Chapter 117 #2
“I’m really not that bad at directions.” Jiang Cheng sighed and put the gum in his mouth.
“Then tell me, which way is the subway entrance?” Pan Zhi looked at him.
Jiang Cheng hesitated for a moment before pointing to the right. “Up ahead.”
“That’s not ahead,” Pan Zhi said. “That’s where we came from.”
“Over there.” Jiang Cheng immediately pointed in the opposite direction.
“Let’s go, Gramps.” Pan Zhi turned around and started walking.
“Didn’t you say it was over there?” Jiang Cheng asked, thoroughly confused.
“I was just telling you which way is forward. I didn’t say that’s where the subway was,” Pan Zhi said. “Quit dragging down U of R’s reputation.”
“Shit.” Jiang Cheng turned and followed him.
***
When he got back to his dorm, it was still before the library’s closing time, which meant that nobody was in the dorm room.
Jiang Cheng opened his suitcase and began unpacking when he heard Zhao Ke’s voice drift down from the bunk beside him: “Jiang Cheng?”
“What the fuck?” Jiang Cheng jumped. He looked up to see Zhao Ke’s head poking out from the edge of the bunk. “You didn’t go to the library?”
“My sister dragged me to dinner today,” Zhao Ke said. “By the time I got back, there were no more seats… You look pretty chipper after a trip back.”
Jiang Cheng nodded. “Yeah, not bad.”
“Was it excruciatingly painful to say goodbye again?”
Jiang Cheng glanced up at him.
“Every day you torture us single dogs,” Zhao Ke said. “Do you feel the pain now?”
“What—?” Jiang Cheng started laughing. “Exactly how much resentment have you been building up?”
Zhao Ke motioned with his hands. “About this much.”
Jiang Cheng sighed and climbed onto the ladder of Zhao Ke’s bunk to look at him. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Shoot.” Zhao Ke nodded.
“Your goddess—do you just want to worship her,” Jiang Cheng said, “or do you want this goddess to be your girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend,” Zhao Ke said.
“Then why not tell her?” Jiang Cheng asked. “She doesn’t seem to dislike you or anything. She’s always smiling at you every time we run into her.”
“You don’t understand.” Zhao Ke frowned. “She’s been best friends with my sister since kindergarten. Can you imagine? She watched me grow up. She even knows I peed my bed when I was little.”
“You peed your bed?” Jiang Cheng asked.
Zhao Ke looked at him. “As a student of the law, can you focus on the point?”
“Do you still pee your bed?”
Zhao Ke’s face swiftly alternated between a multitude of expressions in the span of a few seconds, before he finally answered earnestly, “No.”
“If you don’t pee your bed anymore, then what are you afraid of?
” Jiang Cheng jumped down from the ladder and continued unpacking.
“Looks to me like your goddess has more than one worshipper. All these years in a position of strategic advantage and you never went for it. You pretty much procrastinated your way into the friend zone.”
Zhao Ke was quiet for a while before he asked, “Between you and your, uh, boyfriend…”
Jiang Cheng turned to him.
“Who made the first move?” Zhao Ke managed to finish his question.
“Me, I guess.” Jiang Cheng thought about it, then laughed. “Yep, it was me.”
Those were very pleasant memories.
He hadn’t thought much about it at the time. The only things left in his mind after he blurted out his thoughts were chaos and anxiety. But thinking back on it now, he couldn’t help but be glad—thank goodness he’d said something back then.
Knowing Gu Fei, he definitely wouldn’t have said anything of his own volition. He wouldn’t have made a single move up until the very moment before Jiang Cheng laid it all out in the open. It was all thanks to Jiang Cheng’s hotheaded, impulsive blabbing.
And thank goodness for that, or else they would’ve missed each other. Thinking of the possibility that he might’ve missed out on Gu Fei, he patted himself on the back for the brilliant decision of speaking up when he did.
Brilliant. And handsome.
“How did you say it?” Zhao Ke pressed on.
“I just asked him…” Jiang Cheng was suddenly a little embarrassed to go on. He had never mentioned the details to anyone else before. He cleared his throat. “Have you ever considered getting a boyfriend?”
“So…blunt?”
“How else could I have said it?” Jiang Cheng said. “Not like I know any tactful ways.”
“Fine.” Zhao Ke rolled over and lay down on his back. “Have you ever considered getting a boyfriend. Have you ever considered getting a boyfriend. Have you ever considered…”
“You can try changing it up a bit,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s only one line, no need to copy it word for word.”
