Chapter 6
Chapter Six
RENLEY
“Couldn’t really sleep,” I say.
“Really? I slept like a dog. I took about five melatonin. Might have overshot it a bit but conked out and didn’t wake up until my blasted alarm went off.
And boy was that a shock to the system.” She lifts her short leg up and hooks her heel on top of the counter to start stretching.
“Woke up thinking I was in full-blown cardiac arrest. I was sweating, my chest was constricted, and that’s when I noticed my tank top had slipped over my breasts, so they were dangling like two ripe pears ready to be plucked, and the straps of my tank were tugged over my heart. ”
That’s…that’s quite the visual.
“Either way, it got me thinking, I need to get my tail into high gear and start my aerobics again if I plan on competing this fall.” She stretches a little farther and then wails as she grabs her tailbone. “Oh, I felt that all the way in the coccyx.”
Shaking my head, I put the scrambled eggs I made on a plate, garnish them with some sriracha, and then sit down at the bistro table in the kitchen.
Our home is Cape Cod style. Quaint, somewhat small for two people living different lives.
I hear a lot of strange things coming from Aunt Kitty’s room, and I’ve found going to sleep with headphones is the best way to ignore whatever is happening.
But I moved in here when my dad passed, and well, given I’m a handywoman around town with a meager income, I find it’s easier to live with Aunt Kitty until I can afford something of my own.
I’m sure that will take decades at this point since I live in a popular tourist destination.
When Aunt Kitty switches legs and pulses to the side, she asks, “So, hear anything from our British fellow?”
“British fellow?”
“Yes, our British fellow.”
What the hell is she…
Hold on a second.
Oh God.
The fog from the margaritas slowly lifts.
Did we…
No, that was, that wasn’t real, was it?
“From the look on your face, I can see that you’re questioning our recent online activity.
” She lowers her legs and attempts jumping jacks.
“Well, I’m here to tell you.” She stops after three and presses her hands to her knees, gulping for air.
“It happened. We told that British fellow that we were DTF.”
“Oh God, we did, didn’t we?”
“Uh-huh.” She brings one arm over her head and pulls down on her elbow, stretching out her triceps. “And I’m sure he came back roaring with a response.”
“He probably didn’t. He probably thinks we’re insane.”
“No, he wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity such as ours.
We laid it on thick about the candy store.
Family memories and all that. And the fishing, that was a nice touch.
I bet you he likes to fish as well. All Englishmen like the great outdoors.
Bet he’s done some of that fox hunting while wearing houndstooth jackets with suede elbows.
I bet he hops on his horse and screams ‘Tallyho.’”
“He does not.”
“You don’t know that.”
“He’s a serious businessman; he’s not doing any of those things.”
“Well, a question we can ask when he picks us.”
I shake my head. “He didn’t pick us.”
“Have you checked?”
“No,” I say as I push my scrambled eggs to the side. “I forgot we even did it.”
“Then let’s check.” She picks up her tablet that’s been charging on the counter and opens it.
“Or maybe we don’t. We don’t want to bother him or anything. He probably hasn’t even seen it.”
“We have a message,” Aunt Kitty says, finger pointing to the air in excitement.
“Wait, seriously?” I ask as I move to her side.
“Oh, this jolly old chap couldn’t resist the fishing. I knew it.”
“It’s probably just a rejection email, letting us down nicely. You know how they do—”
“He’s coming to Massachusetts.”
“Shut your ass,” I shout as I take the tablet away from her and stare down at the message—It’s a Match. “Oh my God, he’s coming here. What does this mean? Is he investing in the candy store?”
“I don’t know, you took the tablet before I could read anything.
” She takes the tablet back and reads his message out loud.
“Hello Renley, it’s nice to ‘meet’ you. Your profile caught my attention and I see that we’re a match.
Not really sure how any of this works, but I booked a flight and I’m headed your way.
I should be in Cape Meril by tomorrow. Hope that isn’t too presumptuous.
I’d love to meet up and chat before we move forward on anything.
Does tomorrow work for you?” Aunt Kitty looks at me and smiles.
“By the teat of Zeus, we snagged ourselves a whale.”
Then she starts typing away, so I quickly snag the tablet from her before she can say anything insane.
“What are you doing?”
“Writing him back.”
“I can see that, but don’t you think we should discuss what we want to say before we type it?”
“What is there to discuss? We’re a match, he’s coming here to discuss logistics, and then he’s handing over the dough, simple as that.
” She touches her chin with her finger. “By the way, I was thinking about our projected spending amount, and twenty thousand feels a touch shy, especially if we want new windows and need to refinish the floors. I say we try to boost him up to thirty and turn that candy store into the place to be. Shove it up Marjorie’s flared nostrils. ”
“I don’t want to overextend.”
