9. Kaitlyn #2
“Are you going to carry it, or stare at it all day?” I ask, harsher than I intended, but I’m not going to apologize. If he’s not willing to explain to help me understand, then I don’t think it’s needed.
He turns toward me, and it was easy before to avoid noticing the differences between the twins, but now my mind is cataloging every deviation.
Where Hunter is all hard lines and muscle, Bailey is leaner, and not for the better. I want to know what scars he bears in addition to the one running across his temple.
“Who took care of my board?” he asks, his voice hoarse, and now I feel like my heart’s been thrown into a blender.
“Hunter. Once a month, he’d drive back from Oceanside to clean and re-wax it in case . . .” In case you came back , is what I don’t say.
His eyes widen for a brief moment, and he takes a half-step toward me. “Kait—” Bailey starts to say, and I feel tears prick my eyes like tiny shards of glass because the last thing I want to do right now is hear him say he can’t explain it to me.
“No. I do not want to talk about this right now. We’re both going to put smiles on our faces and join everyone because I’m not letting how mad I am at you right now affect Javi’s first time surfing,” I say, forcing the brightest smile that’s never felt more fake.
The air in here is suffocating, and I don’t bother waiting for Bailey before I walk out of the shed with the life jacket in hand.
I feel a little better once the breeze and sunshine hit my face, and I trudge through the sand with my board tucked under my arm.
Hunter is walking my way, and it’s a relief to see he’s smiling now.
“You grabbing your board?”
He nods, his eyes scanning over me. “Yeah. You want me to grab your rash guard?”
I stop, adjusting my grip around my board. “No, but I thought you could help me with my sunscreen,” I say, sweetening the deal for Hunter, giving him the same once-over he gave me.
“Hell yeah,” he says, moving closer to me.
My breath catches when Hunter’s calloused hand slides over the curve of my neck to pull me in for a kiss.
Sometimes it still feels surreal to be kissing him, even after all this time.
It promises safety and comfort, like a warm blanket being tucked around you as a little kid.
A short cough sounds behind us, and I pull away, craning my neck to see Bailey standing there with his board in hand. His sharp features are void of any emotion, and I shouldn’t feel embarrassed he walked up on us, but I am. “Sorry, just trying to walk past.”
“No biggie,” I say, clearing my throat.
Hunter’s emerald eyes are trained on me when I turn back toward him, but the board starts to slip, and he catches it. “I’ll carry it for you,” Hunter says, reaching to pull it from my grip as Bailey slips by us on the path.
“You sure? I have no problem carrying it, you just distracted me,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sorry.” His face softens into a smile, and Hunter turns back toward the beach with my board tucked under his arm.
Sorry, my ass.
Javi ends up on Mirabelle’s board, and my plan to get the twins to talk is failing miserably, but I’m not helping much either. I haven’t even looked at Bailey since we went out on the water, and it’s taking more effort than it should .
I keep hearing him say Hunter was one of the people who hurt him, then I’m mad at myself for thinking about it instead of enjoying the warmth of the sun and the steady waves rolling in.
Mirabelle’s next to me with Javi while I adjust the strap of my bikini when Hunter pops up on the peak of the chest-high swell coming in on the offshore breeze. “You okay?” she asks, keeping her voice low.
“Just peachy,” I say, and she nods, staring at Javi’s scars. “Are you?”
She blinks, wiping her nose on the back of her hand, giving me a tear-filled smile. “I’m good. Dumb hormones.” She motions to her belly.
“Are you having fun, Javi?” I ask, but the little boy looks happier than I’ve seen him, holding on tight to the rails.
“This is awesome! Did you know mermaids are real?” he asks, his dark eyes wide with delight.
Mirabelle’s smile grows, and she leans to dip her hand in the water to splash him. “As real as anything can be.”
“I did know they’re real. Sometimes when we come out for dawn patrol, you can see them jump through the air in the distance,” I say, and his jaw drops.
“That’s so cool.”
Hunter executes a flawless cutback, shifting his weight on the board to snap off the lip. He has a way of making everything look effortless, but I think being out on the water is the one place where he can clear his mind.
