Chapter 25 Clara
The ring felt so wrong–so very wrong, and somehow so right.
Clara could hear people in the distance and knew they were fast approaching a caravan.
That’s where their act would begin. Calyndor was close enough most people came by horse and cart.
Old fashioned, yes, but far easier and less expensive than navigating the ruined roads with a hard-to-find vehicle.
Her thumb traced over the band, and though she refused to look down again, every sense had become attuned to the ring.
It wasn’t heavy, a thin silver band with a cluster of diamonds.
She loved the ring. She’d never admit it to Carver, though.
She couldn’t have picked a better one for herself.
It was beautiful, and small enough she could flip the diamonds to her palm and make it more discreet.
It wouldn’t attract too much attention, yet her new station was obvious.
These were all logical reasons to love it. Everything had to be logical.
With the beauty of the ring, came the disappointment Carver hadn’t been man enough to slip it onto her finger.
She understood, of course, the rules and all of that.
Goodness knows, she was an avid enforcer of every small detail.
But still. The one man she’d loved, and she had to put the ring on her own finger.
There was more than a touch of irony in that.
“We’re almost there.” Carver interrupted her thoughts, and she stopped twisting her ring as though caught. He glanced at her nervously. It was a new expression on him. She’d never seen his confidence waver.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“I was wondering about you. Are you going to be okay with this role we’re playing?” His words were careful, his intent clear. He was truly worried about her. Ha.
“Do we have a choice?” She provided the answer she thought he needed to hear.
She wouldn’t tell him how her heart constricted when she put the ring on her finger.
She wouldn’t tell him that she kept glancing at his profile and thinking how much she wanted to be his again.
No, she would keep to the assignment. She was an assassin. She was strong enough for this.
“There’s always a choice.”
She rolled her eyes. “Carver, I’ve killed countless people. This will be a breeze.” Her tone sounded far lighter than she felt, and she was proud of how well she was already acting. She could do this.
His cheeks flushed, but he nodded. When they were close enough to hear the individual voices, he reached out and took her hand.
For a second, his touch froze her blood and she wanted to rip her hand away and punch him.
Hard. It’s not his fault. She reminded herself as she took a deep breath in and forced a smile to her face.
It was difficult at first, but after a couple minutes her smile felt almost natural.
Every brush of his skin across hers as they held hands and walked was a beautiful agony. His hands were more calloused than they were before…before her world fell apart, before they ended up here. Before.
“We don’t have to do this,” Carver whispered as they saw the group of people.
“You know that’s not true,” she whispered back, keeping the smile pasted on her face.
“Maybe smile a little less.” He murmured casually, “You look like you’re trying not to let people know you have something stuck up your butt.”
Clara laughed, the smile becoming real at his absurdity. “What?”
He shrugged. “Hey, it worked.” She didn’t need anything to prove that his smile was real. She’d seen it a hundred times before, and like always, it did something to her insides that wasn’t an altogether unpleasant sensation. Unwanted, absolutely. Unpleasant, not entirely.
“Here goes nothing.” Carver tugged on her hand gently, never loosening his grip. Her stomach flipped. If only she didn’t find him attractive, this would be fine.
“Only it’s everything,” she muttered back, grateful for his tether as they approached the group.
“Mind if we join you?” He called out.
A couple of the people paused to assess them, but most of the group kept walking.
There were close to 20 people, more with the children running around the carts and in between everyone.
A few people were in the carts, but the majority were walking, carrying casual conversation with other members of the group.
It was an interesting display. Clara stepped closer to Carver, and he dropped his hand to pull his arm around her shoulder.
His warmth and closeness were entirely unexpected and she leaned into his embrace, forgetting momentarily this was only a role. “My wife and I are headed to the festival. I’m assuming that’s your destination as well?”
She placed her hand over his, keeping his hand on her shoulder. He laced his fingers with hers, and the smile she wore as they approached the group was entirely real.
One of the women who was assessing them walked over. A hint of suspicion remained in her eyes, but her smile and posture were friendly. “Of course. You’re welcome to join our group.”
“That’s wonderful to hear,” Carver exhaled, “I’m sure it will make the journey feel that much shorter.”
