Ruin

20. Trixie

TWENTY

TRIXIE

I stand up in front of my mom’s grave, and look over at Declan leaning on the hood of his car, tapping on his phone. I’ve been here two hours and not once has he called me to hurry.

It’s been nice to sit here for so long and tell her everything about the year. I wish I could come see her more, but dad moved so far away it’s hard for me. The flowers are all dead, and you can see I’ve not been here for so long, as they all have disgusting mold on them. I wish I could come here every week to see mom, but I can’t. I’ve told her all the good that’s happened this year, I mean the list was very small, and took me a whole five minutes to tell her, but the list of bad things, it was a different story and took me a while to get through the list. Knowing she can’t help me, but it still felt good to tell someone about the hell I’m living in.

Being able to say out loud all the stuff I hate about myself. For being so weak, and letting him hurt me the way he does.

I glance over at Declan again, wondering what he would think of me when he finds out the truth. Not wanting to think about it I turn back to the grave and wipe the tears, because I know my mom would be so disappointed in me. I couldn’t fight to protect myself, and I can't even do it now. The only thing I can say to my mom is I’m sorry.

Telling my mom I will be back next year, I walk over to Declan, and when I get to him, I feel a tug in my stomach, something about being around him gives me peace.

But I know the peace will be gone as soon as I’m home. I can keep fighting him, but the more I fight the more he fights back, and each time it’s harder, the bruises will get worse. And I have a feeling if my bruises are bad Declan will start coming to my kickboxing classes, and figure out the bruises are not coming from there. Which will lead to questions I don't want to answer.

“You okay?” Declan asks and pulls on my dress to get closer to him.

Yes, it’s hard, but I’ll always come.

“And I’ll always bring you.” He walks to the passenger side and opens the door for me. “But right now, I want to go home, and have some fun in my bed.” He gives me a wink, and I smile at the plans he has for us. Anywhere is better than being in my house.

What about my car? I need to see if my dad will pay for it.

“I already paid for it to be fixed, I’ll go tomorrow to see how long it will take. Until then I’m your driver.” I stare at him, for a moment, thinking what the hell happened to Declan who gave me a list and wanted to torment me.

I’m already in enough debt with you.

Declan laughs, shaking his head. “A little more won’t hurt then, will it?”

No, it won’t.

I have no idea if he would take the money from me if I had it, but right now I’m not going to mention it as I like this side of him.

Sitting in the car, Declan closes the door, and I watch him walking around to the driver’s side. I didn’t notice last night he drives a stick, putting it into reverse he drives out, and places his hand on my thigh when he doesn’t need to change gears anymore.

“When are you going to get the neck tattoo covered?” he asks, and I turn to face him. I seriously thought he was messing with me. “Trixie I enjoy staring at your skin covered in tattoos, God you have no idea how sexy I think you are covered in ink, but that fucking tattoo, I hate it. Why did you get it?” He turns to me for a moment, then back to the road, and I give myself some time to think of a lie. The truth, I can see it and have visions of ending my life with the wire and feeling my blood drip out of me, but what am I going to tell Declan?

I thought it looked different. That's the best I can come up with.

“Well, I want it covered quickly,” Declan snaps at me, and the only thing I can do is nod my head. I know what he wants me to get, if he really wants me to get his hand around my neck tattooed, I need to make sure it’s drawn right and looks good, too. I mean the ones I’ve seen online look amazing, but he’s asking me to permanently tattoo his hand on me. I don’t even know what this is yet.

Declan's hand tightens on my thigh as he dashes through the traffic, I snap my head to him, as he quickly goes to the right lane. My hand slaps down on his forearm, as he picks up the speed. I watch him looking in the mirror, which makes me look at the side mirror. What is he looking at?

Declan moves his hand away from my thigh, and hits the caller button on his screen, at the name Miles.

“Where are you?” he asks before Miles can even say hello.

“At home, we're all here,” Miles replies.

“Plate number-”

“What?”

