Chapter 39 #2
“Sometimes you need to,” I say. “Crying helps you get it out. You can’t sit on the emotions and wish them away. You have to actually feel them so you can move on.”
Her tears fall, and instead of wiping them away for her, I let them stain her cheeks so she can experience the emotions flowing through her. Stuffing them away hasn’t helped. And when she goes to wipe the tears away herself, I stop her.
“Don’t. Let them stay there. Feel them.”
She closes her eyes, more tears streaming down her cheeks, silence falling in the car.
I sit there, hold her hand, and wait, giving her the space to soak this all in, to feel.
Has she ever done this? Cried? Let out her pain?
Who would she have talked to, given that her dad and aunt have been the sum of her people…
so it seems? And it makes sense now why she’s so strong, why she hides behind bravado and weariness.
She’s been let down so often, but she hasn’t been able to party and fuck and drink those frustrations away…
like I have. She’s had to adult since she was too young to adult. And that’s so fucking unfair.
It also makes more sense why she wasn’t enchanted with my fun-loving, lighthearted self. Because she could see plain as day that I’d never had to rise up against my circumstances. I just avoided them.
“I wish it was different.” She sniffs. “This is such a shitty thing to say about the person who was there for me during some of my darkest times, but…I wish she was more reliable.”
“It’s okay to love someone for what they’ve done for you, Renley, but be upset about their failures as well. No one is perfect, but there’s a standard that we hold our loved ones to, and if they’re not living up to that, you don’t have to pretend that everything is okay.”
She swipes at her face, gathering her tears on her finger only to wipe her hand on her shorts. “I don’t want to be irritated with her. I just feel let down and this…is a huge thing in my life. She’s not taking any interest in it.”
“Have you talked to her about it?”
She shakes her head. “Not really. She’s so caught up with Rupert that I didn’t want to bring it up. And when I asked her to help with the storage room, she said she would but then ended up not coming.”
“Was that the toilet day?”
She nods. “It was. Just another moment where I felt let down, but that one hurt more, because we were supposed to be working on the shop together.” More tears spring to her eyes. “Ugh, I don’t want to be doing this right now. I hate crying.”
“I do too, but Rupert always makes me do it. Once a week, he sits me down and forces me to cry. He collects my tears in jars and then measures them each month to see what got me crying the most.”
She pauses, tilts her head to the side, and then says, “Why do I actually believe that’s something he’d do?”
“Because he’s actually that insane.”
She chuckles, and it’s the first bit of light I’ve seen in her face since we got in this car.
I cup her cheek and press a soft kiss to her lips. “I don’t have any good advice other than you’re going to have to talk to her at some point, but for now, until you’re ready, you can talk to me.”
“Thank you,” she says, kissing me back. It’s a sweet, appreciative kiss…intimate, something that I’ve never craved before. Her hand slides over my chest. “Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome, love.” I bring her knuckles to my lips again and kiss them. “Do you want to take a few more minutes in here before we head into the store? I can play with you if you want.”
The corner of her lip pulls to the side. “You’re not playing with me in the parking lot of the Floor Depot. I know you don’t want to be a lord, but have a little class.”
I laugh. “Once that title is out the window, so are all my manners.”
“Not happening.” The tension in her face lightens while she plays with the collar of my shirt. “Thank you though, for always making me smile.”
“It’s my favorite thing.”
“And here I thought your smile was my favorite thing.”
“Really?” My eyebrow quirks up. “A rare compliment. Unsure how to process and proceed.”
“Stop.” She playfully pushes at my chest. “I give you compliments.”
“And what compliments are those exactly?”
“Are you really fishing right now?”
“Yes, and by the way, you have yet to take me fishing, and given what you had on your profile, that’s a disgrace.”
“Mr. Soft Hands would not be able to handle fishing with me.”
“Don’t discredit me, you’ve made me into a new man. Give me a chance.”
“Maybe over the weekend.”
