven’t seen Declan, and I’m hoping wherever he is, he'll stay there. I don’t know why, but being around Declan is making me feel as if I have someone who cares about me, which is stupid. Yet when Robert was hurting me, it was him I messaged, thinking maybe he cared. I was wrong. I’m only a whore for him to play with.
Stopping in front of my locker I see the flower taped on it. He’s here. And my body betrays me when a shiver moves through, already thinking about what he has planned for me. Declan doesn’t touch me like Robert does. Declan might touch me without me saying yes, yet my body enjoys his touch. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. For Robert it’s all about hurting me, making me suffer any way he can, nothing else. But Declan, he wants me to enjoy it, and I hate myself for having pleasure when he touches me.
I like the thought of him touching me with the knife. With the knife? I think to myself. What? No, get the thoughts out of your head. If someone else gave me the pain, maybe it would be better for me. Maybe I could feel more pleasure from it. If I tell him I like the pain of the knife, he might do it more. I wipe the new tears away before anyone sees me crying. I’m not crying because I feel weak for thinking like this. I’m crying because I crave a cut and pain more than I crave anything else, and I want Declan to do it.
Maybe he will cut me himself, without me having to ask.
He seems to like a knife. Why else would he have fucked me with one?
My hands shake at the thought of what he could do. Not out of fear, which it should be, because I am scared of what he'll do, but shaking at the thought of him hurting me, and me wanting it.
Fuck, I need help.
“Afternoon, beautiful.” My body tenses up when Declan puts his arm around me, pulling me closer, and kissing my cheek. “Have you missed me?” He brings his arm out, pulls the flower from my locker and hands it to me. “I think this flower suits you,” he whispers, and I take the flower from him and place it into my bag. “Let’s go for a walk.”
He isn’t asking me, as he walks away, pulling me with him. There is no way he would do anything to me at school. There are too many teachers around. He opens the door to an empty classroom, walks me in, and shuts the door behind us. I turn to face him, watching him pull the blinds down, then lean on the door smiling, as he looks over my body, then at my face.
“Is it crazy to say you look more beautiful than the last time I saw you?” Declan looks down at my legs, looking at my tattoos. “Have you drawn my tattoo?” he asks, and I shake my head. I didn’t know what to design for him. A tattoo is something he should tell me he wants. I don’t know him well enough to design something for him.
I watch his tongue peek between his lips, and he slowly glides in over his bottom lip. The way his eyes are burning into my body right now, is making my body react in ways it shouldn’t.
“What are you thinking right now?” Declan asks, and I look up at his eyes, taking my eyes away from his lips.
Wondering what you have planned. And what you are thinking?
“I’m thinking I’ve eaten the pussy of three women, and never wanted to do it again, it wasn’t a turn on for me. But the third woman’s pussy I’ve eaten, I need more. It’s become almost a drug for me, one hit, now I need another.” Declan nods his head for me to take a step closer to him, but I can’t seem to move. “You can come to me, or I come to you, and I might finally get to feel how tight your pussy is around my dick.”
My eyes widen at his words, and the smile spreads even wider across his lips, but I don’t push my luck, so I take a step closer to him, then another when he doesn’t do anything. As soon as I get in reaching distance, Declan wraps his hand around my neck, pulls me closer to him, and then smashes his lips into mine.
The moment his lips touch mine; I hate myself when my body betrays me. Stop being so fucking stupid Trixie, he doesn’t care if he hurts you. Declan pulls away from me, but not far enough, just enough, so I can see in his eyes. Darkness moves through them, with a hint of fire burning in the back. Without warning, he grabs my hair firmly from my scalp and kisses me again.
I feel Declan’s tongue glide across my lips. I didn’t want to but I open my mouth for him, and the moment his tongue touches mine I moan. Fuck. What am I doing?
Tightening his hand against the back of my head, I moan against his mouth. God, my body is fully his now. I have no control over anything, as I feel myself getting wetter each time he moves his tongue with mine.
Breaking the kiss, he pushes me back. My back slams against the door, and I feel his hand move to my thigh, inching closer to my pussy. The second he touches me, I’m lost.
“Ohhh, so wet for me. I think I’m growing on you.” He licks my bottom lip, then takes my ring in his mouth as he sucks a little.
