Chapter 31
NATHAN
Iwatched in a daze as Aiden slumped in my arms. The blood oozed out of him and mixed with the blood on my hands from the nameless man I’d killed earlier. I grimaced at the realization.
Aiden deserved better than the desecration of having his blood mixed with that of someone who didn’t matter. The other man had been a nobody, while my little bird was my everything.
But he was slipping away, dying in my arms. And I felt myself slipping away with him.
As gently as I could, I laid him on the ground and went to the sink to scrub the blood from my skin. There wasn’t much I could do about my clothes, but they weren’t a priority at the moment. When my hands were as clean as I could get them, I made my way back to where I had left Aiden.
My heart raged at the sight of him hurt and bleeding out on my floor. Well, that wasn’t a fair statement. The likelihood of him bleeding out from that wound alone was pretty small. Didn’t change the fact I didn’t like to see him hurt—even if I was the one who had done it to him.
I needed to get him up and moved somewhere else. Then again, the high polish and sealant that was put over the industrial concrete flooring in the kitchen was probably the best place for him to be while he was still bleeding. Not that it was comfortable, but it provided easy clean-up.
“What am I going to do with you, little bird?” I asked his prone body as I leaned down to check his pulse. Still steady. That was good. Logically, I knew I should kill him. It would be easy, with him unconscious. But the thought made me want to throw up.
Just like every time before when I thought about killing him. I didn’t know what it was, but I’d already proven I couldn’t do it.
Which was utterly ridiculous!
I’d killed dozens of people without remorse. Yet Aiden had proved difficult from day one. I pushed myself up from the floor and paced as I contemplated my options, of which there really weren’t many.
Either I killed him and I fled or I didn’t kill him and when he regained consciousness, I’d go to prison. Unless I ran.
Looking down at his prone body, I didn’t know if I could find it in me to run. Even faced with the knowledge that he knew everything.
Fuck. I was so screwed.
Why did he have to show up at the moment he did?
Even if he’d had the cufflink, if he hadn’t watched as I slit a man’s throat, then maybe I could have come up with some sort of excuse.
Though I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he’d be stupid enough to believe in any coincidences in the matter.
Especially given that he already had Christian as the person who discovered one of the bodies.
He’d never believe it was all a coincidence.
But I could have stalled, bought some time to come up with something.
Except I’d promised to never lie to him again. Something I never should have done because it had painted me into a corner.
With a heavy sigh, I went to the small supply cupboard in the hallway and pulled down my heavy-duty makeshift first aid kit.
I’d had to improvise, seeing as how, on occasion, I needed more than what a standard first aid kit could provide.
I took it back over to Aiden’s prone body and laid out the supplies I needed.
After I settled on the floor next to him, I took the scissors and cut off his shirt so I’d have easy access to his wound. Once that was out of the way, I got the gauze and disinfectant and was thankful he was already passed out as I wiped the wound.
The tricky part was going to be the stitches.
Subconsciously, my hand went to Aiden’s other side, and my fingers traced the faint lines of the scar that was sure to match the one he’d get once tonight’s wound healed. I shuddered at the thought.
With the needle and thread in hand, I set out to stitch the wound. It was harder than one would think, since I didn’t have anyone to help. It made the work difficult and uneven. Though it was much easier than stitching my own wounds.
Another person to hold the skin together would have been ideal while I worked on him. But there was no one else. There never was. That was the way I liked my life. It was what I’d strived for.
Though, I supposed I could have called Christian, but there wasn’t time for him to get to the house. The stitches needed to be done as soon as possible. Aiden couldn’t wait.
Shit. Christian.
By the time I sewed him back up, he had thirty-seven stitches in total. It wasn’t a record by any means, but there were more pressing matters calling my name.
Once I had the wound taped and covered, I gave Aiden a shot of painkiller. There was no doubt he’d be in agonizing pain, and I wanted to do whatever I could to help ease his suffering when he woke up. Even if I couldn’t do that for him in the long term.
I got up and cleaned myself off and reached for the phone.
The thought struck me that maybe Aiden had changed me, because a part of me felt guilty for upending and potentially ruining the other man’s life.
Especially since he had become a friend, and more.
Though, not in the sense of a lover like Aiden, even though we had that history.
Waiting for the call to connect, I wondered what I was going to tell him. But I didn’t have to wait long.
“Nathan?” Christian sounded like he had been asleep and I snuck a glance at the clock and winced when I realized it was the middle of the night.
“Hey. Sorry for calling so late.” I rubbed the back of my neck as I tried to find the words that I still struggled with.
“Fuck. What happened?” He sounded more alert, near panicked, and I could hear rustling on the end of the phone. A door slammed and I wondered if he hadn’t been alone.
My gaze wandered to where Aiden’s prone body lay on the floor and I shuddered as the thoughts of what could have been flooded my mind. “He knows, Christian. Everything. Aiden knows it’s me.”
There was a long pause on the other end and I wondered if we got disconnected before I heard Christian swear.
“Fucking hell, Nathan. How did that happen? What did he say?” Then another pause. “How are you calling me now?”
I let out a chuckle that I didn’t feel. “Well, he sort of caught me in the middle of a kill.”
“What?” Christian practically shouted. “Jesus Christ.”
The panic in his voice was evident. And I wasn’t sure anything I could say would ease it. Because we were totally fucked.
“Yeah, it definitely wasn’t ideal.” There was a throbbing that had started in my temples and I rubbed it, trying to ease the pain, despite the fact I knew it wouldn’t do any good.
