Chapter 11
ELEVEN
HALO
BENJI
By the time the Jeep takes off toward what I’m assuming is to the clinic, both of my legs feel like they are on fire, and this is a feeling I know very well.
For fuck’s sake, I thought they were both grazes but the blood loss and dizziness says something else.
Well, that and none of the Devil’s Handmaidens wanting to close the wounds up.
With the second and third degree burn scars on my upper thighs, my tolerance is not that great.
When Rebel was about to press down on my thighs, I almost lost it until she placed the ointment on the towels first. This way it prevented contact irritation which, damn, I appreciate more than words can ever explain.
Know there is a story there, like how and why she knew to do that, but I don’t have the mindset to ask questions right now.
My mind is drifting back to my past when I spent my time as a prisoner of war, and all the fucking things those sick motherfucking animals did to our team.
Those darkest moments will never totally leave my memories, no matter how much I try to get rid of them.
There are times I’ve woken myself up screaming and fighting ghosts while it felt like those bastards either had the blow torch or the candle lighters on my skin again.
The one specialist explained it to me: with the skin grafts and damage to not only my epidermis, but also the dermis and part of the hypodermis, the severe damage done is not going to heal or probably get any better than it is right now.
I’m learning to deal with all the complications by trying to find things that will help me move forward with my life by dealing with my past, which includes seeing the therapist at the sanctuary, while doing whatever work for both the sanctuary and for the Devil’s Handmaidens ranch.
As the Jeep comes to a stop, I hear all kinds of voices but only have eyes for Dottie, who is holding on to my hands for dear life but hasn’t said a word since we left the cabin.
I kind of figure she’s worried that maybe she’ll say the wrong thing, as we haven’t gotten to that secure place where we’ve bared our hearts about the past and now are looking toward the future.
For the first time in my life, I want a relationship, with that someone being Dottie.
I squeeze her hands back and when her eyes meet mine, I mouth to her, “Thank you.” She nods and then jumps off the Jeep just as the guys once again lift me and carry me into the clinic where I see Dr. Mal is waiting.
There is a nurse too, though I don’t know her.
As I’m placed on a hospital bed in a room resembling an emergency room, I hear a commotion right before Shadow and Spirit push their way into the room.
Shadow’s hand is already up before Dr. Malcolm can say a word.
He shakes his head then starts to unwrap me from the blanket to see where my wounds are.
I hear a few gasps, so being me, I lift my head and drop it back down immediately.
I feel Dr. Mal placing something under first my right then my left thigh, right before both are pulled extremely tight.
If not a tourniquet, then something to help slow down the bleeding.
The nurse is taking my stats. I’m feeling dizzy and know the doc needs to know.
“Doc, I’m feeling a bit lightheaded and dizzy. Might be blood loss, though not sure.”
Dr. Mal doesn’t say a thing to me but tells the nurse to start an IV for fluid resuscitation because of probable hypovolemia. I have no idea what that means and when I look around, Shadow must see the questions in my eyes so she moves closer and leans down.
“Halo, all that means is you’ve lost a lot of blood and they are gonna try to get your fluids up. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”
On that comment, Dr. Mal’s head jerks up before his eyes meet Shadow’s.
It’s brief but whatever the doc saw brought a smirk to his face.
Shadow chuckles as she moves away. During all of this Dottie is at the foot of the bed, her hands on my calves.
I actually like the physical contact from her, which is giving me a weird feeling in my gut.
Something about Dottie is throwing me way the hell off and I’m not even pissed off about it, just slightly afraid and scared.
When I spoke to the counselor during my appointment, she said that there are times when an instant connection can happen.
She stated it sounds like that’s what’s happening with Dottie and me.
I jerk when a needle goes into my arm. Well, at least the nurse hit the vein on the first poke. Dr. Mal clears his throat and I look his way.
“Halo, got to do some debriding and removal of debris before I close you up. Probably going to put some drains in the wounds so we don’t get any buildup or edema. My question is, it’s best if I numb it to prevent jerking, or worse, pulling away from me. Are you okay with that?”
Immediately I’m about to tell him absolutely not when I feel her hands squeezing my calves. I look down to her and she barely shakes her head. I give her a raised eyebrow, which has her moving her head back and forth.
“Benji, let Doc do what he needs to. It’s best for all if you sit still while he tries to put you back together. If not for yourself, then do it for me.”
The shift in the room is immediate and I’m guessing Dottie isn’t one to advertise her feelings generally.
That almost brings a grin to my face. Her eyes never leave mine, and it’s like we have a conversation without words.
I finally nod my agreement and she rewards me with the sexiest and warmest smile I’ve ever received in my life.
I tell Doc to go ahead and then I lie back into the bed, trying to relax, as Dottie moves to the side the nurse was working on.
I feel a needle go into my leg but not much else.
That is until the throbbing pain in my thigh starts to fade.
That needle goes in and out a few more times before rotating to the other leg.
The relief is beyond amazing. My eyes shift to Doc Mal, who is watching me closely.
“Halo, gave you the minimum to get you through the rough part. Can you feel any of this? If not, I’ll get started but don’t hesitate to let me know if you should feel any pain or discomfort.”
Not sure how long it takes but with Dottie holding on to my hand, and with the intense pain finally lessening, I feel my eyes starting to shut.
At first, I fight it, but eventually I slowly fade into the darkness.
As I go deeper under, I feel the twitchy feeling moving throughout my body, which is the first sign my nightmares are fighting to come to haunt me.
Usually, I can hold them back but with whatever I was given it’s weakened my walls.
Like a really horrific movie, everything I’ve been through starts to run through my mind’s eye.
Trying as hard as I can to stay still and quiet, I can actually hear my cries for help and screams of terror.
After my first cry, I could have sworn that multiple voices were loudly talking, but when I let out a loud scream, immediately, I feel a soft warm body get into the bed next to me, moving as close to my side as possible without touching my thighs.
Taking in a breath, the scent tells me immediately that it’s Dottie.
As my mind takes in all that is her, my nightmares start to fade the more I feel and smell the woman attached to my side.
Tough as nails with skin so soft I want my hands and mouth to touch her everywhere.
The last thought I have before I finally give in is Dottie’s voice telling me it’s going to be okay.
That I’m not alone. Dottie tells me everyone has my back and that’s when I hear and feel other hands and voices.
The peace I feel is overwhelming and since I’ve had issues with how to deal with my emotions, I let the damn drugs do their job and pull me under into a deep sleep.