19. Trixie
NINETEEN
TRIXIE
I cannot believe I’m having this fight with my dad. The stupid bimbo needs to shut the fuck up, before I shut her up for good.
“Patricia-” Before he can continue talking I walk away from him.
We go every year, and never miss it. But now the stupid bimbo has stopped my dad from doing this one thing with me.
Slamming my bedroom door shut, I look at my weekend bag and flowers that are ready to go. The door opens behind me, and I close my eyes.
“I can take you, but I want something in return.” Robert places his hand on my ass, but quickly takes a step away from me when the door opens.
“Patricia, I promise we will go, but not tonight. Next week-” Dad stops talking when I turn around to face him, and for the first time in months I grab a piece of paper to write something down for him.
Next week is not tomorrow. I hate you for this. I hate you for not being my dad anymore. I hate you because you take her side for everything. I hate you.
I throw the paper at him, and rush to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I’m not going to stand there and listen to what he has to say about not going. He knows how much this day means to me.
“Patricia.” I hear my dad on the other side of the door. “Please-” I put the shower on so I don’t have to listen to him, and hope if he hears the water he will leave.
I’ll go. I’ll go alone. If he wants to break the promise, he can. But I won’t.
I get out of the shower, and Declan is sitting on the end of the bed tapping away on his phone. Without even looking up at me he asks. “Are you going to tell me why you’re out here by yourself?”
He finishes whatever he was doing on his phone, and looks up at me, and a faint smile appears on his lips.
“If I knew you’d look this sexy in my clothes, I would have given you more.” His eyes move up and down my body, and the way he’s looking at me, makes my body break out in goosebumps.
He gave me his hockey jersey last week, and even though I didn’t want to wear it, it’s so comfy to sleep in.
It’s comfy to sleep in.
“I’m sure sleeping naked would be more comfortable.” I press my lips together to stop myself from smiling.
I have no idea how the boy who made me cry, made me suck his dick, was an asshole to me, yet makes me feel safe around him. How does he do that?
“So why are you here?” he asks again, and I look away from him.
I had to see someone in the morning. Every year I have breakfast at the same place, order the same thing, and-
I stop because he might think I’m stupid for coming all this way, but I did it for me.
I made a promise I would do this every year, and I’m not breaking it.
He watches me for a moment without saying anything. I walk over to the table to grab a bottle of water but stop when he tells me to, and I look over at him.
“I want to look at you.” I narrow my brows together at him, I’m sure he can look at me from the table. “Don’t you think I should get something, I mean I drove for two hours to rescue you. I deserve a reward, don’t I?”
I stand up straight at his words. There was me thinking he might give me a night off, but I was wrong. Yet a shock of excitement hits my core.
I hate that I’ve missed him touching me.
Does that make me crazy?
What do you want?
“Well, first I think you have too many clothes on.” I look at him, then move my eyes to his chest before meeting his eyes again. “Something on your mind?” I bring my hands up to sign, but then stop which only makes him laugh. “The longer you take the more I might have to have fun with you.”
You get to see me naked, but I don’t get to see anything?
My comment makes him roar into a laugh, and I like the way he looks when he does it.
“Under this t-shirt it’s not as pretty as my face, but if you want to look, you come undress me.” He moves his hands away from his legs, waits for me to move closer to him. “But before you sit on my lap, remove your clothes.”
Oh my God, Declan Crawford is making me go crazy for him, and his touch, because without even thinking about it I remove his jersey, and throw it on the floor.
“You forgot something.” He nods to my panties, and smiles. “Or are you so wet for me to touch you, you’re trying to hide it through the small fabric covering you?” He licks his lips, and I wonder what he has planned in his head, he has never taken it there, would he do it now?
I take a deep breath and remove my panties. I should feel shy because I’m standing naked in front of him, but the way he’s looking at me only makes me feel one thing. Beautiful.
“I hate seeing bruises on you, you need to get better at kickboxing or stop.” The words escape his mouth in annoyance, as his eyes move over my stomach. If only I could tell him every mark on my body is because of an asshole I live with.
He nods his head for me to move closer to him, and I do. I stop just in front of him, then he pulls me to sit on his lap. His hand on my hip, moving up my back.
“How is it you can make me hard within seconds?” He kisses the side of my neck, then licks it to my ear. “Undress me then.” He pulls away from me a little, and smiles.