Christian’s voice was a low hush when he spoke next, as though he were afraid of the answer. I couldn’t blame him. I would have been too, if I were in his shoes. “What did you do to him?”
Guilt struck me as I glanced back over at him again and I sighed. “I stabbed him.”
Once again, silence stretched out over the line. “Fuck, Nathan. Tell me you didn’t kill a police officer.”
“I didn’t kill a police officer.”
He made a sound like he didn’t believe me. Again, not that I could blame him.
“Aiden will live. He’ll be fine. I patched him up. He’s out cold at the moment. And he’ll be out of commission for a little while, but he’ll be fine.” It was the question of what came after he woke up, for me, that I didn’t know the answer to.
There was a noise of frustration from Christian, and I agreed. It was less than ideal and very frustrating.
“What do you need from me?” he asked with a resigned sigh as I took a seat at the kitchen island, turning the chair so I could watch the rise and fall of Aiden’s chest.
This was the hard part. “To disappear.”
Christian choked out an, “Excuse me?”
“It’s less than ideal. I—”
“Less than ideal? You think me packing up my life in the middle of the night—no, in the middle of a murder investigation, is less than ideal?” His frustration quickly morphed into anger, but I needed him to trust me, and to listen to what I needed him to do.
I didn’t want to add him to my body count.
“Christian. I need you to stop and listen.” My voice was calm and controlled, despite the fact I felt neither of those things. “My boyfriend, a cop whom I just stabbed, knows we are connected. We, who includes you, a man who found a man I murdered.”
I stopped and let that sink in for a minute. “Fucking hell, Nathan.”
“There are businesses and safe houses set up all over the country. Pack up and get on the road. Text me in three hours and let me know where you are and I’ll give you the location of one in the direction you’re headed.
You can lie low there, or start over there, until I figure out what is going on here. ”
“Until you… Nathan. Are you seriously going to stick around and see what he does with the information he has?” When I didn’t say anything, he started cursing again. “You fucking stabbed him. What do you think he’s going to do? Be fucking smart about this.”
“I am,” I snapped, banging my fist on the counter. “I am,” I repeated, calmer.
“You don’t understand, and that’s fine. I don’t expect you to. But this is what I have to do. You don’t need to ruin your life over what I did, though. So, let me protect you.”
Christian sighed and I knew he wanted to argue more, but there was nothing to argue against. It was my mess and I needed to clean it up.
“Good luck, Nathan.” The line disconnected and I stared at the phone as I lost the only person I’d ever truly considered a friend.
“Goodbye, Christian, and good luck,” I whispered to no one as I stood and went back to my little bird.
I checked his pulse again and was happy it was still strong. But I needed to get a move on because I couldn’t leave him on my floor indefinitely. Plus, I had a hell of a mess to clean up.
After I put the first aid kit away, I moved him away from the pool of blood he’d been lying in, and got the body wipes and cleaned all the blood off Aiden’s body before gently putting him in one of my oversized jackets.
It was still on his pants and shoes, but I’d have to take care of that later.
His pants were dark enough that it wasn’t noticeable unless you knew to look for it, at least.
So, for the moment, I just worried about what I could see.
He looked so young and fragile. I bit my lip, hating that I had done that to him. He shouldn’t have been in that position. I was his Daddy. I was supposed to take care of him, protect him.
And I’d failed miserably.
Heaving a sigh I felt down into my weary soul, if I even had one, which I seriously doubted anymore, considering what I had done to my sweet little bird, I gathered his prone form in my arms and made my way to the garage.
When I got to the car, I gently placed him in the passenger seat and made my way back to his house.
The whole drive, I half expected to be swarmed with police cars stopping me. But there was hardly any traffic and I pulled up to his house without incident. When I got there, I let myself in and did my best to drag him in without looking suspicious. Not that he had many neighbors around.
Mindful of his injuries, I carried him to his bedroom and got him changed into his favorite pair of pajama pants and a loose tank top that wouldn’t cling to his body and press against the stitches.
He grumbled and pushed me away as he slipped in and out of consciousness, but he was weak enough he didn’t get very far. Given everything he’d been through, I didn’t think he would be so eager to get a start on his day as he passed back out.
Not wanting to leave him, I tucked him in before I settled on the bed next to him, but I remained careful not to touch him. Pain laced my heart as I leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, knowing I’d never be that close to him again. He’d seen the monster and he rejected me.
And I couldn’t blame him. I’d reject me too, if I had the option.
I let out a sigh and wondered if it was going to be the last time I’d see him at all. Or, if I’d let him catch me. At least then, I could see him when he interrogated me and at the trial.
But then I thought about how the embarrassment and the pain of seeing me, the reminder, would continue to hurt him. It would be a festering wound. If he caught me, maybe I’d just plead guilty so he wouldn’t have to deal with any of that.
Wouldn’t have to deal with me.
There was still the option of fleeing, but every moment I spent with him, that seemed less and less likely. No matter how much he didn’t want me, I still couldn’t find it in me to desert him.
With that thought, I couldn’t fall asleep. Instead, I lay there, watching his fitful sleep, and wished he looked peaceful.
More than that, I wished I could undo everything I had done to hurt him. But that was beyond my capabilities.
Just as dawn broke, I gave him another shot of the painkiller and gathered everything I’d ever left behind, removing any trace that I’d been there. Before I left, I took one final look at him and smoothed his hair out of his face.
“Be well, my little bird. I love you,” I said as I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.