Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
Enzo
Axel is still sleeping when I wake up, clutching me to him like Luca clutches his dinosaur. His breath is warm against my neck, and one leg is thrown over mine.
Maybe Axel is just used to wrapping his legs and arms around whichever puck bunny he’s brought home for the night, and his body isn’t adept enough at knowing, at least when he’s not asleep, that that’s not who I am.
But God…
Axel blew me last night. He put his mouth on my cock. He sucked and licked and kissed it. He…
My cock hardens at the memory.
Shit.
There’s no way that I’m going to make waking up more awkward than it already is.
I inch my way slowly from the bed, and when he groans in protest and tightens his grip around me, I decide to slither forward.
“Are you doing the walk of shame out of your own room or pretending to be a snake?” Axel asks.
“Um…”
He pulls me toward him and tucks me into his arms again. He chuckles against the nape of my neck, and the sound vibrates. His chest rumbles against my spine.
I should leave.
At any moment he’s going to remember what happened last night, and things will be awkward.
“I remember helping you get to sleep,” Axel says. “You’re not going to stop my good work.”
“I was, uh, wondering if you’d forgotten.”
“Forgotten my first time giving head?” he asks. “Nope, not going to forget that.”
I manage a weak laugh, then press my lips together before the sound gets more awkward. “I guess it’s good that your memory is working.”
“You don’t seem convinced.”
I swallow hard. My heart is beating like crazy.
He might want to talk about things. He might ask if I’ve been with a man before. He might—
“Put on your clothes,” Axel says. “Let’s go out and say hello to Luca.”
My shoulders ease. “Okay.”
Axel and I both dress.
I open the door to the kitchen.
“Good morning, Mr. Enzo,” Patricia says brightly.
I wait for her to give a knowing glance when Axel exits right after me, but instead she smiles.
“I won’t out you,” Patricia assures me. “I know it’s difficult for professional hockey players to be out. I have a brother who is gay.”
“You do?” I ask.
“Yes,” Patricia says. “Didn’t Mr. Axel tell you?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“He specifically asked for someone comfortable with gay men.”
“Gay men?” My gaze snaps to Axel.
His cheeks are a pink shade they are only when he is very, very sweaty.
He’s not sweaty now.
Something jolts in my chest. The kitchen suddenly feels very small.
Axel isn’t gay. I know that. Obviously. He’s slept with countless women. I’ve seen the evidence.
But we’ve done things in bed together that aren’t necessarily straight. Things that involved his mouth and my cock and enthusiastic participation on his part.
Hope bubbles inside me. It feels dangerous—a helium balloon in my chest, pressing against my ribs.
“We should get ready for work,” Axel says quickly.
He’s already moving toward the bedroom, and I’m left standing in the kitchen with Patricia.
My shoulders slump. Fuck. Did he see hope in my eyes? I blink multiple times.
Many of Axel’s friends are in same-sex relationships. It makes sense that he would want his child to be raised in a household that accepts that.
I’m also gay, of course, but he doesn’t know that.
Unless he does. My heartbeat quickens even more.
Patricia gives me a sympathetic smile.
“He’s a good man,” she says quietly. “Whatever you’re worried about.”
I nod, but my heart doesn’t stop beating wildly.
I stand in the kitchen, gripping the edge of the counter, the marble cold under my fingers.
Comfortable with gay men.
Not “comfortable with children” or “experienced with toddlers.” Gay men. Specifically.
He asked for that before I moved in.
What if he knows about me?
The thought makes me dizzy. The kitchen tiles seem to tilt under my feet. I grip the counter harder.
“Mr. Enzo?” Patricia’s voice is gentle. “Are you alright?”
I snap my arms to my side. “Of course.”
And then I exit the kitchen.
Enzo
A few days later, we get ready to drop Luca and Patricia at Evan’s parents’ apartment.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I ask.
I’m talking about leaving Luca. Not about the thing we haven’t talked about—the thing Patricia said three days ago that’s been rattling around my skull ever since.
He wanted a nanny who was comfortable with gay men.
Axel hasn’t brought it up, and neither have I. We’ve just... continued. We sleep every night in the same bed, and every night we help each other “relax.”
And every morning I wake up with his words in my head: comfortable with gay men.
I’ve drafted the conversation a hundred times. Hey, so Patricia mentioned— No. I’ve been meaning to ask— Worse. Are you— Absolutely not.
So I say nothing. And he says nothing. And his hands keep finding me in the dark like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“I hope it’s a good idea,” Axel says.
My smile falls.
“Look, I’ve only met Papa and Mama Evan a few times. But this is a good option. We’ll see what it’s like.”
I nod distractedly.
Patricia carries the luggage to the door.
Axel rushes toward her. “I’ll get that for you.”
“Come Luca,” she says. “We’re going to go on an adventure.”
He looks at me uncertainly, and I try to nod and put my best smile on.
“Your daddy and I will be back in one week,” I promise. “We’ll talk every day. Multiple times.”
Luca stares at us.
Oh, shit.
He’s going to think we’re abandoning him. Just like everyone else.
Axel hoists Luca up into his arms. “You’re going to have so much fun. It will be like a vacation. And your unc-unc already misses you a lot. He needs to go for his job. So do I.”
“We’ll watch your parents on television,” Patricia tells Luca. “Doesn’t that sound fun?”
I go rigid.
Parents.
I buckle Luca into his car seat while Patricia loads the luggage, and then we’re driving across the bridge to old Boston.
Axel’s hand twitches on his thigh. I want to reach across and squeeze it, but Patricia is in the back seat with Luca, and that would raise questions I’m not ready to answer.