Now I know I’ve seen his dick, and it shocked me, but now I’m going to see him and I’m nervous. I place my hands at the bottom of his t-shirt, my fingers gracing his skin and I feel him flinch under my touch.
Before I can lift his t-shirt over his head, he grabs the back of my head and kisses me, a hard kiss which takes me by surprise. He pulls away, and I moan a little not wanting him to stop, which makes him chuckle to himself.
Not touching his skin, I pull his t-shirt over his head, but I don’t look at his body, I look at him. “It’s not pretty,” he whispers to me, and I get off his lap so I can get a better look.
My eyes quickly move back to his, then slowly back to his chest and the first thing I see is the number six, six, six, burned into his chest. He stands up in front of me, and with a shaking hand I place it on the scar over his chest. No. Most of his chest is covered in scars. What the hell happened to him?
I finally look up at him, and he wipes the tear drop off my cheek, lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, then he kisses me as he slams me into the wall behind me. Breaking the kiss, he stares into my eyes.
“You want me to stop, you tell me now, because there is no way in hell I’ll be able to stop once I start. I’ve tried to back away from you, but I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about you, I can’t stop staring at your sexy body, I can't stop. So, if you want me to stop, tell me now.” My throat tightens, he’s asking me, it’s the first time in my life I’ve been asked if I want this.
Declan Crawford isn’t the asshole he makes himself out to be, he has a heart, and a fucking soul.
I kiss him because I want this, I want to know what it feels like when someone wants to have sex with me without hitting me.
Declan unwraps my legs from around his waist and takes a step back. “On your knees.” He doesn't have to tell me again, I lower, and as I do, I pull his sweatpants down with me, and his cock bounces free. He wasn’t lying about being hard for me. “Take it.”
I hold the back of his dick, and lick the head, and I hear him grunt when my lips wrap around him, and I use the tip of my nails to play with his balls.
“You have no idea how much it takes me over the edge.” I hear him as I continue to play with his balls, and suck hard on his head. “Open your mouth,” he shouts, and I look up at him opening as wide as I can ready for him to spit in my mouth. He spits once, then again, grabs my hair and thrusts into my mouth, making me choke. The head of his dick hits the back of my throat, and I hear him slam his free hand onto the wall as he fucks my mouth.
His fingers tangle in my hair as he holds my head and thrusts in and out of my mouth, saliva escaping the sides, his balls hitting my chin as he moves faster.
“Your mouth, it’s as if it's made for my dick.” Declan shouts as he continues to fuck my mouth.
I moan loudly when I feel the vibration of his cock in my mouth. He quickly pulls out of my mouth and pulls my hair for me to stand up. I wait for him to kiss me, but he doesn’t. He moves his head and sucks hard on my nipple before biting down on it, which makes me moan in my mouth.
I feel his hand move down my stomach, between my legs. “So wet for me.” He slaps my pussy which makes me jolt against his hand. Declan picks me up, and takes me to the bed and lies me down. “I’m going to make you come over my dick repeatedly. Fuck, how bad I want to hear my name escape your sexy lips.” He leans down a little, and spreads my legs wide for him, and he smiles. “All fucking mine.”
Declan pulls on my nipple rings which makes me arch my back off the bed, before he lines his cock up with my pussy. I hold the tears back, because for the first time I’m not being raped, and I don’t know how to act.
“Are you on the pill, because there is no way I’m wrapping up.” Declan looks up at me, as the head of his dick teases me, and I quickly nod letting him know I am. There was no way I was letting the bastard Robert get me pregnant.
I moan when he pushes inside me. “Fucking hell, you’re tight,” Declan grunts as he continues to thrust. Pulling on my nipple as his mouth covers my left one. Sucking so hard my nails dig into his back, arching my back not wanting him to stop.
Declan pulls away from me, looks down at my pussy as he continues to thrust, then his lips are on mine, and he moans. “Fuck, not going to last the first time.” He kisses me again, my nails dig into his back as my body is finally giving in to him, and I’m ready to come.
Declan places both his hands on the pillow next to my head, and I wrap my legs around his waist, as he goes fast and hard. I close my eyes as my orgasm is about to hit.
