23. Bailey #2
Javi’s still under heavy sedation, but I feel better being in the same room as him.
For so long we were inseparable. I can’t imagine leaving him when he’s this vulnerable.
I thought Mirabelle and Henry were going to throw hands when Henry said they’d come back first thing in the morning after Mira refused to leave.
I think it’s sweet how close they’ve gotten with Javi.
He deserves to have as many positive role models in his life as he can get. They gave him a stuffed monkey a couple of weeks ago, and I promised him I’d make sure it was here when he woke up.
Mom told me their phones would be on all night if I needed them, but I appreciated that they fought for me to stay with him instead of one of them.
It’s terrifying to see how many wires and tubes are attached to Javi. He’s just a kid. The doctor said he did great, but until he wakes up, I’m not sure I believe her.
The door creaks open behind me, and I rub my eyes, looking over my shoulder. Hunter’s the last person I expect to see standing there, holding a bag of takeout, but I don’t think I’m imagining him.
“How’s he doing?” Hunter asks, taking the chair next to mine.
“Good, I think. I just hope it worked,” I say, rolling my shoulders to ease some of the tightness from sitting in crappy chairs all day.
“I brought you some dinner,” he says, passing the bag to me. I stare at it for a moment, and he sighs. “I didn’t poison it. You need to eat.”
“Didn’t think you did, but hey, I’m at the best place I could be if you did,” I say, and he pushes the bag toward me instead of waiting for me to take it. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
The steady beeping of Javi’s monitor is comforting as I unwrap the burrito to take a bite. Hunter stretches out in the seat next to me while I chew.
“He looks so small.”
“I know. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how young he really is. I’m grateful Mom and Dad were able to make this happen,” I say, knowing how lucky I am that they were willing to take me back. “How’s JJ doing?”
“I’m not sure. I know he felt bad about not being here with everyone.” I know JJ said he was doing better, but what if he’s not? I wish I could have been there for him today, but I had to be here for Javi. I hope he knows that.
“JJ shouldn’t feel bad. I’m proud of him for taking care of himself today,” I say, trying not to lose half my burrito as I hold it. Honestly, I don’t have much of an appetite, but I’m not willing to chance upsetting Hunter by not eating the food he took the time to bring me.
“Me too. It was really hard finding out how much he was struggling.” Hunter wipes his hands on his pants, shifting in his seat. “I was hoping we could talk about something?”
“You want to talk to me?” I ask, surprised I’m the one he’s going to.
“Yeah. I need to ask you for a favor.”
What the hell is going on? Did Kaitlyn tell him something earlier before we cleared everything up?
“Okay,” I agree, taking a small bite as Hunter’s knee bounces uncontrollably.
“I’m transferring to Beaumont. I called my coach today to let him know.”
I can’t help it. My jaw drops. After his reaction to Kaitlyn taking a gap year, this is the last thing I ever anticipated from him.
“ What? You’re moving to California? Isn’t the transfer portal closed?”
“I’m applying for a transfer waiver so I can still try to play this fall.
I actually applied to Beaumont this past spring after seeing what a fucking wreck JJ was before he went to rehab.
He asked me so many times the last two years to transfer, and I refused because I liked going to school on the beach.
” He shakes his head, looking away from me.
“I know I fucked everything up with you, and it’s eaten me alive every day since.
I should have done better with JJ. I knew he was going through something, but I thought .
. . I thought JJ was just mad at the world.
Hell, we all were. I thought he’d be fine. ”
I picture JJ’s face when he and I talked about his addiction, and he wouldn’t want Hunter to blame himself.
“Dude, he says he’s doing better. We have to believe him,” I say, watching as he lifts his chin, taking a deep breath.
“I picked the fucking beach over my own brother, and I missed all the signs, B. We could have lost JJ in that accident. Did he tell you he was the only survivor?” Hunter asks. Kaitlyn mentioned it, but I never asked JJ about it.
I thought leaving was my burden to bear, but I wasn’t the only one going through heavy shit. I should’ve been here for my family. I could have helped.
“I knew, but I don’t think JJ would want you to change schools for any reason other than because you want to. If you applied last spring, what changed your mind now? Do you even know if there’s room on Beaumont’s roster?” I ask, and he laughs quietly.
“Guess I’ll find out when I talk to the coach after I get my approval.
