40. Kaitlyn
CHAPTER FORTY
Kaitlyn
NOW
It feels like the rain is never going to stop, and I’m going stir-crazy.
Henry was able to get a call through to me after he talked to their doctor, and they advised keeping her on bed rest until she can be seen by a doctor.
I’m not sure when that will be because it’s a pretty safe bet everything around us is flooded.
I’m just grateful Henry had enough sense to install a standby generator.
Javi is sitting on the bed playing UNO with her after Bailey suggested playing a game to practice his numbers. Bailey is editing photos on the floor next to me, and I’m reading—or at least trying to read—a book I found on Mira’s shelves that seemed interesting enough to hold my attention.
Maybe it’d be interesting if I wasn’t busy thinking about kissing Bailey.
I couldn’t forget if I tried because my lips are bruised, and I feel like a teenager again, freaking out because I kissed my best friend.
“Careful,” Bailey murmurs. “I’d hate for Javi to see us making babies again. ”
A laugh slips from my mouth before I can stop it, causing Mirabelle to look over at us. “Everything okay over there?”
“Yep,” I blurt out, and Bailey snickers next to me. “Just something funny in my book.” Oh god, please don’t ask me about anything about this book because I definitely will not be able to tell you a single thing.
“You’ll have to let me know if you like it. I haven’t had a chance to read it yet,” she says, and I nod as if I have any clue what’s going on in the book. Can’t even recall the name of it, so I hope Mira doesn’t ask.
“Really good, you should totally move it up your Tbr.”
Mira seems satisfied with this answer and returns to her game after Javi tugs at her blanket.
Bailey closes his laptop, setting it to the side, and his thigh presses against mine. Would it be super noticeable if I pulled him out of the room to go make out? I honestly think Mirabelle would cheer if I leaned over to kiss him now.
“You’re distracting me. I’m reading a book,” I whisper, but I don’t want him to move away.
“Oh, so what’s it about?” he asks, seeing right through me.
“I wasn’t reading it,” I admit, stealing a glance at him.
“That’s what I thought.”
The smugness in his voice makes me want to shove him, but it also makes me want to kiss him.
It’s annoying, but this is also Bailey. It might only be a shadow of who he used to be before everything, but it’s refreshing.
I don’t expect him to be who he was, but it’s nice to see him lighten up after letting me carry some of the burden on his shoulders.
“Come with me.” I reach for his hand, pulling him with me.
Predictably, Mirabelle’s head swings our way again. “Where are you going?” she asks as Bailey rises behind me.
“To see what other games you have, but I need Bailey’s help grabbing the ones from the top shelf.
” I don’t miss how she smiles at the fact I conveniently need his help, despite the fact there being a stack of other games in here.
I’m also tall enough to reach the top shelf on my own, but I’m hoping she’ll drop it.
“Don’t be gone long.”
I nod, trying to be nonchalant while walking out of the room. Instead of continuing down the hallway where the game closet is, I grab Bailey’s hand and turn to pull him into the guest room where I usually stay when I visit Henry and Mirabelle.
“Kait, what are we doing in here?” he asks after I shut the door behind him.
“We’re going to talk.”
“Talk?” he questions, and I think he’s doubting me.
We actually are going to talk because a lot’s changed, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page. After that . . . well, that’s up to Bailey.
I don’t have time to repeat myself before he’s kissing me.
It’s intoxicating, and I nearly forget why I brought us in here.
I pull him backward with me, my knees buckling as I hit the edge of the mattress, bringing him down with me.
Bailey chuckles, the sound rattling through my bones and leaving a mark on my soul.
His body presses against mine in all the right ways as he lies over me, a soft moan escaping from his throat. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he says, and I hold onto his shoulders, keeping him close to me.
I want him.
My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling on the short strands because I remember how he seemed to like it when I did that yesterday, and a whimper escapes him before he kisses me again.
Shit, this isn’t what we’re supposed to be doing .
“W-wait a second. I really did want to talk.” Fuck, I am so out of breath. What did I want to talk about again?
Bailey presses one more short kiss to the corner of my mouth before separating himself from me. His exhale is long, and the mattress dips as he moves. “Okay. Let’s talk,” he agrees and I press my hand to my chest, feeling my heart beat rapidly.
“Right, yes, talking.” My brain feels scrambled, and I can’t remember what thoughts I was looking for.
He smiles at me, and the windows rattle in the background. “Cat got your tongue?”
