Chapter 15
chapter fifteen
It takes me way too long to shower away all the grime from the day. It doesn’t help that the water pressure is terrible and that the shower is tiny. When I’m done, I’m huffing and annoyed, but I tell Nate it’s his turn and flop onto the bed.
He lingers. “You’re not gonna take a peek at me, are you?”
“No. I’m staying right here.”
“Are you still okay?”
I mostly am, but when I recall the terror of having fallen in, it doesn’t feel great.
“I’ll survive while you shower. Then I might need you again.”
“Got it,” he says. “I’ll make it quick.”
“Quick but thorough! I can now say for certain that ocean water sucks.”
I hear him laugh as the water turns on. I can’t hide my smile as I open my newly cleaned phone.
I’d hastily washed it in the sink, thanking my lucky stars that it was water resistant.
It didn’t take any damage in the fall, and I need the distraction so I don’t turn around and look at Nate in the mirror.
I send Mom a few photos from the trip, letting her know we’re having fun and leaving out my adventure in the water. Then I scroll social media until my eyes shut.
The second they do, I’m in the water again. I can’t move, I can’t breathe?—
I jerk awake, trying to catch my breath.
“Maisie?” Nate’s voice is soft. I turn to see that he’s done with his shower and is fully dressed.
“S-sorry. Must not be as over it as I thought.” I shake my head and sit up. “How was your shower?”
“It was serviceable,” he says with a half smile. “I’m more worried about you, though. You saw it again, didn’t you?”
I wince, but know this isn’t the first time. When we were eleven, I pushed myself to go to the pool with him. I dipped one foot into the water, panicked, and had nightmares for weeks. “Yeah. Just like last time.”
“Has it happened more on the trip?”
I shake my head. “No. I think it’s being in the water that starts it.”
“What helped last time? You had one nightmare, but I can’t remember if you had any more.”
The memories are fuzzy at best, so I don’t blame him for not remembering what happened.
But I do. And I doubt it’ll happen.
“Don’t worry about it.” I wave my hand, knowing better than to even try to lie to him. “It’ll go away.”
Nate gives me a flat look. “Did you just tell me , of all people, not to worry about you?”
The words make my heart skip a beat. He means it in a friendly way, but it feels like more. “Yes, I did.”
“Not happening. You know what’ll help. You just don’t wanna ask for it.” His eyes narrow as he walks to the bed. “What is it? Do you need me to find you a plushie? Or sing you to sleep? I’ve been told I have a very nice voice, you know. ”
Oh, I can believe it. “No, nothing like that. It’s ... Well, it’s not something you’d enjoy very much. And I won’t ask it of you.”
His brow furrows. “What? There’s not much I can’t handle, berry.”
I look away. “Seriously, I’ll be fine.”
“Tell me, or I’m calling Judy and asking her what happened.”
I jerk my head to him so fast I worry I’ll give myself whiplash. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would. Try me.”
“Fine,” I hiss. “It was you, okay?”
“Wait, me? What did I do?”
“You spent the night, just like you usually did, but it was quiet because you felt so bad about taking me to the pool. I woke up with a nightmare and you ...” My cheeks are on fire as I say it. “You crawled into bed with me and stayed there.”
“O-oh.”
“Mom and Dad had a rule about that. You could be in my room but not in the bed. That was the first time we broke that rule.”
And it wouldn’t be the last. We’d break it all the time.
My body aches at the memory. Just like when we hugged, I didn’t know how much I was missing. All of those times of him holding me as I fell asleep, I never imagined there would be a last time.
Nate is still staring at me, brow pinched as he thinks about it too. I know what he’s going to offer, so I shake my head.
“Anyway, we aren’t those little kids anymore. I’ll be fine.” I turn to my side, rolling over to look out the window. I’m sure looking at the ocean after falling into it isn’t going to help my dreams, but it’s better than facing Nate after what I’ve admitted.
Then the bed dips with weight.
“What?” I turn to see Nate lying down.
“Come here,” is all he says. I stare, waiting for him to flinch or move away. When he doesn’t, all I feel is relief . I nearly scramble to get into his arms, and it feels like coming home.
