Chapter 25
NATHAN
Aiden’s words made my blood go cold as I snapped my attention to him. I wasn’t sure what the look I had on my face had been, too stunned to school my expression. But I assumed it wasn’t good based on the noise Aiden let out.
Fuck.
I knew he would probably figure it out one day. He was smart and a homicide detective. I was sure I wasn’t the first psychopath he’d encountered. I’d been playing a dangerous game, and it looked like the time came when I would have to finally raise the stakes or fold.
Then my heart did a weird little flutter inside my chest. He hadn’t called me a psychopath. The realization turned my gaze to wonder and, perhaps stupidly, to hope. Because while the terms psychopath and sociopath weren’t really used anymore, it was the more well-known term.
“Ten,” I answered honestly. “Though, not for lack of my parents trying to find out what was wrong with me before that. It’s not really common for children to be diagnosed as a psychopath, but money really can buy anything.”
The urge to be honest and purge my sins to him was too great. I had to be careful, or I’d be admitting to a lot more than just my mental health diagnosis to him.
Aiden frowned, the crease between his eyes deepening.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Nate.”
My eyes widened at not just his words but the scowl that marred his beautiful face.
“Little bird,” I said with a sigh as I signaled to the waiter for our check. “I’ll take you home now.”
There was no way to explain things to him without explaining everything to him. While I’d never regret our time together, I knew I should have let him go after I left his hotel room the morning after the wedding. It had been stupid to continue to follow him and then insert myself into his life.
“What the fuck, Nate?” He seethed.
I’d made him angry again, which was to be expected. He’d just found out he’d been wasting his time with someone who couldn’t feel the same about him as he did about me. That thought stung because I did have feelings for Nate. And I was sure, in my own way, that it was love.
Just not in the same way he loved me.
And I knew what the sting of rejection felt like as it burned in my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I kept my head down and slid my card to the waiter without even looking at the total. “You have every right to be mad at me for wasting your time.”
There was no way I could tell him how I felt, even if I wanted to. Not only did I not know how to put it into words, but it would also be incredibly unfair to him when he was already upset.
Aiden sputtered. His cheeks grew even redder as his eyes narrowed at me.
A sense of unease filled me, as I got the feeling I had missed something important along the way.
“So, what? Now you’re going to sit there and try to explain my own feelings to me? You couldn’t possibly understand what I’m thinking or feeling right now, Nate!”
His eyes went wide, and he slapped a hand over his mouth at his words.
“Shit. I’m so sorry. That wasn’t… I didn’t… That came out wrong.”
I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Everything about Aiden was a breath of fresh air—from his anger, his honesty, and even his embarrassment.
“You’re right,” I conceded as I cocked my head and studied him. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything. Just, I know from past experiences what comes next when people realize I’m… different.”
I shrugged, trying to feign indifference, but the buzz of vulnerability made my skin feel itchy. I wasn’t used to feeling so exposed. To make matters worse, I was sure I wasn’t fooling him. “It’s a lot and not something most people want to stick around and deal with.”
“That sounds… lonely,” he said. His expression was soft and sorrowful enough that I couldn’t help but nod in agreement with his words. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, little bird. It is what it is.” I let out a sigh and stood. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
He frowned but said nothing else as we walked out of the restaurant. When we got to the parking lot, I remembered we had driven separately. The pang of sorrow was like a punch to the gut as I realized I didn’t even get to take him home one last time.
My eyes tracked him as he walked through the lot, before he stopped between our cars. I wasn’t sure what I expected him to do, but I hadn’t expected him to roll his eyes and tease me.
“Are you going to wait until next month’s anniversary to unlock the door so I can get in?”
My legs carried me over to where he stood before I even made the decision to go to him. His words bounced around my head as I tried to wrap my mind around it.
Next month’s anniversary.
But there wouldn’t be a next anniversary, would there?
“I thought you would take your car.” It was the stupidest thing I could have said, and from the soft look on his face, he knew it too. But he didn’t call me out on it.