I stare out the window instead, gazing at the dark red brick houses with their glossy black shutters. It’s beautiful and proper in a way nothing in my life has ever been.
Axel parks the car.
“Let’s go greet them.” Axel turns to Patricia. “Can you take Luca?”
“Of course.” She starts to unbuckle Luca.
“See you soon, buddy,” Axel says.
I get out of the car hesitantly. I stare at the building again. It’s very nice.
Axel smiles. “Remember you’re a rich NHL player.”
“I feel like a poor freshman. I struggled so much with money back then.”
“I remember,” Axel says lightly.
“I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t received that hockey scholarship.”
Axel doesn’t meet my eyes for some reason. Does he think he should have gotten it?
“You were never interviewed for that, were you?”
He freezes. “Uh…” Then he smiles. “That scholarship was for you, Enz…”
I nod. “Yeah, I got a big scholarship instead of you.”
He snorts, then giggles.
The door opens. A little girl pokes her head out, spots Axel, and sprints toward us. “Axel!”
Axel laughs and lifts her in his arms. He twirls her around. “Hi Stella! How are you?”
She shrugs. “Okay.”
“Just okay?”
“I have homework! Three pages!”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah, it’s a lot. You’ve probably forgotten. You don’t have to do homework anymore.”
“We’ve got it easy.”
Patricia and Luca join us.
“And you’ll be spending the week with this amazing boy,” Axel says, taking Luca’s hand and resting him in front of his legs.
“My dads told me.”
She turns to Luca. “Hi, I’m Stella. What’s your name?”
I open my mouth to explain that Luca doesn’t speak, but Axel nudges me. I frown.
“Luca,” Luca says.
The world stops.
He said his name. He talked.
My vision blurs. I turn to Axel, and when I look at him, he has tears in his eyes too.
Axel squeezes my hand.
Stella’s eyes drop to our hands, and every muscle in my body goes tight.
The door opens again, and Evan and Vinnie exit. Their gazes fall immediately to Axel and me, which honestly makes sense. We’re standing in front of Evan’s parents’ apartment building, holding hands.
“Sorry.” Axel drops my hand. “We were having a moment.”
Evan nods slowly, his eyes still locked on our hands, as if he thinks that Axel and I might hold hands again.
“This is my friend, Enzo.” Axel introduces me to Stella.
Stella glances at me, then back at Axel. “You can call him your boyfriend. It’s okay.”
“Uh…” Axel’s hand flies to the back of his neck. Axel never fidgets. Never.
I look away, suddenly fascinated by the facade. The bricks are very nice. So is the mortar.
“Stella.” Amusement sounds in Evan’s voice, and when I look up, his eyes are dancing. “Maybe they’re not boyfriends. Not every two men you see together are boyfriends.”
Stella looks at him uncertainly, then she shakes her head. “I know. But they are definitely boyfriends, Dad.”
Evan presses his lips together and shoots Axel a look.
“Why don’t you take Luca inside, Stella?” Evan suggests. “You can show him where he’ll sleep.”
“Come, Luca,” Stella says. “Where are you from?”
“California,” Luca says. “I just moved here.”
“Do you like Boston?”
Luca turns up to Axel and smiles. “Yes.”
Evan grins. “So… You two…”
Stella called us boyfriends.
“We’re not—” I hastily tell Evan.
“It would be fine if you were.”
“Luca hadn’t spoken since his mother passed,” I say hastily, “and we were really happy.”
Axel nudges me. “They don’t need to know all that.”
Evan glances at Luca, then addresses me. “Axel did mention he was non-verbal. He’s talking now.”
“Yes.” Part of me had been afraid he never would. I hadn’t let myself think it directly, and intellectually I knew it was unlikely, but the fear had been there, a cold knot at the base of my spine.
“Come inside,” Evan says. “I’ll introduce you to my parents.”
Vinnie whispers something into Evan’s ear. A grin spreads across Evan’s face. He nods.
Then Evan turns to us. “We would like to invite you to our wedding.”
“Wedding?” The word comes out strangled. I stare at them, certain I’ve misheard.
“It’s next week. After we return from California. Then Stella will start confusing all men for husbands.” Evan winks. “But seriously we would love to have you there.”
“Oh.” I take a step back and shake my head frantically. “No. I couldn’t. It’s your big day. No.”
Evan and Vinnie look disappointed, but that doesn’t make sense.
They just met me. I mean, we used to play hockey for years, technically, but we were always masked up and attacking each other on the ice.
In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve pushed both Vinnie and Evan into the boards before. Hard. Multiple times.
Axel nudges my elbow with his. “You should go.”
“But—”
“It’s not unusual to bring a plus one to a wedding,” Axel says. “They don’t have to know you that well. They will.”
I decide not to linger on the fact that Axel called me something resembling a plus one. I can analyze that obsessively later.
I glance at Evan. “Okay. If the invitation still stands.”
“Great.” He turns to Vinnie. “Isn’t that great?”
“It is,” Vinnie affirms.
Evan’s lips twitch.
I follow them to the apartment inside, then we are greeted by Evan’s parents, Margaret and Richard. They both have easy smiles on their faces. Something is baking in the oven.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” Margaret says. “We raised four children.”
I glance at Luca, who is already following Stella up the stairs as she chatters about something I can’t hear.
My nephew is speaking.
I want to sit down on the kitchen floor and cry.
Then Axel and I say goodbye, and we head for the airport.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask Axel.
“I do.” Axel glances at me and smiles. “I think everything will be okay.”