Chapter 21
chapter twenty-one
Consciousness seeps in slowly. I know before I’ve even opened my eyes that I’ve slept hard . I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been out, but I’m pretty sure we could’ve hit something and I wouldn’t have known.
Light spills through a crack in the drawn curtain, so I know it’s sometime during the day. I try to move and get my phone only to realize I can’t do anything.
When I dozed off, Nate’s arm was slung over me and I was barely grazing his chest with my back. It was close, but there was some semblance of space between us.
Not anymore.
There’s no indication of who moved throughout the night. All I know is that there’s no way I can go anywhere without waking him up.
At some point, I moved to my back. Nate rolled over, planting his head right on my chest. It can’t be comfortable with his size, and his feet are definitely hanging off the bed, yet he’s still fast asleep.
I want to be worried. But this feels natural. I want to run my fingers through his waves, just enough to wake him up so he looks up at me with his adorable green eyes. Then, he would lean up for a kiss.
My cheeks go red as I wonder what kissing Nate would be like.
It’s not the only thing I’m curious about.
Nate’s eyebrows furrow in his sleep as he reaches out. His fingers graze my ribs and I go tense. Is he waking up?
Instead, his arms tighten and he presses his face into the nook of my shoulder and neck. I feel like I could combust, but I don’t dare move. His leg hikes up, and that’s when I feel it.
He’s hard. Very hard, and his dick is pressed into my leg.
My eyes squeeze shut and I take a deep breath. Just the feel of that does more to me than Rob ever could. I would be working with far more than I ever had before.
Would he be more caring than Rob was? Would he give me time that I had to steal from Rob? Would it feel like all the songs and books said it should?
Nate’s cock presses into me one more time. I resist the urge to push back. He’s asleep. We’ve not talked about anything .
But I want this.
So bad.
Still, I try to pull away.
“U-um, Nate?” I say. “Hey, could you?—”
His eyes open in a flash. He’s much faster at putting the pieces together than I was, and he’s off of me before I can even finish my sentence.
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath.
I’m suddenly cold. I blink slowly, trying to get my wits about me.
Nate stares at me with a stricken expression before he’s gone and in the bathroom. I’m tempted to use the mirror, but it’s obvious he wants the only privacy he can get in this tiny room, so I let out a sigh and flop back onto the bed.
A heavy silence settles in as I give him a moment. My cheeks burn and I can only imagine what he’s thinking .
It takes a long time before he emerges. I’m still lying on the bed, trying to parse through my emotions. It’s so easy to take him running off the wrong way, but I’m trying my best not to go down that path.
“Maisie, I’m so sorry about that.” He says it slowly. “That was so inappropriate, and I know I made you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t. It’s fine.” The words come out strangled, mostly because I’m resisting the urge to pull him right back into bed with me. To make him see that I was fine with what was happening. We just need to talk first.
“Don’t lie,” he says. “You can’t even look me in the eyes right now.”
I blow out a breath and slowly sit up, looking him right in the face. The desire I felt in the bed meets the fear that him running away was a rejection, and it sparks something new. It makes me defiant, something I am with so few people. “See? Fine.”
Nate doesn’t look convinced. He doesn’t look anything other than guilty. His arms are crossed, his shoulders hunched. “I think we need better boundaries. No more sleeping in the same bed.”
“Wait, what ? I’m not agreeing to that.”
“It’s for the best. We said we were figuring out what works for us, and we found that sharing a bed does not.”
“Speak for yourself. I slept great.”
“And then woke up to me going ...” He sighs. “Way too far with you.”
“You just got hard. It’s not the end of the world or anything.”
“Are you being serious right now?”
I make sure I don’t look away. “I am.”
He blinks and I know I’ve convinced him. “Why are you not more freaked out by this?”
“You’re acting like I’m blind to the fact that you’re a man. Men get hard.”
He only stares. “You didn’t think that was ... overboard?”
“Overboard. How the hell does morning wood equate to falling off the side of the boat? I’d say you need to get your fears in order.” I make myself smile.
He still looks at me like I’m a bomb about to go off. “Was that a joke?” he asks.
“Kind of,” I reply with a shrug. “Water safety is no joke to me, obviously. But I could entertain some jokes about the hard member that woke me up, if you’re ... up to that.”
Nate blinks, and then finally , he huffs out a laugh. “Maisie, was that a double joke?”
“I’m a woman of layers. What can I say?”
“You’re being shockingly calm about this.”
The thing is, he’s right. If this had happened a week ago, I would have panicked just like he is now. But I’ve come to terms with my feelings and I know that they’re real. I know that there’s no avoiding them.
“Contrary to popular belief, I can be calm.”
“That’s news to me.”
I give him a glare. “I can pretend to be upset if you want me to. Oh no, your dick. It’s hard. What will I ever do? ” My acting voice is purposely terrible. The second I’m done, Nate is laughing.
“All right, all right. I can see you’re not faking it this time. The vacation must finally be working on you.”