I don’t answer, because I don’t want to admit it to him, but he is.
“You know you want to,” Declan whispers against my lips, and just like that, I rock my hips, my hands on his shoulders as he slips his fingers into my pussy, and the feeling makes me moan.
“Just because your voice doesn’t work, doesn’t mean you can’t show me how much you enjoy my mouth on you.” Declan kneels on the floor, bringing one of my legs up on his shoulder, and pushing my other leg for me to open wider for him.
Declan’s tongue flicks my clit, and my fingers move into his hair as he licks me, slipping his tongue in and out. My hands move down the back of his neck, not wanting him to leave. Fuck.
Declan sucks on my clit, pushing the stud into me, and it’s the first time I jolt into his mouth because it hits the spot. I feel his finger enter my pussy, my nails dig into the back of his neck, as the pleasure hits me hard.
Removing his finger, he glides the tip of his tongue from my entrance to my clit. I want to scream for him not to stop but I bite my lip and scratch the back of his neck to stop myself screaming. My nails dig harder when he crooks his finger hitting a spot which has never been touched. Oh, god, oh god.
Pushing his mouth harder into my pussy, his tongue flicking harder and faster. Fuck I can’t breathe. He moves his fingers faster, and I squeeze my eyes shut as the tear escapes, and I don’t even know why I have tears.
My body can’t take anymore. I can’t hear anything around me as the pleasure is hitting every nerve in my body, and I let go. One of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had hits me.
Declan sucks on my clit a little more, and I can’t even hold my body up. Never thought I would ever feel like this after any type of sexual act, but fuck, my body is still buzzing from what Declan did.
I moan again when I feel the tip of the knife on my inner thigh, the same spot he cut me last time. I try to focus on what he is cutting, but all I can do is moan in pleasure when I feel the tip pierce my skin.
Yes, this is what I want. Him to cut me, him to make me feel clean. Removing the knife, I feel his mouth in the same area, as he sucks the blood from the cut. I want him to do it again, but how do I tell him to do it again, without him thinking I’m a freak?
Declan stands up, pressing his body into mine, and I’m thankful he did because my legs are like jelly right now.
My vision finally clears up, and I look up at him, smiling at me as he moves his hand to the back of his neck, which makes him smile more. “You fucking taste amazing. I just tasted you, but I already want more. The sexy look in your eyes right now makes you look even more beautiful.” He kisses the side of my jaw, and I hear him whisper. “You enjoyed yourself. You made me bleed.” He looks at his hand, and I see my nails have cut the skin on the back of his neck. He takes a large inhale through his nose, then looks at me.
In a split second, something changes in Declan’s eyes, and he takes a step back from me, and his whole body has changed.
What the hell did I do wrong?
I didn’t even fight him. Why does he look so angry with me?
Without a word he leaves the classroom, and I look at my bag when my phone keeps vibrating.
Robert
Get outside now!
Robert
Don’t make me come into school.
Fuck. Quickly grabbing my bag, I run out of school. I see Declan standing by his car. I see Robert getting out of his car as I get closer to him. I could have continued to ignore him, but I’m scared if he came inside with his anger, it might be worse for me.
“Where the fuck have you been?” he shouts, there isn’t anyone close to hear him. Declan is on the other side of the parking lot so he definitely can’t hear him. “You couldn’t even fucking message me back.” He grabs my arm, trying to make me look at him. When I refuse to look at his face, he grabs mine and turns it to face his. “You need to remember you’re mine. Don’t even think of letting anyone else touch my beautiful girl.” His words are venom, and I feel sick hearing them.
The worst part is all I feel on me is Declan. His lips on mine, his hands on my body, the way he touches me. I feel him, and as fucked up as it is, I want him to touch me again, because he gives me peace when he cuts me, and it’s fucking crazy, but he cleans the touch of the bastard in front of me.
Robert grabs my arm hard and opens the car door. “I think it’s time to remind you who you belong to.” He almost throws me in the car, and I shake my head as I wipe the tears away. He drives out of school. I look over at Declan watching us.
Maybe there isn’t anyone out there who can save me from this hell. Maybe there is only one way to escape it all.