Chapter 4
chapter four
I don’t regret letting Nate go on the trip until the morning he’s supposed to leave.
After sending him a bunch of texts and heart emojis telling him to have fun, I sigh and put away my phone.
I’m trying to work myself up to telling Levi that I’m willing to forgo my PTO and come to work, but I dread it.
As much as I want to get back into the usual swing of things, I can’t take another pitying look.
I don’t want to admit it, but Nate had a point when he told me that I needed him. Usually when I had time off, he was the first person I called. Today, he’ll be flying to Orlando and staying in a hotel. Tomorrow, he’ll set off and be in the ocean.
Slowly, I lace up my running shoes, preparing to go out. The plan is to go on a run and call Levi when I get back to offer to return to work tomorrow. Then, I’ll use the rest of my day to go through all the wedding stuff in my house.
But the plan is . . . not fun.
This feels terrible. It always does. After Grandma died, it felt like I was stabbing myself over and over again every single time I had to do something. And then one day, it got easier. And then it became second nature .
But this sucks, and I wish that I had told Nate to stay and help me. A run would be so much easier if he was running beside me, complaining the whole way.
As I finish up my second shoe, there’s a knock at the door. I groan, hoping it’s not a salesman or someone with well wishes after I ended my engagement.
But the second I open it, my jaw drops when I see a tall figure with wavy black hair.
“Nate, what the hell are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be heading to the airport?”
To be fair, Nate does look like he’s on his way. He’s got on a wide sun hat with sunglasses that make him look like he’s en route to the docks. He’s traded his usual button-up shirt for the bright Hawaiian one I got him as a joke. On top of that, he’s wearing sweatpants.
“I am heading to the airport. I just had to stop for one thing.”
I narrow my eyes, racking my brain to figure out what he could have left here. “And what’s that? Your sense of style?”
“Very funny. I thought you’d love that I’m wearing your shirt.”
“It’s sweet, but you look like you closed your eyes and hoped for the best when you got dressed this morning.”
He rolls his eyes. “Here I was, coming to you to get the one thing I need, and you’re making fun of me.”
I cross my arms. “What do you need, Nate?”
“You.” He says it so casually that, for a second, I don’t think I’ve heard him right.
But he’s leaning on my doorway, eyebrow raised as he waits for my response.
“M-me? How could you forget me?”
“Last I checked, your name’s on one of the tickets. So, you’re going.”
Realization hits me. “Oh, no. I’m very much not going.”
“Really? But I bought you a gift to bribe you.”
“What could possibly bribe me into this? ”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of purple sunglasses shaped like flowers. For a second, all I can do is stare at them. They look not only impractical, but like nothing else in my closet.
“What the hell are those?”
“Cute. And for you.” He hands them over, and I’m wondering if my best friend lost his mind.
“Uh, thanks. But I’m still not going.”
Nate rolls his eyes. “Do you really think that I’m gonna leave you after you just ended your ten-year relationship?”
“Yes, because I told you to.”
“Try again.”
“Well then. You’ll have to stay here, which is also not acceptable because you deserve this vacation.”
“So do you.”
“I don’t—” I shake my head. “A boat and me do not mix. This is a terrible idea.”
“Listen, I usually don’t push you and water.
” And he doesn’t. All it took was one panicked episode during a summer break and he dropped it.
“But I also looked into it. There are pools on only one of the decks. We can totally avoid them. And if you don’t want to be on the docks, we’ll avoid that as well. ”
I blink at him. I’ve never known Nate to do research in his life. He only did it when trying to figure out the qualifications to be a gym teacher. Which means he’s serious about me going on this trip.
“B-but I’m fine. I’m literally going on my run right now.” I gesture to my leggings and shoes. Even my hair is in its perfect ponytail.
“And what have you been doing up until now?”
I wince, knowing I was sitting on the toilet watching other people get married and crying.
I hate the way Nate can read my mind .
“Why are you doing all of this?” I ask quietly. “You can just take the free trip and run.”
The smug look on his face fades. “Do you think I would?”
I regret the words the second I say them. “No, I don’t. But you could, and honestly, you should take it and run. I’m not gonna be any fun on this trip. You know that, so why do you want me to go on it so badly?”
He pauses, eyes going distant as he thinks about what he’s going to say. I can only stare. He hardly ever thinks this hard about his words. “You changed Rob’s name on the ticket.”