“Open your eyes, or I’ll stop and fuck your mouth,” Declan shouts at me, and my eyes open wide and he smiles. “Just because you can’t say how much you’re enjoying it, I'm sure you can show me.” My nails dig into his skin as I hit the high of the ride, digging my nails deeper and deeper into his back, and he kisses me as I feel him come inside me. Feeling his cum filling me, Declan bites my lower lips then pulls on my lip ring, and finally slows down.
I take a deep breath, as my heart is pounding in my chest, to the point I’m scared it will jump out of it.
“I hope you don’t plan on sleeping. I think we can go a few more times. This was just the starter.” He winks, gets off me, and goes into the bathroom.
So, this is what sex feels like when you actually want it—a wild ride and a heady high all at once. I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can, because in my house, there’s only one way it happens. And when it does, Declan can take me on this ride over and over again.
* * *
Four times I had sex with Declan, before he finally let me rest. And that was only because I couldn’t physically move anymore. I never thought sex could be so good, but Declan has shown me it can be mind-blowing.
I jolt a little as Declan carves something into my skin with his knife. I still don’t know what he’s cutting into me, but he told me I came six times, so he will cut me six times, and I’m excited for it.
Declan licks the part of my skin he’s just cut, then kisses up my stomach. “How can every part of you taste so good?” Declan kisses me, and I laugh against his lips.
He lies on the bed, and tells me to get on top of him, and I do because this guy makes me feel something I never thought I would. Special.
He places his hands on my thighs, rubbing them up and down.
What are you cutting into me?
My question makes him smile, and his fingers move over my skin.
“My name. You’re mine now.” I smile but on the inside I want to cry. I don’t even know if it’s because I’m happy or if I’m scared Robert will see it.
How can I be his? Because the moment I go back home, Robert will be there and he’s not going to stop touching me. Stop it! I shout to myself. Don’t let your thoughts about the asshole ruin the moment you have now. Enjoy this moment before you go back to hell.
I place my hands on his chest, and use the tip of my nail to draw a line down the middle, but stop when Declan grabs my hand.
“Now, I do fucking enjoy when you dig your nails into me, and the sight of my back is amazing, but if you want to draw on my chest, get a pen and draw.” He kisses the top of my hand, and I quickly get off him to grab my pencil case so I can draw something. Well, I know what I want to draw, I’ve had the idea in my head for a while.
“What’s with the dragons? The bracelets, the tattoos. There has to be a reason for them,” Declan asks as he taps on his phone, not looking over at me, but he shakes his head at whatever the message says. I wait for him to look at me before signing to him.
They are the symbol of freedom and strength. They’re strong, and I like the way they look.
I look down at his chest, and bring my black pen to his skin and start drawing. I feel Declan staring at me, and I look up at him, kissing his lips.
“You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?” His question throws me back a little, and I get back to drawing because I don’t know what he wants me to say to him. “You cover yourself with make-up, and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but I think you’d look beautiful without it.”
I have to hold back the tears, I almost shout at myself to get it together. If only he knew the truth about why I wear the make-up, or why I got the piercing.
“When did you get all the piercings?” Declan asks.
Placing the pen on his chest, I tilt my head at him, because he is asking a lot of questions this morning.
Do you not like them?
“Fucking love them, you have no idea how hard I get just thinking about them. I’m only asking,” he replies. I look back at his chest, and smile at the design I’ve drawn on him.
I thought it would make me ugly. How did you get the scars?
Not looking at him, I grab the pen to continue drawing. It’s the first time I’ve told anyone the real reason for getting everything pierced. Hoping it would make me ugly so he wouldn’t touch me. I’ve left that part out, and I don’t plan on telling anyone either. It never gets me anywhere.
“You are far from ugly, for me you’re the most beautiful, sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.” Declan’s words pull on the strings in my chest, and the tears I was holding back, escapes and lands on his chest.
And in a quick movement I feel his hand around my neck, and he pulls me to look at him. He drops his phone on the bed and wipes the tears away.
“You don’t see it do you?” he asks but I don't reply. “Start seeing it, because I’m going to be showing you off to everyone.” He stops talking when his phone rings, but he cancels the call. “And one more thing, this barbed wire tattoo, I don’t like it, I fucking hate it. I think it needs covering.”
With what?
“Oh, I have the perfect idea.” He brings his phone up and takes a picture of his hand around my neck. A hand necklace tattoo. He turns the phone so I can see it, and I smile, because this is a tattoo I always thought I would get one day, when I was married with my man's hand around my neck. “I’ll let you draw it.”