“Unlock the damn door, Daddy.”
My head swam at his words, and for a moment, I considered asking him to drive.
But just call me a genie in a bottle, because his wish was my command.
I wasn’t sure what he expected when we got to his house, and the drive was filled mostly with tense silence as I contemplated all the things that had been shared during dinner.
The most logical thing for me to do would be to kill him, and soon. A small part of me craved to feel his blood on my hands for the way he made me feel. But I knew it couldn’t be that night because his partner knew we’d gone to dinner, and that would have made me the prime suspect.
And it wouldn’t take a genius to be able to put the pieces together when he was hunting a serial killer and his boyfriend was a psychopath.
Then again, there were plenty of psychopaths—many more than most people realized—who were able to live full and productive lives and never hurt anyone. When I looked at Aiden, I wished I could be one of those people. He deserved better than me and my defective brain.
“Aiden—” I tried to leave him at the door, nice and safe, but he cut me off by pulling me against him and slamming the door closed as our lips connected.
“Shut up,” he mumbled as he let out a sigh when my tongue snaked out of my mouth to seek entrance to his.
I officially shut up. If this beautiful and intelligent man wanted me despite my flaws, I didn’t think I was strong enough to walk away on my own.
My hands cupped his face as I slowed the kiss and walked him backward toward the stairs so we could get to his bedroom. I might not have had words for him, but I could show him how I felt by making my little bird fly.
When we made it to the bedroom, I picked him up, and he immediately wrapped his legs around my waist, rotating his hips and igniting sparks as our cocks glided together through the fabric.
“Fuck, Daddy,” he whimpered in my arms as he let his head fall back and began to rut against me in earnest. “You always make me feel so good.” His voice was full of awe, and his eyes were already blown and glazed over.
I leaned forward and nipped his lip as I walked us to his bed and gently laid him down, as though he were something precious. Because he was. Somehow, Aiden had become the one thing I couldn’t live without.
He was more than just an obsession. He was everything, and it scared the shit out of me.
“Little bird,” I choked out as I settled between his legs, my voice thick with unnamed emotion.
Reaching up, I unbuttoned his shirt without breaking eye contact.
He leaned up and let it fall off his shoulders and down his arms. A sound I couldn’t identify broke free from my throat at the sight of all of his skin on display.
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him naked—and he wasn’t even naked yet—but knowing he still wanted me, even with what I’d revealed about myself, was more than I could have ever hoped for. It was a gift I truly treasured more than he would ever know, more than he could ever know.
“You’re amazing,” I said as I lightly teased my fingertips over his exposed flesh, making him gasp. “I promise to work to be worthy of you every day.”
Aiden looked up and stopped my hand’s exploration by placing his own on top.
“Daddy, you don’t need to work on anything.
I love you. There’s no reason for you to do anything different.
And you’re already worthy. I don’t know who told you that you weren’t, but you deserve everything.
Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
Ever.” I heard his words and they warmed my chest. But I couldn’t help the doubt that crept in. No one wanted me for me.
And he wouldn’t either, not if he knew my darkest secrets.
Rather than potentially spoil the evening, I didn’t say anything and instead captured his lips in a searing kiss that shook me to my core. As I leaned back, something caught my eye, and I hesitated.
“Do you trust me?” It was a big leap. He could like me, love me, or have whatever feelings he felt. But trusting me, that was a whole other ballgame. Especially given what he now knew about me.
“Always,” he said without missing a beat, and it snatched my breath away. His confidence in me was unfounded, given how we had originally met. But I couldn’t tell him that. He could never know, because I could never let him go.
I needed to get out of my head, though, and regain some control. So I pushed the thoughts aside and reached down and grabbed the tie he’d discarded when we got into the room. Gently, I wrapped it around one wrist before I wove it between the bars of his headboard and then secured his other wrist.
“Move your wrists for me and make sure it’s not too tight.” He did as I asked without saying a word, but from the way his eyes were closing as he rotated his wrists, I didn’t think he had any complaints about being tied up.
Good to know.