5. Kaitlyn
CHAPTER FIVE
Kaitlyn
NOW
Should I have definitely talked to my boyfriend first before taking his twin and his . . . I don’t know what to call Javi. Bailey’s little friend? That just sounds like a terrible joke about his dick.
Oh, but yes.
I should have talked to Hunter. It’s all just so complicated because Bailey and I are .
. . well, whatever we are now, I guess. I want to be friends again, because I missed Bailey so much, but it felt wrong to miss him when he wasn’t mine to miss.
It’d be different if we hadn’t almost been something, but we were, and now I’m here with him. See? Complicated .
Honestly, I should ask Javi if he wants to dig a hole big enough to bury me in, so I don’t have to face the consequences of my actions.
But I don’t have to ask him permission for shit, so in my mind it seemed perfectly acceptable for me to hang out with his brother, who magically reappeared after two years, in a platonic way—like the most platonic you can get.
“I know you said pass, but—” I start to say, because I honestly can’t let this go. I need to know because if Bailey is planning on leaving again. I want to prepare myself.
Bailey shoots me a look so intense I immediately back off. Okay then. No questions about if he’s staying or not, and it terrifies me because it makes me think he’s not going to.
I waited for Bailey to sit down in the sand while I stayed with Javi in the water before asking how he found Bailey, trying not to stare at the scars littering his back. I barely held my tears at bay when Javi said Bailey kept him safe from all the bad people who would hurt him.
“How have you been?” Bailey asks, breaking the tension between us. I’m a little surprised he even wants to continue talking to me at all.
When he ran into me on the stairs, he seemed like he’d rather be anywhere than next to me—and I used to be the one Bailey wanted to be next to.
“Good, I guess.”
“You guess?”
I hesitate, reaching for another handful of sand.
I haven’t even talked to Hunter about this, so I probably shouldn’t be telling Bailey, but I’ll add it to the list of apologies I’ll need to make later.
“I’m supposed to declare my major at Duke this fall, but I don’t know what I want.
I thought college was where you’re supposed to figure everything out, and discover who you are, but I’m as clueless as I was the first day of freshman year,” I say, lifting my shoulders in a shrug.
“I think I want to take a year off and figure out what I want, but I’m afraid everyone will think it’s because I can’t hack it in the real world. ”
The worst part is Hunter has everything planned out, and it’s all moving along right on schedule. Yet, the closer I look at my plan, the more cracks I notice. There’s only so much duct tape you can use to patch them before it shatters completely.
My brother, Henry, bought me a full oil paint set and easel after I mentioned I wanted to try painting in passing last summer. After years of sketching scenes to disappear into, I fell in love with it, but it’s not sensible in the slightest to want painting to be anything more than a hobby.
I need to pick something practical, but the thought of choosing a major in business gives me the same claustrophobic feeling it gives my mother. Unfortunately, Dad told me a long time ago he expected Henry and me to get our degrees, so I’m terrified to bring up taking a year off.
“The real world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I think you could handle it, Price,” Bailey says, offering me a smile that feels like a rainbow appearing at the end of a thunderstorm.
I smile back at him, noting the similarities and differences between Bailey and Hunter.
My eyes land on the jagged scar on his forehead, traveling up into his hairline.
I wonder how many other scars the boy sitting next to me has—internal and external.
“How did you get the scar on your forehead?” I ask, and he immediately touches it.
His face shifts, and after taking one step forward with him, I’ve now jumped three steps back.
I’m guessing it’s not a happy story, but I don’t think Bailey has many of those.
If he does, they probably all revolve around Javi.
“Wait, can I change my question?” I blurt out, and the relief in his expression makes me feel better.
“Is Javi really the reason you came back?”
I press my fingertips deeper into the sand, trying not to seem like I’m hanging onto the edge of a cliff while I wait for Bailey to gather his thoughts.
God, I can’t believe he’s sitting here next to me. It feels like a fever dream. Am I hallucinating this?
“He has a problem with his heart. There was an ad at one of the shelters for a free clinic, and I didn’t think it would hurt to get us both checked out.
