Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
RENLEY
“Want to go for a walk on the beach with me?” Theo asks as he stands and holds his palm out to me.
I shouldn’t.
I should just thank him for the food and go back home.
And yet, I find myself slipping my hand in his and standing as well.
This is a bad idea. I know it is.
I need to be focused on Rudder’s, on my odd jobs throughout town, on making sure that I don’t fall into the trap of failure expected of me.
But maybe, just for tonight, I can let myself breathe, take a break, and just live without worry for a moment.
He leads us past the sand gate and out to the beach, each of us holding our shoes in our free hand.
There are other people out walking on the beach as well, but it’s not many since the sun has set and the moon is the only thing lighting our way.
“Where do you live in proximity to the beach?” I ask.
“Not this close,” he answers. “I’m more central England. Takes a couple of hours to drive to the coast.”
“So you haven’t spent much time there then.”
“Not on the English coasts. I’ve visited many other beaches, but that was all on holiday. This…this is something I could get addicted to. I’ve always loved the sound of the crashing waves against the shore, and I feel it relieves the tension inside of me.”
“Are you saying that if I actually accepted your ridiculous proposal, you’d move here and live with me?”
“In a heartbeat,” he says, his delicious cologne wafting in my direction from a light breeze.
“You would give up the lordship?”
“Easily. I don’t want anything to do with that. Instead, I’d be the stay-at-home father, raising five kids and bringing them to the sweets store where they can visit their mummy.”
“First, five kids would never happen. Second, that’s a surefire way to scare away a not-fiancée—by telling her the future you see together.”
“I see nothing wrong with that. It’s all about the long game, Gossy. Got to lay it out there so you know what to expect and you can prepare for it. But I will say, there’s one thing I won’t give up.”
“What’s that?” I ask as we make our way across the sinking sand.
“I won’t give up my butler. Wherever I go, he goes.”
I chuckle. “I’m assuming you two are living for each other now.”
“Nothing could ever happen to him. I’d be lost.” And then quietly, he asks, “Is that how you felt about your father?”
“Umm…” I consider his words. “Not really, and I know that sounds really shitty, but he wasn’t the kind of dad where he dropped everything to be there for you.
I have great memories with him, but he also…
he lied a lot. He said he was off doing these big, amazing things like working for the FBI, or carting around important artifacts, or helping feed the homeless, when in reality, he was just losing job after job, picking up odd ends and scouring the beach for his next big find.
He wasn’t super reliable. It’s one of the reasons I became so good at fixing things up.
He wasn’t there to fix up the house, so I taught myself and I took care of the house while he was gone. ”
“Oh…shit, I didn’t know. I just assumed—”
“Yeah, I know. I’d assume the same thing.
I think I just try to hold on to those good feelings, the positive memories, because if I don’t, then I’ll become bitter, and I don’t want to be bitter.
I lost my dad and I want to remember him for the man that would make me smile at the candy shop, not the man getting mocked because he was determined to strike it rich on the beach. ”
“That’s a pretty strong outlook and position you’ve taken.”
“It’s the only one I can take, to keep moving forward.”
“I get it.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re so strong, Renley.”
“I think the humble response would be, no, I’m not. But I know that’s not the truth. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I wasn’t strong.”
“If only I had half your strength. I’d tell my father to fuck off and I’d go do something that I really wanted to do.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Or is your intention to mess around this summer and just go back to the old life you came from? If so, what are you doing taking me out to an expensive dinner, holding my hand, and walking along the beach under the moonlight with me?”
Because seriously, what are we doing?
What am I doing?
Stupidly allowing myself to open up to someone who is probably going to take off at the end of the summer. That’s what I’m doing.
“Honestly, I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” he answers, which reaffirms my thoughts from earlier. I can’t get mixed up with this. With him.
It might be fun.
He might be charming.
But at the end of the day, he leads a different life than I do; he doesn’t know what he wants and I do.
I want to prove my worth.
Stopping, he turns me toward him. His gaze screams genuine, devoid of all mirth as he says, “What I do know is that this is the first time in a long time where I actually feel content, and I know it has to do with you.”
Oh God.
That’s…that’s not what I wanted to hear. Because in the back of my mind, a small piece, and I mean a very small piece, seems to possibly agree with that statement.
