Chapter 110 #2
If you look back, I might break down in tears… Out in public like this, it’d be way too embarrassing.
Look! Back!
With his backpack slung over his shoulder, Gu Fei vanished from view.
Jiang Cheng hastily walked a few steps to the side, only barely in time to catch a glimpse of the bag Gu Fei was carrying as he turned the corner.
Gu Fei never once looked back—not even halfway to give him a side view. And he’d been walking so briskly. Jiang Cheng felt like he’d only blinked three times before he could no longer see him.
So obedient.
He really didn’t look back.
But I didn’t tell him to walk so quickly. Why did he have to walk so quickly?
Jiang Cheng let out a quiet sigh and turned away from the departure gate.
It was a long walk from there to the entrance of the subway station.
Jiang Cheng hadn’t noticed on the way there, but coming out now, he realized that try as he might, he still couldn’t find his way around.
It wasn’t until he looked up at the signs that he realized he’d gone in the opposite direction.
He immediately made an about-face and hurried back the way he came, but after walking for what felt like miles, he was still lost.
His phone vibrated with a message from Gu Fei.
- I just sat down. There’s a chubby uncle next to me, I feel like he’s spilling over into my seat.
Jiang Cheng laughed at his screen for a long time. Looking at the message alongside Gu Fei’s backlit profile in his chat background, he could practically see the way Gu Fei looked as he said it. Gu Fei sent him another message: Are you in the subway yet?
- haven’t found the way out, he replied.
A second later, he got a call from Gu Fei. “Looks like intellect really has nothing to do with sense of direction or short-term geographical memory, huh?”
“I’m all the way back at the departure gate,” Jiang Cheng said with a laugh.
“Look down,” Gu Fei said. “Are there arrows on the floor?”
“Uh-huh,” Jiang Cheng said, looking down.
“Follow the arrows, young man,” said Gu Fei.
The phone call from Gu Fei made Jiang Cheng’s rock-bottom mood much lighter.
In the past, whenever Gu Fei didn’t spend the night at Jiang Cheng’s apartment, they would call each other frequently, and for a long time every time. In an instant, something about this felt familiar to Jiang Cheng—as though Gu Fei was still nearby.
He threw his head back and took in several big breaths, then shook his arms loose.
Back to campus.
Time for his new life to start.
***
“What’s your ETA?” asked Li Yan.
“Probably one thirty,” said Gu Fei. “Are you coming in Liu Fan’s car?”
“Yeah. He wanted to tag along, so he’s driving.”
“It’d be uncomfortable as hell to cram four people in that crappy car,” Gu Fei sighed.
“Er-Miao doesn’t take up any room,” said Li Yan. “Besides, we’re going straight to the restaurant after picking you up. It’s all planned out.”
“Can’t it be tomorrow?” Gu Fei asked, glancing out the window. The platform was empty now aside from a single train attendant.
“Nope,” said Li Yan. “I worry that without some kind of intervention, you’re not going to make it past tonight.”
“You think I’m like you?”
“I know you way too well. All you’re going to do is bottle it up inside and let the pressure keep building until you die.”
“…I’ll call you when I’m almost there.”
“Okay.”
Gu Fei had just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket when the train slowly began to move. Caught by surprise, he wondered if the announcement hadn’t broadcasted the departure or if he just didn’t hear it.
It had to be the latter.
But a phone call with Li Yan wasn’t enough to distract him to such an extent that he couldn’t hear the announcement. It could only be blamed on his scattered mess of a mind.
Don’t look back at me when you go, Jiang Cheng had said.
Even if Jiang Cheng hadn’t said that, Gu Fei still wouldn’t have looked back. He was afraid that if he did, his boyfriend’s hyperactive tear glands would have burst right there at the departure gate.
If that happened, Gu Fei might not have been able to hold himself back either.
Two grown-ass dudes standing on either side of a departure gate, crying their faces off at each other… That would certainly be one riveting scene.
He didn’t want people to see that.
The whole time, from the moment he stepped onto the train—when he called Jiang Cheng, when he spoke to Li Yan, and up until the train started moving just now—Gu Fei had been in a state of partial numbness.
He felt suffocated, unable to make out his own thoughts.
He couldn’t tell if what he felt right now was longing, anguish, or something else.
It was a feeling of suffocation that left him hollowed out inside.
On the way here, he’d had Jiang Cheng on his left-hand side. Now, when he turned left, all he saw was the large uncle and his cheek that almost completely eclipsed his nose.