Nate lets out a long breath, and I wonder if he’ll tense up as I make his shoulder my pillow. Instead, his arms wrap around me, pulling me into his side.
If I thought his hugs were good, cuddling with him is even better. He’s everywhere and I don’t want to leave. My leg hikes up on his and I can’t resist the happy sigh that escapes me as I sink into him.
“Thank you,” I say. “I needed this.”
I expect him to crack a joke, which is what he would do any other time. Instead, I feel him sigh, and I’m pressed tighter into his chest.
It feels like my heart could explode.
“Get some sleep,” he says softly. “You need it.”
As I drift off, I know I will. This is what I’ve been missing for ... years.
And I have it back.
When I wake up, I’m being drowned in the best way.
Nate must have turned to his side at some point during the night. My back is pressed tightly to his chest, and he’s curled around me like a comma. There’s never been a doubt in my mind that he cares for me, but this really puts it into perspective.
For once, I feel well rested. I didn’t have a single bad dream while wrapped up in Nate’s arms. It seems like what worked all of those years ago still works to this day.
I’m tempted to get out of bed and go get him a coffee as a thank-you for what he did for me the night before.
But as I try to move away from him, he grumbles in his sleep and pulls me closer.
His hips were slightly angled away from me just moments ago.
Now every single inch of us is pressed together, and I can feel something against my ass.
Something very hard.
Immediately, it feels like I’m back in that pool again, watching Nate step out as I realize my body wants his. I didn’t think I would ever consider the idea of sex for a long time after Rob, yet here I am.
It’s bad and it’s wrong, but my body heats up. My brain nearly goes offline, and I’m tempted to trace the outline of his cock. To wake him up with a completely different sort of thank-you.
From what I’m feeling, it’ll be a treat for us both.
But my logic hangs on by a thread and I stay still while I figure out what to do. Luckily, I don’t have to do anything because Nate wakes up. At first, his hands rub up and down my side, and I’m starting to wonder if I have a fever. Then he tears away from me like I’m on fire.
My eyes slam shut and I feign sleep. There’s no way I can face him, not after what I felt.
“Shit,” he mutters. “I knew I shouldn’t have ...” He trails off and goes to the bathroom.
I knew I shouldn’t have? Shouldn’t have what? Slept in the same bed as me?
Slowly, I sit up, my body growing cold. The night before, I tried to catch any signs of discomfort from Nate about our position, and I hadn’t caught a thing. Had I been wrong?
Yes, feeling his hardness was awkward, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Men get boners. They’re rarely sexual first thing in the morning. It was very possible it had nothing to do with me. It was simply friction.
The thought didn’t make me feel any better.
Maybe I had pushed him too hard. Yesterday was scary, but that’s no excuse for me putting him in a position where he’s uncomfortable. With a sigh, I wait for him to come out of the bathroom. I purposely don’t look at the mirror, giving him as much privacy as I can.
Ten minutes later, he walks out.
“Maisie,” he says. “You’re up.”
Me faking sleep must have worked. I know it’s a good idea for us to talk about it, but the idea of what he could say is terrifying. I want to get better about facing my fears, but ruining things between us might be my biggest one.
“I am. Hopefully last night wasn’t too miserable for you.”
“It was ... something. It took me a bit to get to sleep.”
We both know it took no time at all for me to fall asleep. I’d let myself be selfish by asking him to stay.
I shouldn’t have.
“Thank you,” I say. “No more nightmares. So that worked.”
“Good.”
My jaw tightens as I realize that things are now awkward between us. Again. I wish I’d never brought up what worked all those years ago.
Clearing my throat, I stand. “I’m gonna get changed and then I’ll get us both some coffee. I think we need it.”
“I can come with you.”
I shake my head. “You obviously got less sleep than I did. It’s the least I can do.”
I brush by him a little closer than I would have the day before. He takes a healthy step away from me. That’s when I know we’re back to where we were yesterday. The whole cuddling business was a one-time thing, just like saving me from the water was.
My disappointment stays off of my face as I grab my last pair of longer shorts and a shirt. It only shows when I’m in the bathroom. I give myself five seconds to feel it, and then I put my clothes on and walk out of the room.
Nate lets me.