Javi’s quiet clapping pulls my attention back to him, and I wish I knew more about what he’s been through. “Why do you think Hunter doesn’t like you?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.
He shrugs, kicking his feet in the water as a smaller wave rolls underneath us, causing our boards to bob.
“I said hi to him, and he didn’t say it back.
Why doesn’t he smile more?” It amazes me how much he’s noticing in such a short amount of time, but before I can answer, he asks another question. “Do you know how he hurt Bailey?”
So much for ignoring that until later, but this only gives me more of a reason to grill Bailey. Mirabelle is staring at me, and part of me wonders what she knows that I don’t. The conversation I interrupted this morning seemed serious.
“I wish I did, but what I do know is that once Hunter gets to know you better, you’ll be best friends. He’s kind of quiet, but when he smiles, it can make everything wrong feel right again,” I reply softly, noticing Hunter heading in our direction.
“Kait! Are you planning on catching any waves since you’re the one who dragged us all out here?” Hunter calls out, and I roll my eyes.
“Don’t be such a baby. It’s a beautiful day, and you could use some sun. You’re looking a little pale,” I tease, and he laughs, looking happier than I’ve seen him since Bailey came back.
“Whatever. Why don’t you show us what you got?”
“Fine, I’ll show you how it’s done.” I stick my tongue out at him, lying down on my board to paddle further out to wait for the right swell. Taking a few seconds to look over my shoulder, I’m surprised to see Hunter and Bailey sitting next to each other . . . talking?
I don’t have a chance to speak to Bailey until later in the afternoon, and I’m going to need him to find some answers pretty damn quick.
I’m done with this vague shit from him and Hunter, and I want to know what they talked about on the water because no one said anything when I joined the lineup again .
Hunter was talking to Mirabelle when I slipped away to find Bailey, and Javi fell asleep watching a movie in the living room.
I knock on Bailey’s door, chewing the inside of my cheek as I try to prepare myself for the answers I might get from him.
“Just a minute!”
I knock harder, and the door swings open a moment later.
I’m greeted by the sight of Bailey shirtless and a towel hanging almost a little too low for my sanity.
It’s not like I didn’t just spend hours out on the ocean with everyone in a swimsuit, but in his room, it somehow feels more intimate, if that makes sense?
His skin has a red tint to it from hours in the sun, and there’s a dusting of blond hair across his chest, but my face flushes when my gaze lands on the happy trail disappearing beneath the towel he’s holding in place.
Bailey clears his throat, and I refocus my attention on his face before pushing my way past him, trying to ignore the shame crawling up my spine. “We need to talk.”
“By all means, come in,” he mumbles under his breath, shutting the door behind me. “Can I maybe get dressed first before you tell me what I did?”
“I’ll turn around. I know guys aren’t known for their multitasking skills, but I’m pretty sure you can talk while getting dressed,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
Bailey shrugs and moves toward his closet while I turn around, focusing on an old picture of me, Bailey, and Hunter from our childhood. My two front teeth are missing from the time I knocked them out after I tripped while running away from the twins—but I’m sandwiched between them, smiling happily.
I miss the days when it was just the three of us together instead of whatever the hell happened three years ago.
“So are you going to tell me why you’re mad? ”
“Why do you think, Bailey?” I retort back sarcastically, and he chuckles.
“Don’t know. Kind of why I asked.”
“How did Hunter hurt you?” I ask, desperate for an answer, and I think I might scream if he refuses to tell me.
Bailey falls silent, and it’s overwhelming, causing my thoughts to run wild with worst-case scenarios.
“Bailey?”
I shift my weight, unable to stay still. The tension in the room is so thick I can’t stand it. It’s suffocating—just like not knowing all the answers to the questions I have.
“I can’t tell you,” he says, his voice quiet, and I think I hate that most of all. The Bailey I knew wasn’t quiet, and he never hesitated to share what he was thinking. “You can turn around now.”
Bailey’s wearing a faded green T-shirt that looks like it’s seen better days and a pair of athletic shorts, but I’m just glad he’s wearing more than a towel.
