Chapter 7 #2
“There is nothing funny about this, Aunt Kitty. He’s on his way here, right now. He knows where I live and he thinks I want to get married.”
“Do you?” she asks.
“No!” I shout and then start moving around the house, making sure the windows are locked.
“This is what we’re going to do—we’re going to pretend like we’re not home.
He’s going to show up here looking for us, and it’s going to be a ghost town.
No one lives here. We’ll ghost him online and hopefully he’ll get the hint and go back to England, where he will talk about the girl in Massachusetts who catfished him.
No harm, no foul. He’s just out a plane ticket, but our lives are safe. ”
I look up the fireplace, examining the chimney.
“Do you think a human could fit down that?” I point up the fireplace.
“That’s quite rude, Renley, to ghost someone, especially when he’s come all this way,” Aunt Kitty says with a disapproving glare. “We could at least offer him an explanation and a scone—”
“He’s a stranger,” I say in a low, serious voice. “We don’t know him. He could be a killer, someone preying on chumps like us who don’t understand what a dating website is.”
“In my defense, dating websites weren’t around when I was with my dear Marvin. And if we want to be technical about this, it’s not a dating website, it’s a find-a-fiancé website.”
Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself as I say, “We can’t have a stranger waltzing in here, looking to marry—”
Knock knock.
“Uh, hello, am I interrupting?”
My eyes fly to the front door, which is wide open—I checked the window locks but left the front door open. Wow, Renley.
Standing in the doorway, at what I can only guess is over six feet, is a man in a well-tailored suit and loafers.
But not just any man…the man who thinks I want to marry him.
With that charming smile leading the way, I’m having a hard time finding my words, as his presence not only takes up the entire entryway with his broad shoulders and height, but his facial features are hard to look away from.
Tan, with scruff, and perfectly coiled hair that falls over his forehead just enough, he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever come across.
Shining blue eyes, straight white smile, and well-manicured eyebrows, his face is something you would see in a magazine rather than real life.
That’s…that’s Theo.
“It looks like you’re interrupting something,” a man behind him says.
He peeks past Theo’s shoulder, his blond scruffy hair and black-rimmed glasses making an appearance.
“We’re early but…holy fucking shit.” He moves past Theo and stares directly at Aunt Kitty.
“Are you…are you Kitty Katherine the hobby horse whisperer?”
For the love…of…God.
Aunt Kitty bows and then says, “At your service, my liege.”
“No way, it’s really you.” He takes a step forward, and that’s when I put my hand up and move toward the entryway with a candlestick in hand that I snagged from the buffet in the dining room. Handsome or not, I still have to protect us. Sometimes the prettiest ones are the real murderers.
“Hold on a second.” I threaten him with the candle. “Not another inch.”
The blond holds his hands up as he takes a step back. “Sorry, wasn’t trying to intrude.”
“And yet you came into my home, uninvited.”
“Oh, stop that,” Aunt Kitty says as she lowers my hand. “They were invited. We have the message to prove it. Come in, come in, why don’t you tell me how amazing you think I am.”
She loops her arm through the blond guy’s and then guides him into the living room.
Aunt Kitty!
I turn to Theo, who just shrugs and follows as well, shutting the door behind him.
What is happening?
“Can I get you a spot of tea?” Aunt Kitty asks, a faint British accent trailing her words.
“That would be lovely,” the blond replies.
“No, no, no, there will be no tea.” I move into the living room before anyone can sit down. “My friend Tilly over there has her finger on the phone, ready to dial the police. Show them, Tilly.”
Tilly slightly panics and then pulls her phone out of her pocket. “Ready to go.”
“And we have cameras all around the perimeter, recording your every move.”
We don’t, but they don’t need to know that.
Aunt Kitty glances around the room. “When did we have those installed?”
Attempting not to roll my eyes, I say, “I installed them yesterday.”
“Huh.” She nods her head, continuing to look around.
“So it’s best that you don’t mess with us, unless you want to find yourself in jail for murder, and prisons here are scary.
Not sure what they’re like over there in England, but here, in Massachusetts, oh boy, will your legs shake.
Some real hardened criminals—ones that will make you beg for forgiveness.
You know the type; they make shivs in their sleep.
So…so be careful about your next move unless you want to be sleeping next to Sean the Shiv Man. ”
Theo glances at the blond and then back at me. He scratches the top of his head and says, “I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused. You’re Renley, right?”
Ahh, an opening.
“Renley? Who’s Renley?” I ask. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Aunt Kitty chuckles. “Of course this is Renley. Sweetie, what on earth are you doing? This is Theo.”
Goddammit, Aunt Kitty.
“Remember? The guy we’re meeting today. She seems to have spent so much time getting the house all gussied up for you, and installing cameras apparently, that she’s completely forgotten her manners.”
I squeeze the bridge of my nose, wondering why I even try.
Looking uncomfortable, Theo glances around the small space and says, “Well, for what it’s worth, your house is lovely.”
Aunt Kitty presses her hand to her chest. “Oh my, your accents.” She’s twitching with delight. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, it’s great,” the blond says. “I’m Rupert, by the way, and can I just say, being in here, the house where you record a lot of your videos…” He nods his head. “It’s a real honor, Miss Kitty Katherine.”
Aunt Kitty’s cheeks actually blush. “Why thank you…Rupert.”
“Pleasure is all mine.” He winks. “Perhaps I can get a picture with you later…maybe with Marshmallow?”
Marshmallow is Aunt Kitty’s prizewinning hobby horse. He’s kept in a glass case in her room, surrounded by the ribbons she’s earned for dressage and obstacles.
“I believe we can make that happen.”
I sink down to the floor.
Theo spots me and tugs on the back of his neck. “Pardon me for feeling a bit clueless, but I was under the impression that we were meeting up this morning to get to know each other. There seems to be some confusion on that front.”
I toss my hands up in the air, giving up, while Aunt Kitty holds her hands up like she’s holding reins and tilts her head back with a silent neigh, showing off for Rupert, who is weirdly into it.
Thankfully, Tilly steps in. “Hi, I’m Tilly, Renley’s good friend and neighbor.
There has been some confusion. You see, Renley here assumed she was signing up to find a financier, not a fiancé.
Unsure how that happened—this is all news to me as well—but she has a candy shop in town that she’s trying to preserve and was looking for help on that front…
financially. Somehow wires were crossed and, well, she ended up matching with you, not knowing you were looking for a fiancée. The two words are kind of similar.”
“Especially when drunk,” I mutter while plucking a piece of lint off my shorts.
“Wait,” Theo says, turning to face me. “You thought I was an investor? And that the website we were on was for financiers?”
“That would be correct,” I say in a deflated tone.
“So you don’t want to marry me?”
Is this man for real?
“Dude, I don’t even know you. Why would I want to marry you?”
“Because you were on the website and we matched.”
I stand now. “And as explained, it was a mistake. So if you would kindly vacate my house, I’d appreciate it.”
“Oh, they don’t have to leave. Why don’t we talk this out?” Aunt Kitty suggests.
“There is nothing to talk out. I’m not getting married to him.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, surprising me. “I’m a pretty nice guy if you get to know me.”
“See, he’s a pretty nice guy,” Aunt Kitty says.
I throw a look at my aunt, warning her. “I’m not in the market for a fiancé.”
“And are you final on that?” he asks.
This guy.
I point to the front door and shout, “Out! Now!”