Gu Fei kept his head turned to the right and looked out the window.
The scenery outside rapidly retreated backward at an increasing speed. Staring at the view in the foreground for too long left him feeling a little dizzy.
Dragging the curtain over the window, Gu Fei leaned against it and closed his eyes. The train zoomed onward like a bullet, gradually widening the distance between him and Jiang Cheng.
There and back. Two opposite directions. He had accompanied Jiang Cheng to where he ought to go. Now it was time for him to turn around and run back to the little town where he had lived for nineteen years; where he would continue to live.
Gu Fei couldn’t quite pin down this feeling. It didn’t really feel like anything at all. He felt nothing. All of his emotions—happiness, anger, sorrow, joy, dejection, loneliness—had disappeared the moment he turned around and walked through the departure gate.
Stepping into thin air, about to take flight.
I look up and I’m lost, I look down to see your face
And you tell me this world is an empty place.
He reached into his bag and rummaged around for a while until he found a milk candy in a side pocket. He unwrapped it and tossed it into his mouth.
Then he took out his phone and sent a message to Jiang Cheng.
- The train’s moving, boyfriend.
- keep your bag safe when you’re catching up on sleep
Jiang Cheng’s reply came very quickly. He’d probably had his phone in his hand the whole time.
- All right
- tell me when you get there
- Mm, Li Yan and Liu Fan are bringing Er-Miao to come pick me up. I’m going to have lunch with them
- i’m going to check out the school cafeteria for lunch today
- All right, I’ll snooze for a bit then
- okay
***
Jiang Cheng held his phone the entire way back just in case he got a notification from Gu Fei. After their little exchange, he finally put his phone back in his pocket. It was only then that he had the presence of mind to look around him.
It had been a long time since he’d seen so many people. The skyscrapers, the busy roads and streams of cars, the throngs of people squeezing past him on all sides—an age had passed since he’d walked away from this kind of bustling prosperity.
Jiang Cheng had spent all his time around the Steelworks neighborhood for the past year and a half.
It wasn’t as obvious during the day, but after dinner, you could actually see the number of people and cars on the street disappearing bit by bit.
After that, the only things enshrouding that place seemingly forgotten by time were quietness and desolation.
Being abruptly thrown back into all this noise was like being exposed to a blazing sun again after an age in darkness. He was having trouble adjusting to the light.
Too many sounds filled his ears; too many sights crowded his vision. It was moments like these when he always found himself subconsciously worrying that he would turn around and not be able to see Gu Fei anymore.
…Though that was indeed the case now.
After he’d picked up his things from the hotel, Jiang Cheng slowly walked himself back to campus, as if dragging a suitcase full of gloom.
It seemed that his other roommates had arrived—all their bunks and desks were already filled. However, no one was around but Zhao Ke, who was playing a game on his computer.
Jiang Cheng greeted him, and with a brief glance at the computer screen he was surprised to see that Zhao Ke was playing a desktop version of the prehistoric puzzle game Memory .
Jiang Cheng’s brain was so slow right now, it felt like it was filled with glue. “You…like playing that?” He narrowly managed to stop himself from adding the words “stupid game” to the end of his sentence.
“Mm,” Zhao Ke answered, too focused on his ancient puzzle game to say much else. His hand clicked busily away at the mouse like he was participating in an international esports tournament.
Once he’d put his stuff away, Jiang Cheng was at a loss for what to do next. Gu Fei was probably catching up on sleep right now, so he didn’t want to message and disturb him…
After spacing out for a long while in front of his desk, Jiang Cheng opened his suitcase again and took out his laptop. Perhaps he could organize all the photos Gu Fei had taken.
He set the laptop on his desk and sat down, then noticed something stuck between the screen and the keyboard. He opened the lid and was stunned to see what it was.
A red envelope?
What the hell? Gu Fei’s giving back the lucky money I gave him?
When did he find it? How is that possible?!
Jiang Cheng hastily picked up the red envelope.
Once it was in his hands, he realized it wasn’t the one he’d left for Gu Fei after all.
That one had come with the auspicious message Great Luck and Great Fortune on the front, whereas the message on this one said…
A Life as Long as the South Mountains . It was the kind of thing you’d say to an aging relative on New Year’s.
This was Gu Fei’s gift to him.
Jiang Cheng’s fingers trembled a little too hard as he opened the envelope, though he didn’t know what there was for them to shake about.