I didn’t know they’d actually find something, but I guess Javi’s supposed to be bigger than he is, and he struggles breathing sometimes.
The doctor at the clinic said he needed to see a specialist because they heard a murmur, and the EKG they ran showed abnormal results.
I can’t afford the doctor, or any treatment he might need after, but I thought maybe I could convince my parents to pay for his care.
Now it seems like too much to ask of them after everything I’ve put them through,” he says, his brows furrowed as he watches Javi.
My hand seems to have a mind of its own, reaching over to rest on top of Bailey’s in silent reassurance.
“You know they’d help him in a heartbeat,” I say, and Bailey flinches.
His emerald eyes move to meet mine before his attention drops to where our hands touch.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I stammer, my cheeks heating because I don’t know how to act around him anymore.
Before I can pull my hand away, Bailey turns his over, lacing our fingers together. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine,” he says, his voice rough like sandpaper.
I want to know everything, but at the same time, I’m terrified.
I don’t pull away as my vision blurs with tears, and my heart feels heavy from how long I’ve spent missing the boy who used to be my favorite person.
“Hunter, he’s been gone for years, and that’s what you say to him when he comes back?” I know I’m being harsh, but he needs to hear this. I mean, what the fuck? Is he trying to make Bailey leave again?
Hunter sits on the edge of his bed, dragging his hands over his face. “What do you want me to do? Fall at his feet and cry about how much I missed him? Bailey chose to leave. He chose to call JJ, and I’m his fucking twin. He never once reached out to me, and I lost my other half.”
I blink, trying not to think about how small Bailey looked compared to my boyfriend sitting in front of me. I’ve been there every step of the way for Hunter since he left, but is it wrong of me to want to know if anyone’s been there for Bailey?
I’m not stupid enough to ignore there had to be something that went down between the twins. I think I’ve been too afraid to ask what happened, but I never expected the first thing out of his mouth to his brother to be, See you again in three years?
“I know how hard it’s been for you to be stuck in the loop of hoping Bailey will call and hating him when he doesn’t, but we don’t know what happened to him while he was gone.
Don’t you want to find out where he’s been?
Why Bailey left? Because I do. I know he’s your twin, but B left everyone.
You don’t have to fall at his feet, but you didn’t have to be a dick to him.
” I unzip my rash guard because I doubt we’re going to head back out.
After finding one of my shirts hanging in Hunter’s closet, I slip it on and button my cutoff shorts from earlier.
I feel like my mind has been scrambled trying to make sense of seeing Bailey again.
I didn’t even have the chance to say anything, but he barely looked at me.
Shame crawls up my spine because I shouldn’t care whether Bailey stopped to look at me when he’s seeing his family again for the first time in two years.
The floor creaks behind me, and Hunter’s arms wrap around me, tugging me against his firm chest. I’m torn when he kisses the back of my neck softly, resting his head on my shoulder a moment later.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, but it doesn’t make me feel better.
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” I reply, untangling myself from his hold on me.
Hunter gapes at me in disbelief when I turn to face him. “Babe, you can’t be serious right now.”
“I am,” I say, and I soften, feeling guilty. “I’m not defending Bailey, but what you said to him was wrong. You owe him an apology.”
I walk out of his room before he can say anything else, knowing we both need time to cool off.
Hunter texted me a little while ago asking where I was, but I didn’t respond, needing a second to breathe and settle my mind, which probably was a mistake.
My phone rings in my back pocket, and I know I can’t avoid it after seeing Hunter’s name on the caller ID, but I don’t realize my second mistake until I answer.
“Hey, I— Hunter? ” I pull my hand from Bailey, my heart dropping when I realize my boyfriend is in near hysterics. “What’s wrong?” I ask, softening my voice to try soothing him.
“I fucked up, Kait. I had my chance to make things right with Bailey, and instead I lashed out at him. He left, and I-I can’t breathe.
” Hunter wheezes, gasping for air, and the sound of his panic sets off alarms in my head.
“What if I never see him again?” he asks, practically choking on the question.
Oh my god.
I didn’t tell anyone we were leaving or that Bailey and Javi are with me. Why didn’t I think to tell someone?