“Have you ever considered…” Zhao Ke rolled over again. “…being my girlfriend?”
Jiang Cheng nodded. “Sure.”
“No.” Zhao Ke rolled back. “I gotta leave an out for myself. If she says I have thought about it, with whoever-the-hell, then at least I can tell her congratulations.”
“Dumbass,” Jiang Cheng said simply.
Admittedly, that had also been part of his own consideration when he popped the question back then, but that was mostly because they were both guys.
He didn’t think there was any need for two people of opposite genders to beat around the bush.
Just look at Pan Zhi—he went for a full-frontal attack every time, and the girl usually ate it right up.
***
The holiday week flew by in a flash for single dogs and coupled dogs alike.
As soon as classes started again, everyone else jumped right back into the rhythm they’d maintained before the break—class, meals, studying, and reading.
But Jiang Cheng now had two additional things on his agenda: He had to tutor the unusually confident high school girl on the weekends and go running with Zhao Ke every morning.
Not even a week into the running, Jiang Cheng realized why Zhao Ke managed to keep to this routine every morning. His goddess went for a morning run every other day.
She would smile at them every time she spotted the two of them from afar.
She even waved. Whenever this happened, Zhao Ke would pick up his pace and spring forth like a startled rabbit.
It had been a week since their last discussion about confessing his feelings, yet he still didn’t dare go up to her.
Jiang Cheng didn’t push him again. It was kind of fun, being a bystander to somebody else’s one-sided crush. It made him feel very accomplished, as a person who had already gone through it. And at times, it successfully distracted him from missing Gu Fei too much.
If he carried on like this, maybe the next few months wouldn’t be so unbearable. After all, new things happened every day, and everything reminded him of his happiest memories with Gu Fei.
The only fly in his ointment was that when he went to ask about Gu Miao’s case, he didn’t get the answer he was looking for.
He and Pan Zhi spent two days going to two different hospitals, but the doctors they spoke to were all very cautious.
Without meeting Gu Miao first, they were reluctant to say anything for certain based on Jiang Cheng’s description alone.
If they couldn’t bring Gu Miao to see them, it would be difficult to make an accurate diagnosis, and therefore impossible to create a targeted treatment plan.
“How can I possibly get Gu Miao to come over from so far away?” Jiang Cheng sat on the sofa with a cigarette between his lips.
They were in Pan Zhi’s tiny rental apartment. Despite its size, it was newly built and very comfortable. This was Jiang Cheng’s first time visiting.
“Is it totally out of the question? Can you force her to come here?” Pan Zhi asked.
“She screams for ten straight minutes if you ask her to sleep in a different bed. She gets so mad.” Jiang Cheng’s brows knitted into a knot.
“Even if you ignored the screaming and let her scream the whole way here, what if that makes her worse? She already started ignoring me when I went back to visit.”
“Ignoring you?” Pan Zhi was surprised.
“Gu Fei said it was her way of protecting herself. When she’s afraid of losing something, she doesn’t let herself have any more of it.
” Jiang Cheng took a hard drag on the cigarette before stubbing it out.
“If I had money, I’d pay for a doctor to do a home visit.
No, I’d get a doctor to stay there long-term. ”
“You don’t even have enough money to pay a doctor for normal treatment right now,” Pan Zhi said. “Mental health stuff doesn’t come cheap, especially not when it comes to chronic conditions.”
“Mm.” Jiang Cheng gave a little smile. “That’s why I have to make money.”
“Cheng-er.” Pan Zhi gave him a look. “You…”
Jiang Cheng waited, but Pan Zhi didn’t continue.
“I what?” He met Pan Zhi’s gaze. “Spit it out. You don’t have to beat around the bush with me.”
“I just mean…is it worth it?” Pan Zhi asked. “A romantic relationship is about romance. You’re dating him—only him. You’re only nineteen…” Pan Zhi trailed off, but Jiang Cheng understood what he meant.
“I am in a relationship. With Gu Fei. It’s not that I have to do something to help Gu Miao.” Jiang Cheng bit his lip. “But Gu Fei has to look after her, so I can’t just stand by and watch.”
“At least think about the future. Things like this will only drag you deeper, until you end up trapped. In one or two years, or three, or five—if Gu Miao still doesn’t show any improvement, are you going to keep on like this?
