Chapter 24
AIDEN
Life was going well. Almost too well. The last month had been a whirlwind with Nate since we had started dating. I still got embarrassed over how quickly I introduced him to my family, especially when I considered the first time we went to my parents’ house.
The second time hadn’t been much better. While Thanksgiving had started out normal enough, the snow had proven to be more than what the meteorologists had expected and we’d gotten stuck there overnight.
In my old bedroom. On a full-size bed. Where my Daddy decided he was going to have his wicked way with me, repeatedly. While I’d been a willing participant, what I had failed to factor in was that my sister, who had also gotten stuck there overnight, was in the bedroom next to mine.
Breakfast had been a mortifying affair, to say the least. Thankfully, she kept the teasing to a minimum in front of our parents.
But they loved Nate anyway, so it didn’t seem to matter, since he could do no wrong.
We’d already gotten over some big milestones, like meeting the parents and dating for a month.
Despite the fact we didn’t get to see each other as often as I would have liked, that was as much my fault as his.
When we did get together, we tried to make an effort to actually leave my house.
Sometimes, we were successful, but more often than not, we barely left the bedroom and had food delivered.
Not that I was going to complain.
Well, I had some complaints about not getting to see my boyfriend as much as I would like, but we talked every day—a lot. Sometimes, I wondered how he got any work done. Then again, I also wondered how I got any work done.
I definitely had Victoria to thank for a lot of that.
She was also who I had to thank for helping me plan our anniversary dinner.
“What are you so worried about?” Victoria’s voice asked from the phone speaker on the other side of my bedroom.
As I perused the dress shirts in my closet, I thought about how to answer her question.
She was one of my best friends and if there was anyone I could talk to about Nate, it was Victoria.
Yet I hesitated. Because there were things I couldn’t tell her, things that would have her seriously reconsidering my sanity.
“Well, first of all, there’s our date tonight. I keep second-guessing how I sprang it on him at the last minute. Because he doesn’t seem to like being spontaneous. He’s so… I don’t know. Neat and organized. The opposite of my chaotic mess.”
One of her patented bitch sighs was the response I got. “You are not a chaotic mess. It’s just you’ve just been through more than most people. And he should respect that because you have different boundaries.”
I sucked in a gasp between my teeth. Of course she was able to hit the nail on the head without even knowing all the details.
“He does respect me.” Boundaries, on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure he understood what those were. But that wasn’t something I was ready to discuss with Vic.
“Then what’s the issue?”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t know how to put the feeling in the pit of my stomach into words. But I knew I had to try.
“Sometimes, I wonder if he’s too perfect,” I admitted. “I wait for the other shoe to drop and the universe to laugh and tell me that, of course, I can’t be that happy.”
“Too perfect?” she scoffed. “Do you think you might be looking for problems so that you can push him away before he can do it?”
The barb stung, but it wasn’t unwarranted. I’d done that to plenty of guys in the past. But they’d all given me a reason to think they weren’t invested or were about to bail.
“I’m sorry, Aiden. I love you. You know I do. But we both know sometimes you expect things to go wrong and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where they leave or you leave first before they can leave first.”
I knew she was right. I’d done that more than once.
It was why I hadn’t had any serious relationships to speak of.
And I also knew Nate hadn’t done anything to give me any reason to think he wanted to leave me.
Just the opposite. He wasn’t always the most in touch with his emotions, but he didn’t hold back on what he was thinking—and he thought about me a lot.
“Sometimes it doesn’t seem real. And I don’t mean in the sense that it’s really happening to me.
” I paused, trying to figure out how to say what I was feeling, to figure out if I even wanted to put those thoughts into words.
“Nate is, well, he’s intense in everything he does.
But sometimes, I feel like I’m getting a glimpse behind it all, and it seems… forced. Flat.”
If I ever stopped and was honest with myself about Nate, I would have been able to admit the man was throwing out red flags like penalty markers at a football game. Starting with how he’d choked me. It didn’t matter that I had ended up finding it hot and came harder than I ever had before.
Then there was the fact that he admitted to stalking me, though only after I had caught him and confronted him about it. Sometimes, I wondered if he ever would have come clean if I didn’t ask outright.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something about the whole package seemed off about Nate.
There were some suspicions, but I wasn’t anywhere near ready to let them become fully formed thoughts, let alone voice them to someone else.
If I was wrong, I didn’t want it to bite me in the ass and have those ideas in her head.
“You’re right,” I said with a sigh, wanting to wrap up the call so I could finish getting ready.
“I’m probably just looking for problems when there aren’t any.
” I blew out a breath and turned back to my clothes dilemma.
I had ten minutes to pick out my clothes, get dressed, and get my ass out the door.
No pressure.
“Wow, are you actually admitting I’m right? Hold on, let me note the date and time.” She cackled on the other end of the phone, and with my clothes in hand, I strode across the room and hung up on her.
Served her right.
But I didn’t have time to revel in my victory.
I needed to get my ass in gear and get to the other side of town at the speed of light.
Somehow, I got ready and was out the door in record time, but just as I went to step outside, I quickly made my way to the kitchen and grabbed the small box out of the utility drawer and slid it into my coat pocket.
