18. Bailey
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Bailey
NOW
The longer I stay, the harder time I’m having with the idea of leaving again.
I see how easily Javi fits in with my family. My parents approached the topic of kindergarten with him a few days ago, and he had a lot of questions, but he seemed excited.
With his health, I know Javi has no business going back to the streets. He deserves to go to school and enjoy being a kid, which is something he’s rarely had the opportunity to do.
If I leave, I’ll have to break my promise that we’ll stay together. He’ll want to go with me, but he shouldn’t. He deserves a real family that won’t hurt him.
Hell, I’m not even sure if I’m leaving. It’s nice not having to sleep with one eye open, or worry about where my next meal is coming from.
My face and body are filling out with the regular meals, and the early morning surfing is helping me slowly tone what little muscles I have. I pulled out my old camera from the drawer I shoved it into years ago, and it’s felt like greeting an old friend again.
I’m a nervous wreck about the surgery tomorrow, but the doctor has assured me Javi is in very capable hands. It would be worse to delay it.
My parents haven’t pressed me for more information, but I know they have questions. I can’t tell them everything, but I can at least give them something.
JJ and Marley invited me to go with them to Henry and Mira’s house to help with the nursery, but stalling this conversation isn’t going to make it any easier, so I told them I would go next time.
I find my parents in the living room where Mom’s working on her laptop with her feet in Dad’s lap while he reads a book. I’m surprised by the reading glasses he’s wearing, but he pulls them off when he sees me, setting them on top of his now closed book.
“Javi sleeping?”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I was hoping I could talk to you? If you’re not busy,” I say, willing my voice not to shake.
Mom immediately closes her laptop, glancing at me. “Of course, B. What’s going on?”
I scratch the back of my neck as I sit down on the couch, trying to figure out the best place to start. “I want to clear some things up and explain.”
“Okay,” Dad says as Mom sits up, remaining close to him. I don’t know how I ever believed the worst of them.
“I, um . . . I wasn’t homeless the entire time.
I didn’t go to New York until eight months after I left.
I was staying with a family, but when I found out they were lying to me, I couldn’t stay.
I was young and stupid. So fucking stupid ,” I whisper the last few words, guilt twisting like agony in my chest.
I clear my throat, diverting my gaze from them to stare at a family picture on the wall from the last time we were all in France. Things were so different then. It doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I wanted to come back,” I admit, flinching when I hear a sharp intake.
“I didn’t think I deserved to after everything I’d done, so I found my way to New York.
Sometimes I stayed in homeless shelters, but I couldn’t always get into those.
When I couldn’t, I started staying on the streets.
I had a friend who helped me when she could, but Javi was a lifeline I didn’t know I needed.
He gave me a purpose again when I felt so lost.”
“Bailey . . .” Dad trails off, and I wonder what he would say if he knew everything. I want to know how forgiving he’d be if he knew the truth of everything I’ve done. “You could have come back.”
I sniffle, wiping my nose on the back of my hand.
“I know I fucked everything up. The way I treated you is something I’ve wished I could take back every day.
I didn’t think it was possible for you to still love me after everything.
I’m so sorry.” I dare to take a look at them, not knowing what to expect.
Mom has silent tears streaming down her face, and I see nothing but sadness.
There’s none of the anger I’m certain I deserve.
“It’s in the past, son. We forgave you a long time ago,” Dad says, and Mom wipes at her cheeks, her short hair brushing her shoulders.
“We never stopped loving you. There’s nothing you could say or do that would change the love we have for you,” she says, keeping her emerald-green gaze trained on me.
A weight feels lifted from my shoulders, and a shuddering sigh of relief loosens from my chest. I really needed to hear that. “Thank you.”
I was a child when I believed Dad would ever cheat on someone, or ever abandon a child. They still took me back with open arms, and I now know I couldn’t ask for better parents.
“Can I ask who you stayed with?” The way Dad phrases the question tells me how careful he’s trying to be with his wording.
My entire body tenses at the thought of Carter and Kiera.
I was so eager to be seen and heard. I fell hook, line, and sinker for the first person to tell me a good story that he also believed to be true.
They were nice, but I didn’t belong there.
Once I found out the truth, I couldn’t stay—I didn’t want to either.
I had pushed away my entire family for a lie.
If I tell them the truth now, it’ll only reopen old wounds.
I shake my head, wiping my nose again. “No. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about them.”
Mom gets up to pull me into her arms, and I allow myself to relax into her embrace. “It’s okay. You’re home now.”
Home.
Is this my home?
“I don’t do that anymore,” Uncle Owen protests, and Aunt Blake pats his shoulder.
“It’s okay to admit it, honey. It’s one of the things I’ve grown to love about you,” she says, causing everyone around the large dining table to laugh while his jaw drops.
My parents wanted to have a family dinner before Javi’s surgery tomorrow, but I think it’s also meant to be a last hurrah before the chaos of football takes control of our lives again.
JJ and Hunter leave soon for their summer training programs, and the Charlotte Blue Panthers are scheduled to start their training camp at the end of the month.
It feels like I’ve gone back in time sitting at the same table as all my siblings, my aunt and uncle, and the Price family.
“What do you mean grown to love ? I thought you loved everything about me?” my uncle asks, and Mom scoffs, tearing off a piece of her bread.
“Who could love everything about you? You’re stinky, arrogant, and you grew that stupid squirrel back on your face. Blake, why are you still with my brother?”
Aunt Blake laughs before squeezing his hand. “Not a clue, but I don’t know what I would do without him.”
“Uncle Owen, I don’t see anything wrong with it,” Mirabelle inserts, and Henry sputters, choking on his water.
“Only because you have conversations with yourself in the mirror every day,” he says, and the room roars with laughter.