I’d done it right before the deadline, hastily putting Nate’s information instead. I had to pay a hefty fee for it too.
“I did.”
“Not yours.”
“I didn’t mean that as a sign or anything,” I reply.
“But it’s an opportunity for you to join.
” Nate’s fingers tap on his arm as he continues.
“And the last few months with the wedding planning ... it’s been stressful for you.
And I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to this week because I thought we’d be able to spend some time together.
Just the two of us, without Rob or the wedding hanging over us. ”
I blink. Even with the planning, I made time for him. But I knew our hangouts had devolved into me venting about what was happening with the wedding. Immediately, my shoulders slump as guilt hits me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m not trying to pressure you into this cruise. We can just hang out here, and I’ll tell my parents the truth.”
“No, don’t. Jeff and Judy paid a lot for this. I looked it up.” He sighs. “I don’t want them to lose out on it either.”
“So the solution is for me to get on a boat?”
“To try it. I’ll be there, after all.”
“And you think this will go well?”
“Maisie.” Nate’s voice is soft this time. “It’s me and you. We can handle anything, and the boat is so big I doubt you’ll even be thinking of the water. But I highly doubt you wanna be alone, and neither do I. So, let’s go do this together.”
The way this man knows me is still shocking sometimes. We’ve been in each other’s lives since we were children. There were plenty of people who didn’t have the dedication to know someone like Nate does.
Hell, my fiancé didn’t.
Nate knows he’s won before I even voice it. “You have an extra thirty minutes to pack.”
“We don’t have any extra time. The airport’s gonna be terrible.”
“Then you better get started.” He smiles. “ Before I start gloating that I’m right.”
“Don’t even,” I mutter before turning to go back to my bedroom. I dimly remember the plans Rob and I made to get to the airport.
Nate’s thirty minutes are nonexistent.
My best friend finds me hurling clothes into my suitcase. Once that’s done, I throw in all the small toiletries I’d collected over the last few months when I thought I was going on this trip with Rob, finishing it off with the sunglasses I’m pretty sure I’m never going to wear.
“My, my. This is chaos.”
“Shut up. I’d like to see if your bag is any better.” I’m in the middle of jumping on my bag to get it to close.
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Maisie.” Nate walks over to throw his weight on it too. “Mine is much worse.”
The Nashville Airport is, without a doubt, a fucking nightmare. I’m glad Nate’s driving, because after the third near-accident, I’m about to pull my hair out.
“Did people lose all sense in the last few days or something?” I snap as someone stops for a turn so fast that we nearly rear-end them.
“No one with any sense goes near the airport unless they have to.” Nate is oddly calm.
I don’t know how Rob would’ve dealt with this. Maybe it’s better that I don’t.
Nate has surprisingly planned everything out. When I ask about parking, he says he got a spot. When I ask how much I owe him for it, he rolls his eyes and tells me he won’t accept a dime.
And then I look up how much it would cost anyway.
“ Nate, ” I hiss. “Please tell me this isn’t how much you paid.”
I turn the screen around and he doesn’t even look. “I told you not to worry about it.”
“We should have had my mom and dad drop us off,” I say as we get out of the SUV. “Sure, they might sit in traffic for two hours, but it would be cheaper than this.”
“Jeff and Judy Cohen are the kindest souls I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t do that to them.”
“But they’d do it.”
“I think being in all of this would send Jeff into an early grave. Besides, I’m getting a whole cruise for free. I think I can afford some expensive parking.”
“That, and you’d have to admit you were considering going without me.”
“I never considered it at all. I just needed time to figure out how to convince you to go. Unfortunately, you’re very stubborn.”
“You like it.”
I don’t expect him to respond, but a slow smile crosses his face as he looks at me. “I do. ”
I let out a laugh, one of my first genuine ones since everything went down. Nate might be in vacation mode, but he seems more open than usual.
Maybe it’s not a bad thing that I came with him.
“We’re still gonna make it to the gate, right?”
He checks our tickets and the time. “It looks like you’re getting your morning run after all. We gotta go.”
That’s all he says before he takes off. Nate’s legs are far longer than mine and I have to sprint to catch up with him.
“Curse you and your long legs!” I call. “You’re about to leave me like Kevin from Home Alone .”
