Chapter 20 #2
“Yes, it did. Rob was never okay with how close we are. No one else either. And I didn’t know how to stop other than ... stopping it altogether.”
What he said makes sense logically. But I can’t wrap my head around anyone being important enough to come between us. “But you’re my friend. That’s important to me.”
“And we’ve always been that. Just with ... space.”
My heart tells me that I don’t want space. I’ve never wanted space. Not from him.
“Is there some happy medium we can find?”
He blinks. “I don’t know. The issue with me and you is that I don’t think either of us knows when we go too far.”
The words make my breath catch in my throat and I wonder if everyone else has been right the entire time. Is there something more between us?
I open my mouth to ask him just that. But then it closes before I can. Things go wrong. If me asking him if there was anything more ruined our friendship, it would be like the feelings I just felt, except so much worse.
I want to be brave so badly, but I can’t let things fall apart between us. Not after what’s just happened.
“Okay.” The word hurts, but I say it anyway.
Nate frowns. “Okay?” he repeats. “What does that mean?”
“It means I get it. This may not be what I want, but that’s okay.”
“And what do you want, Maisie? ”
“Anything you’re willing to give me.” It’s true. I’d take being one inch closer to him than where we were before.
Nate’s jaw drops. “Are you serious? Maisie, I don’t think you know what you’re asking for.”
“I do know.”
“No, you really don’t.”
“You wanna touch me, right?” I ask. He blinks and his ears go red, but he nods. “Then do it.”
“What happens when I go too far?”
“I think it’ll probably be me who goes too far.” And it’s true. With all the things I’ve thought about him, I wonder if platonic touches will ever be enough.
“Don’t challenge me,” he says lowly. “This’ll be the one you’d lose.”
I know I’m the one losing here, so I only shrug. “It’s better than you acting like I burn you every time we touch.”
“That’s not ... entirely inaccurate,” he says, eyes going distant as he thinks about it. Then he focuses back on me.
I feel like a walking bruise. I want so much, and I have no idea what he’s willing to give me.
But then Nate reaches out, tucking one strand of hair behind my ear. He doesn’t jerk back. He doesn’t tense up.
It’s just him.
“Do you know what you look like right now?” he asks.
“A mess?”
“God no. You look like the girl who thought I’d spiked the punch at homecoming junior year, right before she dragged me outside to yell at me.”
“Nate,” I groan. “Are you ever gonna let that go? I was wrong about that. You didn’t spike it. You just helped them get it in.”
“You called me out on something stupid.” His hand moves down a long lock of my hair. “Your hair looked like this too.”
My heart is doing somersaults in my chest. “Is that a bad thing? ”
“No, you lost a lot of your fight when you were with Rob. I missed this side of you.”
“I missed it too.”
A soft smile crosses his face. “We should figure out new boundaries about all this. I promise I won’t shut you out this time.”
I nod, relief hitting me like a truck. “Thank you.”
“But not when you’re drunk.”
“I’m only tipsy.”
“Which means you’re gonna be tired soon,” he adds. “Tell me, are your eyelids feeling heavy yet?”
I sigh. “Only slightly.”
“Then we’re on borrowed time. Do you wanna go back in there?” He looks at where the dancing is happening. “I might need to catch up with you on drinking, but I can dance if I want to.”
I look back at the room.
“I think I want food and to go to sleep early.”
“I could also go for those things. As long as I get to be with you.” The words are said casually as he puts his hands in his pockets. But it feels anything but casual to me.
“Let me say bye to Scarlett,” I say as I step away. “I’ll be right back.”
He gives me a nod before I find my friend. She’s near the door, still dancing, but easy to find.
“Hey. I’m gonna head out.”
“Oh?” She turns to me with a smile. “Did talking work?”
“You know it did,” I reply. “Thank you so much for giving me a safe space to just be for a little bit.”
“No problem,” she replies. “But I better get to see you again before this cruise is over.”
“You will.” I pull her into a tight hug before leaving.
After a quick dinner, we finish Revenge of the Sith from the last scene that Nate remembers while I plan how to broach the topic of where we’re sleeping. He gets ready for bed first while I lounge on the couch.
“So, I guess it’s my turn,” I say when he comes out of the bathroom.
“Your turn for what?”
“Getting the couch.”
His eyes narrow. “No way. You’re not taking the couch.”
“After how you slept last night, you have to be sore, and I’m not.” I don’t say it’s because he’s a good pillow, even though I want to. “Plus, you can have space if you need it.”
“You think I want space?”
“I’m giving you the option. It’s up to you.”
He huffs out a breath before his gaze lands on me. I wonder if he’s annoyed, but I see one corner of his mouth quirk upward, and I sit up straighter.
That isn’t annoyance. That’s mischief on his face.
Which is terrifying.
“What are you planning?”