“Right before we get back too. Just my luck. I’ll have to travel more often to chase this. Or maybe you could get hard again. That might work.”
The tips of Nate’s ears go beet red. “Really? That’s your next joke?”
“What? Was it bad?”
“New rule. No more jokes at my expense before coffee.”
“What? None? ”
“Just none about my dick. I can’t process this yet.”
“Fine. I’ll stop. I was just making sure your little buddy is ready to face the public. ”
Now he glares. “You’re pushing. And don’t use the word little. You’ll hurt a man’s pride.”
I bite my tongue. I want to tell him there’s nothing that should hurt his pride, but I know I need to toe the line.
Nate can see it. “At least you’re finally listening. Let’s go.”
Half an hour later, we’re at the lounge sipping on lattes. I know I’m still thinking about this morning, and Nate is too, judging by how he keeps glancing at me when he thinks I won’t notice.
I’m not sure how to broach this. With Rob, everything was done for me. He’s the one who made massive displays to prove how much he cared.
Nate isn’t like that. He’s quietly there, like a support system I can’t live without.
This morning was the first time we did something that wasn’t like what friends do.
“So, today’s the last excursion,” Nate says as he’s halfway through his drink. “Then it’s back to real life, huh?”
That, I dread. “Yeah, I guess so.”
I haven’t put much thought into life on the shore, but I’m not excited about seeing all of Rob’s family when I go to Quinn’s birthday party. Before the cruise, it was a nebulous concept, an issue I didn’t have to face. Now, I do.
It’s tempting to hide, just like I did when I called the wedding off.
But Quinn wants me there and I’ve never missed one of her birthdays before. I have to be brave and face this. I don’t want fear to stop me.
“So, we’re in Nassau for the day.” Nate’s looking at his phone. “There’s not a lot to do for someone who doesn’t like swimming.”
“That seems to be the theme here,” I say with a sigh. “But it’s our last full day on the water. I think I could go for an attempt at swimming in the ocean.”
Nate blinks. “Really? That’s a tall order. ”
“Is it?”
“There are waves,” he says. “Though, they’re pretty small here. And you did get an experience with the ocean on this trip that wasn’t so good.”
“I’d like an experience with the ocean that isn’t traumatizing,” I say. “And I get to use my swimsuit again.”
“Yeah, that.”
Nervousness settles in my gut. “What? Do you not like it?”
“No!” he says immediately. His fingers start tapping on the table and he can’t look me in the eye. “It, uh, looks very nice on you. You and Scarlett picked that out?”
“Yeah. Our shopping trip was ... enlightening.”
“Tell me about it.”
“You can’t possibly want to know the details of a shopping trip.”
“I love hearing you talk about what you get up to. Tell me everything.”
If it were anyone else, I’d think they were lying.
“Fine.”
He perks up as if I’m handing him his favorite candy. And I can’t help the grin that takes over my face as I tell him about how Scarlett made me try on each and every one in the shop.
“I like her,” he says. “Where does she live again?”
“No idea, but not in Nashville.” I blow out a breath. “I’m kind of sad about it, honestly.”
“We can travel to see her.”
We. I like the sound of that.
“The one I got I almost didn’t buy,” I continue. “Honestly, I thought it was a little ... showy.”
Nate raises an eyebrow. “And that’s a problem?”
“Not really,” I reply quickly. It’s hard to sit still. “But I guess I’ve gotten used to some things that were said to me about wearing things like that.”
“By who?” Nate’s leaning forward, brow pinched. “If I did anything that made you feel like that, feel free to smack me. Or tell me off.”
I hold a hand up. “Not you, I promise.”
He lets out a sigh of relief before he’s focused again. “So, who did?”
Nate will be able to guess it. Quinn would never. Neither would my parents. “Rob made a few comments about me needing to be more modest because I didn’t have the kind of body that looked good in certain things.”
I expect Nate to roll his eyes and call him an idiot. That’s what he is. Instead, his whole body goes tense. He’s so close I can feel it.
“Excuse me?” he says.
“Y-yeah.” I shake my head. “I’m working on unlearning that.”
“He should have never spoken to you like that. If I’d known, I would’ve—” He trails off, shaking his head.
He’s angry for me, and it’s yet another way I know he cares.
My hand lands on his arm. “I know,” I reply. “Thank you.”
Nate blows out a breath before he glances at me. I see him push his anger away and he relaxes. “Good. You shouldn’t have to put up with him like that.”
“And I don’t have to.” Mostly. It would be cleaner if I could never see him again, but I know that’s not how everything will work out. “At least not in the same way. The only time I plan to see him is Quinn’s birthday.”
“I’m going too,” he says.
“But I thought you hated her family.”
“I do, but I’m not letting you deal with it alone. So, I’ll be with you. If you’ll have me.”
My hand tightens on his arm and his skin is warm. “I’ll always have you. It’s one of my favorite things about being your best friend.”