I wink at her. “I’m holding you to that. Also”—I check my watch—“still waiting on those compliments.”
She rolls her eyes and stares out the windscreen. “You’re relentless.”
“Not quite a compliment, but I’ll take it. Keep them coming.”
“Jesus,” she mutters and then scratches her eyebrow. “You have a beautiful smile that caught my eye the minute I first saw it. You’re funny and engaging and so charming. You have the most beautiful lips to kiss, and you have a huge penis.”
I snort at the last one. “Consider me flattered. If you want to write sonnets or sing songs about my penis, I’d be more than happy to lend a listening ear.”
“In your dreams.”
“Exactly.” I lean in and kiss her cheek. “Thanks for the compliments, love.”
“You’re welcome,” she says softly. “Are you ready to go into the store?”
“As long as you are.”
She nods. So we both exit the car, and I meet her on her side. Because we are nowhere near Cape Meril, I hold her hand and love the way she leans into my side when we walk toward the store.
“Never did I think when you first walked into my house that weeks later I’d be holding your hand and complimenting your penis.”
“When I was flying across the Atlantic to meet a stranger from the internet, I never thought I’d be headed into a floor store to help her pick out new flooring while picturing her naked in my head the entire time.”
“Theo,” she groans, making me laugh.
“What? It’s true. You’re insanely hot, Renley. I have visions of your naked body on replay in my head constantly. You’re telling me you don’t have an image of my dick playing on repeat in your head?”
“I’m able to function without thinking about your penis.”
“I’m able to function without thinking about you naked,” I reply. “I just choose not to.”
“Because you have issues.”
“No.” I lean in and kiss her neck. “Because I’m addicted and I choose to feed that addiction every chance I get.”
“Would you want to feed that addiction this weekend at a dinner with me, you, Aunt Kitty, and Rupert?”
“As a couple?”
She shakes her head. “No, Aunt Kitty wants to do something nice for you two and she’s insisting on a Sunday roast. It’s one of the things we got in an argument about.
She’s asking Rupert and asked me to ask you.
But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
We’re going to have to act like acquaintances during dinner. ”
“Acquaintances?” I ask as I open the door to the store for her. “Not even friends? I’d think that in her eyes, we’re at least friends by now.”
“You know what I mean. But seriously, don’t feel like you need to say yes.”
“Do you not want me to say yes?” I ask as she turns toward me.
“This is coming out wrong and I feel like I’m insulting you and I’m not trying to. I just don’t want you to feel obligated to go to dinner when we can’t act normal around her.”
“Why don’t we take the opportunity to tell her about us?”
Renley’s eyes widen. “What? No. That’s not a good idea.”
“Do you really think she’s going to make a big deal about it?”
Renley pulls me to the side and whispers, “Absolutely. She’s going to make a big deal about it.
You’ve met her. When does she not make a big deal about things?
Please, I don’t want to deal with it right now.
I’m so close to getting the shop ready. We have window installers coming in next week, the bathroom will be done soon.
Inventory should be coming in soon. I just want to get the shop up and running before she knows, or else it’s going to become a distraction. One I don’t need right now.”
“How would she make it a distraction?”
“Off the top of my head?” She pauses and gives it some thought.
“Well, I could see her transforming the entire shop into some sort of celebration nest, creating a mess. Then I could see her stopping by every two seconds to take pictures of us, to ask us questions, to poke and prod and capture every moment until I want to scream. I promise you, she’ll be over the top about it, and then…
” Her eyes widen. “Oh God, and then she’ll probably throw herself a party because she was the one who signed me up on the website.
” She shakes her head. “Please, I just don’t want to deal with it right now. After the shop is open.”
“Okay.” I bring her in close and wrap my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. “And I’d love to come over for dinner, even if it means I have to pretend to be your friend. As long as I get to hang out with you, that’s all I care about.”
“Who knew the guy with the big penis could be so sensitive and sweet?”
I laugh. “I’m a man of many great attributes.”
“And so humble too.”