31. Chapter Thirty-One #2
That’s a good way to put it. It is a special type of hell that sweeps me up and away without my consent.
"Have you saved other Omegas…like me?" I want to understand if there’s a time limit for reacting like this. I don’t want to be this way for the rest of my life.
I want to know there’s hope. That my scars won’t shadow everything I think or do.
That Hardwick or Wallace won’t have a hold over me forever. "How…how long?"
When I was locked up, I imagined how good it would be to be free.
That when the day came, I’d run and run and never look back.
That I’d make a new life for myself. I’d have a little house I could decorate on my own.
My own bed no one could take from me. Meals I’d cook for myself.
A job I could go to every day. I’d have friends.
Eat pizza and go out on a Saturday night.
I thought I’d be so normal . And now I’m so far from normal, it isn’t funny.
I’m lost and spiraling and my mind is playing tricks on me and twisting everything around and—
"Eyes back on mine, Omega." My attention snaps back to Jax to see creases appear between his brows and his lips compress.
The air shifts to a smokier spice. He reaches for my hand, envelops it in both of his, warm and steady.
His thumb runs slow circles against my knuckles, grounding me to the present.
"Feel my thumb on your hand. Feel how warm I am beneath you.
Breathe in and take in our scents. A deep inhale.
A slow exhale. Taste each of us. Look into my face.
Hold my gaze. Nothing else matters but being here and now. "
I do all those things, but my chest is tight and I can’t fill my lungs. I can’t even do this simple thing Alpha asks of me. I fight the darkness creeping in at the edges of my vision. I fight it as hard as I can, but I can’t stop it.
Bad Omega.
Ruined—
" Beautiful, strong, perfect Omega ." Fingers scrape my scalp, threading through my hair.
"You're doing a good job. Just follow me.
Breathe in and out when I do." Jax’s massive chest rises as he inhales.
I do the same, releasing when he lets out his breath.
I follow the pace he sets, losing myself in the task, and then the darkness recedes, my heart rate lowers, and I can think again.
My Alphas come back into focus around me, then my nest, and sunlight streaming through the blinds.
"Feel better?" Jax asks.
I take stock of my body. I can draw in a deep breath.
"You did so well, Leah." Jax touches his forehead to mine, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before opening again. I’m swimming in their dark depths. "That’s a simple calming technique. One of many we can teach you. Healing takes time, but you can learn to guide your reactions. I won’t lie and say it will be easy.
Your brain will try to protect you in ways that don't always help, but you can work with it instead of against it. The important thing is you’re not alone.
We’ll be with you every step of the way, catching you when you fall and helping you back up again. "
My throat tightens. "Why?" My voice is a whisper, thin as the line I’m walking. "Why do you want me? There are better Omegas. Whole ones. Ones who aren’t…" I can’t finish. The word tastes like old soap and concrete, scraped raw against my tongue.
Ronan’s hand finds my jaw, calloused thumb tracing slow assurance up my cheekbone.
"Because you’re worth every second, Leah.
Every. Second. Of being with you. I’d count the cost a thousand times just to see your eyes light up when something makes you happy.
I’d crawl over broken glass to be the one you run to when you’re scared, when you’re tired, when you’re just..
. you. They wronged you. They are the problem. Not you. Not ever you ."
His words seep in, drop by drop, gathering in the cracks.
Scent him. Test Alpha. The voice pops up in the back of my mind, and I listen.
I drag in a shaky breath, and all I can smell is Ronan.
Crisp pine and green things after rain, sharp and pure as mountain air, anchoring me to the here and now.
There’s nothing rotten, no falsehood or pity.
Just truth, solid and clean, clearing the heaviness in my chest.
He leans his forehead to mine, grounding me. "We want you, Leah. Not some fantasy version. Not the perfect Omega you think you must be. You. Bruised, fierce-hearted, clever, stubborn, surviving. Let us want you. Let us be here for however long it takes. Healing is worth it, Kitten. And so are you."
My chest splits open, the tremor deepening until it becomes a shudder.
But it’s not the old terror. It’s something else: relief, dizzy and terrifying in its own right.
They want me to heal. They want me , even with all the sharp edges and shattered pieces.
Under Ronan’s touch and his clear, honest scent, I finally, finally start to believe it might be true.
"How about I take care of you, while Ronan and Gabriel clean up the nest?" Jax says.
My mind blanks, then flutters as I really take in the mess around us.
Pastry flakes, coffee stains, cushions askew, evidence of my storm.
My muscles tighten but then Gabriel chuckles.
"You’re not going to stress about a few flakes of pastry are you, Sweetheart?
Not when we told you we don’t care." My gaze swings to him, who truly looks like he doesn’t care a whit about the upturned box of pastries.
"They can be salvaged, and the rest can feed the birds when we take you to the park. And when I get you more tomorrow, I’ll make sure to add half a dozen kouign-amann s to the box now I know you like them.
" Gabriel smiles and my mind stills, caught up in his devastating beauty. "Prepare to be spoiled, Omega."
My perfume blooms around us. Fresh, sweet roses. That’s really my fragrance?
Ronan chuckles, his deep forest shade blending perfectly into the rose garden. "Our Omega likes both of those ideas."
Jax’s breath ghosts over my cheek. "What do you think, Leah? Me, you, and a bath? Let Ronan and Gabriel fuss over the mess in here. Let me take care of you for a while."
My body tingles all over, anticipation sparking down my limbs. A shaky breath escapes me. Real, because that sounds like heaven. I manage to nod.
Jax’s face lights up, pride and softness tangling in his expression as if he’s won some rare prize. "Let’s go make you feel good, Sunshine."