Chapter 110
A FTER LUNCH, the two of them spent some time wandering around the area outside of the campus for a digestive stroll. Gu Fei said Jiang Cheng should familiarize himself with the surroundings, but Jiang Cheng didn’t think that was necessary.
Right now, he wasn’t even in the mood to walk around inside the campus, let alone go out and explore the neighborhood. He could already imagine his daily routine for the foreseeable future: Go to class. Eat. Sleep.
And miss Gu Fei.
They were going from spending every second together, being the first person the other saw as soon as they opened their eyes in the morning, to not seeing or touching each other at all.
The distance between these two states of existence was much more than a mere hours-long train ride, and much more than the twenty or so days from now until October 1.
After the walk, they went right back to the hotel. Jiang Cheng made a total of three wrong turns on their way back.
“I think you’d better not go off campus unless you absolutely have to,” Gu Fei said, lying on the bed, swiping at his phone. “Otherwise you’re at high risk of getting lost.”
“I can just ask for directions.” Jiang Cheng flopped down beside Gu Fei. “Besides, I’m not that interested in going out anyway.”
“It’ll be better once you get used to it.
You’ll adapt eventually. So many people cry their hearts out from homesickness when they first go off to school, but don’t they all get over it?
” Gu Fei pulled Jiang Cheng’s shirt up a little and smoothed his hand over his back.
“It’ll get better once you get to know the other students. ”
“You think I’m the sort of guy who gets to know other people that easily?” asked Jiang Cheng.
“Well, you’ll at least get to know the people in your dorm room.” Gu Fei smiled. “You might have a bit of a temper, but you’re pretty reasonable under most circumstances.”
“Hopefully.” Jiang Cheng closed his eyes. “Massage my lower back, boyfriend.”
Gu Fei refused. “Nope. I’ll probably get turned on if I do, and I’m not really in the mood to fool around right now. What if all this flip-flopping between hard and soft ends up tanking my sexual vitality…?”
“What the heck?! Shut your mouth!” Jiang Cheng pushed himself up on his elbows and glared at Gu Fei. “If I called you shameless right now, would you own up to it?”
“I’ve never not owned up to it.” Gu Fei laughed. “I’m only saying that you’re just as shameless.”
“Oh, shut up.” Jiang Cheng flopped back onto the pillow. “I’m a pure and innocent young man.”
“Hey, have you ever seen that cartoon? I don’t remember what it’s called, but I remember how the song goes.”
“Sing it for me, I might know it.”
Gu Fei cleared his throat and began: “Little mousy, little mousy wears a blue shirt, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak…”
“Big face kitty cat with long whiskers, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…” Jiang Cheng immediately sang the next line. “How can you not know this? It’s The Blue Mouse and the Big-Faced Cat.”
“One has a tail that’s long and thin, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak; one has a face that’s larger than life, meow meow meow meow meow,” Gu Fei sang, looking at Jiang Cheng. “You sure it’s Big-Faced Cat? Isn’t it actually called The Blue Mouse and the Bare-Faced Jiang Chengcheng?”
“Fucking…shit!” When Jiang Cheng finally made the connection, he was shaken to his core. “I really have got to hand it to you, Gu Fei! That was a really long walk you took just to drag me. Why didn’t you take a detour around the sun while you were at it?”
“The sun’s not out right now,” said Gu Fei.
Jiang Cheng burst out laughing and collapsed onto his pillow. “Shit.”
Like Gu Fei, Jiang Cheng wasn’t in the mood for a roll in the sheets either, despite how much he still wanted to hold Gu Fei, to kiss, bite, lick, and knead Gu Fei…
But although part of him wanted to give in to that kind of wild abandon, he wanted far more for them to lie peacefully beside each other—whether they talked or they just stayed quiet.
Even though staying awake meant feeling, viscerally, the ache that came before parting, it also allowed him to fully savor every last moment he had with Gu Fei.
Some things were already deeply rooted in his memory, yet he couldn’t help but try to press them even closer and deeper for fear he might forget the moment he turned his back. The idea that he might forget even a tiny fraction of a moment was completely unbearable.
Neither of them really slept that night.
This time, Jiang Cheng didn’t try to pretend.
Whenever Gu Fei stirred, he moved too. When Gu Fei rolled to the right, he would also roll to his right side and hold him; when Gu Fei rolled to the left, he would quickly roll to his left side, then pull Gu Fei’s arms from behind to wrap around himself.
“Cheng-ge,” Gu Fei chuckled quietly, “I can sleep for a while on the train tomorrow, but will you be able to sleep in your dorm? With people going in and out all the time?”
“I don’t need sleep,” Jiang Cheng said. “I only slept four to five hours each night when I was studying for the exams, and I didn’t die then. Don’t you worry about me.”
