23. Bailey
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Bailey
NOW
We’re going into the second hour of Javi’s surgery, and the tension in the air has me ready to climb the walls, but at least I’m sitting still.
Mirabelle started pacing a few minutes after they took Javi back, and Henry’s tried asking her to sit down a couple of times, which doesn’t seem to go very well. She just glared at him and asked if he was trying to tell her what to do. I got a kick out of it, and my mom was amused as well.
Kaitlyn’s sitting as far away from me as she can get, on the other side of the small private waiting room we’re in. Dad and Hunter were here until Javi went back, but now they’re waiting at the house with JJ and Marley.
JJ pulled me aside this morning to let me know he wanted to be here for Javi, but the thought of going to a hospital brought up memories of the accident.
I hadn’t even thought of that as something he might struggle with, but I could tell he didn’t want to disappoint me.
I told him I loved him, and I understood.
He made me promise to keep him updated on how Javi’s doing, but there hasn’t been any news yet.
Javi wanted to call Luna before the surgery, and it was good to hear her voice, but with everyone around, it wasn’t a good time for us to catch up on everything. I can’t imagine what she’d say if I told her everything with Kaitlyn, but especially this morning.
Stressing about Kaitlyn is distracting me from worrying about Javi, though, even if I didn’t do anything wrong.
She looked like she needed a hug, and I wasn’t trying to pull anything. It was innocent. Just a friend hugging a friend, but maybe I took it too far by telling Kait I missed her too.
“Mira, maybe Henry’s right. You should take a break to rest your feet,” Mom suggests, and I drum my fingers on my knee.
“I don’t need to rest my feet,” Mirabelle protests, resting her hands on her stomach.
Henry sighs, dragging a hand over his jaw. I think she’s driving him as nuts as she’s driving me with her pacing. Kaitlyn hasn’t looked my way once, and I don’t know how to fix this. It’s awkward, but I’m hoping everyone else is too focused on Mirabelle to notice.
Fuck this. I stand, taking a few steps toward Kaitlyn, but it’s only when I’m a few feet away that she looks at me. I sit in the seat next to her, and Henry raises his eyebrows, clearly intrigued by my move.
Instead, he stands, wiping his palms on his thighs. “You know, I think I’m gonna find the cafeteria. Mon c?ur , are you hungry?”
“Do you think they have ice cream? Oh, and pickles! God, that sounds so good right now,” she says, and I think that sounds fucking disgusting together.
Henry doesn’t school his reaction fast enough, and she glares at him.
“Don’t you dare make a face. I’m carrying not one, but two of your children.
Knowing my luck, their heads are going to be as big as yours,” she snorts, and Thalia chuckles.
“Mirabelle, you are my whole life. You’ve made me the happiest man alive, so you can eat whatever the hell you want,” he says, and I think I’m a little impressed with how fast he pulled that out of his ass. I guess they are married, so I’m sure he has more shit like that in his arsenal.
She sniffles, pulling her long hair over her shoulder. “You could have just said sorry for making a face. You didn’t have to make me cry,” she mumbles, and he stands up, pulling her in for a hug.
“I’m sorry for making a face. Let’s find you some ice cream and pickles. Thalia, do you want to come with us? Bailey and Kait can keep us updated if the doctor comes before we’re back.”
“I could go for a coffee,” Mom says, standing up to join them. I think she’s just trying to make sure Henry lives long enough to meet his kids.
Henry presses a kiss to the side of my sister’s head before resting a hand on her lower back to guide Mira out of the room. I feel like I should be wishing him good luck or something.
Before the door closes, he glances over his shoulder, making eye contact with me. Henry winks, but I feel like I’ve imagined it. There’s no way Henry would purposefully leave me alone in a room with his little sister to give us a chance to talk? I didn’t think he even liked me after what I did.
“Wow, I don’t envy Henry right now. Mira’s emotions are all over the place,” I try to joke, but it seems she’s giving me a taste of my own medicine.
Please say something, Kait. Even give me just a laugh.
She turns to put her back to me, and I don’t want this stupid misunderstanding to be the reason she’s ignoring me. There are a dozen other reasons why she should run from me, but the hug this morning isn’t one of them.
“Kaitlyn, nothing happened,” I say, hoping she’ll respond.
