Chapter 23
ALICIA
I don’t know why Ethan was outside my work building, but I didn’t question the timing or his presence. He was there when I needed him the most and held me together as I fell to pieces.
We were in the driver’s seat of his car, my legs straddling his lap as my face buried in the base of his neck—a rookie fucking move.
Why does he have to smell so good? And why do I feel so safe in his arms?
Ethan rhythmically ran a hand up and down my spine, unfurling my tense muscles, whispering sweet words into my hair.
It felt good, too good.
“What happened, Alicia? Who hurt you? ”
I huffed non committedly, then burrowed deeper into his chest. I shouldn’t have, for his rigid shaft pressed against my centre like the worst tease known to mankind.
“No one hurt me . I was just… just…”
Ethan shifted back, his roaming fingers lifting my chin until I had no choice but to stare into his desperate, pleading eyes. “Just point me in the right direction, Ali. I’m your weapon. Use me as you will.”
Heat surfaced beneath my skin, gathering to the apex between my legs, lust coating my insides, imploring him to enter. Down, girl.
I coughed. “You just went through a highly public trial. I think you running in to defend my honour would be untoward.”
“I don’t care, as long as you’re safe and happy,” he said, his mask taut with anguish. “I never want to see you cry again.”
My head tilted, perusing the man I did not recognise. He was my old Ethan mixed with someone entirely different.
“What’s that look?” he asked.
“Hmm, just trying to figure out what you want from me.”
“ Everything… ”
My lips pursed, the sincere declaration had me out of sorts. Right then, in the cradle of his embrace, I felt his true intentions and knew them to be real. But I’d been conned by him before, and I experienced firsthand how far that fall could be.
Reading my expression, Ethan delicately traced my hairline, his touch searing.
“I deserve your hesitation. And I understand your unwillingness to believe in me. But that’s the truth, Ali.”
Then, Ethan initiated his finishing move by giving me his cheeky smirk with the added twinkle in his eye—his expression all the way mischief with a side of sexy.
Someone help me with this magic voodoo shit! I repeat… SOS!
My tongue licked out to wet my bottom lip, wishing I was sucking on his instead. Ethan’s expression darkened in reply, his thumb chasing the moist edge as if imagining the same.
“There’s my girl. No more tears,” he said, voice low and husky.
“I’m not your girl.”
“Let a man dream , Alicia. Don’t cut my heart out so quickly.”
“You have a heart?”
“Only one that beats for you.”
My brows furrowed at the conflicted feelings racing through my body.
On one side, there was pure elation after hearing what I had coveted for so long. However, all my previous humiliation and pain had left a lasting impression, making me weary to fully accept him.
What am I supposed to say to that?
I disengaged from his lap and dropped into the passenger seat, creating space to breathe. I couldn’t think straight when he was so close.
”Can you—can you take me home?”
“Of course, Ali. I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
Despite the charged atmosphere, the drive to my apartment building remained silent.
But when Ethan parked and I made to leave, a warm hand grasped mine, quietly begging me to stay.
Please, let me have the strength to leave this car.
Slowly— ever so slowly —Ethan leaned over the centre console and pressed a light kiss to my lips. It was chaste, barely existent, but that one point of contact was filled with so much promise and desperate yearning he had me reeling.
“Why did that feel like a goodbye?” I whispered, his tortured face hovering before me as my lips tingled with a roaring need for more.
His baby blues swept over me in urgency as if trying to memorise each feature, every microscopic line.
“I don’t know how you’ll feel about me after tomorrow night. So I had to be selfish and taste you one last time.”
My pulse gave an almighty thump. “Ethan… what have you done? ”
“Something I should have done a long time ago. Just—if—if you choose to never speak to me again. Will you send one last message? A single text to say goodbye… so I know.”
After everything that transpired between us, he had never given up. The talk of farewells and alluding to future hurt had my lungs seizing in my chest.
My fingers squeezed around his. “You’re scaring me.”
“Don’t be scared, love. Just promise me… one text, Alicia.”
He was serious, purely based on his stubborn mask that seemed to solidify with each passing second. I didn’t have the energy to push back against it.
I was overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. I wanted my apartment, my family and my favourite oversized hoodie—that may or may not have formerly belonged to the man staring back at me like he was dying .
Nope, don’t go there.
“Okay,” I said, conceding. For now.
Ethan simply lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of mine before he murmured, “ Goodbye, Alicia .”
I detached myself and walked into the foyer, spine straight, gaze forward. I knew if I looked back, gave into that one glance, I’d run back to his side and never leave again.
But when I heard his car pull away and disappear in the distance, my soul screamed out, and my body followed suit.
Firm, weathered hands held onto my trembling frame, shepherding me into the elevator.
“Burt? Is love worth all this heartache?”
He pressed the button to my floor and gave up a sympathetic but genuine smile. “Always, kid. I’d do anything to relive those times with Imogen. Even the bad ones. She was worth all the heartache… Is he ?”