“You’re out of practice,” he replies with a laugh, but he does slow down slightly.
It’s tempting to grab his hand, but something about the way he avoided touching me just the day before makes me second-guess it. Instead, I push my legs harder to keep up with him.
We barely make it to the gate on time.
Even though we’re not in economy, the seats are still tightly tucked together. There’s an old man on one side of me and Nate is on the other. When I sit, I have to choose between the old man and Nate.
I choose Nate.
He goes tense the second my leg presses against his, and I frown.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Uh, yeah. This is just very tight.” He shifts, almost like he wants to get away from me.
I blink. Does Nate not like to touch people? It’s the only thing that makes sense, but how would I have not noticed?Had I been that busy with Rob?
“Sorry,” I say and move the best I can. Without bothering the other man, all I can do is make it to where I’m not squished against him. I’m just there.
A nervous feeling settles in my gut at my last-second decision to come on this trip. No wonder he doesn’t keep his girlfriends around. No wonder he only hangs out with me and no one else. I know I’ll do my best to keep my distance if it’s what he needs.
Even if I don’t love the idea.
I’m not sure when this started. When we were kids, especially when we were graduating high school, touch was always something Nate initiated. Hugs were given freely, and we’d shared a bed more times than we could count.
“Is this better?”
“It’s tolerable.” His voice is tense and I hate that. My mouth tugs into a frown and I look over at the older man, wondering if I should get friendly with him. “Just ... tell me what you got up to this morning. Please. Your eyes were red.”
I blink. “No they weren’t.”
“They were. You were thinking about Rob again.”
“I was not . Mostly. I was crying at weddings in general. Not Rob. I’ve barely even thought about him.”
“Don’t lie,” he says flatly.
The thing is, when I’m with Nate, I don’t think about Rob very much. I never have. Which is why it may be a good thing that I came on this trip.
“A lot of the videos were happy,” I say. “And it’s hard that it’s the day after I was supposed to be happy, and I’m not.”
“We’ll get you there,” Nate says. “I promise.”The way he says it makes me want to lean into him, just like I used to when we went on field trips in high school.
But I don’t. I settle for a smile.
“Thank you,” I say.
Nate’s eyes flick to my mouth and then down to my shoulder where we’re touching.I remember how much he must hate this.Ignoring the feeling in my gut, I get a few centimeters away from him.
“At least the flight’s short,” I offer. “Then we’re in the middle of the ocean. It’s my dream .”
“It’s gonna be fine.”
“You and I have very different definitions of fine.”
“Massages are included. Along with the sauna. And all the drinks you could want.”
“Now you’re talking,” I reply.
Satisfied, Nate pulls out his Kindle and reads while I double-check the itinerary for the cruise.
We have four stops over the seven days—one in Cozumel, Mexico and three in the Caribbean. I hadn’t looked at much of anything, content to survive on the boat without letting Rob see that I hate the water.
Along with all the activities on the islands, Mom had taken the liberty to highlight the things I would enjoy on the boat too. Even though I lied to her, she still made sure I would know about all the non-water stuff available. And it’s more than I expected.
It’s overwhelming to look at it all. I had a handle on this trip with Rob and a light schedule figured out, but Nate being here throws a wrench in everything I’d planned.
I know what he likes, thankfully, and I can easily make educated guesses, but the last few days haven’t been the most restful and my eyes feel heavy as I look at everything.
Even though I’ve only been sitting around, dealing with everything has been exhausting. I’ve done my best, but the weight of it all and the lost sleep in favor of crying over my blown-up life makes me want to doze right off.
I lie back, closing my eyes for a second.
“Tired?” Nate asks lowly.
“Just resting my eyes.” I won’t say it, but it’s all I can do. I don’t have a neck pillow, and I can’t rest my head on the stranger beside me.
And I definitely won’t on Nate. His other leg, the one not pressed to me, hasn’t stilled since we sat. I doubt it will for the whole flight.
I won’t fall asleep. I’ll just keep my eyes closed and cling to consciousness. I keep telling myself that, even as time goes murky and I feel my head grow heavy.Eventually, my head falls on something warm, and I can’t remember why I didn’t want this to happen.
As consciousness leaves me, I hear a sigh. “I knew you weren’t fine, berry. How much have you been sleeping?”
And I’m gone.