I shake my head. “No, don’t say things like that, you know it’s not true.”
“It is,” he says, taking a step closer.
I release his hand and press my palm to his chest. “Theo, please…I can’t do this when I know it’s not real.”
“Are you saying I’m lying to you?”
“I’m saying that this is all fun and games, but when summer comes to an end, you’ll go one way and I’ll go another, so please don’t say words that will make this more complicated than it already is.”
“I’m not trying to make it complicated.”
“What are you trying to do, then?” I ask.
He looks away as tension rolls through his strained jaw. “I don’t…I don’t fucking know.”
“Exactly.” I take a step back. “Listen, I appreciate dinner and the company but—”
He grabs me by the waist and pulls me in close, my hands landing on his chest, my sandals falling to the ground from the impact.
Slowly, his hand glides up my shoulder, to my neck, and to my jaw, where his thumb presses into the underside of my chin, angling my head up so I’m looking him dead in the eyes.
My breath seems to seize in my lungs as the air stills. The elements around us—the breeze, the ocean, the people—they all seem to fade to black as the energy between us thickens.
“What I do know,” he says softly, “is that I believe in you.”
I search his eyes, unsure where he’s going with this, but my heart is still hammering all the same.
“I know, with everything in me, that you will succeed. You’re determined, you’re smart, you’re propelled by a reason far greater than anyone could understand.
I might not know where I’m headed, Renley, but I know for a fact…
”—his thumb lightly tugs on my bottom lip—“I know that when you open Rudder’s, you’ll create memories for a whole new generation, and I can’t wait to see it. ”
He wets his lips, his breath just as ragged as mine. I feel the pull, the way our bodies mold together without even trying, and I’m questioning everything in my mind as the urge to press my lips to his threatens to overtake me.
What am I doing?
Hell, what am I thinking?
And yet, my hands slide up his chest, my tongue wets my lips, and I lean in just a touch, waiting for him to close the distance, because I can’t do it. I can’t fathom a situation where I make the first move.
I stare up into his handsome face, his beautiful eyes that lack any sense of humor at the moment and instead show truth and honesty. I study the scruff on his chiseled jaw, which is clenched in tension, rather than smiling with mirth. And his lips, wet, ready, practically begging for mine.
I want this.
I want to know what he tastes like.
I want to know what it would feel like to have his hand shift into my hair.
Or to have him run his hand down my back, right above my ass, where he’d pull me in tightly.
I want to know what it takes to make this man crack, to fracture in a way where all his joking and sarcasm is washed away and the true man beneath the quipster emerges.
His thumb runs across my cheek, his voice deep and scratchy as he says, “You’re so goddamn beautiful, Renley.
From day one, I wondered how the fuck you were single.
And I know why now, because no one has been good enough to get this close.
No one has earned the right to be this close.
” His teeth barely tug on his bottom lip, as a sense of frustration rushes over him.
“And I’m not sure I should even be in the vicinity of you.
” He sighs. “But fuck if I’m not going to take the opportunity. ”
He closes the space between us and tilts my head back just an inch more before his lips press against mine.
Oh my God.
The feel of his mouth steals every ounce of air from my lungs, making it impossible to catch my breath. Unexpected butterflies erupt in my stomach, and a tremor of desire rips through my spine, pulling me in even closer.
Stars light up behind my lids and as his lips maneuver over mine, my body melts into his, my limbs becoming loose, my strength releasing from me as he holds me tightly against his body.
I want more.
Oh my God, I want so much more.
I’ve never felt a kiss reach all the way to my toes before, only to shoot back up to the top of my head, sending tingles through every nerve, every muscle.
Every inch of my body.
I smooth my hand up his chest to the back of his neck and stand on my toes, giving me another inch or two to apply more pressure.
He groans into my mouth just as his lips part and his tongue swipes across mine.
Yes…
My stomach flutters again.
Aches.
Tumbles.
My mind falls into an abyss where only this kiss exists, where my plans, my goals, my future are all wiped away and the only thing that matters is having his mouth on mine.
And just as I’m about to drag my tongue against his, he breaks the kiss, his chest heaving, his eyes wide in surprise.