Chapter 117
M AYBE HE REALLY WAS GETTING better at goodbyes, or maybe it was just that he hadn’t slept the night before—especially after overexerting himself carnally over the past few days—but not long after texting Pan Zhi and exchanging a few messages with Gu Fei, Jiang Cheng fell fast asleep with his arms around his bag.
The woman beside him had to prod him a few times to wake him up, and he hopped straight up into a standing position, still hugging his bag close.
“Whoa!” The woman was so startled by his reaction she almost splatted into the aisle. “Young man! You’re gonna scare people to death, springing up like that!”
“Sorry, I was out cold.” Jiang Cheng quickly felt around his face to check that there was no sign of drool before sitting back down.
“No kidding. We’re almost there—if I didn’t wake you, were you planning on taking this train back again?” said the woman.
Yeah.
Jiang Cheng smiled. It wouldn’t be so bad if the train took him back. He could imagine the pleasant surprise he’d feel the moment his eyes opened…
There were many messages on his phone, one of them from Gu Fei.
- I’m going to sleep now, boyfriend.
Jiang Cheng checked the timestamp. It’d been sent about two hours after the train departed. Gu Fei must’ve gone back to play with Gu Miao for a while before taking his nap.
He would be sleeping pretty soundly right about now, Jiang Cheng thought. He hesitated. He didn’t want his message to interrupt Gu Fei’s sleep, but at the same time, he worried that Gu Fei wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly because he was waiting for his message.
Finally, he sent it.
- i’m here, Pan Zhi is picking me up, no need to reply to this, sleep well
- Mm
Gu Fei replied anyway, and within seconds at that. He really was sleeping lightly…or maybe he hadn’t slept at all. Jiang Cheng smiled to himself, then started reading the other messages.
They were all from Pan Zhi.
- where are you now, Gramps
- almost here?
- where are youuu? is your phone battery dead?
- no signal?
- scumbag playboiii
- earth to Jiang Cheng, where’s your fucking humanity?!!
- i’m terminating our friendship!
- no need to reply, we’re breaking up. go back to campus on your own, and you can go by yourself to get rid of the baby next week too! don’t contact me again!
Jiang Cheng laughed as he read through them, then gave Pan Zhi a call.
Pan Zhi picked up and said, very politely, “Hello.”
“Grandson,” Jiang Cheng said, laughing. “I’m arriving in about ten minutes.”
“There is no grandson here, sir. May I ask who you’re looking for? Perhaps you dialed the wrong number?”
“I’m looking for Pan An, the most handsome, most poised, and most fabulously hunky Pan in the world.”
“Shit,” Pan Zhi said. “So now you want to butter me up? Are you afraid you’ll get lost trying to go back by yourself, you directionally challenged man?!”
“I was sleeping just now,” Jiang Cheng told him. “I fell asleep as soon as I got on the train.”
“Check your pocket. Are your wallet and phone still there?” Pan Zhi asked immediately.
“Yep,” Jiang Cheng said even as he patted his pockets self-consciously. His wallet was in his pocket, but… He checked again. “Shit, where’s my—?”
“Your phone is in your fucking hand, you moron!”
“Son of a—! You set me up, huh?” Jiang Cheng burst out laughing at the barrage of insults.
“Yep! Sorry for being so transparent!”
“I’m getting off soon.” Jiang Cheng glanced out the window. “We’re arriving at the station. Which exit are you at?”
“Don’t you worry about which exit, you won’t be able to find it even if I tell you. I’m standing at the gate where I picked you guys up last time. I’m the guy standing right in the center—the most handsome and dashing one. You should be able to spot me with one glance.”
“…Uh-huh,” Jiang Cheng said before hanging up.
The train stopped, but Jiang Cheng didn’t move. He watched as the other passengers in the carriage disembarked one by one before walking past on the other side of his window.
The carriage eventually emptied; only then did he stand up and slowly walk out. Indeed, it was easy to spot Pan Zhi, who always dressed like a foreigner on the cutting edge of fashion.
Jiang Cheng waved at him, but Pan Zhi only stood there with his arms folded, unmoving. It wasn’t until Jiang Cheng was right in front of him that he finally spoke.
“And here I was thinking you got lost as soon as you stepped off the train. Why didn’t you just wait to come out with the passengers on the next train?!”
“Ah, you still mad, sir?” Jiang Cheng said.
“It’s the dryness in the autumn air fueling my temper.” Pan Zhi backed up a step and looked him up and down. “You don’t look too bad. Did your trip give you the urge to take a gap year to spend time with your lover?”
“No,” Jiang Cheng said. “Do I look like that kind of person? My goal is very clear.”
“What goal?”
“One you can never achieve.”
“Fuck.”