“Fucking plate number.” I look in the mirror again as Declan tells him the plate number, and I have a look for it. “And another, there are two.” What the hell is happening? I hear Declan tell Miles the number of the other car, as he moves in and out of cars.

“The cars were reported stolen last night,” Miles tells him, then I hear another voice.

“Where are you?”

“Hayden, pin my fucking phone,” Declan shouts at him. “Miles get me off the fucking freeway, there is only so much space I can get between us on here.” Declan continues to shift between cars, and my grip on his arm gets tighter. “Trixie, I need you to breathe.” I nod, not realizing I was holding my breath. “Miles?”

“I’m looking!” Miles snaps and then continues to tell him things. I hear another voice in the background asking how many cars are following us, I want to say it’s Mason’s voice.

“Two in one car, and one in the other.” Declan leans over and opens the glove box, and now I do feel my body tense up when he pulls out a gun. Why the fuck does he carry a fucking gun?

“Do you have your gun?” Hayden asks.

“Yes. Miles where the fuck are you taking me?” I look around the freeway, then back to the mirror to see if they are getting closer to us, and yes, they are. “Shit.” I hear from Declan but it’s not too loud.

Declan moves through the traffic, waiting for Miles to get him off the freeway.

“Where do I take him, that won’t put others in danger?” I hear Miles, he’s talking to everyone, and no one is answering him. “Take the next exit.” Declan moves into the lane, and Miles tells him where to go.

I hear Hayden asking Miles where he is going, and I hear Miles tell him he has no idea.

“It’s the middle of the day, everywhere is busy.” Miles snaps at him, and my hand grips Declan’s forearm, as he takes the exit at the last second, and he looks in the mirror to make sure they haven’t followed.

“Shit. I’ve lost one, but not the other.” Declan listens to Miles as he drives through the roads. “Miles?” Declan questions, and I look around.

It’s a new building site for homes, and it’s becoming a dead end.

“There should be a road-”

“There is no fucking road!” Declan roars out his reply. “Fuck.”

“There should be a road, my system-”

“Your fucking system is shit, did you fall asleep when Cain was teaching you asshole. You’ve trapped your fucking brother-” Declan stops talking, and slams the breaks and turns the car back around, and goes to drive but stops when the car following us is in front of us.

“Declan?”

“Cain, you need to teach your student better,” Declan snaps at him, and no one replies for a moment.

“You need to get out of there, get back on the freeway-”

“I can't, I'm trapped.” Declan looks around the empty space, I can see him working out what to do. “Fuck it.”

“Declan-”

“Stop talking.” He turns to face me. “If anything happens and I can’t get back in the car, take the car and my brothers will get you. Trixie, are you listening?” Declan cups my face to look at him, but I only see a blur as tears build in my eyes from fear.

I’ve been scared before, every night at home, but this, this is a new level of fear for me.

“Trixie, do you understand me? You drive until my brothers come for you.” I nod softly, and without another word Declan checks his gun, and gets out of the car.

“Are you not man enough to face me!” Declan shouts, and I hear his brothers talking about trying to get CCTV up from where we are, which makes me look around but there is nothing. No light posts, no trees, no houses, nothing. It’s almost like we are in the middle of nowhere. “You want me, you fucking got me.” Declan stops when the other car's engine stops, and two large men step out.

Shit.

“Is your boss not man enough to face me?” Declan taunts them. What is he doing? He is outnumbered, and both of them are fucking huge. “Are you going to tell me who you work for?” Declan asks, and I’m pulled away from Declan when I hear his brothers talking.

“We won’t get there in time, it’s almost a two-hour drive.”

“Then what? We fucking wait and see what happens.”

“He knows what he is doing-”

“Cain-”

“I said he knows what he’s doing. He’s done what I would have done. Trust him,” Cain replies, and I look back over at Declan, who is now in a fist fight with the two guys.

I lean forward placing my hands on the dashboard watching him, turn, duck out the way, and move so fast around them. He can fight, and not your high school fights, this is some hardcore fighting skills. I jump when I hear the gunshot, and look to see who is shot.