“We didn’t give him a number—for all he knows this is a hundred-thousand-dollar investment. I think if we come in at thirty grand, he’s going to think junk change and then shower us with bills as we dance around the front yard, claiming victory.”
She’s right, we didn’t say a number, at least I don’t think we did. And it would help to have some cushion, just in case the renovations take a little bit more money.
“Okay, yeah, we can ask for that, but not in the message. I think we cross that bridge when we get there.”
“Of course, and don’t forget, he’s DTF, down to finance, so I think asking for thirty grand is not going to blow his loafers off, you know?”
“Right. Right.” I nod my head. “Okay, so what should we say back?”
“Let’s keep it casual, say you’re available tomorrow, and that you would love to meet up.”
“Okay, yeah, that works.”
Aunt Kitty blows on her fingers and then starts typing again while speaking out loud. “Dear Theodore.” She pauses. “Should we say Theodore or Mr. Williams?”
“How did he sign off on his message?”
“Theo,” Aunt Kitty replies. “Ooh, he’s young and hip, I like that about him. A real go-getter. Theodore hires people to do things for them, but Theo, Theo is getting his hands dirty, he’s digging up worms and putting them on the fishhook himself.”
“Why do you keep bringing up fishing? Did he say he liked fishing?”
“No, but I’m sure he liked that you like fishing. I bet that’s something you can bond over. Shall I add it to the message?”
“No. I don’t want to scare him away.”
She nods. “Very well. Okay, ‘Dear Theo. Thank you for getting back to me. I’d love to meet up tomorrow. How does the morning sound? Here’s my address. I’ll be sure to have fresh scones ready and waiting. Cheerio, Renley.’ Annnnd, send.”
“Wait,” I yell, reaching for the tablet, but the message is already gone. “Oh my God, you sent that?”
“Yes, I thought it was a great message. Very casual, very breezy. Just like this tracksuit.” Aunt Kitty swishes her hips around in circles. “Although, I remember this being looser back in the day. Must have shrunk in the wash.”
Ignoring her, I say, “Aunt Kitty, you said cheerio and you gave him our address.”
“Yes, I did.”
“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?”
She moves over to the table, takes a seat, and starts shoveling my eggs into her mouth.
“No, I think it’s quite hospitable of us.
” Talking with a mouthful of eggs, she continues, “What you don’t understand is that the British live and die by their hospitality, so we need to extend the same courtesy. ”
“Where did you hear that from?”
She motions the fork in a circle and says, “Around. By the way, do you know how to make scones?”
“No,” I nearly shout. “I don’t even know what a scone is.”
“Oof, better do some research because your new investor has been promised some.”
For the love of God.
I take a few deep breaths, reminding myself that she has good intentions.
This is who Aunt Kitty is, who she’s always been, attempting to help in her own special way.
From the outside looking in, I’m sure it’s easy to question why I put up with it, and the not so easy explanation is…
well, she saved me when I thought I was going to be all alone.
She was there when my mom walked out on me and my dad.
She was there when I was going through my teenage years and my dad wasn’t quite sure how to handle all the girly things that came along with that.
She was there when my dad passed, holding my hand every night while I cried myself to sleep.
And when I started my handywoman business, she was the one to go from house to house, handing out fliers and telling everyone they needed to hire me.
She might go about it in an odd, sometimes frustrating way, but she’s always been there for me—for the most part—and I know she always will be…even when she drives me nuts.
Once I calm myself, I say, “Well, I’ll go into town and see if I can find any scones at the bakery. If not, I’ll head up to Elias Town and see if they have anything at the bakery there. Their selection is always larger.”
“Great. While you do that, I’m going to limber up the muscles, stretch out the thighs, and lube myself up in case we need to perform any sort of sexual favors to earn his business. When warmed up, I can be incredibly bendy.”
“Uh…we will not be offering any sort of sexual favors to him.”
“I’m not opposed.”
“I am.” I grab two eggs from the fridge and crack them into the bowl I used earlier to make myself breakfast, since Aunt Kitty ate mine.
“We’re going to go about this in a professional manner, which means your legs will remain closed, we will not be parading about and attempting to speak to him in a British accent—” I point at Aunt Kitty, whose face falls flat with disappointment.
“But I have a great British accent.”
“You have a Dick Van Dyke British accent that will more than likely offend rather than impress.”
“’Ow dare you, guv’nor! I’ve been workin’ on this ’ere accent for years, I ’ave! Diddly o’, and Bob’s yer uncle!”
“That’s right, get it out now, because you will not—and I repeat, will not—be talking like that tomorrow.”