Chapter 16
NATHAN
Iwalked up to the front door with a pit in my stomach. Everything about the situation was wrong. I shouldn’t have been there.
Whatever demon had possessed me to follow Aiden’s lead, I should have cast it out, hunted it down and then killed it. Because that was what I did, what I was good at. I didn’t know how to be a normal person, how to be someone’s boyfriend. I didn’t do the whole meeting the parents thing.
My footsteps faltered as Aiden took a few steps ahead of me and went to knock on the door. He turned back and looked at me with a frown. In fact, he’d been looking at me with a lot of worried glanced the whole way to his parents’ house.
I didn’t like it.
“You don’t have to be here.” His voice was soft and steady, the words laced with understanding.
He knew a little about my past, what happened with my parents.
I hated that he mistook my apprehension for something else, but it was less dangerous for him to think that it was an old hurt over having lost my parents so tragically.
“I drove,” I reminded him. “I would never abandon you.”
My little bird rolled his eyes and gave me a soft, indulgent smile. “They’re my parents. I’d be fine. It’s not like you’d be leaving me in the middle of the desert with no way to get back to civilization.”
I pulled him close, wrapping one arm around his waist, and cupped his cheek. Staring into his eyes, I gave him a soft peck, aware we were in the middle of a well-populated neighborhood where there were most likely nosy neighbors peeping through their curtains.
Leaning in, I brought my lips to his ear and whispered softly, “They may be your parents, but I’m your Daddy.”
His breath hitched and a satisfied smile spread across my face as he pulled back and watched me. I booped his nose before lacing our fingers together and tugged him to turn around. “Come on, baby. Let’s do this.”
Aiden nodded, his eyes glassy as he practically tripped over himself to get back to the door.
His mother must have been one of the nosy women at the window, watching from behind a curtain, because we hadn’t even gotten back to the door yet, and it opened to reveal a smiling woman in casual loungewear, with an apron.
“Oh, good! You made it!” Her smile seemed sincere enough, though I was never a good judge, but Aiden instantly relaxed at my side, so it set me at ease.
“Hey, Ma.” When he went to move forward, his hand slipped from mine, but he gave it an extra squeeze before he let go and moved into his mother’s tight embrace.
I’d never been one who needed affection or reassurance about anything. But something in my heart surged over the way Aiden had taken that extra moment for me. It grounded me in a way I’d never needed before.
“And you must be Nathan.” My brow quirked, realizing that must have been one of the things he’d been furiously texting to his mother as I drove us over to his parents’.
He hadn’t been very discreet about texting her, despite the fact that he kept saying it was nothing.
I’d wondered what he was warning her about, and it had left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.
My gaze roamed over to him, and he just smirked. Cheeky little bird.
“I am. Thank you for the invitation, Mrs. Cooper. Though, it wasn’t necessary.” Even I knew my words were stiff and uncertain as I held my hand out for a handshake. But I couldn’t help it. This was way beyond out of the stratosphere of my realm of comfort.
His mother looked at my hand with a frown, and for a moment, I thought she was going to refuse. And for another terrible second, I thought she might hug me. She looked back at Aiden, but he held her gaze firmly, but I couldn’t decipher their silent communication.
When she turned back to me, her smile was as warm and pleasant as could be. But I thought it was as much a mask as mine.
“Please, call me Ellie.” She reached out and shook my hand, but only held it for a moment before dropping it.
Turning toward the door, she waved us inside. “Well, let’s get out of the cold. Breakfast is waiting.”
Aiden watched her go before he turned and looked back at me with a pensive expression. “Are you okay?”
I cocked my head to the side as I walked up to him and put my arm around his shoulder and led him into the house. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
The truth was, I was so far from okay, but I could never tell him that. He wouldn’t understand. But I would smile and do whatever I had to in order to get through breakfast with his parents, because it was important to him, because he wanted me there.
And apparently, I’d do anything for Aiden.
Including forcing his parents to dine with a monster.