“Trixie, who’s got shot?”

“Trixie?” I hear the voices, but I can’t take my eyes off Declan.

“She can’t talk asshole!”

I can't breathe. Why can’t I breathe? Well, I’m breathing, I’m hyperventilating, and the pain in my chest is getting very painful now.

“Trixie, this is Cain. I know you’re scared, and this is probably the last place you want to be. But right now, you’re our eyes, and we need to know if Declan is hurt. Breathe, Trixie, take a long breath in and then out.” There is a silence for a moment, and I do what Cain is telling me to do, and when I see Declan fall to the floor he coughs out blood, and I freeze to the seat, my bottom lip trembles and I press my lips together to stop. “Get Declan’s phone, and press one button for yes, and two for no, do you understand?”

I take Declan’s phone from his seat and press one button.

“Is Declan shot?” Cain asks, and with a shaking hand I press the button. “Is he down?” I look back at Declan standing back up, and smiling. Why the hell is he smiling? I press the button twice, and wait for Cain’s next question.

I watch Declan bring his gun up, and shoots the man between the eyes, and now my whole body trembles. Fuck. Declan fights the other guy, why not just kill him too?

“Trixie, is Declan okay?” I hit the pad once. Not able to take my eyes off Declan fighting, he wraps his arm around the guy's neck and stands behind him.

I watch him falling to the floor, and Declan gets off him, and looks over to me. “Trixie, bring the car over!” he shouts but I can’t move, I’m stuck to my seat, but yet my body is trembling so much I don’t want to move. “Trixie, I know you’re scared, and I’m so fucking sorry, but I need you to drive the car to me.”

“Trixie, breathe. In and out, you’ve got this.” I hear Cain’s voice, and I wipe the tears away from my cheeks, and climb over to the driver's side, my grip on the steering wheel is so tight my knuckles turn white. “Trixie, you do this, and if you want to walk away from Declan, I promise we will make sure he never comes close to you again. But right now, I need you to go to him.”

Walk away from Declan? Do I want Declan to walk away from me? Why do I think Declan might be the only person who will help me? Yet, I can’t tell him about my hell.

Putting the car in drive, I park next to Declan, and he quickly opens the trunk and pulls the guy to the back of the car. I get out of the car, and watch Declan putting the guy in the back and tying him up. Taking out a container, before slamming the truck down.

Declan walks over to me, and I look down at the blood on his t-shirt, and again the water escapes my eyes. He leans in closer to me, and whispers.

“Can’t get rid of me so easily.” He kisses me under my ear on my jawline.

He walks away from me, and looks down at the dead body, then pulls him toward their car, and throws him in the back seat.

He pours gasoline over the car, and anywhere he can see blood, then lights up a match and throws it toward the car, and he watches it go up in flames.

I have no idea why, or how I’m moving but I walk over to Declan, and stand next to him, and place my hand in his and he gives it a tight squeeze, before turning to face me.

“You must have a million fucking questions, but I only have one. Do you want to walk away?” I’m not sure what he wants me to say, but I know the answer I want to say.

No.

Without warning he kisses me, making me take a step back, but he quickly places his hand on my lower back to stop me from falling. The tip of my fingernails scrap on the back of his neck, and I feel his lips curl against mine.

“You are never cutting your nails,” he tells me as we walk back to the car. Reaching the car he opens the door for me, once I’m in he shuts the door, and moves around the front of the car. He looks down at where he was shot and shakes his head then takes a deep breath.

Once in the car, he looks at the back seat and pulls his bag over, taking a t-shirt out, and rips it in half.

“On my way back, and no I don’t want to fucking talk.” He ends the call, and takes his t-shirt off, and wraps the torn t-shirt around himself to stop the bleeding, but it’s not working as it’s already soaking through, but he doesn’t care as he puts on his zipped up hoodie, and starts driving.

He said I have a million questions, and I do, but I have no idea where to even start. What should be my first question?