” Pan Zhi asked him. “Maybe I’m being too pragmatic, but sometimes I worry that if one day you get tired of this, you won’t be able to walk away… ”
“Panpan.” Jiang Cheng lifted a hand and flicked Pan Zhi’s mouth. “I plan to maintain my naivete for now. After all, we don’t get very long to be naive in our lives.”
Pan Zhi covered his mouth and stared at Jiang Cheng for a long time. Finally, he gave a thumbs-up with his other hand and said between his fingers, “You have my respect, Grandpa.”
***
Jiang Cheng got absolutely nowhere with Gu Miao’s case. He’d expected it; it wasn’t a big deal. If it had been so easy, Gu Fei wouldn’t have had to work so hard.
But he still couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. It felt like he was trying hard to help Gu Fei hang on, but he couldn’t find anything to hold on to.
Gu Fei had already taken Gu Miao back to the rehabilitation classes. He sometimes sent Jiang Cheng short videos. In them, Gu Miao looked as pretty and cool as ever.
- It didn’t seem to work as well this time.
- i can tell. she had fun when she went there last time, but she doesn’t seem very responsive this time?
- Yeah, she doesn’t really want to interact with anyone.
- is it because of me?
- Cheng-ge, you need to stop trying to find fault in yourself as your kneejerk reaction.
- …
- I never think it’s my fault when she’s angry with me. She’s not a normal kid, you can’t think about it in a conventional way
- okay, are you still taking her to the class then?
- For now, yeah, I already paid for it. I’ll wait and see if there’s any improvement.
Jiang Cheng flopped over the table in the library.
He was cradling a textbook, but he’d been staring blankly at the black screen of his phone for a long time.
It reflected his trancelike expression. It was a good thing he was so handsome, so the stagnant expression didn’t make him look like someone with an IQ of twenty.
Sitting beside him, Zhao Ke flicked a little ball of crumpled paper at his face. He turned around and gave Zhao Ke a middle finger.
“You’re wasting precious resources, dude,” Zhao Ke said quietly.
Jiang Cheng didn’t answer him, just put his phone back in his pocket, then put his head down and went back to his reading.
He wouldn’t dwell on it for now. The only thing he could do was save more money. Outside of his own expenses, he would put aside as much as possible. No matter what kind of treatment Gu Miao received in the future, money would always be a big problem.
Money money money.
Cheng-ge has money.
Coming out of the library, Zhao Ke suggested they go get something to eat. Jiang Cheng didn’t feel like eating, but he went along anyway. His head felt a little stuffy, so he figured he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he went back to the dorm.
“What’s up with you lately?” Zhao Ke asked after they’d been walking for a while. “Did you run into some trouble?”
“Nah,” said Jiang Cheng.
Zhao Ke nodded. “Good.”
Jiang Cheng turned and glanced at him. He suddenly felt like laughing. The guy was sometimes very good at adhering to his principle of “no questions asked when it’s none of my business.”
At this moment, though, Jiang Cheng kind of hoped Zhao Ke would keep asking. He had no one to talk to about this except for Pan Zhi, and Pan Zhi clearly didn’t want him to get too invested and be dragged in too deep.
Sure, he was able to keep many things to himself, and he didn’t necessarily have a habit of confiding in people, but in this new environment, he couldn’t help but feel repressed at times.
It was the same way he’d felt when he first arrived at the Steelworks neighborhood—that feeling of wanting to grab onto something without even knowing where to begin.
Zhao Ke suddenly spoke up again. “You really don’t wanna talk about it?”
“Hm?” Jiang Cheng turned to Zhao Ke, who looked back at him. After a few moments of eye contact, Jiang Cheng let out a quiet sigh. “Honestly…it might not seem like such a big deal to other people.”
“Let’s hear it,” Zhao Ke said.
“It’s…my friend’s little sister.” Jiang Cheng frowned. “She might be a little autistic… I think she’s autistic, anyway. All these years, there’s been nothing he can do…”
“Does he want to bring her here to see a doctor?” Zhao Ke asked.
“Can’t,” Jiang Cheng said. “She won’t accept any change of environment—not even a different bed. I tried consulting doctors, but they can’t give any solid answer without the patient here.”
“That’s for sure,” Zhao Ke said. He thought about it for a moment, then stopped in his tracks. “My sis.”
“Hm?” Jiang Cheng looked at him.
“If you want, you can ask her about it,” Zhao Ke said.
“Your sister…” Jiang Cheng felt hope rising in him.
“My sister is studying clinical psychology,” Zhao Ke said. “I was planning to sneak into her lectures next semester. You wanna come with?”