He shrugged as he kicked off his shoes inside the front door, and I followed his lead. “I don’t know. You seem… tense.”
I let out a breath and my gaze wandered down the hall to where his mother had disappeared. “I suppose I am. I’m sorry. Just, I’ve told you I don’t date, so I’ve never really done the whole meeting the parents thing until now. It was just… easier.”
Confused, he slipped his hands into mine. “Easier?”
My thumbs stroked his hands. “Yeah. Easier. To not think about what I’d lost. What I didn’t have anymore.”
Realization dawned on him and he took a step back. “Shit. I mean, I knew… You’d told me. But… I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey. No.” I pulled him against me, wrapping my arms around him.
He trembled against my body and I felt like the biggest asshole in the world.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Aiden. I could have said no to coming here.
I meant what I said, about wanting to take care of you and to give you everything you need and want. ”
“Not at your expense, though.” The wobble in his voice nearly broke my heart. “It shouldn’t hurt you.”
“Oh, sweet boy.” I breathed the words against his tear-stained cheek, wishing I could take all of it back. It wasn’t worth his pain. “It’s a long-healed scar. Just one I’ve never had to look at before. I’m okay. I promise.”
Like the spider monkey I knew he was, he pulled himself up and wrapped his legs around my hips and clung to me, with his head on my shoulder.
“Daddy,” he whined, burying his head in my neck.
A soft intake drew my attention to the other end of the hall.
My head slowly turned toward the sound as my boy went still as a statue in my arms. There wasn’t even a soft breath panting against my neck.
A low vibration shook him, one I would have barely noticed, if I hadn’t had him wrapped so tight against me.
His mother stared, wide-eyed. Neither of us broke eye contact for a long moment.
Until Aiden dropped from my arms. I reached for him as he turned and walked stiffly away, evading my silent plea.
Without a backward glance, he darted out the front door like the devil was chasing him.
The heavy door slammed behind him, making me wince.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Ellie seemed uneasy as she looked away, wringing her hands together.
I could feel my mask slipping, the image of my little bird embarrassed and terrified as he fled from his own mother. He was mine to protect, to cherish, and I’d already failed him. Against his mother.
My eyes narrowed as I took in her flushed appearance and the way she wouldn’t look at me. Her eyes kept darting back toward where I assumed the kitchen was, like she was hoping for her husband to come and save her from this awkward situation.
While I understood that the whole Daddy thing was a kink and that most people didn’t like it flashed around and that seeing it was awkward, I didn’t have the capabilities to understand why it was awkward. I wasn’t wired that way.
To me, I just wanted to take care of my little bird, to be there for him, provide for him, guide him, protect him. That made me his Daddy. It just was. It was a fact, like the sky is blue.
But normal people didn’t see it that way. So, as his Daddy, I knew it was up to me to fix it somehow, though God knew I was the last person who should have been sent to deal with something emotional like what Aiden was going through. But it was part of taking care of him, and I’d do it.
“There is nothing wrong about what you just saw or heard.” I crossed my arms and leaned back against the wall, daring her to contradict me. The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of a rift between Aiden and his parents, or the cause of an unfortunate accident. He deserved better than that.
At least she had the decency to look embarrassed.
“I know that.” While her words may have tried to convince me, her tone didn’t sound so sure.
I glanced toward the door, knowing my car was locked and that meant my little bird was out in the cold. My hand rooted around my pocket for the keys as I cast another glance toward his mother, who looked like she had finally begun to realize the damage she had inflicted on her son.
Her shoulders straightened as she looked me in the eye. After taking a deep breath, her bottom lip wobbled, but it did little to move me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass or upset him.
I just didn’t expect…” Her words trailed off with a sigh.
“We don’t talk, not really. Not about important things.
And I guess I can’t blame him for not talking to me about something like that.
It just came as a bit of a shock that he was into that sort of thing. ”
She offered me a sad smile as she bit her lip before glancing back at the door. “But as long as he’s happy, and being safe, and whatever he is doing is consensual… Well, then, who am I to tell him what he can or cannot do?”
