31. Silas
Silas
I left the door open for her as I walked inside.
I knew I should apologize. She had no idea of why that verbiage would upset me, but I still couldn’t knock the feeling that she’d somehow compared me to him in the car.
I tried to get over it as I moved straight to the kitchen and set my things down.
I should have taken the time to explain why I brought her here of all places.
I could have shown her around and talked about why I’d chosen my house to stay at, but now I felt like it wouldn’t be the same.
I didn’t like keeping things from her, especially this. Knowing I couldn’t tell her was making me uneasy, so much so I was turning volatile and it was affecting my communication with her. I owed her so much more than just an apology once this was done.
I looked around at what she was about to walk into.
My house was simple, but I thought she’d like it that way.
Because she was still outside, she’d be able to see the paint—a deep charcoal grey I’d picked out, with the bottom lined in a dark lattice that matched the trim.
I bet she’d notice that my windows were tinted like the ones on my car.
Knowing her, she’d probably have something to say about that.
Her favorite thing, though, would probably be the yard out front.
I ran sprinklers year-round to promote the vibrant green landscaping, including my yellow rose bushes that lined the side wall of the house.
A smile lined my face as I realized the correlation between those flowers, my mom, and Ember.
I had never put it together, not until now. I bet they would have liked each other.
Turning to look at my cupboards, I quickly searched for a vase.
Finding one on the top shelf, I jogged out of the kitchen and retraced my steps to her.
From the hallway, I saw her outside through the open door.
It was almost like she’d sat in the car for a while before getting out. She had barely made it into the yard.
She stared down at the walkway as she moved, smiling every time her foot crossed over one of the pavers. I could tell she was studying the diamond patterns carved into them. Her gaze only lifted when she noticed me standing there. I held the vase out, along with the scissors I’d grabbed.
“Wanna help me with something?”
“What, did you run inside so that you could take your crazy pills? Are we calm now?”
I didn’t answer, just walked over to the side of the house with the vase.
When her eyes landed on the rose bushes, they widened before glancing back at me.
I nodded as she ran over to it, carefully touching the large yellow roses that were sprinkled throughout the leaves.
I shook my head at the way she instantly fell in love with them.
I should have known, considering yellow was both of their favorite colors.
I walked over next to her and cut off six roses, sliding them into the vase, along with some foliage. “You like them?”
“Yeah, I do.” She carried them to the door with the biggest smile then looked up at me as we stepped inside. “I’d like them even more if we could talk about why you got upset?”
Walking through the door, I stepped to the side and let her take in the space. “Nope.”
She just sighed, smelling the flowers as she passed me and looked around.
“This is my home.”
Almost dropping the flowers, she stuttered on her next words before looking around. “What? You brought me to your house?”
I just nodded and moved past her into the living room, where I sat as she looked over everything.
She noticed the ceiling first and how it was broken into small sections from dark exposed beams. Following each one with her eyes, she moved on to the soft lighting that was tucked into the edges of each one.
Her focus moved again, down to the dark wood floors that matched the beam's color above.
I wondered what her thoughts were, considering my home was completely different from my office. “What do you think?”
She eyed me, like she couldn’t figure out what my next move was, and I realized it had been a while since the last time I’d received that look.
“I didn’t take you for a modern house kind of guy.
The fact it doesn’t look like a jail is commendable, but I did expect neutrals. That’s not surprising at all.”
“Yeah well, it was painted yellow.” I answered before disappearing down the hall to find a towel. I grabbed a few from the extra closet and then some of my clothes for her, realizing she was probably going to need new ones after she showered.
When I came out, she was standing in front of a shelf in my living room.
Somehow, I knew the exact picture she was looking at, I’d known that was the one she'd be drawn to. As I moved closer, I saw the picture from over her shoulder. The photo she held was of three boys, huddled together on a broken tree. The tallest one was me, and I could see she’d figured that out because her thumb was rubbing my face.
Beside me in the image was Kyrin and Greyson.
“Your brothers?”
“Yeah,” My shoulders dropped slightly when her gaze met mine. I wanted her to know everything about me, and yet, I was hiding something from her about her own life. I offered her the folded towel and clothes. “My mom took that.”
She smiled softly and leaned against the wall next to me. Turning the towel in her hands, she brought it up to her chest and wrapped her arm around it. “What’s she like?”
There was a quick tick in my jaw as I pushed past the discomfort I was starting to feel.
The discussion with her about him and what he was doing to her would be ten times worse, so I needed to start with this, even if it made me want to be sick.
I took the photo from her and ignored all of the bad feelings coming back.
“She was everything good in this world—the type of person that lit up a room. Everyone loved her.”
Ember’s whole demeanor changed, but not in a bad way. She seemed to pick up on the fact that it was a really sore subject for me. “I’m sorry, Silas. She sounds amazing.”
I pulled my eyes up so she could see how I was laying down my shield for her, how I too could be exposed and vulnerable. “She was, even though she was the sole reason why everything in this house was painted yellow.” I laughed, feeling the sting inside my body from actively talking about her.
A look of realization crossed Ember’s face, just like I was hoping it would. “Yellow?” She blinked at me a few times. “Like my dress?”