“You can tell me. It’s very simple. You open your mouth and say what Hunter did to make you leave, but you’re choosing not to.”
He looks like he’s in physical pain, moving to sit on the edge of his bed, but it’s not enough to dissuade me from wanting to know.
“Fine. Then I’m choosing not to tell you because I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else more than I already have.
Knowing the truth won’t change anything, so there’s no point. ”
I want to throw my hands up in the air because that was the most nonspecific answer I think I’ve ever heard.
“Fine, I’ll ask Javi.” It’s an empty threat because I already know Javi doesn’t know anything. Bailey raises his eyebrows.
“Good luck. He doesn’t know either. You really think I’d put more weight on that kid’s shoulders than he already carries?” he asks, amusement flickering in his green eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Kait. Let the past go.”
“Bullshit,” I snap. “It does matter because whatever the fuck happened was bad enough for you to leave all of us. I want to give you space because I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I can tell you what it did to everyone you left behind.
” I don’t normally lose my temper like this, but I am so tired of ignoring how hurt I’ve been.
“Kait—”
“Mirabelle and Henry blamed themselves because they were the ones here with you when you left. Your parents hired all kinds of private investigators to find you, and they never gave up. JJ wouldn’t go anywhere without his phone in case you happened to call to let him know you were still alive.
And Hunter? He was lost because his best friend disappeared.
Bash and Thalia would just sit there and look at him sometimes, trying to picture you.
They did their best, but it nearly broke your family when you disappeared into thin air.
So I’d say it does fucking matter.” My breathing grows fast and I blink rapidly, trying to keep my tears at bay.
I’ve tried so fucking hard, but the walls I’ve kept my grief hidden behind are crumbling.
How can he stand there and tell me it doesn’t?
“You left them, but you also left me . I missed you every fucking day, B, but I had to be okay for Hunter. Sometimes I missed you so much, it felt like I could barely breathe. Don’t tell me to let the past go when it’s the only place I still had you . ”
It feels like years of anger and hurt are pouring from me, but all it does is cause Bailey’s expression to harden, closing him off from me.
He used to let me in. I was his person, and B was mine.
Maybe Hunter’s right.
It might be time for me to start accepting that Bailey’s just somebody I used to know.
“All of those reasons you just listed are exactly why I can’t say. It fucking kills me to know that I did that to them— to you . But I won’t cause them any more pain. It’s the last thing I want to do.”
Every breath he takes looks as if it’s causing him pain. Let me in, B. Please.
Bailey’s jaw flexes as he maintains our eye contact, and I should just leave. Nothing good is going to come of this.
Why won’t he let himself be happy?
“It’s too late for that, and I think after all the hurt you’ve caused, they’re owed the truth,” I continue, and this time, Bailey stands up, closing the distance between us. My immediate reaction is to back up and put space between us, but my back hits the wall, trapping me.
His features are determined, and I can feel my bravado fading at the close proximity as Bailey stops in front of me.
We’re not touching, but I don’t know where to look.
I’m tall at five foot eleven, but I still have to tilt my head back to look him in the eyes.
It feels like Bailey is staring into my soul, and I wish I knew what he was looking for.
“Ask me again why I left,” he says, his voice raspy as if the words are difficult for him to say.
But I can’t get the question to come out of my mouth.
I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of Bailey being right about what’ll happen if the truth does come out and the aftershocks that will follow.
Bailey scans my face again, and I still haven’t said anything. I wish I could, but all I can think about is how wrong it is to be this close to him—especially when it feels this right.
It’s right enough to make me wonder what would have happened if Bailey hadn’t pushed me awa?—
“That’s what I thought,” he murmurs, stepping back. His demeanor has completely shifted, and I’m not sure I could tell the difference between up and down. “You should go find Hunter.”
The mention of Hunter— my boyfriend —startles me back to reality.
He’s right. I should go find Hunter. This was a mistake.
My mind is reeling as I leave his room, struggling to pull myself together.
None of it makes sense, but maybe Bailey’s right. It might be better for everyone if the truth remains hidden.