His phone rings again, and I hear him cuss to himself.
“What?” he snaps, and the other person on the phone is loud enough to hear what they are saying.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“The same place I told you I was when you first called me. We're leaving here in about twenty minutes, and then I’m going to take her wherever she wants to go.”
“Why do you have to take her?” I hear the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Because she doesn't have a fucking car, you asshole,” Declan snaps at them. I try to focus on the drawing on his chest, but it’s a little hard when you can hear them on the phone.
“Have you been in a hotel with her all night and didn’t even get lucky?” Another voice asks and they laugh.
“Oh, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or did Cain make you pull out of someone’s pussy, so you would do some work?” Declan laughs.
“Fuck you, D. Your fucking fault Cain is being an asshole to me.” The second voice snaps at him, and it only makes him laugh more. I don’t know his brothers well enough to know who’s voice is whose. I mean I’ve only been around them once.
“What did he make you do?” Declan asks.
“Wanted me to look up something on somebody. Somebody, you fucked over by the sounds of it. He’s pissed and definitely wants answers.”
“He’s always-”
“No, D, Cain is pissed like pissed, pissed.” Now this voice sounds a little more worried than the other two.
“Cain is always fucking pissed off, and it had to be done, so he can be pissed off with me all he wants. I don't care, even knowing he's annoyed with me I still would have done it.” No matter what his brothers are saying, Declan doesn’t care this Cain person is angry with him.
“What did you do?” one of them asks.
“Drop it. Is that the only reason you called me?” Declan moves his phone from the ear and looks at a message. “Where are you? I’ve got a message.”
“What's it say?”
“Anything can happen when you're not looking behind you.” Declan puts this phone back to his ear.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Yeah, what does that mean?
“If I knew what it meant, I would know who sent it. Did you call me to piss me off this morning?”
I press my lips together, hearing him with his brothers. They sound like they have a lot of fun together, they know how to laugh with each other.
“No, we called you to say we're staying here today, so when you've come back, we can hang out-”
“You know I have school-” Declan cuts them off, but one of them cuts him off, which makes me laugh.
“Which by the looks of it, you’re not going to because you're still there. Plus, we want to be here when Cain snaps at you.”
“Going to be so fucking funny. Little golden boy is going to get shouted at.” His brothers are winding him up now, I can hear the humor behind their words.
“And he can shout at me, and I'm still not going to regret what I did.” Declan snaps at them, and I hear the three of them laugh.
What did he do?
“Yeah, yeah. You know what Cain’s punishments are like. What's he going to make you do? Is he going to send you back there for a month?”
“He can send me back there. Everybody knows who I am now. Couple more scars won't hurt me.” Declan shakes his head, and I feel his hand moving up and down my thigh, as I continue to draw on his chest.
“You two need to leave him alone. Just get back safe, D. Watch your fucking back.”
“Yes. Hayden, I will.” The line goes dead, and Declan looks at his message again. His body tenses up under my touch. “Fuck,” I hear him. “What time should we leave?”
We can leave now, if you want.
“Have you finished drawing?”
Sort of.
He sits up on the bed and gives me a kiss. “Just so you know when we walk out of this room you’re still mine. This wasn't a one-time thing or a four time thing. You get it, you're with me now, understand?” I give him a nod. “I know you can't actually physically say the words, but you can sign or something.
Yes .
“Good, welcome to the crazy fucking Crawford family,” Declan jokes, giving me a kiss as I get off him, and get dressed. “Let's go to wherever you needed to go to in the middle of the fucking night in a rainstorm,” Declan jokes and I quickly get changed.
I watch him in front of the mirror looking at what I've drawn on him.
“Seriously?” he turns around.
Do you not like it?
“Fucking love it.” I've drawn him the flower which he leaves on my locker down the middle of his chest and at the bottom of the flower, a blade of a knife with the handle. With the outline of a dragon wrapping the front, and round the back, and its head popping out from the side. “Fucking love it. I can't draw to save my life, but this is the exact tattoo I had in my head which I wanted you to get. In this exact spot.”
I quickly sign.
We are not getting matching tattoos.
“That's what you think. You’ve already got my name on you, a tattoo will not hurt you.
What if-
I stop moving my hands when Declan cuts me off.