I stared at her, unsure if she meant it, but hoped for Aiden’s sake that she did. His family meant the world to him.
“But I’m glad he has someone who cares about him, looks out for him.”
“I’ll always look out for him.” It was a promise I could keep, even if there came a day he thought he could get rid of me.
Like a balloon with a hole, she deflated before my eyes.
Her shoulders sagged and she leaned against the wall.
With a nod, she looked away, obviously fighting back tears.
“I’m not sure how much he’s told you, and I won’t go into details because it’s not for me to decide what he wants someone to know.
But he went through hell when he was younger.
And he deserves someone now, who will take care of him. Even if he thinks he doesn’t need it.”
I opened my mouth to say something but quickly closed it.
There was nothing I could tell that woman that would make any of what he went through better.
And just like she didn’t want to betray what he went through, it wasn’t any of her business, the things we had talked about, the things we’d gone through.
“Well, I better go check on him.”
Ellie nodded, straightening up from the wall, and started to leave. But before she left, she turned back to me. “Tell him I’ll keep breakfast warm until he’s ready to come back in.”
I studied her for a moment and wondered if she truly thought he would come back in or if she was fooling herself. But I didn’t know enough about their relationship to comment. “I will. But understand, if he wants to leave, then I’m taking him home. He’s my first priority over breakfast.”
She nodded. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
It felt like a trap as I walked out the door. My heart sank as I found him pacing next to the car with his arms wrapped around himself, shivering. He stopped when he saw me, but he didn’t come to me or lift his head to look at me, and that wouldn’t do.
“Little bird?” My voice was soft as I approached him, careful and slow despite the way my brain screamed at me to pull him close and claim him and never let him go.
The last thing I wanted was to spook him.
When I stood in front of him, I reached out and lifted his face with a finger tucked under his chin.
His tears had frozen to his cheeks, causing the skin to get irritated and red as the ice crystals clung to his chilled flesh.
My palms framed his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks in an effort to warm them even a little.
“I’m so fucking embarrassed.” There was a devastation to his voice that I didn’t understand. “Why… Of course she would have to walk in at that moment.”
Aiden pulled out of my arms and began pacing next to the car again.
“Baby, I know you’re upset. And if you want to go home, then that’s where I’ll take you, but your mom would like it if we go back in and have that breakfast.”
His mouth hung open and he stared at me like I had just told him I murdered a baby, which was ridiculous. Even I wouldn’t do that.
“Are you serious? You expect me to go back in there? Now?”
My hands went to his shoulders, squeezing for just a moment.
“I don’t expect you to do anything, especially if it’s something you don’t want to do.” I moved back a couple inches so I could look into his eyes, study him and try to tell what he was really thinking.
“How am I supposed to face her? Ever?” His hand raked through his hair, gripping the strands tightly as he tried to release some of the agitation he was feeling.
Aiden’s voice went soft as he looked back up at his childhood home, a place that had once been a sanctuary of safety. That had all been ripped away in one careless moment and my heart went out for him, even if I couldn’t draw on my own experiences of understanding.
“She knows. She heard… What I called you. That you… I…” He shook his head.
I tilted my head as he sagged against the car in defeat. An unfamiliar tightness clutched at my chest.
“Aiden.” His name came out carefully, controlled, and the tone had his head whipping up, wide eyes meeting mine.
“I understand that you felt embarrassed at the moment, your mom knowing something you consider to be intimate.” I looked down at my clutched hands, my eyes furrowed. It was a nervous habit, but I didn’t have those. But my boy brought out a lot of things in me that I wasn’t used to dealing with.
With a sigh, I straightened my shoulders and looked at him head-on, giving him the attention he deserved. I also needed to see his reaction to what I was about to ask. “But the way you’re acting, it’s as though you’re… ashamed.”
He flinched at my words, but no denial came. The silence stretched for a long moment before he heaved a sigh.
“Can you please just take me home, Nate?”