“Yes. We’re only a day’s walk out, and you’ll be safer at night sleeping with our group anyway.
” She looked curiously at Clara who still had not spoken.
Clara was terrified. Everything Carver said about being undercover rushed through her mind until it was nothing more than a muddled mess. How was she supposed to do this?
“I’m Julia.” The woman introduced herself.
“Carver,” he shook Julia’s hand, and they began walking with the group. “This is my wife, Clara.”
“Hi,” Clara finally piped in, hating herself the entire time. Why couldn’t she seem calm and relaxed like Carver?
“Have you been married long?” Julia asked.
Clara inwardly panicked. They didn’t get this far into their story.
“About a year.” Carver answered like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Relief flooded Clara’s chest, and she squeezed his hand on her shoulder gently in gratitude before realizing that was against the rules.
“We actually honeymooned at the beach west of Noxvalis, so we’ve been out this direction before. ”
Clara focused on maintaining a neutral expression, not letting her jaw drop at how seamlessly Carver lied.
He didn’t think about it. Even knowing him as well and as long as she had, he could have convinced her with that lie.
She knew she needed to chime in at some point. She was supposed to be girly and fun.
She forced a light giggle, “It was an amazing honeymoon,” and raised her eyebrows at him suggestively. Yes, make everyone uncomfortable by referencing sex. Pretend you aren’t insanely uncomfortable. Her inner monologue chided.
“That it was my dear,” he reached across to grab her free hand and raised it to his lips pressing a kiss across her knuckles.
Clara kept her perfect smile. Truly, she wanted to slap him across the face but that wouldn’t go well.
It was only fair in a way. She squeezed his hand; he kissed the back of hers.
They were both tormenting the other and shredding the laws they created.
It was all for a greater purpose. Justified.
Julia smiled at them, clearly enjoying their flirtation. “Ah, to be young again. My husband and I had the time of our lives in our 20s. Kids change everything, you know.”
Clara didn’t know, but she nodded as if she sympathized. Maybe she was capable of pulling this off. “So I’ve heard. We decided not to try during our first year of marriage.”
“Smart move–gives you plenty of time to practice.” Julia’s dark eyes sparkled with her suggestion.
She continued to smile at them, and Clara couldn’t help but think she had the most perfect lips.
Naturally pink. Even though she was older than her and Carver by at least a decade, Clara thought she was still gorgeous.
At her suggestion though, Clara began to inwardly panic as images of the future she almost had with Carver flooded her mind.
His arm around her felt far too warm and heavy, and she wished to all the gods she could be anywhere but here.
Give her a battle to fight, something productive to do.
Don’t make her finish out this conversation.
Outwardly, she laughed airily, and Carver joined in. “Yes ma’am. That’s our plan.” He looked down at her, his eyes too probing for her to cope with so she looked away.
One of the children screamed and yelled at another child. Julia sighed deeply. “It was very nice to meet you both and we’re glad to have you among us. I have to deal with my children, but perhaps tonight you can meet my husband and we can get to know each other a little better.”
“We’d like that very much.” Carver confirmed.
Clara’s turn to complete her act, “It was so nice to meet you.”
Julia walked away and when she was on the other side of the cart, Clara let her smile drop.
Carver removed his arm from her shoulder as he stretched, and instead lightly grabbed her hand.
If anyone looked over, they kept the appearance of being a couple and so in love, but it was easier for them to maintain their real boundaries when they weren’t pressed against each other.
“You okay?” Carver whispered.
She peered up into his dark brown eyes, and immediately wished she hadn’t looked at him. He was way too attractive. With her hand in his, her heart was beating too quickly, and there was a traitorous part of her wishing this wasn’t an act.
She didn’t know how to answer him. Did she tell the truth?
Did she admit that already this act was destroying the walls she had built and she would quite possibly never be okay again?
Or did she play her role? Strong, uncaring, ready to deal with anything and everything that came her way.
His eyes urged her for an answer, and as much as she wanted to lie, the words wouldn’t come.
She was living too much of a lie as her hand tightened around his.
He squeezed her hand back and the words tumbled out before she could stop them.
“I don’t think I’ll be okay again after this assignment.”