Study hard. Make money. And hope or no hope, hold on to Gu Fei and never let go. Find a good doctor for Gu Miao… Despite there being very little for himself in these goals, it was all the same to him.
With Pan Zhi dragging him along, he didn’t get to go back to campus. They went out to eat first.
It had been a long time since he and Pan Zhi sat down like this to eat and chat. Jiang Cheng missed those days when they used to ramble on about nothing in particular, or simply sit quietly together once they ran out of things to ramble about. Sometimes, they just lounged around on their phones.
There was certainly no pressure weighing on him back then. Other than the occasional last-minute cramming before a final exam, most days had been carefree. He’d skipped class whenever he felt like it and got into fights whenever he wanted to…
Now, aside from the academic pressure, his apprehension about the uncertainty of the future and his anticipation for an unforeseeable hope all weighed down on his shoulders. It didn’t feel like much when he wasn’t actively focusing on it, but he felt its crushing weight whenever he paused to think.
“Did you tell Gu Fei about you consulting doctors?” Pan Zhi asked.
“Not yet.” Jiang Cheng looked at him. “Why?”
“Don’t mention it just yet. Wait until you get a definite answer and a firm plan before you tell him,” Pan Zhi said.
“Even it’s clear what condition it is, a doctor might not be able to come up with a treatment plan when they’re so far away from the patient, especially when it’s a mental condition like this.
If it turns out there’s nothing they can do, wouldn’t that be more disappointing for Gu Fei? ”
“Mm.” Jiang Cheng nodded. He’d considered this already, which was why even though he’d spent the week thinking about it, he’d never brought it up to Gu Fei.
“I’m glad you’re my friend.” Jiang Cheng extended his hand to Pan Zhi. “Thank you for considering all this for me.”
“You’re welcome.” Pan Zhi shook his hand. “After all, I have the invisible red neckerchief of a boy scout around my neck.”
Jiang Cheng took a little box out of his bag—a gift for Pan Zhi he’d made when he and Gu Fei went shopping together. There was a DIY polymer clay shop beside the fuse beads store. They’d gone in and made two little flowers and a five-pointed star for Pan Zhi.
Pan Zhi cracked up as soon as he opened the box. “How creative of you, Gramps.”
“There’s nothing you don’t have already, anyway,” said Jiang Cheng. “It’s not like I can gift you a girlfriend.”
“Just you wait.” Pan Zhi carefully put the box away. “I’m bringing a girlfriend home for New Year’s this time, and I’ll run her by you before that.”
“The staccato receptionist?” Jiang Cheng asked.
Pan Zhi blinked at him. “Staccato? Receptionist? Who?”
“Amazing.” Jiang Cheng clasped his hands together at him in a salute.
Occasionally he found himself envying Pan Zhi, who could walk through a field of fragrant flowers and still come out unscented. And even when he occasionally got stung by a bee, he never let it get to him.
Perhaps it’d been way too long since they last sat down and talked like this. The two of them chatted as they ate, and they kept talking even after they’d finished all the food. Eventually, Pan Zhi waved the server over and said, “Can we see the menu again? I want to add a couple more dishes.”
“More?” Jiang Cheng was surprised.
Instead of answering, Pan Zhi took the menu with one hand and held up his phone with the other for Jiang Cheng to see. “It’s dinnertime.”
“…Wow. Damn,” Jiang Cheng said with utmost sincerity.
Gu Fei had been quiet in their chat, so he hadn’t been paying attention to the time. Now that he thought about it, Gu Fei must’ve passed out.
For the past few days Gu Fei had labored tirelessly, taking up the mantle of Jiang Cheng’s unfulfilled aspirations. Jiang Cheng figured he must be exhausted.
It wasn’t just Gu Fei. Jiang Cheng’s legs felt sore, and his lower back did too… He seriously considered resuming those morning jogs with Zhao Ke, if only for the sake of bettering his sex life.
Halfway through dinner with Pan Zhi, he finally received a message from Gu Fei.
- Good morning, boyfriend.
- did you sleep well, boyfriend?
- The more I slept, the more I wanted to keep sleeping, so I’m making myself get up to eat before I go back to sleep
- I’m eating too. been sitting here with Pan Zhi and eating nonstop since lunchtime
- …Not a bad idea, saves you the cost of another set of utensils
- lmao yep! you should go eat now, then back to sleep
- Kk
When he and Pan Zhi finally walked out of the restaurant rubbing their bellies, he got another message from Gu Fei.
- I’m going back to sleep now.
- mm, do you feel like there’s no bullets left in your chamber?
- Yeah. I feel like I’ll shoot blanks if I jack off now
- jeez, watch your language!
- I really am going to sleep now.
- kk gnight, boyfriend
- Goodnight, babe
- babe
“I’ll take you back to campus.” Pan Zhi handed him two pieces of gum. “I’m worried you won’t know the way.”