I smile, turning my head to take a bite of the pasta on my plate when my attention snags on where Kaitlyn’s sitting diagonally from me.
The peachy tank top she’s wearing makes her tan pop, and she reminds me of a mermaid with the way her hair falls over her shoulders in waves.
Her smile is wide as she looks at her brother and my sister, and for a moment, I’m jealous of them.
I’ve kept to myself most of the night, to take everything in and hear what the rest of my family is up to. I’ve noticed Chris eyeing me, and I’m almost positive it’s because of how much time Kaitlyn and I have been spending together.
Kaitlyn looks my way, and her smile shifts into a more intimate one. She’s been around more since her and Hunter made up, which was painfully obvious when Javi and I showed up based on their disheveled appearances. Still, if she’s happy, then I’m happy for her.
I just wish it wasn’t with my brother, who I can absolutely feel staring at me right now. I break eye contact with Kaitlyn to give Hunter a polite smile.
While he’s made friends with Javi, we’re more distant than ever. Despite that, I still love him, even if I don’t like him at the moment.
“So, Bailey, what are your plans now that you’re back?” Chris asks, directing his question at me. The air in the room immediately shifts, and I can appreciate him cutting through the bullshit. It’s something I’ve always respected about him.
“ Chris ,” Mom warns, and it’s nice to know some things never change. She’s always been the only person who’ll openly argue with him.
“It’s okay,” I say, understanding this is a test all on its own. Still, I’m grateful she tried to protect me. It means more than she’ll ever know. “I’m still trying to figure out what comes next for me, but right now my main focus is on getting Javi better.”
He softens at the mention of Javi, his gaze traveling to where he sits next to me, coloring in the dinosaur coloring book with the crayons Mirabelle surprised him with.
“Penelope, can you pass me the bread?” Mirabelle interjects, distracting the attention away from me.
“You’re going to eat more bread?” JJ asks, and Marley turns to face him, pinching his arm.
“You literally have no room to talk. I have to keep a whole separate cupboard full of snacks for you after my roommate almost killed you for eating all of her food.”
“JJ, are you calling me fat?” Mirabelle asks, and his eyes grow wide. Oh, he really didn’t think that through.
His hands go up in self-defense, and it’s clear he’s panicking. “Not what I said. I was just asking if you were going to eat more bread because you already ate—Marley, stop pinching me, I’m shutting up.” He gives an exasperated look at his girlfriend, who is only trying to save him from himself.
“Then stop saying stupid shit!” she groans, shaking her head at him. Oh man, JJ is completely whipped by this girl.
Mirabelle is still distracted by the fact JJ implied she was fat. It’s really not her fault, though. She’s having twins . “Am I really getting fat?” she asks, her hands falling to rest on her growing stomach .
“JJ, je vais te blesser,” ? 1 Henry threatens, shooting a pointed glare at JJ. “You’re not fat, mon c?ur . You’re pregnant.”
Javi tugs on my shirt, pulling my attention away from the drama before I laugh at JJ. “Why’s Mira sad?”
I laugh quietly, dropping my voice to a whisper. “JJ said something that hurt her feelings.”
“Why?”
Oh man. The why question has been making an appearance a lot lately, and I don’t always have an answer for him. I’ve learned if I act like I know what I’m talking about, he doesn’t question it, but I can’t very well tell him Henry just threatened to hurt JJ.
Before I can catch him, Javi’s out of his seat and darting toward Mirabelle before throwing his arms around her. I miss the first part, but I catch the last half. “—sometimes people say bad things they don’t mean. Bailey always protects me from bad people, so now I know how to protect you.”
Goddamn, I love him. He can’t keep a secret to save his life, but he sure knows how to tug at your heartstrings.
Mirabelle sniffles before crying as she hugs him.
“I’m okay, buddy. JJ isn’t a bad person.
He was just being insensitive.” She smiles at me as more tears stream down her face, and I’m a little afraid.
I don’t want to say the wrong thing and end up next on Henry’s shit list. “I’m sorry, I cry all the time now. Stupid pregnancy hormones.”
“It’ll be worth it when they’re here,” Penelope says, her fond gaze drifting from Henry to Kaitlyn. We all know Henry isn’t hers biologically, but she’s never treated him differently than Kaitlyn.
Javi lets go of Mirabelle, sticking his tongue out at JJ, whose jaw drops at the action. Laughter bubbles from me because I think it’s funny how quickly Javi jumped to Mirabelle’s defense. They’ve really gotten close over the last month.
“Wait, hang on. This is unfair. I did nothing wrong,” JJ argues, looking around the table for anyone to agree with him as Javi returns to his seat next to me.
“Bro, just accept you did by making our pregnant sister cry.” Hunter shakes his head at him, a small smile on his face.
I shove away the hurt I feel seeing him genuinely smile.
Things are complicated between Hunter and me, but not once has he looked my way like that since I came back.
I miss him, but even if I forgave Hunter, I’d never be able to forget when the evidence of his wrongdoing is in front of me all the time.
I’m torn from my thoughts when Mom rests her hand on top of mine, squeezing gently. She tilts her head to the side almost as if silently asking if I’m okay. With everything going on at the table right now, Mom saw me. Me, instead of any of the other dozen things happening right now.
Something cracks wide open in my chest, causing tears to well up in my eyes, and concern grows quickly on her face. I blink them away, squeezing her hand back. “Je vais bien,” ? 2 I whisper loud enough for only her to hear.
Mom smiles, relief showing in her green eyes. Her hand remains on mine, and I don’t pull away.
My brain can hardly process what just happened.
I glance around the table, checking to see if anyone else saw us, and I’m not surprised to see Kaitlyn watching with her own smile.
Maybe . . . this is my home after all.
1 ? JJ, I’m going to hurt you.
2 ? I’m okay.