I still felt like I didn’t know much about Nate, so I hoped he liked his present.
With it finally tucked away, I was able to get on the road.
Thankfully, traffic was light, so I didn’t have to break too many laws to get to the restaurant on time.
That wasn’t something I’d want to explain to anyone I worked with.
Talk about embarrassing.
Twenty minutes later, I was sitting across the table from Nate with a smile on my face as he thanked me for being so thoughtful and planning an evening out with him.
Though, I wasn’t sure if he thought I was stepping on his toes as Daddy or not.
But fuck it, I wanted to do something nice for him and I would, dammit.
“It’s not a problem. I wanted to do something for you. We’re always holed up in my house, and I know it’s only been a month, but it felt special. So I wanted to do something… nice for you.”
Nate looked at me for a moment before his expression turned soft and bashful. “I should have thought more about it, realized how much it meant to you, and done something for you.”
I reached across the table and took Nate’s hand. “No, I wanted to do this. For you. For us. Besides, only one of us could have made surprise plans for tonight,” I said with a wink, eliciting a soft chuckle from him.
“I suppose you’re right about that. Or else, where would we be?”
My hand slipped into my pocket, and I played with the box inside. I still wasn’t sure I had made the right decision, but I’d never know until I gave it to him.
“I got you something. It’s nothing big,” I rushed out. “I saw it and thought of you.” I took a deep breath and slid the box across the table until it bumped into his slightly trembling hands.
“Little bird… you shouldn’t have.” The way he eyed it warily said maybe he meant that literally and it hadn’t been such a great idea after all.
I laughed at his absurdity and tried to play it off. Tried to act like I didn’t start dying inside at the thought that he didn’t like it.
“You don’t even know what it is yet.” My eyes rolled, but it was a fond gesture. Sort of. At least, it usually was. At that moment, it was more about hiding my anxiety.
Nate shook his head. “But I didn’t get you anything.
Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry. I’m bad at this whole”—he waved his hands around—“peopling thing. Especially when it’s a boyfriend thing.
” He shifted in his chair, and I felt bad for making him uncomfortable.
I wanted to snatch the box back and pretend the last couple minutes never happened.
He sat there, staring at the box as he played with it between his fingers. But he looked at it as though it was going to bite him.
It’s just a stupid little gift.
“Would you open it? Please? It’s nothing fancy. Just something that made me think of you, that I thought you’d like.”
He let out a sigh, but I saw the way his lips twitched as he seemed to fight off a smile.
“Of course. Thank you.”
He tugged on the bow on the box and opened it. At first, he didn’t say anything, then the way his eyes lit up when he saw the antique cufflinks made my heart melt.
“These are beautiful. Thank you, little bird. Truly.” His voice had gone soft with wonder and amazement, and it did things to my insides—things that made me squirm and wish we were back at my house rather than at a restaurant.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” My voice was full of wonder as he stared at me like I’d gone crazy.
Maybe I had. I was, after all, sitting in a restaurant with a man I barely knew after a month of dating, who was a self-professed stalker. A shiver ran through me as I wondered what else he could be capable of.
Nate shook his head. “If either one of us is amazing, you’re the one.
You are a rare gift that I treasure.” He put the box back down and grimaced.
“Me…” His voice trailed off, and he looked away, as though he wasn’t going to finish the sentence.
“I’m just a pathetic schmuck who imprinted on you like a baby duck, and now I can never let you go. ”
“Hmm. Well, if you’re a schmuck, then you’re my schmuck.” I offered him a grin to let him know I was serious.
“No one should be stuck putting up with me.” He let out a huff and quieted as our waiter came back with our food. But I found I was no longer hungry after whatever this was with Nate.
Every instinct in me told me to ask what he meant. To push and prod and ask. But in the end, I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, and I knew he’d tell me if he wanted me to know.
Turned out, I didn’t need to wait long at all.
“I don’t get people, or relationships. Not because I don’t want to, although most of the time, I couldn’t give a fuck. But I just don’t understand them or the power people give to them.”
I sat back in my chair, a slight frown on my face as I contemplated his words.
“I don’t know how to give you what you want or need.
Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t have any references to look at.
Things…” He hesitated and looked down at his plate with a frown.
“Things that seem to come easy or naturally with other people, some things, I can’t even begin to comprehend.
Facts, rationality, routine, those are things I can understand.
But people and emotions… Those things are difficult for me, even when I try. ”
Nate resembled a puppet whose strings were cut as he finished his little speech. In fact, I’d never seen him look more like a dejected puppy than in that moment. Not even when I’d asked him to leave after he dropped me off at home when we were supposed to have breakfast at my parents’.
His words replayed in my mind, along with some of the things he’d done and said since we met.
The thoughts I tried to keep from forming, not wanting to admit the truth to myself.
Things fell into place, pieces slotted together, and the picture started to look a bit clearer.
Part of me winced at the epiphany I’d had, but I could never let him see that, especially since he was already feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable.
“How old were you when you were diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder?” I was proud of how steady my voice was as I scrambled to remember the more polite term than sociopath.
Nate’s eyes snapped up to mine, and I let out an involuntary whimper as I got what I assumed to be my first look at the real Nathan Turner.