I smiled one more time at the picture before placing it back on the shelf.
“There were a lot of reasons I couldn’t get you out of my head, even from that first night.
I think I knew though, even then. Finding someone like you is extremely rare.
I know that, because when she died, the world lost part of its light and so did I.
When I saw you in the club that night, in that yellow dress—I couldn’t help but get angry.
I hadn’t felt that warmth since I was sixteen. ”
Ember’s arms wrapped around me, and the towel she held pushed into my side. The hug was foreign and I wanted to reject it, but I’d take anything from her as long as she stayed with me.
“What was her name?” Ember asked from my chest.
Another imaginary wound was inflicted from that question. Instead of retreating, I wrapped my arms around her back. “Lacey.”
I felt the exact moment she put everything together about my tattoos. “Silas, I’m sorry that I—”
“It’s fine,” I replied, not wanting any type of apology from her.
“Was it just you guys and your dad, then?”
That question hit the hardest, and the pain wasn’t just a sting, it was a gut punch.
“My dad was the one who killed her.” The words echoed like a scream in the quiet kitchen around us.
“I think it’s safe to say the world is full of really shitty people.
” I mumbled into her hair, “I raised my brothers after that.”
With that information she pulled away and looked back at the picture. “You did that alone?”
I shrugged slightly. “Someone had to. I wasn’t going to let them get taken from me.”
When she looked at me, it was like she truly saw me for the first time. There was no wall between us, none whatsoever, and now it was my job to keep it that way.
When she turned, I thought she was stepping away to shower, but to my surprise, she walked a few feet away and pulled out a barstool from my counter. Once it was out far enough, she sat down and placed her elbows on the towel, holding her chin in her hands.
I pointed in the direction of the bathroom before moving to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. “I thought you needed a shower?”
Tapping a finger on her chin, she smiled up at me “That can wait a few more minutes. I want to know about you. Is that okay?”
It was definitely okay, but as she said that, I cursed internally at Knox.
After a few seconds of making her wait, I let her win.
Grabbing an extra bottle out of the door, I handed it to her and took a seat in the barstool next to her.
“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know as long as you drink this. ”
She raised an eyebrow and twisted off the cap with two fingers before chugging the whole thing. Not once did she take her eyes off me, even as she set the empty bottle on the counter. “When did the club come around?”
Throwing the empty one away, I walked back to the fridge and set a new one down in front of her, just because I could.
“I was a kid raising kids. I found an outlet that eventually turned into a hobby. When my dad died, I inherited our family money and invested into a few companies. One came to be mine, and the other two went to my brothers when they were old enough.”
I could tell that she was processing everything. She wanted to understand, and the best thing was, there was no sympathy in her expression, which I appreciated. She briefly looked down and then back up at me. “How do the masks fit in?”
I straightened, stretching through the restraint my body was trying to give.
“A lot of my childhood was being who others needed me to be. I spent a large portion being my mother’s protector and then my brother's guardian. My face became one people looked at with remorse.” I took a moment to swallow and collected the rest of my thoughts.
“I just wanted to create a space where I could be who I was, make my own choices, without anyone judging me.” The words seemed simple as they left me, but that was all it really boiled down to.
“Trauma affects everyone differently, and mine just manifested as masks.”
“It all makes sense now. Why you want control”—a light shade of pink flooded her cheeks, and she tried to hide her smile—“and why you play a certain way. Is that why you shared me with Kyrin that first night?”
“Let’s be crystal clear about something..
” I couldn’t help the look that settled on my face, the expression was one of pure objection.
“I did not share you with my brother. You needed to learn a lesson, and I needed to touch you. Kyrin was just there.” I knew that night would eventually come back to bite me. “I am not the type that shares.”
She shook me off with a simple hand gesture. “I don’t want that. I already have a hard time keeping up with all your dueling personalities—I’d be stupid to add anyone else to the mix.”
Grabbing an empty envelope, I threw it at her, and she flashed me one of her amazing smiles. We sat in silence for a few minutes until she began to pick the skin on the sides of her fingers.
“I didn’t go through the same thing you did, but my parents weren’t the best either.
They were never home, and when they were, they were on drugs.
My grandmother raised me, which is where I learned to never back down.
I had to move out when she passed away because I couldn’t afford things on my own—that’s when I found Kinsley. ”
With a small laugh, she lifted the towel and pointed down the hallway for direction.
I answered by motioning to her where to go.
“Second door on the right.” As she stepped away, I couldn’t help myself.
I lightly grabbed her jaw and pulled her into me.
She instantly relaxed into my hold and looked up at me with those eyes, the eyes that I pictured every time I closed my own.
I almost said everything then, almost told her the complete truth of what we found and why she was with me.
In order to stop myself, I let my eyes drift to her lips.
Lowering my head, I rested my forehead on hers.
It was only a moment later that her mouth crashed to mine.
Every time I felt her lips, I knew our kiss wasn’t simple or average, because we weren’t. I let her lead, and at first it stayed soft. Then she ran her tongue along my bottom lip and let out a sound, one that I had to push myself away from before I literally threw her on the counter.
I didn’t say anything as I kept my face down to control my breathing. She giggled and rubbed my dick once before heading down the hall toward the bathroom.