“I told you, Trixie, I'm here, and I’m not leaving.”
If only I could believe those words. What about when he finds out the truth? He might think I'm a whore, just like Robert does.
He looks back toward the mirror, his fingers moving over the drawing. “And you're coming with me when I get it done, because I want you to draw it and not them, they might fuck it up one way or the other.”
I sign. Okay.
Is this the fucking seesaw I'm going to be sitting on? The seesaw of happiness, then the horror.
I look down at my bracelets, thinking about what's behind them. Thinking for the first time I've not cut myself in two days. And Declan is the reason.
“Ready?” Giving him a nod as I throw the last few things in my bag.
I haven’t told him where I’m going, not because I’m worried about what he will think, because I don’t want the day to be about me. It’s not about me today.
“Morning, Trixie, didn't think you were going to come today.” I look at Angie. She's been the waitress here since I was a little kid, and here every morning. “How's your dad?”
I give her a slight nod, letting her know he is good.
“Tell her happy birthday from me.” I write on a piece of paper quickly saying I will. She looks over at Declan smiling. “And you found yourself a handsome man. Hi, I'm Angie.”
“Declan.” He shakes her hand, then kisses the top of it, and I shake my head. So sweet and innocent out in public.
“Do you have a granddad?”
“No. Sorry, I don't.”
“An uncle, an older uncle?” Now I smile at her questions.
“No, sorry.”
“Why are the good ones always taken?” Angie shakes her head, and Declan lets out a small chuckle to himself.
“They were taken too soon.” Declan whispers to himself, but I hear him, and so does Angie.
“I'm sorry.”
“Before I was born.” He looks at me looking over at Angie.
“Your usual?” she asks, and I nod, then she turns to Declan.
“What’s her usual?” he asks, and Angie tells him what I have. “I’ll have the same with a side order of waffles, please.” Angie stands there and looks at him for a moment before saying.
“You mean the main order of the waffles?”
“Yeah, I thought I'd say a side order, so it seemed like I didn't eat a lot,” he tells her which makes her laugh.
“The size you are, honey, you need to eat,” Angie tells him and walks away.
Declan looks around the restaurant, still looks the same as it did when I was a kid. “I would say you've been coming here since you were a kid.”
Yes. Mom used to bring me here every weekend. If I was good at school, she would treat me to pancakes for breakfast, and then every year for her birthday.
“Well, you haven’t been good at school, you're not even there today. Don’t think you deserve the pancakes,” Declan tells me, and I sit back in my seat.
I think after last night I do.
My comment makes Declan roar out in laughter, making some of the other diners look over at us.
“After last night I think you deserve so much more than pancakes, the marks on my back are proof of it,” he tells me, and I can feel my cheeks burning, he didn’t even whisper it, he doesn’t care what everyone thinks about what we did. “So where are we going after this?”
To say happy birthday to my mom-
“And your mom is where?” Declan asks, he’s been asking since last night where we are going, but I haven’t said anything.
At the graveyard, close to here.
Declan bites on his lower lip, thinking of the words to say. “I'm sorry.” Pressing my lips together I give him a small smile.
I don't know what to say to him. My life would have been completely different to what it is today, if she was still here. Yes, maybe I would never have met Declan, but this thing he thinks we have, has been happening for less than a day, and could change in a month.
“Your coffee.” Angie places them down for us.
“Thanks,” Declan says for the both of us. “Eight o'clock in the morning and you're having a milkshake.”
So?
“So, tell me about your mom.”
I don't want to.
“Either talk about your mom or dad.” The way Declan’s voice hits me makes me sign, because it’s not a tone I want to annoy anymore.
My mom was my best friend. She taught me to sew. I told my mom, as I watched her, that I wanted to design my own clothes. She told me the only person who can ruin my dreams is me, so don’t stop until you hit them.
“So, is that what you want to do, a fashion designer?”
Yes, I love sewing, and designing. One day at a time. What about you?
“I’ll be in the family business one way or another. All of us will be,” Declan says nothing else, but there is more to the answer than what he’s giving me.
Our breakfast comes out, and we both start eating. Declan looks up at me a few times, as he looks through his phone as he eats.
It was only for a night and day, but this has been the most relaxed I’ve ever been. I’ve even smiled so much my face hurts because I'm not used to it.
But everything has to come to an end eventually.