Chapter 25 #2
Thank Jesus.
Renley: I don’t even know how to respond to something like that.
Smiling, I sink into the couch and get ready for the text-a-thon I was hoping for.
Theo: I don’t blame you. It’s the first thing that came to mind and I’m trying not to dissect that.
Luckily, she starts texting back immediately.
Renley: I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with the relationship you share with Rupert.
Theo: Hey now, don’t shame the bromance.
Renley: You two are one shared milkshake away from being an old married couple.
Theo: Fun fact, we once shared a strawberry milkshake. It was in one of those old-timey glasses. He started sucking hard, so then I started sucking hard, and by the end of the glass, we were both spent.
Renley: Can you reread what you just wrote, please?
Theo: I know what I said.
Renley: Okay, just making sure you saw it, heard it, read it.
Theo: Yes, I have it covered.
“Hey, I’m putting in an order for some fluffernutter sandwiches,” Rupert calls from the bathroom. “You in?”
“What the hell is that?”
“Peanut butter and marshmallow. These Americans are nuts.”
I chuckle. “I’ll take one.”
“Want some chowda, too? That’s how they say it. ‘Chowda.’”
“Chowder and peanut butter and marshmallow? No, I’m fine, thank you.”
“Just the fluffernutter then.”
“Yes,” I call out.
“Consider it ordered. Stomach, we’re eating like kings tonight!”
Jesus, he’s a numpty.
Theo: Have you ever had a fluffernutter sandwich?
Renley: Where did that come from?
Theo: Rupert just ordered us some. Apparently it’s peanut butter and marshmallow.
Renley: I know what it is. I grew up eating them.
Theo: Really? Are they good?
Renley: Of course they’re good. It’s peanut butter and marshmallow. Is that what you’re having for dinner?
Theo: I guess so. Rupert is pairing it with chowder.
Renley: That’s not a good pairing.
Theo: That’s what I told him but he’s going for it. I’ll tell you this right now, when he comes to my room later because his stomach hurts, I will refuse to rub it.
Renley: Way to stand your ground and make a statement.
Theo: Your praise really makes me feel seen. Anything else you want to praise me for? Perhaps some late-night lip locking?
Renley: Why did I know you were going to bring that up?
Theo: Because you know me so well at this point.
Renley: Unfortunately.
Theo: I don’t see that as a terrible thing, as it’s good to get to know your not-so-future husband. Maybe you should ask me more questions—after we talk about the kiss though.
Renley: We are not talking about the kiss.
Theo: Why not?
Renley: Because the kiss never should have happened.
Theo: Ouch, I knew you were going to say that, but it still hurt. I’d like to disagree with you. I think the kiss should have happened and I’m so glad that it did, because it’s all I can think about. You have fucking addictive lips. I could get lost in them for hours.
Renley: I don’t know what to say to that.
Theo: You can say something like—in a girly voice—oh Theo, your lips made me weak in the knees and wet in the undergarments.
Renley: Dear God, I’d never say that.
Theo: But it was true, wasn’t it?
Renley: I’m not answering that.
Theo: Holy shit, it was true! Gossy, you should have asked for more. I’d have given you anything you wanted.
Renley: I’m about to block you.
Theo: Why? Because I’m excited that I got you excited? Love, you’ve been a brick freaking wall since I met you, so excuse me for moistening your cracks.
Renley: Goodbye.
Theo: Wait, don’t block me. I’m sorry, that was just too good, I had to type it. I didn’t mean it. Actually, I did, but I didn’t mean for you to see it. That’s a lie, I love that you saw it. Hello, I love everything about this and I can’t hide it. Sorry. You excite me.
Renley: The only reason I’m entertaining this text chain right now is because I’m waiting for my food to arrive. Please don’t mistake this for interest.
Theo: Gossy, you were interested from day one when I took my shirt off in your front yard. But I’ll let it go for now. What did you get for dinner?
Renley: Cheese pizza.
Theo: Nothing on it?
Renley: Toppings cost more.
Fuck, I always forget about shit like that. If she was with me, I’d let her get whatever toppings she wanted.
Theo: If toppings were free, what would you get?
Renley: A ton of black olives and diced mushrooms. So good.
Theo: That’s what I’d get too!
Renley: Why don’t I believe you?
Theo: Because you don’t want to show your true feelings for me. But it’s the truth. To prove it, next time I see you, we’ll devour a black olive and mushroom pizza.
Renley: Not sure I’ll be engaging in any more dinners with you. Doesn’t lead to good things.
Theo: Oh, I disagree. I think dinners together lead to a lot of good things.
Renley: Not going there. Where are you right now?
Theo: Missing me already?
Renley: I knew I shouldn’t have asked.
Theo: LOL. I’m in Boston. Rupert and I are going to do some exploring, pay tribute to our fallen friends.
Renley: Your fallen friends?
Theo: We thought we’d head to the harbor and pay our respects to the tea that was dumped there so many years ago.
Renley: Oh my God, you’re not.
Theo: We are. I’ll send pictures.
Renley: Please don’t.
Theo: Oh, I know, you want pictures of other things. *Wiggles brows* Don’t worry, Gossy, we’ll get there. In good time, we’ll get there.
Renley: I hope we never do.
Theo: Liar. And I want it to be known, if I send a topless picture, I expect one in return. Thank you.
Renley: Keep dreaming.
Theo: Oh, I will. Just hope it doesn’t involve Rupert’s hairy arm this time.