He doesn’t answer and walks over to me. I’m about to ask again when he grabs my legs and pulls .
“Whoa!” I yelp as I’m launched toward him. He leans over and makes sure I don’t hit the ground and then drags me to the bed. “Nate, what the fuck.”
“Show, don’t tell. You’re not sleeping on the couch.”
I kick at him, trying to free myself. “I can do what I want.”
“Not this time.”
I manage to get free enough to scramble to my feet and make a break for the couch.
He grabs me by the waist to stop me, but my foot is under his, and both of us topple onto the hard surface.
I land underneath him, and the air is knocked out of my lungs.
Luckily, Nate mostly catches himself so I’m not completely crushed .
But I also can’t move.
“Ow,” I hiss. “Why are you so heavy?”
“Why did you take my foot out? This is your fault, berry.”
I huff. “You told me what to do.”
“So, you did it harder?” He rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face. “That’s my girl.” I pause. I like the sound of being his . “Uh, I mean?—”
I cut him off by trying to squirm out from under him, which only makes things worse.It makes my situation worse. He’s everywhere.
And I don’t mind it.
Nate’s body is rigid, and I swear something pokes me before he’s gone in a flash and in the bathroom.
I stare in shock. “Did I actually win?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he calls back. “I just need a minute.”
Had he gotten hard? I blush at the idea, but I’m determined not to ignore the thought that he’s attracted to me.
Scarlett is right. All the signs are there.
“I’m serious about you not sleeping on that thing,” he says as he comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later.
“One of us has to,” I remind him. “Unless we share the bed.”
“That’s what I was trying to get at.” He crosses his arms. “Or was me dragging you to it not clear enough?”
“It was not. This is a time when telling does work.”
“Would you have listened?”
“Maybe after a fight.”
He laughs, but gestures to the bed. My body tenses. I still don’t know what I’ll do in my sleep. When Rob and I shared a bed, I didn’t have too many issues, but I’m starting to realize that I didn’t care about Rob like I do Nate.
“I’m a bed hog,” I warn. “You may not get any sleep.”
“Like I’ll get great sleep on that couch.
” He rolls his eyes. “And I know you hog the bed. You did it all the time when we were kids. You hog blankets too. Actually, you’re pretty inconsiderate all around.
” I throw a pillow at him. He takes it and puts it on the bed.
“Listen,” he adds, “I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m repulsed by you ever again.
And this is the most logical solution. That being said, if you don’t feel like you wanna do this, I completely understand.
I still won’t let you take the couch, though. ”
I consider it. I enjoy Nate’s openness. He wouldn’t be too angry if I woke up cuddling him. He would probably run back to the bathroom, though.
I can deal with that.
“Fine, but you don’t get to act like you won this one.”
His lips stretch into a smirk. “That’s exactly how I’m gonna act.”
“Then I’ll stay on the couch.”
He groans and then shuts his mouth. That’s when I finally get up.
The bed is a queen, the same size that we used to share when we were kids. In my house, I’d quickly upgraded to a king-size bed, so it still feels small to me, especially when I’m sharing with someone else.
When I was with Rob, it felt like I couldn’t get enough space from him. He snored loudly and was more of a blanket hog than I was. As Nate lies down next to me, I realize I don’t need the space. In fact, I don’t need anything else than this.
He turns the light off. “Just like old times, huh?”
Back then, being in the same bed was a need. Graduating high school was a dark time in both of our lives. And the only way we survived it was by sticking together.
Tonight isn’t just for survival. We could sleep separately and be fine, but we’re choosing this. Both of us.
“It’s not exactly like old times,” I say.
“Yeah, being on a boat is different.”
The dark makes me brave. I grab his arm, which is resting on his side, and drape it on my hip. “There. Now it’s like old times. ”
Nate is silent for a long while, and I wonder if he’ll tug away or make an excuse for space.
But instead, he laughs. “You’re right. I forgot the most important part.”
“You’re like a weighted blanket,” I say. “It’s nice.”
“Seriously? Are you objectifying me right now?”
“Shh.” I turn only so I can put my hand on his face. “Blankets don’t talk.”
Nate scoffs as I roll back around. “This was all a ploy to get me to be quiet.”
“And it’s still not working. You’re lucky my parents aren’t here. You know you’re the reason we kept getting caught when we were kids, right?”
“Me? I seem to remember you reading me your entire Nancy Drew book.”
“You asked!”
“You didn’t say no.” His arm that’s draped over me tugs me closer. “And we’re adults now. We can do what we want.”
My lips tug upward as I let myself think about all the things I do want. I snuggle into him, feeling even better about finding a way to tell Nate I want more.
I’m tired, more so than I expect. Even though I have more snark to throw, being in bed with him is already making me want to fall asleep.
Nate lets me, and I can hear the sound of his breathing. It’s better than any sound machine I could buy, and I’m drifting off in seconds.