“I’ll change my cell phone plan once I get back home for one with more data,” said Gu Fei.
“Mm, I’ll get a different plan too,” Jiang Cheng agreed. “That’s all we have to rely on from now on. Oh, right, can you talk to Gu Miao about changing your WeChat icon to a photo of you? So I can see your face whenever you send a message.”
“Sure,” said Gu Fei.
“Oh, another thing,” Jiang Cheng said, pulling out his own phone.
“Hey.” Gu Fei lifted a hand to block the sudden light from the bright screen. “All right, you’ve successfully chased away the last trace of my sleepiness.”
“I thought you were going to sleep on the train tomorrow.” Jiang Cheng tapped open his WeChat. “I’m changing my chat background. Here, wanna pick a photo for me?”
The banner on Jiang Cheng’s WeChat Moments was already a photo of the two of them. Gu Fei picked out the selfie he took that day on the rooftop and set it as Jiang Cheng’s chat background.
“Super hot,” said Jiang Cheng. “Now change yours.”
“Mm-hm.” Gu Fei reached for his own phone. “All I have left to change is my icon.”
“Hm?” Jiang Cheng turned to him. “When did you do the rest?”
“The other day, when I was with Gu Miao. Didn’t have anything else to do so I changed my entire layout. I have lots of photos of you anyway. And I take better pictures.”
“Shit.” Jiang Cheng laughed. “ I never complained about bad pictures of you.”
After they’d changed out the pictures, they both completely lost any desire for sleep. Through intermittent conversations, they held each other until the sun came up.
It wasn’t wholly accurate to say that Jiang Cheng wasn’t tired. He must’ve been a little out of it, because after getting out of bed, washing up, and having breakfast, he felt the emotions that he’d kept at bay all through the night threatening to flood him again.
Now that he was wide awake, that unbearable longing finally started to wash over him, gradually burying him like a rising tide.
***
Since Gu Fei’s train was early in the morning—an inconsiderate hour to move things into the dorm—Jiang Cheng left his luggage with the hotel’s front desk, planning to pick it up when he came back.
“Let’s go to the train station.” After thanking the front desk, Jiang Cheng hoisted up Gu Fei’s bag and walked out of the hotel.
Gu Fei had only brought one change of clothes, so the bag was light, like Jiang Cheng’s steps right now—ungrounded and insubstantial.
“I’ll hold it.” Gu Fei caught up to him.
“Nope.” Jiang Cheng slung the bag over his shoulder.
Gu Fei didn’t insist.
Neither of them spoke again as they entered and exited the subway. There was still so much they wanted to say to each other, but not a single word of it passed their lips the entire way.
They deliberately didn’t arrive at the train station too early. This way, they didn’t have to stand around for too long once they found the correct departure gate.
“Go on in.” Jiang Cheng handed the bag to Gu Fei.
“I can wait a little longer.” Gu Fei checked the time. “I’ll go after this group so I won’t have to squeeze in with them.”
Jiang Cheng nodded. “All right.”
“I’ll have to go register at my school when I get back,” said Gu Fei. “Then if the school doesn’t have anything planned, I’ll pick a weekend to come see you.”
“Mm.”
“Honestly, coming here isn’t that hard. If I leave first thing in the morning, I’ll get here by noon. Then I can leave the next evening.”
“Mm.” Jiang Cheng rubbed his nose.
“The guy from yesterday is named Zhao Ke,” Gu Fei reminded him.
“Yeah.” Jiang Cheng started laughing. “I didn’t forget. He’s kind of handsome too, right?”
“Yes,” said Gu Fei. “Quite.”
Jiang Cheng tutted. “I’ll hurry back to the dorm later to check him out.”
“What’s the rush?” Gu Fei tutted back at him. “You’ll have years to check him out, and you might even catch a nude version.”
Jiang Cheng cracked up. “You asshole.”
There were far fewer people going through the gate at this point; they were repeating the call to board.
“You should go,” said Jiang Cheng.
“Yeah.” Gu Fei turned and glanced in the direction of the gate. He didn’t move.
“You should go,” Jiang Cheng said again.
“Don’t you fucking rush me.”
“I’m about to have a fucking breakdown.”
Gu Fei sighed softly. “I’m going, then. I’ll message you once the train starts moving.”
“Message me as soon as you sit down,” said Jiang Cheng.
“Okay.”
“Don’t look back at me when you go.”
Gu Fei nodded. “Understood.”
Then they were silent again. Gu Fei took a few seconds to quietly gather himself, then turned and walked toward the departure gate.
Jiang Cheng stared at Gu Fei’s back, watching as he took one step after another.
Look back.
I can’t believe you’re not looking back.
Fucking…look back. I’m still standing right here!
Don’t look back.