I’ve been going back and forth about it for months, but I’m afraid if JJ goes back to Beaumont without one of us there, he’ll relapse.
Marley’s great, but she should get to be his girlfriend without feeling all the responsibility to make sure he stays clean,” Hunt explains, and it makes sense.
“No one knows about his addiction. Mom and Dad made everyone involved sign NDAs to keep the media from finding out, but that fucking terrifies me. He says he’s okay, but what happens if he tweaks his knee again in a game, and there’s no one having his back to save him from himself? ”
I get why he’s asking it, and I respect him for it. Marley doesn’t carry that weight—JJ does—but I understand his thought process .
“I think you need to talk to JJ, not me. What does Kaitlyn think about all this?” I ask, but if he only made this decision today, has Hunt even talked to her about it?
His green eyes shift back to me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he looks guilty as hell.
I scoff, folding the foil back over the stupid burrito I’m still holding.
“After how much shit you gave her for changing her plans this year, I can’t believe you’d do this without talking to her. ”
He should feel guilty. This is bullshit.
“I know how fucked up it is, but family has to come first. Mirabelle and Henry stepped up last spring, but with the babies and Henry’s schedule, they can’t.
It’s JJ’s senior year, and he doesn’t have his best friend anymore,” he says, keeping his voice level.
He makes a fair point, but what the hell does this mean for Kaitlyn?
“I just have this feeling something really bad is going to happen if I don’t go. ”
I look at Javi, trying to keep myself in check. God, I can’t think of how much this is going to hurt Kaitlyn. “So what favor do you need from me?”
“I’d really appreciate it if you could be there for Kaitlyn after I leave. I don’t want her to be alone.” Hunter pauses, letting the silence fill the gap. He doesn’t want her to be alone, even if it means she’ll be spending time with me.
I want to ask how it feels to constantly be falling on your sword?
Hunt has a savior complex, and he always has.
When we were kids, he’d always rescue me from whatever mess I’d gotten myself into.
I kicked a soccer ball in the house after Mom banned balls from coming inside, and caused one of her portraits to fall, shattering glass all over the floor.
Hunter took the blame and said he accidentally bumped into it, and that’s how it fell off the wall.
“I don’t want her to be alone either,” I say, turning to face him.
“Bailey, I can’t change the past, but I love her. Please. ”
I want to hate him for asking this of me, but the truth is, I’m selfish enough that I don’t think I could leave Kaitlyn alone if I tried.
I have a lot of regrets from before I left, but the thing I’m most ashamed of is how I pushed Kait away without listening to what she tried to tell me that night on the roof.
I drove her directly into Hunter’s arms after he went out of his way to make sure we never had a shot in hell of becoming something.
Earlier, she freaked out about a hug . I think Kaitlyn’s confused, and she’s trying to do the right thing.
“You don’t get to make her feel bad about spending time with me while you’re at Beaumont. Let Kaitlyn be her own person and make her own decisions since you had no qualms making them for me.”
Hunter looks away, nodding. I’m not sorry for saying it, but I’m being honest. The truth isn’t always easy to hear, but I’m not trying to make him feel like shit about it.
“Hunt?”
“Yeah?” he mumbles, looking down at his hands.
“He’s going to argue with you about transferring and try to get you to change your mind, but I think you’re doing a really good thing for JJ.”
He chuckles under his breath. “Why do you think I didn’t tell anyone before I did it?
It’s not because I liked keeping it a secret from everyone.
It’s because I knew if JJ suspected anything, he’d refuse.
Now, because it’s already in motion, there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do to change it.
” Hunter stretches his legs out in front of him, careful of all the wires connected to Javi’s bed.
“It’s not like I planned it the whole time, you know?
I pushed it out of my head until Kaitlyn deferred because it meant everything would change, and I know I’m not great with my routine being disrupted. I wasn’t ready for it yet.”
“You’ve never been great with it,” I agree, remembering how easy it used to be to mess with him when we were kids.
He was a relaxed and quiet kid, but the only way to get a reaction out of him was to change shit on him at the last second.
It’s like he has a set schedule in his head, and if it’s not followed, Hunter’s crawling out of his skin. “But you’re ready now?”
“I don’t think it matters if I am or not. Everything’s already changing, but at least this way, I can do something good and try to help JJ.”
Hunter’s right about that. Everything is already changing.