“Shut up.” I glare at him, and Bailey moves to sit against the headboard. I follow his lead, but he pulls me flush against his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“Are you sure you want to talk?” he asks, and I think there’s definitely some things for us to talk about, especially because I want this to last.
He combs his golden waves out of his face.
Yesterday, he let me touch his face, and I hated hearing he isn’t used to a loving touch.
B’s experienced the cruelty of the world, and I wish I could take it all away from him.
There’s just enough light for his scar to stand out, and I can feel the weight of his green eyes on me.
Let’s start simple.
“Why do you call me sunshine?”
His breath of relief is obvious. “Because that’s what you are to me—pure sunshine. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy, and when you smile at me? It’s brighter than the sun itself because you are the center of my universe,” Bailey says, his thumb distracting me as it rubs back and forth on my hip.
My cheeks burn hot because of all the reasons he could have chosen sunshine, I never imagined there would be so much thought behind it. I thought it might be just a cheesy nickname. “That’s really sweet.”
“Just like you.” Now it’s my turn to raise my eyebrows at him and he laughs. I can’t believe we’re here. “Okay, I’ll admit, that was corny as shit. It sounded better in my head than out loud.”
“I can’t imagine any scenario where that sounds better in your head.”
Another laugh like a reward. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Bailey agrees. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
“No.” I turn to tuck myself into his side, draping my arm across his torso to hold him so he can’t run. “I want to talk about us and about before .”
Bailey says nothing just like I predicted, but I can feel his body tense underneath me.
“You told me about Carter and how Kiera lied to you both. I know it couldn’t have been easy to share, but I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate it.
I haven’t told anyone anything, and I swear I won’t.
” He’s watching me closely, a puzzled expression forming.
“I wanted to tell you I’m not going to ask for more.
I . . . I want to tell you I’m here if you ever want to talk about the rest of it, but I’m not going to ask.
It’s up to you. We don’t ever have to talk about any of it again if you don’t want to. ”
I want to know more, but I’m not going to push him on it. Bailey’s so busy running away from the past, I don’t want to push him into running away from me again. The last time he did, it nearly broke us all.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice breaking.
“I see you, Bailey. I see the good, the bad, and the in-between. I don’t expect you to be anyone other than who you are now,” I say, hoping he believes me.
I don’t know what this is between us, but I know I’m willing to do nearly anything to protect it.
Resting my hand on his chest, I focus on the steady pattern of his breathing. I think he’s fallen asleep, which is probably a good thing because no one slept well last night except Javi. I’m convinced that kid could sleep through anything at this point.
Something only possible because of Bailey.
God, I’m so thankful they had each other. I really don’t know where either one would have ended up.
It’s a horrifying thought to consider.
“I was pushed down stairs.” Bailey’s voice is quiet, but catches me off guard nonetheless because I was pretty damn sure he was asleep.
I don’t move, afraid that if I do, he’ll stop talking.
“That’s how I got the scar on my temple.
It was before Javi. I got caught in a storm, and I remember it being so cold, I didn’t know how I’d ever feel warm again.
The beds at the shelters go fast, and I didn’t get one that night, so I camped out in a doorway in a back alley to try getting out of the rain.
Most of the time, people just try to ignore you, hoping you’ll go away, or they call the cops.
Others . . . they get a kick out of fucking with the homeless.
I woke up the next morning to some teenagers messing with me, and I made the mistake of giving them the reaction they were looking for. ”
Oh, Bailey.
My heart aches in my chest, and I think I understand better now. He’s not only hiding the truth from all of us, but also from himself, so he doesn’t have to face what he went through.
“They wanted my bag. They probably thought I had drugs in it. Shit gets stolen all the time, and the more you have, the more chances you give people to hurt you. I had a picture of my family in it, though, and I wouldn’t give it up when one of them tried to grab it.
It was the last thing that tied me to my life before I fucked everything up.
The doorway I found was at the top of some stairs, and it drained well in the rain, which was why I picked it.
Another guy got behind me and shoved me.
It happened so fast, but I hit my head on the way down. I was lucky I missed my eye. ”
“Bailey—” I start to say, but he interrupts, tightening his hold on me.
“Don’t apologize. Just please, don’t . I don’t want to hear it.”
“I wasn’t going to apologize. I was going to say thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.” I sit up, moving to press a kiss directly on top of where his scar is, doing my best to take away the ugly, emotional pain behind it.
“Do we have to go back yet?”
“Nope,” I say, resting my head in the crook of Bailey’s neck, making myself comfortable.
There’s no where else I’d rather be than right here in his arms.