Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
ISAAK
I uncuff Kira, and she’s so docile and blissed out, it’s almost like she’s been drugged. It’s just like Marcus said it would be. Which means, holy shit, I really got her there.
I got her to sub space.
Kira’s dreamy eyes drift up to mine and they’re full of such adoration. Whoa. Marcus said to watch out for that, too. He said a sub in this state will do anything you want. Sounds a little dangerous to me. That’s why aftercare is so important, he said, to help bring them back to themselves.
So after I finish uncuffing her, I heft her up into my arms. She cuddles against my chest and makes the most satisfied little noise. Like she’s never been happier anywhere else in the world, even though there are dried tears on her cheeks.
God, it makes me feel like even more of a dick for how I’ve been today. I don’t look at Marcus or anyone else as I take her to one of the aftercare stations in the back. It’s quieter there, so I sit down with her in my lap on one of the deep couches and pull one of the soft blankets over her. Everything is laundered every day, so I know the soft blanket I’m pulling over her is clean.
She’s started shaking against my chest, and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s cold or because of the release of so many endorphins all at once.
“You did so well, beautiful,” I whisper against her forehead. “You were perfect.”
I stroke my fingers through her curling hair and cuddle her to my chest with my other arm underneath the blanket.
This, too, is a first for me. I’m not sure if I’m doing it right.
She doesn’t say anything but just keeps nuzzling her face against my chest.
Right. I’m supposed to be talking.
“You were amazing,” I say. Marcus said I’m supposed to praise her, but my throat suddenly feels dry. I know how to talk dirty and joke around, not?—
It doesn’t fucking matter, dickhead. It’s what she needs .
“You’re amazing,” I say again lamely. “The most perfect.” Fuck. Why can I only repeat myself?
But she peeks vulnerable eyes up at me. “Really? Perfect? ”
My chest constricts and I nod. “Perfect. I fucking swear, baby. I never seen anything more perfect.”
“I’m never perfect,” she whispers. “I’m always failing at everything.” Tears start down her cheeks again.
My mouth drops open in shock. Nothing out of her mouth would have stunned me more. She’ll have her goddamned Ph.D. by the time she’s twenty-three years old.
I shake my head as I look down at her. “You’re brilliant and gorgeous. You’re so smart it scares me sometimes. I’ve never met anyone as smart as you in my whole goddamn life, and anyone who makes you feel like you’re not is just trying to make you feel small so they can feel big.”
I caress her cheek. “But you should never let them pull that shit. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and no one should ever make you feel small again. You don’t have to let them anymore. Okay?”
She nods, those big Bambi eyes still wet with tears. God, she’s so fucking beautiful she’s twisting my chest in knots.
“You’re going to live a big, beautiful life because that’s what you deserve. And it’s time you started getting all the big, beautiful things you deserve, babe.” My thumb caresses the softest cheek in the whole fucking world. “You’re worth a million of all those other sad fucks who see you shining like a diamond because you got this brightness inside you. Any amount of time you decide to shine that light anyone’s way is up to you, and they should just be happy as fuck they ever got to be near your light.”
She bursts out into tears and throws her arms around me, squeezing me tight.
Shit. Is this what’s supposed to happen, or did I say all the wrong things?
I was just trying to tell her how special I think she is. That’s what Marcus said to do, but now she’s crying again, and I’m worried I fucked it up.
So I decide to fuck words and just cuddle. I don’t think I can fuck up cuddling. So I hold her to me as tight as I can. With as much of her body in as much of my arms as I can get at once.
Her body finally stops shaking, and the tears stop, and we just keep holding each other for the rest of the half hour.
I’m not sure if she falls asleep or what, but I just make sure she’s got plenty of space to breathe and keep cuddling her close. I hold her longer than the half hour Marcus said was necessary for all the adrenaline and endorphins to calm back down.
Finally, she blinks up at me, looking like she’s just waking up. Whether she’s waking up from actual sleep or the haze of subspace, I don’t know.
I just grin down at her and check in. “How ya doing there, Red?”
She smiles the most dazzling smile back at me. “I feel fucking marvelous, actually. But also sweaty from being all pressed up against you under this blanket. You think we could go find my clothes now?”
I laugh from deep in my throat and squeeze her closer as she squeals and tries to push me away.