Is this how my family felt when I shut them out?
I can’t say it’s very fun being on the receiving end of the silent treatment.
It was one thing when Hunter was icing me out, but it’s completely different with Kait.
Everything is different with her. “It was a hug . We didn’t do anything wrong because nothing happened. ”
“It felt wrong!” she snaps, finally giving me insight into why it was such a big deal for me to hug her. Kaitlyn exhales sharply, covering her face with her hands. “That’s the problem, Bailey, because even though nothing happened, it still felt wrong.”
I look at my hands, forcing myself to keep a smile from forming. If a simple hug from me is enough to make her feel guilty, I don’t think I’m wrong to hold out hope she might still have feelings for me.
I wonder what Kait would think if she knew exactly what kind of thoughts I’ve been having about her.
This shouldn’t make me happy, but damn it’s nice to hear after how badly I fucked up my chance with Kait. It doesn’t mean I have a chance, but it does make me feel like a piece of shit, considering she’s my twin’s girlfriend.
“I’m sorry my hug sucked so much it made you run away. but I won’t do it again, I promise.”
Instead of laughing at my poor attempt to play it off, Kaitlyn stands up, reaching to tug on her necklace. “You don’t understand,” she mumbles, and I’m not going to be able to joke my way out of this.
I’m a little surprised we’ve made it this long without bringing up that night.
“I do. I’m sorry for pushing you away back then, but there were .
. .” I trail off, trying to find a way to protect Hunter.
Kaitlyn’s a wild card, and I don’t know what will happen if she finds out the truth.
I just don’t want to be the reason for hurting my brother, despite how he hurt me.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. “There was a lot of shit going on, and I was scared. I acted like an asshole, but I want to be your best friend. We don’t need to make a simple hug out to be more than it was.
It’s not like it was a kiss,” I add the last part to try and prove my point, but instead, there’s fury simmering in her eyes.
“Right. It’s not like it was a kiss, because if I’m remembering correctly, we’re pretending that never happened,” Kait says, throwing my words back at me. It hurts, even if I deserve it, but she’s no longer the girl from the rooftop who sat there and let me push her away.
She’s different, but so am I.
“There’s no excuse for how I acted toward you, but I had no malicious intentions this morning when I hugged you. You’re dating Hunter, and I respect that.”
Despite Kaitlyn saying it felt wrong, there’s nothing that’s ever felt more right than having her in my arms. I wasn’t thinking about myself or Hunter. I was thinking about Kaitlyn, and how she looked a little . . . lost. I just wanted to help.
I don’t want her to hide from me, but things are finally starting to get back to normal.
“B, I don’t know what the right thing to do here is,” she admits, stubbornness fading into uncertainty.
“You know me better than anyone.”
It’s the truth. She’s always seen me for who I am and never judged me for it.
“How can that be true when there’s so many secrets between us?
” Kaitlyn asks, and if this didn’t involve other people, I’d take her face in my hands so she can look me directly in the eyes while I tell her anything and everything she wants to know.
I’d tell her how she was the one I wanted to call every single day, just so I could hear her voice again.
I’d tell her how the one time my resolution to only call JJ faltered, her voicemail picked up instead.
I stayed on the line, trying to force words to come out, but nothing would .
“I told you all you had to do was ask.”
I think she knows I mean it too, and that’s why she hasn’t asked me again. If I’m ever lucky enough to have a chance with her again, I want it to be because it was her decision to ask. Not because I made it for her.
“I want to be your friend. Let me prove it to you. I’ll respect any boundary you have, but please, Javi needs you.”
I need you.
“I don’t want any lies or half-truths. I’d rather you say nothing at all, okay? And no more hugs. Just high fives and fist bumps.”
I relax in my seat, because those are easy terms to agree to. I’d give her anything she asked for.
“I promise my high fives and fist bumps are way better than my hugs anyway. Only the truth. I can do that.” I smile, feeling the same sparks of joy I did on my surfboard this morning with her. She makes everything brighter, like she’s the sun of my world.
Kaitlyn pinches the bridge of her nose, unable to hide the corners of her mouth curling upward in return. “Please don’t make me regret this.”
Second chances aren’t granted easily, and I won’t be careless with her again.
“I promise.”
I’d sooner hurt myself than Kaitlyn a second time.